cleo83 Posted November 1, 2018 Share Posted November 1, 2018 I agree, too. Your wife sounds like an incredible, strong person. Any ONE of the childhood experiences you name could shake a person for life. I second (third) the suggestion that you go to counseling with someone who specializes in childhood sexual abuse. If your wife isn't emotionally read to go, then you should go to learn tools for how to help your wife deal with these demons, as her husband. You're in an incredible position where you can love your wife toward healing. She obviously WANTS to have sex with you, and wants to please you, but because of everything she's experienced, understandably all of it is very hard for her. So encourage her. When she wants to cuddle, cuddle. When she's sad after sex, hold her. I don't want to deny the validity of your feelings of frustration that your sex life is as hard as it is, but looking outside your marriage in ANY way to meliorate that is going to sink both you, your wife, and your children. Very few women--very few people--have the fortitude and character strength and integrity your wife demonstrates. You have a good thing, not to mention a baby on the way, so this is no time to think of leaving. Rather, it's time to lean in. It's not easy, I get that. Which is why some outside help from a qualified counselor is called for to keep you strong in supporting both yourself and your wife. If your wife is willing to go to counseling, that will be incredible. Just understand it will be much harder for her to have to dredge up all the stuff she experienced, and it might be harder before it's easier. So if she balks at first, then you go, and try to cultivate some gratitude that you clearly have found a spouse with far more character than most people ever even are called on to attempt, let alone achieve. I love what she said. Know this - marriage in any situation is hard. Doesn't matter how long you've dated or stayed married , just living together is hard. In your own words - you sound like you love her so much and appreciate her so much. I hope and pray you two are together and your wife heals from all the atrociousness that happened to her. Write her a letter and let her know she has nothing to fear, she holds the key to your happiness and together you ll find a way towards happiness. Find holistic ways that calm both your minds and heal her soul. Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted November 1, 2018 Share Posted November 1, 2018 I always wonder when I read stories that say we fought constantly, don’t have sex, and have 6 kids. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cojack123 Posted November 1, 2018 Share Posted November 1, 2018 (edited) My wife and I have been together 10 years (married 9). Long story short. We met online while she was studying abroad. For 16 months, we talked online and video chatted but didn’t see each other in person. She finished her program, moved home and we met for the first time 16 months into “knowing” each other.<SNIP> I had a similar situation. Long story very short, she was very poor sexually (wouldn’t even change positions and it always “hurt”) and she had anger issues and self harming behavior and lots of other issues. When my two kids started repeating her anger and aggressive behavior I was already emotionally gone, separated and she got some help but too late. She was pregnant at the time and I couldn’t not be happier that I left. It was emotionally draining. Not sure what kind of anger or mental issues she has but I know I was relieved to be gone. I even had to fight for 50/50 custody. Totally worth not being with her. If you want me to elaborate let me know. Edited November 4, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Rico3 Posted November 2, 2018 Share Posted November 2, 2018 Leaving or cheating on your wife is not an option. That would destroy your wife and your kids would suffer for it. You have to man up and face the consequences to your decisions. Sounds like your wife is still healing. I would give her time and maybe seek a counselor but don't pressure her into anything. She might never find peace but at least you can make her as comfortable as possible. Try finding other things to make you and your family happy. Like hobbies or trips. You have a long road ahead of you. I wish you and your family the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Whoknew30 Posted November 3, 2018 Share Posted November 3, 2018 I could understand more of you feeling this way...had you not knocked her up 4 times! 4 kids in 10 years for a woman that has been through hell, do you know what pregnancy does to a woman’s emotions & body? Not to mention knowing you felt this way but not telling her & then adding little ones your issue. Ok you’ve stated her issues but what are yours to make the decisions you’ve made? Have you looked in the mirror at all? Try self reflecting about what your issues are to not have had the life she has but to make more selfish choices than she does? Really who helps pop out 4 kids with someone under such false pretense... Shame on you Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Posted November 4, 2018 Share Posted November 4, 2018 Thread starter seem to have been a drive by, thread closed until they return. If they would like the thread re-opened then alert on my post and we will do so, thanks all who posted to the thread starter. Link to post Share on other sites
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