OwenW72 Posted October 19, 2018 Share Posted October 19, 2018 (edited) So I know this expression has gotten some criticism in light of it being associated with Gweneth Paltrow and her separation a few years back. But I am curious if others have worked with a separation from their spouse using the specific steps outlined by Katherine Woodward. That, and do people have thoughts on the overall idea of working with your ex or soon to be ex with the underlying goal of creating a positive mutual direction after a separation? For context, I have been in a 21 year marriage, but one that has been on the rocks for at least five solid years. We have done MC as well as IC. We have three kids, and both are deeply intent on trying to do best by them with any decision we make. I have leaned toward divorce, while my wife has leaned toward roommate or on-going attempts at reconciliation. You can read my other thread in long term relationships for more background, but I will confess that for me I have grown to accept that this marriage is not what I want, and I probably have a lot to learn about myself before I can really hope to be right in a relationship. I have read Woodward's book, and really like the goal and many of the underlying steps. But I just want to know if others used this with a partner in separation, or used it for themselves during the process. Thanks, OwenW72 Edited October 19, 2018 by OwenW72 Link to post Share on other sites
GinON Posted October 20, 2018 Share Posted October 20, 2018 Never heard of it but it sounds like the kind of thing what would require both parties to want that. How could it possible work if she isn't on board? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 20, 2018 Share Posted October 20, 2018 Haven't read the book but have seen articles about it, indeed often in mentioning the Paltrow divorce. Here's the 5 steps: Step 1: Find Emotional Freedom. ... Step 2: Reclaim Your Power and Your Life. ... Step 3: Break the Pattern, Heal Your Heart. ... Step 4: Become a Love Alchemist. ... Step 5: Create Your Happy Even After Life Some pretty new-age stuff. How could it possible work if she isn't on board? I think the idea is more about managing your part - learning to feel empowered, cutting the ties, avoiding triggers, etc. In that sense, it might make a contribution but I'd be careful with any expectation that you'll emerge BFF's with your ex-spouse... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author OwenW72 Posted October 22, 2018 Author Share Posted October 22, 2018 Haven't read the book but have seen articles about it, indeed often in mentioning the Paltrow divorce. Here's the 5 steps: Step 1: Find Emotional Freedom. ... Step 2: Reclaim Your Power and Your Life. ... Step 3: Break the Pattern, Heal Your Heart. ... Step 4: Become a Love Alchemist. ... Step 5: Create Your Happy Even After Life Thanks Mr. Lucky for posting the general steps. And I agree that asking for a divorce is not really conducive to strengthening a friendship with someone, let alone making a BFF. But I suppose why I'm curious with this process, and some others like it, is the focus on the individuals taking the time to accept their own role and the role of their partner in a divorce and then shift their focus to a future for themselves and kids. And I will hold out hope that in time we can be, if not friends, supporters of one another. I don't hate my wife, and even if I did the mere fact that my kids love her and need her to be both able and healthy would be enough to want to be supportive and even generous to her. And that was partially what I liked about the book is that it recognizes the benefit of both accepting your own responsibility and making an effort to be understanding and generous to your ex. So a different question is what constructive things did people do in divorces that really helped set things up for a good working relationship after the dust had settled? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 23, 2018 Share Posted October 23, 2018 So a different question is what constructive things did people do in divorces that really helped set things up for a good working relationship after the dust had settled? Assuming all the usual rules (no bad mouthing each other, keep the kids out of the middle, etc) are in place, I had success simply by focusing on and worrying about only my own end. For instance, a friend at work who was getting divorced at the same time was furious at his STBX because she took the kids to Disneyland when it was "his turn". They also used to fight over which first-run movies they'd be the ones to take the kids to. I just lived my own life with my son and did the things we enjoyed together. All part of getting to the new normal you (both) need to achieve to build healthy separate lives... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
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