DreamDragon Posted September 10, 2005 Share Posted September 10, 2005 I can't seem to register but, i feel as if i need to get my current thoughts out of my head and in writing, it helps... Slightly. Anyway, first things first. I'm in an online based LDR with a guy from America, I live in Australia. We didn't meet on any dating website or the like, it was on the forums of an artist/illustrator students forum boards. It was just by fate that we "ran into each other" and just clicked, we got on so well, and soon we were firm friends. Talking on msn whenever we had a chance and interacting on the boards also. As time rolled by i felt that we both became closer and closer friends, and i kept being surprised by how similar we seemed to think and having many similar interests and almost an identical taste in music. It'd been 1 1/2 years before i started to know within myself that I had fallen for him. And it was another 1/2 a year before i found out that he too had fallen for me, from him writing me a 'note'(via the net, of course)...And in turn I told him exactly how i felt about him(same way).From then on we've been 'together'. Now, its been almost 9 months since then, there's been a recent bumpy ride, just the other week. Hm, I guess its mainly the fact that i feel as if he's not really putting in as much as he used to, like... In the beginning we shared everything, what we otfen daydreamed of(each other), dreamed of, etc. I guess we were equally surprised that we could've found someone, having a 'disbelief' period and all. But as time rolled by, and i knew we both knew that we would never stop loving each other and became more 'secure' about our relationship. To put my situation in perspective alittle more... We're already planning on when and where we are going to meet, the end of next year after i have completed High School. Now, to get there he needed money, therefore he has recently aquired a job. But, with this job our time together that used to allow us countless hours talking with each other has dramatically cut it. We both have school, he's just starting year 12 and i'm just coming up to my final year 11 Preliminary Exams(they start in two days). I'm not too sure, but it seems to me that we're drifting apart and changing in person as a result, as any teenagers do i guess. I keep finding that, and feeling as if i'm putting alot into it, trying to keep a convo going or just starting one- I understand that the day we used to spend at times 12 hours talking we only get 3-5 and he's usually tired from having been at school and then work straight after... It hurts... Things between him and I are seemingly changing, Maybe he's in that "comfort zone" i saw mentioned in a thread, where they get to and think they don't need to impress or show just how much he feels BESIDES just saying it, sending msn winks, or writing a poem on my birthday. He has and does lift me up when i fall as a result of the hurt our relationship is putting me through, he copes with my moods alot and talks me through things etc... I guess that kinda weighs it out, yeh? ... But it'd be so sweet if he did something different, something spontanious showing his love to me in a different way. I've already sent him a little trinket, i kitted a heart-shape and sent it to him via snail-mail. But, i'll cut this short because you're all probably bored stiff by reading my 'story'. I know most of the hurt is self inflicted, seeing i look into things too much and i'm prone to being sensative to the smallest things. Ok, I know I love him and he loves me, truely. And always will. I know he wants it to work just as much as i do, I know he wants to be with my physically just like I want with him. But right now, i feel as if... I should tell him we should stop, take it back, and allow each other more space and freedom BUT still agree to meet up when we have planned and see what happens from there. I've been through these thoughts when I was going through a bumpy bit... I'm 17 and so is he. This online-based LDR is killing me, because there are times i need him so much, when i need to just be held when i'm at my worst... but all i can do is imagine him there, beside me, and imagining him holding me, but that only makes it worse. He's always with me, I hallucinate his presence. But it's over a year before we will be able to touch! *sighs sadly* I don't want to let go, I don't know what will happen if we take it back a step. I know they ca work- i've read many stories of them. It's just so hard! My school is taking over alot of time now, i know i need a job to help provide money for the trip we're planning, but i'm afraid that will take even more time away from him. I wanna hang out with my friends more, but this LDR comes first, Everyone around me notices when somethings wrong, my family doesn't know about it, nor so most of my friends, only a couple. but then again, they arn't much help... I've been so tempted lately to tell more, for help and guidence... But I know they won't see it as good, because they don't understand it... The voices of those experienced in these things are what i need right now, I feel emptier without the need of love to be shown in certian ways, in different ways... I love him so much it's killing me to be so far apart! ~Dreamie Link to post Share on other sites
DreamDragon Posted September 11, 2005 Share Posted September 11, 2005 oops... posted it twice ^^; um, any admin can delete this one if they please Link to post Share on other sites
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