Curious musings about a platonic relationship

[weeble78]

Well hello loveshackers! It's really been a while since I've been here. I've been single (mostly) for almost 2 years) after divorce, and having a lovely adventure through the murky/exciting/colourful world of dating. I am still single, but having had a lot of experiences there are two posts I'd like to make today to see what you guys think.

 

Firstly. A guy I met online dating. Upfront he said he didn't want a relationship with anyone. I said I did. We said goodbye. A week later, he reappeared. We were on a similar timescale splitting from previous relationships and becoming single parents, finding it hard being without our respective children sometimes which we bonded over. We did the sexting, met up twice, he agreed to try a relationship but backed out of an organised visit then got cold feet so we talked and agreed to draw a line under it. He wanted to stay friends but I said no. We blocked each other for 2 months then one of us got back in touch and it has remained so platonically speaking since.

 

I've continued dating and saw a guy for a month a little after him, but it fizzled out. There have been numerous people coming and going but nobody I really connect with. This guy, let's call him S. We have talked about the world and our histories. It's nice. I trust him.

 

I've gone back to him once after our talking just increased and increased, said I miss him and I want more. He stuck to it saying he didn't want anything with anybody.

 

He does have a difficult background of only the 1 relationship where the girl got pregnant and followed through with a pregnancy he didn't want but stood by her. He said he felt betrayed. They split before the baby was born.

 

Soooo. I'm trying to be as quick as possible here - really!

 

As we've got to know each other more over the last year and a half it transpires that he indeed hasn't had another relationship. He's slept with a lot of people and still says he couldn't stand to be intimate with someone and for it to get messy.

 

I'm totally curious here. I did some reading, he's just not that into you etc. And I tend to believe if someone's not with you they're just not that into you. No questions asked.

 

Does everyone agree with this?

 

S, recently, has started going to the gym, treated his depression, and has started back at Uni to finish his degree. He's in an amazing place and super motivated and happy. He's also dropped into conversation he'd like me to go see him and stay for a weekend to show me around where he lives. I'm confused. I LOVE talking to him and have always wanted to spend the weekend talking, but clearly it may muddy the waters.

 

I guess I'm looking for opinions on what this is in the hopes it'll persuade me to make the right decision. Any opinions would be gratefully received thank you!

[preraph]

When a man tells you he doesn't want or can't have a relationship, you need to clear out. Men are often very practical. All he wants is sex. He knows he sucks at relationships and that it becomes messy. He does not feel like trying to fall for someone or pretending to. He just wants sex and not a relationship. A happy relationship is not his dream like it is yours. He wants happy sex and no obligations, no domesticity, none of the work. Move on.

[weeble78]

Thanks so much for reading and sticking with me.

 

I get this, so why continue being close when he knows we'll never have sex? He lives a very long distance from me and we don't see each other, so I don't understand why he keeps in touch with me when it'll never be on the table. We never slept together, and he said the reason was that he could never give me what I wanted and it wasn't fair.

[weeble78]

No flirting has ever happened since we drew a line either, and we've both talked about experiences we've had since. It's kind of a 100% open relationship and he's the one person in my life I don't feel like I have to hide anything from.

[weeble78]

When a man tells you he doesn't want or can't have a relationship, you need to clear out. Men are often very practical. All he wants is sex. He knows he sucks at relationships and that it becomes messy. He does not feel like trying to fall for someone or pretending to. He just wants sex and not a relationship. A happy relationship is not his dream like it is yours. He wants happy sex and no obligations, no domesticity, none of the work. Move on.

 

Ha ha funny you should say that. He said he didn't have the capacity at the moment to treat someone how they should be treated in a relationship ie dates and trips etc etc, and he didn't know if he would. He didn't want any ties or to let anyone down. He was always very upfront about that bar the small period he said he'd give it a try.