I think I'm closing off forever

[DontBreakEven]

Idk.

 

I think this most recent dating disappointment has officially broken me.

 

It's been over 3 years since anything has gone right in my life, intimacy-wise. And over 2 years of being basically completely single, with a few big hopes sprinkled in, 2 of which completely crushed me.

 

This latest one ... I just feel like I'm heading towards almost numb at this point. I'm definitely grieving what happened, but I just feel like I've lost all hope. I feel like I'm one of the very few people out there anymore who isn't hung up on an ex, and really is ready for someone to come into my life. Literally everyone I've met in over 2 years is either straight up with me immediately that they are not over something, or end up revealing it down the line.

 

I just can't take it anymore. I can't take the disappointment. I can't take the feeling like I'm not good enough -- because how could I ever be, when up next to the longing for their exes?

 

I don't know. I just stopped even feeling tonight. Just found myself slipping into a numb, "so it is" feeling in my head and my heart ... and I'm wondering if this is the new norm for me. Which, if it is, is really sad.

[DontBreakEven]

May I ask how old are you?

 

Sure. Just turned 36. I'm sure I sound like I'm 21 lol. Nope. Been doing this crap for a while. :\

[carhill]

What not try just enjoying the ride?

 

Haven't had anything of significance since getting divorced eight years ago this month; amazed how the time's flown. Loved a few, enjoyed many, let the moments of life take their course.

 

If people you meet aren't 'over' things, that's OK. If it's a good time, enjoy the good time. It doesn't have to do anywhere. On to the next good time, and the next, moments of life become years of pleasant memories. Heck I hardly even remember being married unless answering questions on this forum. Day to day women are a distant memory. I like that, and enjoy the few contacts which occur naturally, not because of any efforts.

 

Once you realize this is just nature trying to get you to reproduce and society executing its programming, the rest gets easy. Yep, went through the same thing in my 30's. Maybe you just have to go through it to get to the other side, IDK. Anyway best wishes.

[DontBreakEven]

If people you meet aren't 'over' things, that's OK. If it's a good time, enjoy the good time. It doesn't have to do anywhere. On to the next good time, and the next, moments of life become years of pleasant memories. Heck I hardly even remember being married unless answering questions on this forum. Day to day women are a distant memory. I like that, and enjoy the few contacts which occur naturally, not because of any efforts.

 

Once you realize this is just nature trying to get you to reproduce and society executing its programming, the rest gets easy. Yep, went through the same thing in my 30's. Maybe you just have to go through it to get to the other side, IDK. Anyway best wishes.

 

Hmmm.

 

Um, well I just have a completely different view on things. I don't think "this is just nature trying to get me to reproduce" or societal pressure. I want love and intimacy in my life. That desire comes from nowhere else but within myself.

 

I also WANT things to go somewhere with these women, so yes, it does sting when they aren't over their past.

 

I see in another post you claim that you lost interest in women since your divorce. I don't think I'd ever lose interest in being in love, deep down.

 

Which is why it's even harder for me to feel numb and say "so it is", while still wanting it very much deep down.

Edited October 19, 2018 by DontBreakEven

[carhill]

Yep, felt the same way at your age. It was just reproductive drive, that's all. Nothing fancy or deep. We wrap it up in all this stuff but it's just propagating the species. I see the same thing happening today, even though I'm way beyond reproductive years, and just laugh at myself, but I do thank the women who've reminded me. That was sweet of them. You see, they won't be making any babies either but our brains are still bathing in that propagate the genes hormone pool.

 

If you feel any of that stuff, you're not closed off. Still a healthy human. This too shall pass.

[d0nnivain]

Somewhere around 36 after being single for about a year I decided I was ready to date & settle down. So with marriage as my goal & decided to see what was out there. I took steps to find a good man, like I would take steps to find a job or drum up business. It's work & it's more then a profile on OLD.

 

I also finally realized that I couldn't approach this like I need a man to fulfill me. I sat back & said I'm a pretty good catch let's see who I can find that is worthy of my time.

 

Then I set my plan in motion. I tried OLD & hated it so I stopped. I forced myself to get out there at least once per week to go to an event where I could meet new people. Sometimes I cheated & counted my business networking events as my social networking event but mostly I tried to make sure I was attending singles events. Eventually I met my husband at a business card exchange.

 

Don't give up but do clarify your goals, change your strategy & most importantly do not neglect the other parts of your life. Make the effort at work. Pursue your hobbies. Enjoy time with your friends. When you are busy having a fulfilled life, then you will attract a partner to enhance that. If you are trying to find a partner thinking an SO will provide you with a life, you are doomed.