I've always been single what's wrong?

[Mysterio]

We all gotta stop thinking that being single is some sort of a sentence. Its a state of life.

 

We are so bombarded with imagery of people in romantic relationships that it gives us a distorted view on life with the opposite sex.

 

Life is a curved road as far as I am concerned. We will always have out ups and downs and thats the way it is.

 

I wonder if we all just let go of the control of trying date this person or that person. If we just meet people and let them flow in and out of our lives. We could reduce the stress in our lives.

 

My buddy DT did nothing towards his GF, being the driving force to get togethere and his GF dropped into his lap.

 

My other friend MK was the same way. He is Chiropracter and he had to work on his wife, and to him she was just another patient. His wife was the driving force in getting them together.

 

Some times its just the way life works. For me. I have not made that great romantic connection to the point where a great woman and I can form a LTR.

[SaintJonesy]

^^This. What it's all about. People won't remember what you said, or even what you did - but they will NEVER forget how you made them feel.

 

If I were in your shoes, I would observe myself closely in my interactions with others, and how they respond. As you're interacting, kinda step outside yourself and be an impartial Mr. Spock observer of yourself, for the sole purpose of acquiring data. For example, with the women that you did go out with (and those you will go out with in the future) - when you do or say X, how does she respond? What is her facial expression? body language?

 

Just a wild guess, but from the feedback they've given you, it sounds like a common reaction to someone (you) who is laser-focused on making sure they know EVERYTHING about YOU. First of all, it's overwhelming. Also, it gives them the idea (true or not) that you're not interested in THEM personally. You're just looking for an audience. Any warm body would do; they're not special.

 

People are naturally drawn to others who treat them well, and who clearly and authentically demonstrate that they enjoy their company and are interested in everything they say and do.

 

For the record, I don't think there's anything wrong with you. It could be as simple as just RELAX, and be more "in the moment" than on a Mission To Accomplish. Or just make a few minor tweaks in how you interact with romantic prospects - increase your social intelligence quotient. It's a trial-and-error kinda thing. Practice makes perfect. Don't stop trying!

 

This is all really good advice. The first part I've actually done before. My therapist suggested it actually. Watch how other people act, and watch how I act, and see what the difference is. What I found is that I was too attentive and friendly, and that's off-putting to women. I've tried to tone that back some. I'm definitely very Type A so relaxing and being in the moment is a struggle for me.

 

The one part I will push back on is the second paragraph, although it's understandable that you would have that impression. I was actually afraid of people perceiving me as a braggadocio because of how much I talked about myself at the beginning. I'm a very good listener, and I don't like talking about myself that often. And it's not so much that I want any warm body, but I approach a lot of people because that's what I've been told I have to do. Perhaps if more women took the time to speak to me, I would find some whose company I don't enjoy, but with the nature of my problem, usually the only women who date me are the ones who are taking pity on me. So at the very least they have good intentions. I don't really ever get to know any of these women well enough to decide whether or not they are someone I would like.

 

How does one increase their social IQ?

[SaintJonesy]

I am 36 and still in your boat. I never wanted kids or marriage when I was younger though, or more honestly, I had only met 1 guy whom I felt would have made me reconsider had it been an option to me at the time. I only wanted a degree and a career.

Back to you though. You seem pretty much perfect so I do not know why height would be a factor. Except that people can be fickle and shallow. Try a dating site that controls height and physical appearances. Be honest in your profile and say you are such and such tall and looking for a woman who has that preference, that way you know it wont be a hang up of yours from the start. If you are self conscious of it, a woman may respond in the same manner. Good luck.

 

Height isn't an insecurity of mine, I was just speaking in practical terms. Most women NEED a man who is taller than them, and that is something they see when I approach, so they count me out. I've never heard of a woman, even on the internet, who prefers short men. Just for some it's not an important preference. That's fine, everyone has preferences, and everyone has imperfections. I feel that it makes me more approachable, less intimidating and less threatening. However it does narrow my dating pool by A LOT.