stillafool Posted October 22, 2018 Share Posted October 22, 2018 Just because he is 50 does not mean he can't date younger women, even younger than you. There was a 23 year old girl here 2 months ago who was head over heels for a 64 year old man. So the age thing has nothing to do with it. I would think a mature man would know how to express interest in someone he wants. How did he get his fiance? Why do you want to break up a relationship between a man and his fiance? Link to post Share on other sites
Author missjewelz Posted October 22, 2018 Author Share Posted October 22, 2018 (edited) I am not trying to break up their relationship, but he obviously isn't happy with her, if he was liking me the whole time. He never told me he was engaged , but I found out through some co-workers, so he was acting very available the whole time I was there. Me and my bf have been off and on, and nothing is set in stone in our relationship or engagement. Age has everything to do with it. I'm not saying he likes me because I am younger, what I'm saying is that hes almost 50 and I personally think he's settling with his current gf because shes already established with kids and what not. He automatically has a family, but I think they lack real love in their relationship. When you are truly in love and happy with someone, enagaged or not, thats not the appropriate way to be acting and I am the first to admit I am not happy in my relationship. The man at my job was very into me, and I didnt do anything to encourage his attraction towards me but be myself. When I told him I was leaving, he took it upon himself to show his feelings towards me. He is an older man mature, but even men that age dont always know how to properly express their interest in a woman they like. He's not one to just go up and talk to you, he's a different sort. Mysterious and quiet, but loud and abrasive when it comes to his work. Edited October 22, 2018 by missjewelz Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted October 22, 2018 Share Posted October 22, 2018 I agree with you to a point. But just because he was attracted to you doesn’t mean he’s unhappy in his current relationship. I think this is the mistake a lot of women make where men are concerned. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Amethyst68 Posted October 22, 2018 Share Posted October 22, 2018 You're assuming a whole lot about this man's fiancee when you've never talked with her, hell you've never really had a conversation with him. If he doesn't love her and has settled like you believe, more so if he has feelings for you then what is stopping him from contacting you now? Maybe while you were working for him he didn't want to cross workplace ethical boundaries but now they are no longer there. I think you may have to face the fact that, yes there probably was an attraction but he's an almost 50yr old man who most certainly does love his fiancee and his life with her. There's no way you can see into truth of private life by the workplace interactions you've described here. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author missjewelz Posted October 22, 2018 Author Share Posted October 22, 2018 From what I have observed, I think he was just content and felt security with her, but they lack passion and love for one another. That is what I truly think. He brought her to a company party and he knew I saw them together, and he still proceeded to flirt with me in the office, and especially when I was leaving he let it be known he was very into me, and even when I came back. I think shes just good enough for him, but he settled and its obvious by his actions. I observed their body language and they looked half bored with each other the whole time. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted October 22, 2018 Share Posted October 22, 2018 I fell into that trap with someone I knew. I was around him and his wife for 8 hours once, due to a work function. They didn’t speak to one another once the whole time and he spent a great deal of time with me. According to him, he was in hell with her but he never left. Men simply do not like to disrupt what they have and take a chance on what they could have. It’s mostly because their values are different than ours. Where women put love high on the list, men typically do not. For them, it’s more about money and reputation than love. And they especially don’t like to rock the boat in their existing relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Starswillshine Posted October 22, 2018 Share Posted October 22, 2018 This whole ordeal sounds like a plot to a Lifetime movie. OP, you sound extremely naive. Eye contact and because he said he hopes to see you again means he isnt happy and settled with his fiance and really wants you? That is a whole lot of assumptions. Sounds a little crazy. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author missjewelz Posted October 22, 2018 Author Share Posted October 22, 2018 Well it’s quite different when I’m just posting on here versus how things actually happened in person. I didn’t give every detail either . Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 22, 2018 Share Posted October 22, 2018 Forget him for a minute, if you have a boyfriend and are engaged too why are you trying to get another engaged man? If he is just your bf and you don't want him why are you there instead of free to meet a man you want? Don't you feel guilty going after another woman's fiance? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BTDT2012 Posted October 22, 2018 Share Posted October 22, 2018 He knows your name. It's easy to figure out how to reach a person that you are interested in. Has he ever sent you an email, asked for your number or invited you out for lunch or coffee? Link to post Share on other sites
Author missjewelz Posted October 22, 2018 Author Share Posted October 22, 2018 (edited) He knows my name, but I never gave him my personal email or number, and I’m not there anymore. He had the personality type where he was quite shy around me sometimes, when we talked he couldn’t even look me in the eye many times, and we did have a few conversations at work about random things or work related issues. I was the outgoing one , always chatty and asking him things, but I was like that with everyone . I think if the right opportunity presented itself he would, or if he knew where I was. I’m going to stay in the same field of work so there’s a high probability I can see him again. I know he’s engaged and my relationship is off and on but he made it very clear and obvious to me that he was interested in me, even without asking me out. Those moments were not the right or appropriate opportunity. I still like him very much even though I don’t work with him anymore. I actually had the chance to go back, I was offered to go back in August for a permanent position by my HR and I turned it down, knowing that I still had a thing for him I still turned it down. He’s also the type to not have anything to do with social media. I have his work email though. Edited October 22, 2018 by missjewelz Link to post Share on other sites
Author missjewelz Posted October 22, 2018 Author Share Posted October 22, 2018 We actually have had conversations. I had a 20 minute conversation with hil regarding work related issues. He can’t contact me now, he doesn’t have my email or number and he’s not on social media. He’s not gonna go ask my HR for my number either as she would get suspicious, and especially because he’s not in charge of employees. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 22, 2018 Share Posted October 22, 2018 I am not trying to break up their relationship, but he obviously isn't happy with her, if he was liking me the whole time. I personally think he's settling with his current gf because shes already established with kids and what not. He automatically has a family, but I think they lack real love in their relationship. Ugh. This is the kind of distorted thinking that gets women into affairs with unavailable, married men. You are already twisting your thinking in such a way as to validate his interest and justify "the possibility" of a relationship... With all due respect, you are not in this relationship. You can't possibly know whether he is or is not happy in his relationship. You can not possibly know whether they lack real love and he is setltling. To make such assumptions is extremely presumptuous. It's highly unlikely that he would have asked this woman to marry him, if he didn't want to be married to her. He never told me he was engaged, but I found out through some co-workers, so he was acting very available the whole time I was there. This means nothing, except that perhaps he was interested in pursuing some "extra marital" sex with you. It certainly does not mean that he is considering dumping his fiancé to pursue a relationship with you... I wouldn't read that into his lack of transparency. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author missjewelz Posted October 22, 2018 Author Share Posted October 22, 2018 Extra marital affair or sex? He’s not married yet! Big difference between getting engaged and married, regardless of him being engaged he’s still not married to the woman yet. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 22, 2018 Share Posted October 22, 2018 Extra marital affair or sex? He’s not married yet! Big difference between getting engaged and married, regardless of him being engaged he’s still not married to the woman yet. Thus the "quotes." You are obviously of a different opinion, but this man has put a ring on another woman's finger which makes him... unavailable to date. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Starswillshine Posted October 22, 2018 Share Posted October 22, 2018 What advice are you seeking? I dont see anything here that suggest that he is interested. It doesnt mean he isnt, but with your examples, it sounds more a little infatuation towards him and reading too much into things. Their body language suggest they were distant? Who the hell knows what happened before. I mean, she could have found out her best friend had cancer. Or she and her kid could have argued. Etc. So many things. You are looking at a complete stranger and your boss you dont know well and trying to make excuses for pursue a man who hasn't even made a move. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author missjewelz Posted October 22, 2018 Author Share Posted October 22, 2018 That’s true, he’s taken, and like I said I had the chance to go back there and turned it down. I’m not about ruining someone else’s relationship, if they were to break up then it would be a different story. He should not have been acting in that way towards me then, because he certainly was acting available the entire time I was there, and I fell for him in the meantime. My current issue I was struggling with was if I should contact him in the future, that’s why I am on here seeking advice, but from the looks of it, that would be a bad idea. Yes I don’t know what his intentions were, if he was unhappy or not in his current relationship or just wanted me as a side thing, I guess I will never know unless I contacted him in the future, but he is engaged so I guess I should just back off. I’m going back and forth on this, I really fell for this guy, and I don’t fall easily. I have my guard up most the time and I’m even saving myself for marriage so it’s hard. My current bf has been pretty controlling of me most of our relationship, and doesn’t support me emotionally in the way he should. I guess that’s why I fell for this older man, hes more stable and mature, but he was acting pretty single the whole time I was around him so if he’s not even going to stay loyal to his fiancé, it does make me think. He mentally wasn’t faithful, although technically we never got involved. Link to post Share on other sites
Amethyst68 Posted October 22, 2018 Share Posted October 22, 2018 ^^^ This ^^^ It could even be something as simple as the GF not being comfortable in the company of large groups of strangers. I'm like this, I'm ok in small groups or when I know the people I'm with well but if not then I know I can appear standoffish. I don't mean to but it's a subconscious thing. Anyway it doesn't matter, whether they are married or not they are in a committed relationship, they live together and there are children involved (although they are not his biologically); you need to focus on your own relationship. End it if you need to and work on your boundaries, hire would you feel if someone was trying to break into your relationship this way? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 22, 2018 Share Posted October 22, 2018 My current bf has been pretty controlling of me most of our relationship, and doesn’t support me emotionally in the way he should. This is a whole different story... and further indication that you need to end your current relationship. But, the answer is not to be found in another man for whom you have become infatuated, when he is engaged to another woman. I hope you mean it when you say that you have no intention of contacting him or attempting to breakup his relationship. Because, the only reason you would contact him is to attempt to break up his relationship. Save yourself the grief and let it go. Best wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author missjewelz Posted October 22, 2018 Author Share Posted October 22, 2018 You may not think he didn’t make a move, but he most certainly did after I told him I was leaving. He took the time out to stand right infront of me and gave me the once over and was intensely flirting with me. One of my coworkers was next to me sitting down looking at her work, he couldn’t have said anything to me when she was right there, but it was all in his body language and eye contact. These attorneys are busy they don’t take her time out for anyone, so he made it clear he was interested in me. He constantly watched me from the back when I was there and it actually started to creep me out. He made a fool of himself on my last day by running over to me and tripping over himself spilling coffee everywhere just to ask me why I was leaving and where he was going, then took it upon himself to stand there and use me as a mirror to show me what I’ll be missing, by standing right infront of me when I’m sitting down and fixing is sleeves and tie and walking back and forth and flirting. It’s hard to give every detail on a post online but in person he was definitely tryna make a move. He had no game so it didn’t really work, but I still like the guy, and I know he most likely feels the same way. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 22, 2018 Share Posted October 22, 2018 What is it that you fell for in him? Nothing happened between you two. If your bf is controlling and doesn't support you emotionally you should end it. You are single and can find another single man. What makes you think this particular man will meet your emotional needs when you know nothing about him? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 22, 2018 Share Posted October 22, 2018 Even if he was flirting hard it does not mean he actually wants you. He may flirt like that with all the women who obviously have the hots for him or he may just be having fun feeding his ego. As far as "liking" you I'm sure he does because what is there not to like. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author missjewelz Posted October 22, 2018 Author Share Posted October 22, 2018 It was his intellect and him being so smart, successful and good looking. Just everything combined. He had the appeal of a rugged handsome man, and I think the fact that’s hes stable and older seemed to be so appealing to me. I haven’t seen many men like him, he was definitely one of a kind, and there were younger and cuter lawyers in my office closer to my age and they just didn’t compare to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author missjewelz Posted October 22, 2018 Author Share Posted October 22, 2018 Well when I came back briefly in the summer, he was trying his hardest to be around me and talk to me when the chance presented itself. So if he didn’t want me he wouldn’t have done that either if it was just innocent flirting. Link to post Share on other sites
BTDT2012 Posted October 23, 2018 Share Posted October 23, 2018 Well when I came back briefly in the summer, he was trying his hardest to be around me and talk to me when the chance presented itself. So if he didn’t want me he wouldn’t have done that either if it was just innocent flirting. If it was more he would have asked for your number, or given you his number. He was likely just enjoying some attention from a pretty young thing. I don't think you have much experience in the ways of men. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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