All Encompassing WPN Thread of Jealousy

[Wookin Pa Nub]

Since I am a repeat customer on the jealousy page, thought I would just use one thread to discuss my jealous nature.

 

 

I try not to come off as jealous bc I know that is a turnoff for most girls. My gf has already said I am a jealous person but she admits she is too. I just love her so much and it bothers me when I see other guys talking/attempting to flirt with her or gawking at her too much. The latest:

 

 

Last week in Vegas, walking on the strip or throughout hotels/casinos guys were constantly checking out her boobs. She asked me if it bothers me bc guys make it very obvious. I said no as long as they don't look too long or gawk at her. In one casino, we turn the corner and two guys 15 feet away check her out and one says "nice rack" to his buddy. My gf didn't hear or see it but I did.

 

 

At what point do I say something to guys that gawk too long or make inappropriate comments?

 

 

My gf is very friendly which guys interpret as flirty. She talks to strange guys everywhere. We were on redeye flight back from vegas and sitting on aisle seats across from each other. The two seats in my row were occupied but she had her row to herself. She starts talking to a young guy behind her telling him she shouldn't let me sit with her and she should have the whole row to herself. They chit chatted for a minute or so before she said I could come sit with her.

 

 

Just yesterday there were two more instances. One at the grocery, she is talking to a young guy about something when I joined her in the cheese section. We were separated before and based on conversation it seemed they had been talking for sometime before I reconnected with her.

 

 

In line at Lowes, she makes comment out loud about having her basement drywalled. Guy behind her starts talking with her and goes into some new exercise technology his company makes and she should look it up. She takes down the name of his company and his phone number. As we leave, she says "I think I must have a sign on my forehead that says talk to me".

 

 

I know what you're going to say that I just need to accept her for what she is or leave. But I think she should have a bit more respect about not starting conversations with any guy that makes eye contact with her.

[basil67]

I know what you're going to say that I just need to accept her for what she is or leave. But I think she should have a bit more respect about not starting conversations with any guy that makes eye contact with her.

 

You can complain all you like about what you think she should do, but you and I both know that this isn't who she is. You took on a flirty woman and this is what you've got. The analogy is when you buy a hoon car and then start complaining about all the police attention. And no, you don't get to speak to the guy who's staring at her boobs. She got those boobs for attention and she's loving it. The guys stares because she wants him to stare - they both know what's going on and are OK with it.

 

I suggest you remember the serenity prayer: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.. Because at this point, you're trying to change things which you can't change.

[Wookin Pa Nub]

That's good advice. I do wish she would not talk to any stranger she sees.

 

 

Not sure if I brought this up in one of my other jealously posts but we were at a fundraiser dinner. She arrived at the table as I was getting drinks. I get to the table and she's in heavy conversation with this older guy (60+) and he's is talking her ear off, mostly about his work. She is too nice and keeps the conversation going. I chime in occasionally and try to steer her back to me but she turns her back to me and continues the conversation with this old guy. I felt really embarrassed as my gf is basically ignoring me for 10-15 minutes. After the dinner this guy approaches her and asks her to accompany him on a business trip over seas. She told me about this later and after he asked her to go on this trip she distanced herself from him. I told her it was hurtful she ignored me.

[basil67]

You can wish for her to change all you want, but it's not going to happen. This is why we've been telling you to accept it or leave.

 

With the old guy she was talking with, it's perfectly normal to leave a partner and chat with others while they also socialise. But the alarming bit here is that in her 15 minute chat, she didn't describe anything in her life to indicate that she had a partner. Again, this is her MO and it's not going to change.

Edited October 22, 2018 by basil67

[Wookin Pa Nub]

But the alarming bit here is that in her 15 minute chat, she didn't describe anything in her life to indicate that she had a partner. Again, this is her MO and it's not going to change.

 

 

I was sitting right next to her and she introduced me to this old guy. But with her friendly nature and ignoring me, apparently the guy got the vibe he had a chance with her and asked her on a trip.

[basil67]

If I recall correctly, the two of you met in an affair. Did she attract your attention like she's doing with the other guys? Given her addiction to male attention, it really is probably only a matter of time before she has another affair

[RecentChange]

You = life long jealousy / insecurity issues (this stuff predates your GF, but was also a major issue with your now ex wife)

 

 

Her = Boob job which she likes to show off, and a desire for male attention flirting.

 

Its a major incompatibility.

 

Both of you brought these things to the relationship. And its not something I see either of you changing. She isn't going to start covering up, she loves showing off - she got fake breasts so she could show them off. She likes it that they look, she likes the attention, she encourages it. She allows men to believe that she may be into them.

 

And you, you aren't going to be that kind of guy that likes to show off his woman and make the guys clamor. You aren't secure enough for that, its just not your thing (its not most guys thing - but there are some that enjoy it!)

 

Like that old man conversation. I am really outgoing. My husband works in sales, and often it means socials where I may simply be chatting up strangers, often men (due to the industry). We can have great convos, we can talk business or interests.... but I would NEVER allow someone to believe that inviting me on a trip would be appropriate. There really are ways to keep boundaries - your GF does not have them set.

 

And being as she really hasn't had any time to be single - I think it would be quite difficult to get her to turn off this part of her personality.

[littleblackheart]

WPN, what do you really like about being in this relationship?

 

Reading some of your threads, it feels like you are in this despite yourself, maybe because you haven't taken the time to process how your relationship started, and a little bit in denial over how guilty you are feeling for all your conflicted emotions.

 

In any event

 

1. She's purposefully triggering your jealousy = not good

or

2. You are compulsively jealous = also not good

 

You need to get to the bottom of why you are feeling so jealous - imo, this means looking into your own feelings, not making a list of all the times her actions have made you feel uncomfortable.

[Wookin Pa Nub]

And you, you aren't going to be that kind of guy that likes to show off his woman and make the guys clamor. You aren't secure enough for that, its just not your thing (its not most guys thing - but there are some that enjoy it!)

 

but I would NEVER allow someone to believe that inviting me on a trip would be appropriate. There really are ways to keep boundaries - your GF does not have them set.

 

 

 

 

Good insights...I admit I like having her on my arm in public. I am pretty average looks for a 47 year old guy and it feels good to be with a woman who turns heads in public. But I do wonder what people are saying - how did that doofus get her?

 

 

To your second item, that really did bother me. She should not have been so friendly that a guy would ask her on a trip with me 20 feet away and part of me thinks she should have told him off then got me to confront this old man.

[RecentChange]

Good insights...I admit I like having her on my arm in public. I am pretty average looks for a 47 year old guy and it feels good to be with a woman who turns heads in public. But I do wonder what people are saying - how did that doofus get her?

 

I think everyone likes to be seen with a "catch".

 

There are some men who like it when women invite the chase - only to have their "man" swoop in and show those suckers that she is already taken - its a different scenario. They like the game of temptation and denial. Like I said, doesn't work for many, but some desire it.

 

To your second item, that really did bother me. She should not have been so friendly that a guy would ask her on a trip with me 20 feet away and part of me thinks she should have told him off then got me to confront this old man.

 

She didn't tell him off, because she likely lead him there. Sure he could have been the most forward guy around, or he could have been feeding off of the vibe of flirtation and availability she had. Also - does she really not bring up that she is in a relationship, and that the man sitting next to her, is her BF? Those are pretty hard details to leave out of a conversation.

 

But I have a feeling she is leaving them out, because she does not want to temper the desire and attention these men show her.

 

You shouldn't have to confront the guy, these situations wouldn't be happening if she set boundaries.

[basil67]

Good insights...I admit I like having her on my arm in public. I am pretty average looks for a 47 year old guy and it feels good to be with a woman who turns heads in public. But I do wonder what people are saying - how did that doofus get her?

 

 

To your second item, that really did bother me. She should not have been so friendly that a guy would ask her on a trip with me 20 feet away and part of me thinks she should have told him off then got me to confront this old man.

 

I really didn't believe that men would put up with all kinds of bad behaviour to have a pretty woman on their arm. But perhaps it's true?

 

And again, you're getting stuck on what she "should have" done. No sense focusing on what she should have done, focus on what she actually does. And of course, if she'd been behaving well in the first place, he would never have hit on her and she wouldn't have needed to tell him off. And even if she'd done absolutely nothing wrong, she doesn't need you to fight her battles for her. She's perfectly capable of putting a man in his place if she needs to.

[sandylee1]

She likes the male attention and hasn't had a chance to be single and full on flirty because you two got together while both married.

 

You left your wife for her, yet you've probably had more threads on her actions and your jealousy than you did of your wife of many years.

 

You're more of an introvert. Your GF (and your Ex) are social butterflies. You're attracted to that personality...yet equally insecure about it.

 

I honestly think you're secure/jealous in all romantic relationships. I recall similar issues with your Ex.

 

Let it go and try working on improving your interactions with others on public...so that her conversations affect you less.

[Mrs._December]

Honestly? It sounds like you want very badly to believe that she's this innocent little ingenue who is just "too friendly for her own good" and everything that happens is always due to males trying to hit on her and misinterpreting her innocent, friendly personality.

 

Let me tell ya something.

 

As a woman whose had more than her fair share of male attention my whole life, I can absolutely tell you that I'm MORE than painfully aware of the power my female sexuality has had over scores of men. When an older man you've never met is handing you the keys to his $80,000 Corvette and telling you that you can drive it just because you oohed and ahhed over it out in the parking lot of your corporate office building, you get a real good idea. When men are continually offering to do nice things for you when you hardly even know them, you get a real good idea. And when they're stalking you and leaving gifts on your car every day while you're at work, well that's just scary.

 

But anyway, you get my drift.

 

Your girlfriend knows EXACTLY what she's doing while she's flashing those oh-so-innocent eyes.

[JuneL]

Having read your other threads, many of us have concluded that your gf doesn’t just like male attention, but she’s desperate to brag about it to you. She wants you to feel jealous, as this is her way to feel how hot and special she is. Most who have had the experience of being a woman know that we get hit on often if we’re not particularly sloppy. However, it would be super insulting if some creepy old man we just met suggested that we accompany him on a trip. Most women would feel too embarrassed to tell others that’s happened.

 

p.s. What happened to the neighbor who took pictures of your hot gf?

[smackie9]

If you wanna be happy

For the rest of your life,

Never make a pretty woman your wife,

So from my personal point of view,

Get an ugly girl to marry you.

 

A pretty woman makes her husband look small

And very often causes his downfall.

As soon as he marries her

Then she starts to do

The things that will break his heart.

But if you make an ugly woman your wife,

You'll be happy for the rest of your life,

An ugly woman cooks her meals on time,

She'll always give you peace of mind.

[Wookin Pa Nub]

 

She didn't tell him off, because she likely lead him there. Sure he could have been the most forward guy around, or he could have been feeding off of the vibe of flirtation and availability she had. Also - does she really not bring up that she is in a relationship, and that the man sitting next to her, is her BF? Those are pretty hard details to leave out of a conversation.

 

But I have a feeling she is leaving them out, because she does not want to temper the desire and attention these men show her.

 

She introduced me to this guy as her bf. She told me later, that when I was gone, this guy said "your bf isn't going to punch me is he?". Her reply was no, he's a laid back guy or something like that.

 

 

Sometime later is when he asked her to go on overseas trip. That's when she got away from him.

 

 

Dinner was served buffet style and when we got back to the table the seating arrangements were changed by the guy who purchased the table at the event. The old man flirting with my gf was last to get back to the table and was no longer sitting next to my gf. He looked very disappointed.

[Wookin Pa Nub]

As a woman whose had more than her fair share of male attention my whole life, I can absolutely tell you that I'm MORE than painfully aware of the power my female sexuality has had over scores of men. When an older man you've never met is handing you the keys to his $80,000 Corvette and telling you that you can drive it just because you oohed and ahhed over it out in the parking lot of your corporate office building, you get a real good idea. When men are continually offering to do nice things for you when you hardly even know them, you get a real good idea. And when they're stalking you and leaving gifts on your car every day while you're at work, well that's just scary.

 

 

 

 

I often wonder what happens in her daily interactions when I am not around. We live apart in different cities. She has only told me about one guy in her yoga class asking her out and the interactions I reported on here before (Lawnmower guy and neighbor taking pics).

 

 

I wonder if she doesn't tell me much because she knows it upsets me.

[Wookin Pa Nub]

 

p.s. What happened to the neighbor who took pictures of your hot gf?

 

 

 

I went to his convenient store and I did not see the picture. My gut feeling is her friend who asked him why he had a picture of my gf spurred him to take it down.

 

 

My gf and I discussed her not going out in skimpy clothing anymore. The last time I was there I noticed that on the creepy neighbor's house every blind was closed except the window closet to my gf's back yard. I wonder if that is where he is taking pictures of my gf.

[NuevoYorko]

Having read your other threads, many of us have concluded that your gf doesn’t just like male attention, but she’s desperate to brag about it to you. She wants you to feel jealous, as this is her way to feel how hot and special she is.

There's also the possibility that the OP's insecurity and jealousy are coloring his perception of what's going on. Jealous people normally do that.

[JuneL]

There's also the possibility that the OP's insecurity and jealousy are coloring his perception of what's going on. Jealous people normally do that.

 

Or the OP is secretly enjoying such jealousy, as he can brag about how hot his gf is.

[Rockdad]

If you wanna be happy

For the rest of your life,

Never make a pretty woman your wife,

So from my personal point of view,

Get an ugly girl to marry you.

 

A pretty woman makes her husband look small

And very often causes his downfall.

As soon as he marries her

Then she starts to do

The things that will break his heart.

But if you make an ugly woman your wife,

You'll be happy for the rest of your life,

An ugly woman cooks her meals on time,

She'll always give you peace of mind.

 

 

To that I say never marry a jealous person especially a very jealous one. It's a job living with these people.

 

The inspections when you want to leave the house.

Constant surveillance of your activities and conduct

The correcting lectures when they deem your inappropriate

Q & A time when your out and they are not there to monitor

Suspicious in nature

Irrational when their insecurity spikes

 

 

It's quite the party!

[JuneL]

I went to his convenient store and I did not see the picture. My gut feeling is her friend who asked him why he had a picture of my gf spurred him to take it down.

 

 

My gf and I discussed her not going out in skimpy clothing anymore. The last time I was there I noticed that on the creepy neighbor's house every blind was closed except the window closet to my gf's back yard. I wonder if that is where he is taking pictures of my gf.

 

So nothing has been done since your opening post in that thread. I thought you’re gonna confront the neighbor. Or are you just enjoying bragging about how hot your gf is?

[Wookin Pa Nub]

There's also the possibility that the OP's insecurity and jealousy are coloring his perception of what's going on. Jealous people normally do that.

 

 

There may be some of that. I get jealous easily and many interactions my gf has I read too much into it. I think I see normal as not starting conversations with random people of opposite sex while my gf does this ALL the TIME.

 

 

My experience is most girls do not want strange men starting conversations with them. OTTH, if a strange girl starts a friendly conversation (more than hi or how are you?), 95% of guys will think the girl is flirting and he has a chance to bed her. Amirite?

[basil67]

My gf and I discussed her not going out in skimpy clothing anymore.

 

I wonder what she makes of your efforts to guide what she wears. Honestly, this sounds like the conversation that mothers and teen daughters have (shortly before the teen daughter rolls her eyes and wears what she wants anyway)

 

I suspect that your gf may well enjoy your reactions, but then wears what she knows gets her attention when you're not there.

[NuevoYorko]

My experience is most girls do not want strange men starting conversations with them. OTTH, if a strange girl starts a friendly conversation (more than hi or how are you?), 95% of guys will think the girl is flirting and he has a chance to bed her. Amirite?

 

I don't know. I'm pretty sure there are many women like your girlfriend. The fact that she was married (is this correct) when you got together probably makes it hard for you to trust, that's just the way it goes.

 

There are plenty of extroverted people who love to talk to anyone, and who shamelessly enjoy approving attention from the opposite sex. You seem to have liked that about your gf when you got together. She is the same person. She is not going to change.

 

You're incompatible. Why not let her go be her outgoing flirtatious cleavage showing self and find yourself a nice quiet girl with a modest wardrobe.