toyboy98 Posted October 22, 2018 Share Posted October 22, 2018 Me and my girlfriend were drunk last friday. We met our friends (few guys and girls). My girlfriend hugged one of the guys and i thought ok thats nohing just a hug. But she kept going and going for 2 minutes straight and I started to get uncomfortable. I didnt say anything I just kept talking to other people. After a while I saw them hugging again and she gave him kiss on the cheek. He asked her if it is ok and she said ''little bit is ok'' with a smile. he kissed her back on the cheek. I was so pissed off that I ignored her. She came to me and tried to hug me asking what was wrong but I pushed her away. I walked out of the club and she followed. I told her that she can go with him because im going home. She got angry and I got angry and we were screaming there when people were watching us. Then she started to cry and I hugged her and asked why the **** would she do that if shes with me. Little hug is okay but kissing and hugging for minutes is not IMO. I told her that she needs to respect me more if she doesnt want me to walk away from her completely. She told me that she is sorry and it was nothing and she has no interest in him but she understand that it was on the grey area. She told me that im the only one she likes and would never cheat on me. I told her it was okay and she doesnt need to be scared of little hugs or stuff like that in future but she needs to think twice what is over the limits before taking action. After two days it keeps getting on my mind and I get so anxious and angry inside me. Did she do something wrong and is this okay to feel like this or am i overreacting? What would you do in this situation? Link to post Share on other sites
Mardelis Posted October 22, 2018 Share Posted October 22, 2018 I was so pissed off that I ignored her. She came to me and tried to hug me asking what was wrong but I pushed her away. Immature, childish, passive aggressive behavior. It gets old fast. You got a problem with her? Tell her don't act like a baby and give her the silent treatment. It's not how men behave. A man would have gone up to them during their 2 minute long hug and said "Maybe the two of you should get a room?" followed by, "him or me honey if it's me then let's go, NOW". 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author toyboy98 Posted October 22, 2018 Author Share Posted October 22, 2018 Immature, childish, passive aggressive behavior. It gets old fast. You got a problem with her? Tell her don't act like a baby and give her the silent treatment. It's not how men behave. I just didnt know how I should handle the situation and I was very drunk Link to post Share on other sites
Mardelis Posted October 22, 2018 Share Posted October 22, 2018 I just didnt know how I should handle the situation and I was very drunk Now you know how to better handle such situations. Stop drinking to the point that you are very drunk. It leaves you unable to cope with difficult and unexpected situations that require critical decision making. Sure hope you didn't drive there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author toyboy98 Posted October 22, 2018 Author Share Posted October 22, 2018 Now you know how to better handle such situations. Stop drinking to the point that you are very drunk. It leaves you unable to cope with difficult and unexpected situations that require critical decision making. Sure hope you didn't drive there. Yeah but what happened with him and her is not caused by the way I acted afterwards so that is what I am thinking right now. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 22, 2018 Share Posted October 22, 2018 Yeah but what happened with him and her is not caused by the way I acted afterwards so that is what I am thinking right now. True. She was drunk maybe but sober enough to go find him again for more hugs and a kiss on the cheek... and all whilst in your sight This is a big red flag. Ignore at your peril. She is not gf material. Link to post Share on other sites
Author toyboy98 Posted October 22, 2018 Author Share Posted October 22, 2018 True. She was drunk maybe but sober enough to go find him again for more hugs and a kiss on the cheek... and all whilst in your sight This is a big red flag. Ignore at your peril. She is not gf material. Actually second time he was the one making the move but idk Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 22, 2018 Share Posted October 22, 2018 Actually second time he was the one making the move but idk She could have shut him down but obviously didn't did she? Who is he? Old bf, old crush...? 2 minute hugs are not usually the norm. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 22, 2018 Share Posted October 22, 2018 A quick hug & a peck on the cheek is nothing. It's friendly, nothing more. A lingering hug -- all that body contact -- is something far more intimate, even more intimate then the peck that followed. But that wasn't just a friendly hello greeting; it was a promise of things to come. You were right to be upset. Unfortunately because you had all been drinking things escalated to a point where they got out of hand. Recognize how alcohol changes your behavior. Do talk to your GF about boundaries. If she crosses them again, drunk or sober, walk. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 22, 2018 Share Posted October 22, 2018 Given that this doesn't sound like a quick hello greeting, I can understand why you're not happy, OP. I don't think you handled it well in the moment, but the real issue lies in why they are this cuddly with each other. Who is he, exactly? Link to post Share on other sites
Author toyboy98 Posted October 22, 2018 Author Share Posted October 22, 2018 A quick hug & a peck on the cheek is nothing. It's friendly, nothing more. A lingering hug -- all that body contact -- is something far more intimate, even more intimate then the peck that followed. But that wasn't just a friendly hello greeting; it was a promise of things to come. You were right to be upset. Unfortunately because you had all been drinking things escalated to a point where they got out of hand. Recognize how alcohol changes your behavior. Do talk to your GF about boundaries. If she crosses them again, drunk or sober, walk. The guy belongs in our social circle and they have been always like that without anything more serious happening. Im pretty sure the guy likes this girl and she likes the attention but now when im dating her i consider it not to be okay. We talked about boundaries and respect and she said she understood and that she did wrong. She even told me that she have sometimes felt like I only use her for sex and we have not talked about being exclusive although we have been dating for a few months. I asked her would she be mad if I did something with someone else and she said yes. Then I asked if she means that we should be official and she said yes. I said I agree and then we must be. I hope I will emotionally get over this and trust that this will never happen again. Relationship comes with some sacrifice and in this case it is to stop all that stupid stuff she usually does when shes drunk and single. Link to post Share on other sites
Sparta Posted October 22, 2018 Share Posted October 22, 2018 OP if you don’t break it off with her then what comes in the future that’s on you.! You know what you’re dealing with now she is definitely not to be trusted.! She did that right in front of you. Just imagine when you’re not around when she’s drunk. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 22, 2018 Share Posted October 22, 2018 Good thing it happened......now you both finally realize there you are more emotionally involved so being exclusive was required. This also gave you both the opportunity to discuss boundaries, and to talk about things (next time) in a cool calm mature manner. And maybe you two need to keep your alcohol consumption in check so this out of control arguing in public doesn't happen again. Keep it peaceful between you. Lots of lessons have been learned here. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author toyboy98 Posted October 22, 2018 Author Share Posted October 22, 2018 (edited) Good thing it happened......now you both finally realize there you are more emotionally involved so being exclusive was required. This also gave you both the opportunity to discuss boundaries, and to talk about things (next time) in a cool calm mature manner. And maybe you two need to keep your alcohol consumption in check so this out of control arguing in public doesn't happen again. Keep it peaceful between you. Lots of lessons have been learned here. well said. I hope I will get over this how she disrespected me and just think it as a way to answer few questions about our relationship for both of us. We are now officially exclusive and friday we werent. I think I should just move on everyone makes mistakes. edit. I could tell how genuinely sorry she was and how sick she felt. She apologized me next morning again and was very down. Edited October 22, 2018 by toyboy98 Link to post Share on other sites
David33 Posted October 22, 2018 Share Posted October 22, 2018 +1 for openly discussing it. Committing to someone takes risk and you are lucky to be able to talk about what's coming in the future. side-note, don't ever bring up that situation again. Cheers Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 22, 2018 Share Posted October 22, 2018 I think you acted appropriately. How would she react/feel if you had been hugging and kissing some hussy? She probably would of made a big stink about it... Link to post Share on other sites
Author toyboy98 Posted October 22, 2018 Author Share Posted October 22, 2018 +1 for openly discussing it. Committing to someone takes risk and you are lucky to be able to talk about what's coming in the future. side-note, don't ever bring up that situation again. Cheers Yeah she said its good that I bought this thing up. I think about this still and it gets me feeling sick but I wont bring this situation up ever again. If something happens I will just walk away Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs._December Posted October 25, 2018 Share Posted October 25, 2018 I'm going to assume you two are teenagers (or you've just turned 20), if the '98' on your screen name is indicative of your birth year. Just so you know, this is just one of many relationships you'll likely have over the course of your young adult life. This type of childish behavior is kind of expected at your ages but it's not the end of the world for you. This is the type of stuff that helps you grow and gives you life experience so you're a little wiser in your next relationship, and the one after that, etc. etc. Link to post Share on other sites
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