ailyro Posted October 21, 2018 Share Posted October 21, 2018 How do you trust someone after they leave their wife and want to be with you? He filed for divorce. Even after everything, I still love him. Our baby is due in 3 months... Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted October 21, 2018 Share Posted October 21, 2018 (edited) You don't trust that he will actually divorce until its final. Have you seen the files divorce papers? When is it finalized? When I start dating anyone I spend $50 and do a thorough back ground check. It would have saved you a ton of heartache. Many men are married pretending to be single. Even IF he divorces would you take him back knowing he cheats so easily? Also - get your child support paperwork ready for the court. He owes you that. Edited October 21, 2018 by S2B 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ailyro Posted October 21, 2018 Author Share Posted October 21, 2018 You don't trust that he will actually divorce until its final. Have you seen the files divorce papers? Who filed? When is it finalized? He filed, on September 5th. He has shown me everything and I have heard phone calls with his lawyer twice, when we were in the car together. They have to be separated for 1 year before a divorce is granted though... So September 2019 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted October 21, 2018 Share Posted October 21, 2018 He filed, on September 5th. He has shown me everything and I have heard phone calls with his lawyer twice, when we were in the car together. They have to be separated for 1 year before a divorce is granted though... So September 2019 So you already took him back? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ailyro Posted October 21, 2018 Author Share Posted October 21, 2018 You don't trust that he will actually divorce until its final. Have you seen the files divorce papers? When is it finalized? When I start dating anyone I spend $50 and do a thorough back ground check. It would have saved you a ton of heartache. Many men are married pretending to be single. Even IF he divorces would you take him back knowing he cheats so easily? Also - get your child support paperwork ready for the court. He owes you that. I didn't think I'd ever be with a married man I was too stupid to figure it out I want to be with him though... He's my babies father. I don't want to raise another child without it's father He wants to be with me and be an active father, I don't want to turn that down. I was really happy before I knew... He told me to file for child support but if we're going to be together I don't want to... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ailyro Posted October 21, 2018 Author Share Posted October 21, 2018 So you already took him back? I don't know what we are right now. I'm lost. We don't live together, he moved out of his house and is renting an apartment an hour away. We're spending time together. We are not intimate, we haven't been since I found out he was married. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted October 21, 2018 Share Posted October 21, 2018 I didn't think I'd ever be with a married man I was too stupid to figure it out I want to be with him though... He's my babies father. I don't want to raise another child without it's father He wants to be with me and be an active father, I don't want to turn that down. I was really happy before I knew... He told me to file for child support but if we're going to be together I don't want to... You file for child support! He owes his child money every month whether you're together or not. If nothing else put it in a savings account and give it as a gift when the child turns 25 or 30 years old. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
misspalmy Posted October 21, 2018 Share Posted October 21, 2018 You cant trust him. once a cheater always a cheater. I am pregnant to MM and i know he wont change. his wife taken him back when she found out my son was his and was a year of no seeing him in affair way. now we back at it and im nearly 12 weeks pregnant to him. his wife thinks he change. Link to post Share on other sites
misspalmy Posted October 21, 2018 Share Posted October 21, 2018 He filed, on September 5th. He has shown me everything and I have heard phone calls with his lawyer twice, when we were in the car together. They have to be separated for 1 year before a divorce is granted though... So September 2019 wow it has be 2 years in New Zealand to get a divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ailyro Posted October 21, 2018 Author Share Posted October 21, 2018 You file for child support! He owes his child money every month whether you're together or not. If nothing else put it in a savings account and give it as a gift when the child turns 25 or 30 years old. He's already going to be paying $2800/month in child support/alimony to his exwife. If we're going to be together he will be directly contributing to all the expenses we have. Most boyfriends/husbands don't pay child support to their girlfriend/wife, I don't want to have another reminder of our beginning. He wants me to file whether we are together or not. But I just want to be a normal couple Link to post Share on other sites
Author ailyro Posted October 21, 2018 Author Share Posted October 21, 2018 You cant trust him. once a cheater always a cheater. I am pregnant to MM and i know he wont change. his wife taken him back when she found out my son was his and was a year of no seeing him in affair way. now we back at it and im nearly 12 weeks pregnant to him. his wife thinks he change. I'm so scared that we will get to a good place and start moving on, and he will cheat I wasn't the first person that he cheated with and I never wanted to be someone he cheated with, but I hope I'm the last... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ailyro Posted October 21, 2018 Author Share Posted October 21, 2018 wow it has be 2 years in New Zealand to get a divorce. I wish it could be over now and we could just move on Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted October 21, 2018 Share Posted October 21, 2018 He's already going to be paying $2800/month in child support/alimony to his exwife. If we're going to be together he will be directly contributing to all the expenses we have. Most boyfriends/husbands don't pay child support to their girlfriend/wife, I don't want to have another reminder of our beginning. He wants me to file whether we are together or not. But I just want to be a normal couple But you're not ever going to be a normal couple! He knows he cheats... expect him to cheat - that's what he does. The only way to know what the future will be is based on the persons past behavior. That's why he KNOWS you need to file for support money. DO THaT at the minimum! Be smart. He will not be a faithful partner. Heck, he may not ever finalize that divorce! You're better off staying FAR away until it's final - at the minimum. How old are you/him? Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted October 21, 2018 Share Posted October 21, 2018 I wish it could be over now and we could just move on And you can. YOU have choices - use those choices wisely. You have no guarantee he will pay any money towards your expenses... promises maybe - evidence?no. He made promises to his wife and kids and he didn't honor those promises... what makes you think he will keep his word to you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ailyro Posted October 21, 2018 Author Share Posted October 21, 2018 I hate this Why couldn't he just have been who he said he was Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted October 21, 2018 Share Posted October 21, 2018 File for support! Your child deserves the safety/security of his support... at the very least in money. Link to post Share on other sites
Amethyst68 Posted October 21, 2018 Share Posted October 21, 2018 File for support, you need the security, no-one can predict the future. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ailyro Posted October 21, 2018 Author Share Posted October 21, 2018 But you're not ever going to be a normal couple! He knows he cheats... expect him to cheat - that's what he does. The only way to know what the future will be is based on the persons past behavior. That's why he KNOWS you need to file for support money. DO THaT at the minimum! Be smart. He will not be a faithful partner. Heck, he may not ever finalize that divorce! You're better off staying FAR away until it's final - at the minimum. How old are you/him? I'm 28 and he's 39. Do these situations ever work out happily? I'm not the first person that he's cheated with, and logically I know that the cheating might won't end with me. Why do I still love him. It hurts so bad I want to work past this and be happy together. I have never hurt this badly, for this long. Three days ago he asked me to marry him as soon as he is divorced. I don't want to be scared or unsure to go through with it Link to post Share on other sites
misspalmy Posted October 21, 2018 Share Posted October 21, 2018 I wish it could be over now and we could just move on its going be a long road. i wouldnt trust the wife to. they be back in bed too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ailyro Posted October 21, 2018 Author Share Posted October 21, 2018 its going be a long road. i wouldnt trust the wife to. they be back in bed too. He's is staying away from her. They don't see each other or talk. A family member picks up his kids and drops them off so they don't have to see each other. I'm terrified of him going back to her, but he has promised that it will never happen and is doing what he can for me to believe him, so I'm trying to trust him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted October 22, 2018 Share Posted October 22, 2018 Do you ever check to see evidence of what he tells you or do you just take his word for all that he tells you? Link to post Share on other sites
BTDT2012 Posted October 22, 2018 Share Posted October 22, 2018 File for support when the child is born. Does his wife know about you? It isn't wise to trust a person that you know is untrustworthy. Link to post Share on other sites
Amethyst68 Posted October 22, 2018 Share Posted October 22, 2018 I find it strange that he's almost telling you not to trust him in the future. I think this is one thing I'd take his word on. Link to post Share on other sites
Prudence V Posted October 23, 2018 Share Posted October 23, 2018 He's already going to be paying $2800/month in child support/alimony to his exwife. If we're going to be together he will be directly contributing to all the expenses we have. <snip>… He wants me to file whether we are together or not. I have a different perspective on this. Right now, $2800 of his money each month is earmarked for xW and their kids. You, he and your child will have to make do with what is left. If xW goes back to court for more, there will be less available for your family (if you’re together; for your child, if you’re not). If you file, that money gets earmarked in the same way, and she can’t get her hands on it if she suddenly decides to go after him for more. Protect your child’s future, and your (possible) family’s future. By not filing, you are allowing her to continue sticking her hand in his pocket whenever she feels like it, at your child’s expense (and your family’s). Having your child’s needs recognised in law as being equally legitimate to hers isn’t making your child “less than”, it’s recognising that your child is “equal to” and has the same rights and claims. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 23, 2018 Share Posted October 23, 2018 I'm not the first person that he's cheated with, and logically I know that the cheating might won't end with me. Three days ago he asked me to marry him as soon as he is divorced. Would I trust him after he has left his wife - absolutely not. Especially if you are not the first person he has cheated with. You took a risk on a decision with a poor rate of return. This man has proven himself to be a serial cheater, I would never trust him to stay faithful to me. I’m sorry. I hope it works out for you, I really do. But, I don’t blame you one bit for being very concerned. Trust is huge in a relationship and I’m not sure how you trust someone who has proven himself to be untrustworthy. Link to post Share on other sites
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