Are gamers undateable?

[E-Squared]

Okay, it's time I talk about this. I consider myself a gamer. I have been playing video games for more than 25 years. I have my moments of going through breaks and not being as into them, but never to a point where I completely stop gaming. I have my moments where I would spend hours on end playing a game. However, lately I have been focused on school, writing, and photography. I'll play a game from time to time, and then I will get back into it more to the point where I would do it on a daily basis.

 

I had a discussion about this with a friend of mine who was talking to a girl once. It seemed that the two got along, until the girl had something about how she doesn't like gamers, and my friend just told her "Have a nice day, you'll find someone who suits your interests." He had a good way of walking away, I will say that. Also, I came across a profile on a dating site and this girl noted game is a deal-breaker for her. I have talked to her, but mentioned nothing of gaming. I had talked with friends of mine and they said that calling it a deal-breaker is kind of pushing it and that maybe I should try talking through it to try to make something work. My friends are female, by the way.

 

However, I read this blog post that made me think a bit. Now, I can understand that there are women out there who have felt neglected by gamers who do it nonstop and make their girlfriends feel like afterthoughts. However, there are gamers, like myself, who know their limits. Hell, I can say that I have good hygiene because I shower every day and try to dress decently.

 

I know some of you people would say that I would be better suited to date someone similar interests. Right, I cannot argue with that, and even if I meet someone who doesn't share some of my interests, I am usually respectful towards that. Sure, you have the addicts out there, but then you also have the ones who can play games in limited doses.

 

Where do you stand on this?

[BaileyB]

My boyfriend played his game for an hour this morning while I watched the next episode of my current Netflix drama. Win-win for both.

 

He then put the controller down and we enjoyed the rest of the day together. If he didn't have the ability to do that, we wouldn't be dating.

 

Everything in moderation.

[Dodgersfan11]

They are to some extent. These gamers live, breathe, sleep video games. They go to gaming events, they travel to cities to compete with other gamers. Its a give or take situation. If they want a girlfriend they will make time for her, if they don't, then gaming is their number one priority

[Mr. Lucky]

Everything in moderation.

 

And yet this is the part many gamers struggle with. It often seems, to be successful in that universe, it takes an investment of time that excludes many other activities.

 

The OP mentioned "school, writing, and photography"; I have friends that do all three but none get swallowed up to the degree gamers seem to do...

 

Mr. Lucky

[losangelena]

Well, I work at a video game company filled with gamers, and ... a lot of them are in happy relationships. So, yes, I think it's very possible.

[PegNosePete]

I can understand that there are women out there who have felt neglected by gamers who do it nonstop and make their girlfriends feel like afterthoughts. However, there are gamers, like myself, who know their limits.

Yes, of course there's a big variety out there. But as you say many women (especially in their younger days) have experienced what you describe, and as a result will assume any man who plays games will be the same. Just like a guy who dated a blonde cheerleader in high school and got cheated on, might avoid blonde cheerleaders because he feels they are more likely to cheat on him. It doesn't make sense, but it's very common. Which is why I recommend guys not mention gaming in their OLD profiles. Even if they aren't an addict, it causes a negative reaction in many women. If you have a balanced life with other interests then there's no need to mention it anyway. I never mentioned it in mine, and I was a leader of one of the biggest communities in a major MMO.

 

If you live, breathe and sleep video games then I think you'll have big problems. Finding and dating a "gamer girl" is the only real option but they are few and far between and competition is high.

[Woggle]

It's a hobby like anything else and a perfectly legitimate one. As long as you don't get addicted to the point where you neglect hygiene and basic life skills or you don't go online and shout racial and gender slurs you should be okay. There are plenty of women who enjoy games as well. Both my wife and are looking forward to the new Red Dead Redemption.

[Andy_K]

Where do you stand on this?

 

It's an unfortunate stereotype, but in the early stages of dating I would suggest not mentioning gaming much, if at all. If that's difficult for someone to do, it's a good sign they're a bit too invested in the hobby.

 

Also consider what else you identify as. If 'Gamer' is the only obvious thing, then that's something that needs addressing. For example, I'm a Gamer. I'm also a Gym goer, a Reader, a Dad, a Programmer, and a number of other things.

 

The trouble really is that it *can* be a red flag... it's undeniable that there are a number of gamers out there who make bad partners. Guilt by association. Some people will prefer to play the odds and dismiss you entirely as a result, and you'll just have to frame it in your mind that's it's just their loss.

[d0nnivain]

It's a hobby like anything else. In balance it's fine. When it takes over someone's life, that is a problem.

 

My husband is a gamer to some extent. He'll play to unwind but it's not his life. He doesn't go to conventions. He does sleep & eat. He has other interests.

 

The stereotype is that games are socially awkward because they never get off their computers long enough to interact with flesh & blood people IRL. Those types of gamers are undateable IMO. But I also think they are the exception not the rule.

 

I don't see too much difference between this & some guy obsessed with golf who is out every weekend.

[E-Squared]

It's a hobby like anything else. In balance it's fine. When it takes over someone's life, that is a problem.

 

My husband is a gamer to some extent. He'll play to unwind but it's not his life. He doesn't go to conventions. He does sleep & eat. He has other interests.

 

The stereotype is that games are socially awkward because they never get off their computers long enough to interact with flesh & blood people IRL. Those types of gamers are undateable IMO. But I also think they are the exception not the rule.

 

I don't see too much difference between this & some guy obsessed with golf who is out every weekend.

 

True, but I remember what was considered as bad as gaming was watching TV. It didn't help that a lot of MySpace pages back in the day had people saying "I don't watch TV" or "TV rots the brain," as if they were superior to those who watch TV. Good for those who choose not to, but it also makes someone sound elitist. Hell, I am sure that people who are obsessed with reading are more respected than those who play video games. You do have a good point, though.

[snowboy91]

To answer the question in the title: No. But it is made more difficult due to the stereotype of gamers (usually male) being addicted to games, ie tending to focus a lot more on their games than on their relationships and even hygiene, and so a lot of people don't like this particular idea of a gamer.

 

These days though, a lot of women are gamers too so at the very least they would be sympathetic to guys who are gamers. As would women who know gamers who aren't addicted and can function/thrive in the real world too. So strictly, gamers are definitely not "undateable" but it can be more difficult.

[Penguin_hugs]

I agree with a lot of the above posts.

 

While my BF doesn't play many video games, he does play a lot of boardgames and is currently travelling for an international event!

 

It's about moderation- I have no problems with him playing with a few friends for a few evenings a week- but I may take offence if he constantly cancelled on me for gaming.

 

He lives with a housemate who is a tad bit obsessed with gaming. I met them both at a speed dating event-and I found his housemate exhaustig because he doesn't really have any other topics of conversation. I do my best to keep up when chatting now- but I can't relate to everything he discusses.

 

My BF has slowly introduced me to a few board games now- and I find it quite enjoyable. I haven't played any really long heavy games- but there are some really fun shorter ones we have played now. I feel it is quite important to be able to share interests.

 

I agree some people are immediately prejudiced which is sad. I remember introducing a college friend to my BF and she seemed a bit short with him- because she realised he knew her brother as they had met as part of a local card playing group. It's quite sad when someone immediately shuts you down on that... my BF has such a wide range of interests and conversation topics- he had been looking forward to meeting this girl as she worked in the union of his profession.

 

So long story short. Yes gamers can have relationships. Some people are more receptive than others- like a high maintenance girl who wants attention 24/7 may not be completely the right fit... but it's important to have everything in moderation.

[Naomi289]

I think it depends on how into the games you are vs. the attention you give your relationship.

 

My first boyfriend was a gamer. I knew it probably wouldn't work when, after not seeing him for over a month, he proceeded to spend 9 hours straight playing Mortal Kombat without so much as a glance in my general direction.

 

That's an extreme, of course, but the priorities need to be straight.

[PegNosePete]

I think it depends on how into the games you are vs. the attention you give your relationship.

Of course, but many women would see being a gamer as an immediate red flag and not even bother to find out how into gaming you are, precisely because of the second thing you mention...

 

My first boyfriend was a gamer. I knew it probably wouldn't work when, after not seeing him for over a month, he proceeded to spend 9 hours straight playing Mortal Kombat without so much as a glance in my general direction.

It's pretty common. Many women experienced this in their younger days. And as such, many women will refuse to date a gamer on principle, no matter "how into" the gaming you are.

[thefooloftheyear]

When you mention "gamer" the first image that pops into someone's head is a guy that is out of shape, on a dirty old couch, dressed in dirty sweats, bag of Doritos on the side, and getting upset at 2 AM because he didn't get high score or whatever ....

 

Of course people are all different, but it is what it is, and while I am not a woman it probably would be a big turnoff if I was...

 

TFY

[Els]

Of course not, H and I both are.

 

 

That being said, I would advise others to be wary of dating people who identify first and foremost as 'gamers' (i.e. "Hi, I'm Jack and I'm a gamer!"). Unfortunately, the people who make it a big part of their identity do tend to be somewhat addicted - and this goes for most other hobbies as well. Those who play in moderation don't tend to base their identity on it.

 

 

If it helps, I've been in a WoW guild for about a decade and most people in our guild have spouses or LT partners. So I doubt there's the kind of stigma that's mentioned here, especially among the younger crowd.

[carhill]

Heard a lot of racing widow sob stories back in the day. IMO, little difference. One marked difference is gaming can be enjoyed while at home with one's partner around. We often left the wives home, either due to logistics or them being tired of life on the road. Still, the racers were sufficiently dateable to get married No doubt though, the wives often expressed displeasure regarding the amount of time spent out in the garage with male friends and beer and the cars. I would imagine gamer's partners deal with something similar.

 

Ideally, moderation is healthy. However, it's extremes that get noticed and are attractive, initially at least. If one doesn't stand out it's the corner with a lampshade on one's head, fading into obscurity.

[thefooloftheyear]

None of this is new, btw......

 

 

 

TFY

[PRW]

I had a discussion about this with a friend of mine who was talking to a girl once. It seemed that the two got along, until the girl had something about how she doesn't like gamers, and my friend just told her "Have a nice day, you'll find someone who suits your interests." He had a good way of walking away, I will say that. Also, I came across a profile on a dating site and this girl noted game is a deal-breaker for her.

 

What makes you think "gamer" has one meaning? Gamer also means a manipulative guy who is skilled at getting laid (often on the first date) and then coldly just moving on to the next one. It doesn't have anything to do with video games. This is the Gamer that MOST of the OLD profiles are talking about.

 

The rest of the stuff about people who play video games is just common sense stuff, it doesn't require a scientific study and a media poll be taken. The girls just don't want some guy who has no social skills, lazy, overweight, who spends most of his waking moment slouched in from of the TV with popcorn and soda playing video games till he passes out. But if you play video games and are not one of those guys,...then you aren't "it",...don't worry about it,...move on,...and don't refer to yourself as "A Gamer" to girls you are trying to pick up. You call yourself a Gamer as if it is some kind of "title" then, yea, the girl may think you are one of the the kind she doesn't like. So just show some common sense.

[carhill]

IDK, I see the same rolleyes from wives for cars, hunting, fishing, heh frisbee golf, etc.

 

They grouse about men acting like boys but are also apparently attracted to that playfulness and seeming single-mindedness when in the game. Perhaps the usual lesson applies. Be attractive and don't be unattractive. Maintain that charisma and they'll grouse about stuff but will stay in the game to tame the boy and make him the man they want him to be. Give them just enough so the gaming is tolerable. One would think gamers would be quite adroit at the game of love

[Woggle]

To me games are more mature than any reality show. You can't lecture anybody about maturity when you watch real housewives and the bachelor. A lot of games actually have better stories than some movies these days. The Last of Us is oscar caliber storytelling.

[snowcones]

Don’t worry about it. Just disclose it and don’t hide it. Some woman will be fine with it.

[PRW]

Don’t worry about it. Just disclose it and don’t hide it. Some woman will be fine with it.

 

I understand the sentiment. But the problem is that this treats it as something that must be "disclosed", that it is a "vice", a "wrong" that must be corrected or confessed.

 

The best position to be in is to not view it is anything, it is nothing, it is not a "thing",...it is not something that you "are or aren't". It is like tying your shoes,...you don't consider telling a new girl that,..."Just so you know,...I have to confess,...I tie my shoe every morning". I've tried to quit, but I can't, so I limit it to once every morning when I get dressed.

 

I clean my house, but I'm not a housekeeper

I mow my yard, but I'm not a grounds keeper

I wash my clothes, but I'm not a dry cleaner

I prepare my food, but I am not a chef

I play video games, but I am not a "Gamer"

[snowcones]

I understand the sentiment. But the problem is that this treats it as something that must be "disclosed", that it is a "vice", a "wrong" that must be corrected or confessed.

 

The best position to be in is to not view it is anything, it is nothing, it is not a "thing",...it is not something that you "are or aren't". It is like tying your shoes,...you don't consider telling a new girl that,..."Just so you know,...I have to confess,...I tie my shoe every morning". I've tried to quit, but I can't, so I limit it to once every morning when I get dressed.

 

I clean my house, but I'm not a housekeeper

I mow my yard, but I'm not a grounds keeper

I wash my clothes, but I'm not a dry cleaner

I prepare my food, but I am not a chef

I play video games, but I am not a "Gamer"

 

 

Well my friend reunited with a high school friend over Facebook (they lived far apart) and they embarked on a relationship. He failed to disclose that he was a heavy gamer, so when she uprooted her life and moved across states to be with him at his request, she was shocked and dismayed - because she lives an active lifestyle but he does not -to learn that all he does after work and on weekends is play video games. So yes disclose it. She would have never been with him had he disclosed it and she and he could have had the chance to find someone more suitable. Now they are living together and both miserable, her because he games too much, him because she is no longer loving and nags him.

[PRW]

dismayed - because she lives an active lifestyle but he does not -to learn that all he does after work and on weekends is play video games.

 

 

I still stand by my point.

 

 

He needs to actually consider the fact that if a woman is going to uproot her life and move to where you are because she wants to be with you,...then you have to have the common sense to face the idea that you may have to modify your lifestyle.

 

 

I stand by my point. Playing video games is not a condition to be cured of, it doesn't need a 12 step group, it is not a disease. That is just nonsense. She needs to be more worried about moving in with a guy that wants to be Couch Potato Peter Pan and not "grow up" rather than if he plays a video game or not.