How come women are allowed to enjoy single life more?

[EthanBlack]

Single women are able to enjoy single life a lot more. You always see these single ladies who carry themselves with confidence and trying to make the most of their life.

 

Single men, even if they're actually happy with their lives, aren't allowed to enjoy their lives because people are always wonder, why doesn't this loser have a girl in his life? Why isn't he actively dating? Why does he always show up to social events alone?

 

The stigma is hard to shrug off, even for a guy who has a rich, interesting life.

[basil67]

Single women are able to enjoy single life a lot more. You always see these single ladies who carry themselves with confidence and trying to make the most of their life.

 

Single men, even if they're actually happy with their lives, aren't allowed to enjoy their lives because people are always wonder, why doesn't this loser have a girl in his life? Why isn't he actively dating? Why does he always show up to social events alone?

 

The stigma is hard to shrug off, even for a guy who has a rich, interesting life.

 

I've never thought this about a single guy. Are you sure you're not projecting?

[losangelena]

Why are so many of your threads about this similar topic?

[preraph]

I honestly think it's more accepted for a man to be a bachelor than it is for a woman to be single. But the whole thing largely depends on what sort of people you associate with. it's true you can have random people at work and that sort of thing judging you for this or that or not having kids or whatever. But you shouldn't tolerate judging people in your private life.

 

The key is that if you believe in yourself and your own path and don't carry some stigma yourself about your own self being single or whatever, as long as you are confident and happy in yourself most people will just leave you alone about it.

[Mrin]

Are you kidding me? I don't know what sort of incel drivel you are listening to but it is the exact opposite. Or at least it is after about 25. As a single dude I get high fives and envious looks from my married friends. I'm "playing the field" and "a man about town". A single woman starts face assertions like "you just haven't met the right guy" or "don't worry he's out there for you honey" or "perhaps your standards are too high". Which is really sucky.

 

As for being "allowed" anything - what's up with that?

[BaileyB]

Single women are able to enjoy single life a lot more. You always see these single ladies who carry themselves with confidence and trying to make the most of their life.

 

Single men, even if they're actually happy with their lives, aren't allowed to enjoy their lives because people are always wonder, why doesn't this loser have a girl in his life? Why isn't he actively dating? Why does he always show up to social events alone?

 

The stigma is hard to shrug off, even for a guy who has a rich, interesting life.

 

Well, as a single girl, I had people straight out ask me if I was dating, why a "nice girl like me doesn't have a boyfriend," if I wanted to get married, that I needed to find a man soon if I wanted to have children, and my personal favorite "you are not going to meet a man sitting at home in your living room..."

 

I don't know what the experience is like for a single man. But, I don't agree with your assessment of "single life" for a woman, at all.

[carhill]

Single men, even if they're actually happy with their lives, aren't allowed to enjoy their lives because people are always wonder, why doesn't this loser have a girl in his life? Why isn't he actively dating? Why does he always show up to social events alone?

 

Funny, I have a male friend who's a couple years younger than me, never been married, rarely has a girlfriend and he's been called everything from a faggot to a loser to an uptight religious zealot. In reality, he's a successful business guy (telcom) who is active in his church and works with kids in court (court appointed special advocate). He's the guy who calls people to check on them and never complains even when he's so sick he has to take himself to the hospital. Just does stuff quietly. Yet he gets society grief for being largely partnerless. People are strange. I've pretty much given up on them. Moved to the forest, rarely see them, lots of wildlife and good fishing.

 

Myself, I had a lot of adventures when single, was for 20 years before getting married; sure, some frustrations too but that was my responsibility, not on women at all. They lived their lives, I lived mine. IMO they don't have it any easier nor have more enjoyment when single. We each make our own enjoyment.

[NuevoYorko]

Every free person is allowed to enjoy their life or not.

[Chilli]

l dunno where you get all these ideas from you post about.Seems the guys that aren't doin well post all this stuff and assumptions all over the internet as if it's bible when they're usually too young and jaded to have any real idea truth be told.

but your a mile of base in most of them and in this one too in my world.

Women get pressures and wonders and assumptions when they're long term single you obviously can't even imagine.

known plenty and hear a lot but guys , not much at all they're mostly that way bc they've just had enough of women and couldn't giva fk any l know or meet bar 1 or 2.

 

Women do often try to be and live positively whatever lifes dealing them though, ever notice that?

But that doesn't mean it's any easier.

Edited October 22, 2018 by Chilli

[thefooloftheyear]

Perpetually single women are often called spinsters, cold fish, crazy cat ladies, etc..

 

Perpetually single men are often called free spirits, driven, etc..

 

Its not easier or kinder for women..

 

TFY

[d0nnivain]

EthanBlack

 

You are wrong as others have pointed out to you. Single women get called mean labels while single men are viewed as dashing, independent & desirable. The bad reality TV show notwithstanding, you have the World's Most Eligible Bachelors, not bachelorette's. Women who aren't married are considered defective.

 

You see the world from a skewed perspective, yours. You are unhappy being single & therefore project your misery onto everything else. To fix this you need to change what you are doing.

[EthanBlack]

Funny, I have a male friend who's a couple years younger than me, never been married, rarely has a girlfriend and he's been called everything from a faggot to a loser to an uptight religious zealot. In reality, he's a successful business guy (telcom) who is active in his church and works with kids in court (court appointed special advocate). He's the guy who calls people to check on them and never complains even when he's so sick he has to take himself to the hospital. Just does stuff quietly. Yet he gets society grief for being largely partnerless. People are strange. I've pretty much given up on them. Moved to the forest, rarely see them, lots of wildlife and good fishing.

 

I'm the same. I've lost faith in humanity and I hate just how petty/judgemental and cruel people can be to the less aesthetically fortunate.

 

Your friend there is likely just unattractive physically and maybe perpetually shy. He's a good person and very accomplished. But thing is, women are always gonna overlook people like your friend. A lot of the more boisterous guys who are aggressive with women get what they want even though they're not nearly as accomplished and as good of a person as your friend.

[d0nnivain]

I'm the same. I've lost faith in humanity and I hate just how petty/judgemental and cruel people can be to the less aesthetically fortunate.

 

People can be cruel. Somehow you still have to be able to rise about their pettiness to find the good in the world. Hang in there.

[EthanBlack]

People can be cruel. Somehow you still have to be able to rise about their pettiness to find the good in the world. Hang in there.

 

Men are judged by the quality of the women on their arm. If you have no woman on your arm, it must mean that no woman wants to be with you.

 

Imagine any social scene:

 

Guy A walks in by himself. He is dressed well. Well-groomed. Is fit. He has a good job. He's a good person. He has good friends, family and he speaks multiple languages and has travelled the world.

 

Guy B walks in with a pretty girl on his arm. He has a dead end job. He is dressed shabbiliy. He has ****ty relationship with his family. He doesn't have any interest or hobbies. He doesn't read books and doesn't have enough knowledge to ever hold an interesting conversation with anyone.

 

Guy B would win every time. Cause he's got a pretty girl on his arm.

[healing light]

As a woman who spent my entire 20s single (circumstantial, dating was not a priority with my health situation and the timing was off for the few men I did like), I've been subject to shock and asked everything from when I was getting married to speculation if I was asexual or maybe gay or even assumptions that I am actually loose and getting needs met somehow, that there must be something "wrong" because otherwise I appear to be a good catch based off superficial assessment, so there must have been a "hidden reason." Haha.

 

None of it really bothered me that much--there are way worse things in the world than being single--people just want others to fit into nice little boxes. The only time it irritated me was if people who had known I had been single a while acted like my opinion didn't count on relationship matters as if I were still a child.

 

And while I do think it depends in part on your social circle, my point is that it's not like single women everywhere are being congratulated and thought of as having more prowess. I don't think men get the same amount of pressure and judgment in terms of reproduction, etc. that a woman does who is seen to have a narrower time frame for her biological clock. At least where I'm from, I feel that if a man is single into his 30s or 40s it's seen mostly as a choice unless he is physically far off the norm, he's just not ready to settle down yet, etc. whereas with women it's seen like they might become a cat lady and there is something off, isn't it sad, blah blah blah. But the people who matter won't care and they won't offer unsolicited platitudes every time you catch up, either.

[healing light]

Men are judged by the quality of the women on their arm. If you have no woman on your arm, it must mean that no woman wants to be with you.

 

Imagine any social scene:

 

Guy A walks in by himself. He is dressed well. Well-groomed. Is fit. He has a good job. He's a good person. He has good friends, family and he speaks multiple languages and has travelled the world.

 

Guy B walks in with a pretty girl on his arm. He has a dead end job. He is dressed shabbiliy. He has ****ty relationship with his family. He doesn't have any interest or hobbies. He doesn't read books and doesn't have enough knowledge to ever hold an interesting conversation with anyone.

 

Guy B would win every time. Cause he's got a pretty girl on his arm.

 

I can assure you if Guy A was real, women would be asking for his number.

[basil67]

Men are judged by the quality of the women on their arm. If you have no woman on your arm, it must mean that no woman wants to be with you.

 

Imagine any social scene:

 

Guy A walks in by himself. He is dressed well. Well-groomed. Is fit. He has a good job. He's a good person. He has good friends, family and he speaks multiple languages and has travelled the world.

 

Guy B walks in with a pretty girl on his arm. He has a dead end job. He is dressed shabbiliy. He has ****ty relationship with his family. He doesn't have any interest or hobbies. He doesn't read books and doesn't have enough knowledge to ever hold an interesting conversation with anyone.

 

Guy B would win every time. Cause he's got a pretty girl on his arm.

 

Are you serious? If guy B really has a pretty girl on his arm, she's probably as dumb as a box of hammers. And as they are both dead enders, it's highly unlikely they got invited to the party in the first place.

 

Meanwhile, guy A will get invited to parties and have woman hitting on him.

 

Your view of the world is far from accurate.

[d0nnivain]

Men are judged by the quality of the women on their arm. If you have no woman on your arm, it must mean that no woman wants to be with you.

 

Imagine any social scene:

 

Guy A walks in by himself. He is dressed well. Well-groomed. Is fit. He has a good job. He's a good person. He has good friends, family and he speaks multiple languages and has travelled the world.

 

Guy B walks in with a pretty girl on his arm. He has a dead end job. He is dressed shabbiliy. He has ****ty relationship with his family. He doesn't have any interest or hobbies. He doesn't read books and doesn't have enough knowledge to ever hold an interesting conversation with anyone.

 

Guy B would win every time. Cause he's got a pretty girl on his arm.

 

Not in my book. Guy A would win every time.

 

 

Ethan You have to stop judging yourself or anybody else by weather or not they have a SO. That is not a measure of anything.

[RecentChange]

. As a single dude I get high fives and envious looks from my married friends. I'm "playing the field" and "a man about town". A single woman starts face assertions like "you just haven't met the right guy" or "don't worry he's out there for you honey" or "perhaps your standards are too high". Which is really sucky.

 

Oh, and you forgot, that single guy gets to sleep with women and man he is a player! Hi five!

 

Her, well, if she is having sex outside of relationships she is skanky, diseased, damaged goods, S*** etc.

 

Perpetually single women are often called spinsters, cold fish, crazy cat ladies, etc..

 

Perpetually single men are often called free spirits, driven, etc..

 

Its not easier or kinder for women..

 

That too! Seems she is often either considered a S*** or a spinster.

 

But thing is, women are always gonna overlook people like your friend. A lot of the more boisterous guys who are aggressive with women get what they want even though they're not nearly as accomplished and as good of a person as your friend.

 

Yes, the shy quiet types, that do not put themselves out there (men and women) tend to struggle more with landing romantic relationships. If you talk to 20 people a day, you are a lot more likely to meet "the one" if you only talk to 20 people a year. Its a game of numbers, and out going personalities tend to be more sociable.

 

Imagine any social scene:

 

Guy A walks in by himself. He is dressed well. Well-groomed. Is fit. He has a good job. He's a good person. He has good friends, family and he speaks multiple languages and has travelled the world.

 

Guy B walks in with a pretty girl on his arm. He has a dead end job. He is dressed shabbiliy. He has ****ty relationship with his family. He doesn't have any interest or hobbies. He doesn't read books and doesn't have enough knowledge to ever hold an interesting conversation with anyone.

 

Guy B would win every time. Cause he's got a pretty girl on his arm.

 

Not sure where in the world you have ever witnessed such a scenario besides in your head. Successful well dressed guy that can carry a conversation?!? People of all walks of life would be clamoring for his attention. Your grandma would want to talk to him! The single ladies would be lined up for a chance. Your guy friends would want to talk to this guy.

 

I don't know, I am in Silicon Valley, we have a fair number of "Guy A" and guy A is the one people seek to surround themselves with. No one cares if some girl brought her looser boy friend.

[BaileyB]

Men are judged by the quality of the women on their arm. If you have no woman on your arm, it must mean that no woman wants to be with you.

 

Imagine any social scene:

 

Guy A walks in by himself. He is dressed well. Well-groomed. Is fit. He has a good job. He's a good person. He has good friends, family and he speaks multiple languages and has travelled the world.

 

Guy B walks in with a pretty girl on his arm. He has a dead end job. He is dressed shabbiliy. He has ****ty relationship with his family. He doesn't have any interest or hobbies. He doesn't read books and doesn't have enough knowledge to ever hold an interesting conversation with anyone.

 

Guy B would win every time. Causte he's got a pretty girl on his arm.

 

I can assure you if Guy A was real, women would be asking for his number.

 

Another vote for Guy A. I would chose him, without a doubt, every. single. time.

Edited October 22, 2018 by BaileyB

[EthanBlack]

I can assure you if Guy A was real, women would be asking for his number.

 

Real? I am Guy A. I forgot to mention though. Guy A is not attractive physically. Guy B is attractive physically.

 

I guess that makes all the difference.

 

Not in my book. Guy A would win every time.

 

 

Ethan You have to stop judging yourself or anybody else by weather or not they have a SO. That is not a measure of anything.

 

Wrong. A guy who has a girlfriend instantly has more value in other people's eyes, particularly if she is attractive. I actually don't judge anyone, man or woman whether they have a SO or not. It's society who keeps pestering me on "why don't you have a gf", "where is your girlfriend?", "a great guy like you deserves someone", etc. The list goes on.

 

I don't know, I am in Silicon Valley, we have a fair number of "Guy A" and guy A is the one people seek to surround themselves with. No one cares if some girl brought her looser boy friend.

 

What if her loser boyfriend is good looking?

[BaileyB]

A guy who has a girlfriend instantly has more value in other people's eyes, particularly if she is attractive.

 

What if her loser boyfriend is good looking?

 

He would still be a loser, and I would never date him. I would much rather date a less attractive man who is (to name a few things that are important to me) kind, hard working, optimistic, has a sense of humor, affectionate, and makes me feel good about myself... then a loser boyfriend who is good looking. I think it would be the same for any mature woman of substance.

 

And no, a guy who has an attractive girlfriend does not instantly have more value to other people. I think you place far too much worth on the opinions of others and you significantly overestimate how much other people care. Most people are too busy living their own lives to spend much time worrying about whether you do, or do not, have a girlfriend. Get yourself a girlfriend, and you will soon realize just how very little other people notice, or actually care.

[EthanBlack]

He would still be a loser, and I would never date him. I would much rather date a less attractive man who is (to name a few things that are important to me) kind, hard working, optimistic, has a sense of humor, affectionate, and makes me feel good about myself... then a loser boyfriend who is good looking. I think it would be the same for any mature woman of substance.

 

I have a good career. I am financially in a good place. I own my home, car. I read a lot of books and am knowledgeable about a variety of topics. I've travelled to many countries. I am billingual. I am physically fit. I do ballroom dancing for sport and for fun. I play guitar in a band. I dress well and have been told I'm quite stylish.

 

BUT...get this...I am only 5 foot 5 inches. I am also an Asian male. I am average looking. I get NO replies on dating sites despite having sent out tons of customized messages. I have a great profile with good pictures and have had female friends proof-read the profile just to make sure. Women don't even read my profile cause they see my physical attributes and aren't interested.

 

In real life, I have better luck but it's a lot more effort for me to meet girls cause I'm not very extroverted personality wise.

 

Would you date me?

 

And no, a guy who has an attractive girlfriend does not instantly have more value to other people. I think you place far too much worth on the opinions of others and you significantly overestimate how much other people care. Most people are too busy living their own lives to spend much time worrying about whether you do, or do not, have a girlfriend. Get yourself a girlfriend, and you will soon realize just how very little other people notice, or actually care.

 

I have had girlfriends in the past. And it does make a difference. All of a sudden, waittresses and bartenders are nicer. You get approving nods from guys. Other girls look at you more. It's like social proof.

[BaileyB]

I have a good career. I am financially in a good place. I own my home, car. I read a lot of books and am knowledgeable about a variety of topics. I've travelled to many countries. I am billingual. I am physically fit. I do ballroom dancing for sport and for fun. I play guitar in a band. I dress well and have been told I'm quite stylish.

 

BUT...get this...I am only 5 foot 5 inches. I am also an Asian male. I am average looking. I get NO replies on dating sites despite having sent out tons of customized messages. I have a great profile with good pictures and have had female friends proof-read the profile just to make sure. Women don't even read my profile cause they see my physical attributes and aren't interested.

 

In real life, I have better luck but it's a lot more effort for me to meet girls cause I'm not very extroverted personality wise.

 

Would you date me?

 

Sure. If I didn't have a boyfriend.

 

I'm 5-4, your height wouldn't bother me at all. I love to dance, never taken ballroom dance lessons but would love to try. I too have travelled the world, we could talk about our travels. I've played other instruments, not guitar, but I wouldn't mind listening to live music (depending on the type of band - no heavy metal). Your ethnicity wouldn't bother me - one of my best friends is Caucasian and married to an Asian man - a physician, a musician, and they have the cutest children.

 

I would talk with you and be open to meeting. However, if in our conversations you come across as bitter, opinionated, shallow, and judgmental like you do in some of your posts on this site - that is when I would tell you that I was not interested.

 

I'm being honest. Dating is difficult - it took me many years to find a man that I wanted to date. It's difficult not to become frustrated and discourged by the process. But, there is nothing attractive about a man who is bitter and angry - blaming anything and everything for his lack of success in finding a partner. Perhaps, you will say that you don't share the opinions that you have shared with the women you date. That's not to say that don't get a sense of how you are feeling.

 

You are entitled to believe what you want to believe. I'm just saying, your current attitude is not going to help you achieve your desired goal. But, I do hope that you find a way to get there...

Edited October 23, 2018 by BaileyB

[EthanBlack]

Sure. If I didn't have a boyfriend.

 

I'm 5-4, your height wouldn't bother me at all. I love to dance, never taken ballroom dance lessons but would love to try. I too have travelled the world, we could talk about our travels. I've played other instruments, not guitar, but I wouldn't mind listening to live music (depending on the type of band - no heavy metal). Your ethnicity wouldn't bother me - one of my best friends is Caucasian and married to an Asian man - a physician, a musician, and they have the cutest children.

 

I would talk with you and be open to meeting. However, if in our conversations you come across as bitter, opinionated, shallow, and judgmental like you do in some of your posts on this site - that is when I would tell you that I was not interested.

 

I'm being honest. Dating is difficult - it took me many years to find a man that I wanted to date. It's difficult not to become frustrated and discourged by the process. But, there is nothing attractive about a man who is bitter and angry - blaming anything and everything for his lack of success in finding a partner. Perhaps, you will say that you don't share the opinions that you have shared with the women you date. That's not to say that don't get a sense of how you are feeling.

 

You are entitled to believe what you want to believe. I'm just saying, your current attitude is not going to help you achieve your desired goal. But, I do hope that you find a way to get there...

 

You would be too if you been rejected for the following reasons:

 

"Ugh, why are you interested in me? Cause I'm an Asian girl? Just cause I'm Asian, you feel like we're a good match?"

 

"Sorry I only date white guys. I'm not attracted to Asian men." (She's Asian herself)

 

"Sorry but I prefer someone taller" (she's like 5'1)

 

"I'm gonna be soooo busy doing my masters for the next year. Ugh, FML" (finds out later that she gets engaged with a white guy whom she has dated for only 9 months. Busy my ass).

 

I've been humiliated and rejected for things not in my control. You'd be bitter too if you were in my shoes.