Me and my boss

[Jacy]

My boss and I have been great, close friends. We talk (and confide) a lot. He is such a good friend to me. He's very sweet and thoughtful. He has worked very hard on his marriage, but his wife hasn't responded to him very much. He loves his wife, and I love my husband. But my boss and I seem to have much more in common with each other than we do with our spouses. (I have known my husband about as long as I've known my boss, a couple of years.) Our personalities complement each others a lot. And we can almost read each others' minds sometimes. Recently, he found another job and told me he was leaving our office. We had a long talk and it got a little emotional. Then he said, in a quiet voice, "I love you." I paused, but found myself saying "I love you, too." That was about the end of the conversation. We haven't discussed it since. He has since left, and I sure miss him. I think about how much I want to tell him things when I get back to work, but then I remember he won't be there. My question is...do you think he meant he really loved me? Or was it a platonic, good friend sort of statement, like loving someone as your friend or your sister?

 

I don't know what I meant by it myself. I just know life isn't the same without him. I'm certainly not going to leave my husband over this, but this bugs me. What did this guy really mean? Should I ask him??

 

Jacy

[Tony T]

These are questions you should have asked him, not anyone on this forum. I have always admired people who could read minds but there's nobody here who can do that. Call him and get this cleared up if your're wondering. I think these are things you ought to know.

 

Even once you know, there is really no significance in his answer. If he loves you more than life itself, that doesn't mean much in the long term. In a year, he may not even think about you at all. He may fall in love with someone at his new workplace and likely he will. The man is married and probably not about to risk his assets and emotions for an uncertain quantity. This is not a very good place for you to be going.

 

You don't seem to have a lot of committment to your marriage if you go bonkers when you meet someone you have lots in common with. This can happen many times in your life. If your marriage is unfulfilling, remember what brought the two of you together. Get some common interests and activities.

 

I hope you do understand that relationships that are new and/or forbidden seem to have more appeal than ones like a marriage, where you get used to being around the person. But a sense of committment and love is supposed to make a success of the marriage.

 

If you feel empty and unfulfilled in your marriage, and this particular situation with your boss could be a symptom of that, you need to do something about that right away. You aren't young forever.

 

My guess is that your boss loved you as a friend. Your association with him was situational. Friendships like this spring from common work or social situations. Generally when the situation ends, the feelings diminish as well.