All Encompassing WPN Thread of Jealousy

[elaine567]

You're incompatible. Why not let her go be her outgoing flirtatious cleavage showing self and find yourself a nice quiet girl with a modest wardrobe.

 

 

Exactly.

 

She is obviously not relationship material.

Most attached women whether hot or not are respectful of their partner and are not chatting up random men to the extent that that man thinks it is OK to ask her to go on a trip with him.

What kind of a woman did he think she was? Some sort of escort?

YOU may be the jealous type, but even the most secure/non jealous guy would be a bit concerned here.

Is this really the kind of woman you want your kids exposed to?

[Amethyst68]

So you've discussed her not wearing simply clothes, I seem to recall you having this conversation before, nothing seems to have changed and quite frankly if that's what she wants to wear then that's what she should wear. It's up to you to learn to deal with it.

 

Ignoring your is bad, you seem keen to blame the other man but it was your GF who entertained the conversation.

 

I also went through some of your old threads and saw you suffered from jealousy with your wife as well. The fact this relationship started as an affair and that you live in different cities probably doesn't help.

 

Have you thought about IC?

[Wookin Pa Nub]

So you've discussed her not wearing simply clothes, I seem to recall you having this conversation before, nothing seems to have changed and quite frankly if that's what she wants to wear then that's what she should wear. It's up to you to learn to deal with it.

 

Have you thought about IC?

 

 

 

What is IC?

 

 

She has gone out in her underwear with loose tank top (no bra) and a very see through nighty. She said the neighbor was out and saw her that morning she had nighty on. That is when I was there. Who know when I am not around. She commented to me that she doesn't see the big deal about wearing underwear out bc it is just like a bathing suit. I said guys see that differently.

[MidwestUSA]

What is IC?

 

 

Individual counseling.

[Wookin Pa Nub]

GF's friend is celebrating 40th bday down in Cancun in January with a big group of couples and we were invited about a month ago. However, with my job commitments in January I cannot go. Last night my gf brought up that her friend is giving her a hard time about not going. There's another girl who is going solo and she could room with her.

 

 

I asked if she wanted to go. She listed several reasons why she didn't want to go (mainly my gf is not a partier and this group is wild) but that she would love to be sitting on a beach in January. We live in cold area of the US.

 

 

I really do not want her to go. I know it's her decision and I trust her 100%. Two things come to mind. One, the couples are crazy - drinking, open relationships, one couple are swingers, many of the spouses having cheated before. My gf said they will pressure her to drink. I can alomost guarantee one of the couple asking her to join them. I know she wouldn't tho. The other girl going solo and my gf who would room with went on a trip last year without her husband. She got a massage and got a happy ending from the male masseuse.

 

 

The other issue is we were going to go away for a night over thanksgiving but she said she couldn't because she would miss work. She only gets paid if she's there to teach. Why would she tell me no to a getaway bc she'll miss work but she would consider this trip? That kinda stings.

[MidwestUSA]

"I really do not want her to go. I know it's her decision and I trust her 100%."

 

 

Let her go. I'd love to be on a beach right now instead of shoveling snow.

 

As far as her working Thanksgiving, can't you see the hypocrisy? You can't go on her trip because of work commitments.

[elaine567]

Two things come to mind. One, the couples are crazy - drinking, open relationships, one couple are swingers, many of the spouses having cheated before.

My gf said they will pressure her to drink. I can alomost guarantee one of the couple asking her to join them. I know she wouldn't tho. The other girl going solo and my gf who would room with went on a trip last year without her husband. She got a massage and got a happy ending from the male masseuse.

 

Ok, but why earth is she hanging about with such people if you are the jealous type?

Is she doing this deliberately to wind you up?

[Wookin Pa Nub]

As far as her working Thanksgiving, can't you see the hypocrisy? You can't go on her trip because of work commitments.

 

 

 

She has a lot more flexibility with her job than I do with mine. She teaches yoga sporadically during the week. If she wants to take off, she just needs to find a sub. We have to work together to find time to travel together.

I understood when she said no to a getaway over TG. She said her clients want to get their workouts in over the holidays.

[Wookin Pa Nub]

Ok, but why earth is she hanging about with such people if you are the jealous type?

Is she doing this deliberately to wind you up?

 

 

She has met these ladies thru her yoga teaching over the years. Maybe people in yoga are more out there with their sexual limitations. Of her closer friends:

 

 

Trish is a Dr - married but she has guy on the side, her H knows about and I just found out the H will join them. Apparently they are swingers.

 

 

Lisa - she is hot 50-year old yoga teacher in great shape. she has cheated on H several times with students and others. Just left H and is with her new bf. I have heard very crazy sex stories about them.

 

 

Carley - married has a girl on the side. Maybe a guy too. She has come on to my gf before.

 

 

Several others have had affairs or divorced for new guy.

 

 

She does have a few straight-laced friends from yoga too.

[Mrs._December]

The other issue is we were going to go away for a night over thanksgiving but she said she couldn't because she would miss work. She only gets paid if she's there to teach. Why would she tell me no to a getaway bc she'll miss work but she would consider this trip? That kinda stings.

Why would she only say that about an overnight trip with you and not the Cancun trip? Because the Cancun trip would be worth it for her. She'd get to show off in a bikini every day, she'd get to show off at the discos at night in her skimpy clothing and she'd get to show off during the day in her crop tops and short shorts, getting all that male attention 24/7.

 

She craves it.

She lives for it.

She needs it.

 

Period.

 

SO many people have said that in this thread alone, and I don't even know your posting history but can see your need to have a 'hot' girlfriend has trumped any common sense you may have had about all the red flags you continually have to push away to stay with someone like this.

 

But I will say, I saw in this thread that your relationship started with her cheating on someone and I guess eventually leaving them for you. So you already know exactly who it is you're clinging to.

 

I have to agree with JuneL. I think your desire for a hot girlfriend - and the bragging rights that go with it - come with a heavy price tag that right now, you're still willing to pay. But the time will likely come when you'll eventually run out of currency and this bullcrap won't nearly be as appealing as you think it is right now. It gets old.

[JuneL]

Just curious: Was your ex-wife quite unattractive, like you would be embarrassed going out with her?

[Wookin Pa Nub]

Just curious: Was your ex-wife quite unattractive, like you would be embarrassed going out with her?

 

 

 

Not unattractive at first but years of drinking, poor diet and little or no exercise led to her gaining a lot of weight. She looked heavy and sloppy a lot but other times could hide the weight and looked nice. Our old group of friends, most of the husbands had really attractive wives. I felt like odd man out.

[JuneL]

Not unattractive at first but years of drinking, poor diet and little or no exercise led to her gaining a lot of weight. She looked heavy and sloppy a lot but other times could hide the weight and looked nice. Our old group of friends, most of the husbands had really attractive wives. I felt like odd man out.

 

So now they’re all saying WPN finally has a hot gf

 

Did they try to hit on her too?

[basil67]

How about she makes her own decision and you stay out of it. If you find she makes too many decisions which you don't like, then chalk it up to incompatibility.

 

All your threads have the commonality of you having far too much input into how she lives her life. Instead of trying to negotiate, just look at base line compatibility and make your accept or not decision from that.

[Wookin Pa Nub]

So now they’re all saying WPN finally has a hot gf

 

Did they try to hit on her too?

 

 

 

I moved out of state and don't see those guys anymore. I am sure my family thinks I am with my gf solely for the looks/body aka trophy wife. That is not the case

[Wookin Pa Nub]

How about she makes her own decision and you stay out of it. If you find she makes too many decisions which you don't like, then chalk it up to incompatibility.

 

 

 

Don't you think in relationships the other person should be able to have an opinion on the other's decisions? If there are differences, you compromise and work thru things.

 

 

I understood she can't bail on her clients during the holidays bc they want to get their workouts in. I would hope she understands it's not right going on trip without me with a bunch of wild couples during my busy and very stressful period at work.

 

 

As far as vacations without the other person, I don't think the other person should be excluded unless that person defers not to go. For example, I would not want to go girls weekend where they will be shopping, going to craft festivals etc nor would she want to go with me on a guys golf weekend.

[JuneL]

Can you also give us a few examples of your decisions that your hot gf doesn’t like and you ended up compromising with her?

[elaine567]

I moved out of state and don't see those guys anymore. I am sure my family thinks I am with my gf solely for the looks/body aka trophy wife. That is not the case

 

Are you quite sure about that?

You jettison your "heavy, sloppy, unattractive" wife, for some underwear wearing, bikini clad, yoga pant hottie who hangs about with swingers and cheaters and drives you mad with jealousy apparently daily, yet you still trust her????

 

Wake up and smell the coffee.

[basil67]

Don't you think in relationships the other person should be able to have an opinion on the other's decisions? If there are differences, you compromise and work thru things.

 

In a relationship with two people who have common ideals, there won't be loads of issues where one feels the need to disagree with the decision made by the other. Perhaps once every few years this may come up, but you've posted a huge amount of concerns where you need to tell her that you don't agree with something she's considering. Rather than a bit of negotiation, this screams incompatibility.

 

I understood she can't bail on her clients during the holidays bc they want to get their workouts in. I would hope she understands it's not right going on trip without me with a bunch of wild couples during my busy and very stressful period at work.

 

Whether it's right or not is a matter of opinion. But you're presenting it as fact. Your opinions don't equal fact.

 

As far as vacations without the other person, I don't think the other person should be excluded unless that person defers not to go. For example, I would not want to go girls weekend where they will be shopping, going to craft festivals etc nor would she want to go with me on a guys golf weekend.

 

Your wording isn't entirely clear, but it seems that you believe you should be invited to all events - even girls weekends - but that you would simply choose not to go. You are entitled to your thoughts. But I'd be long time single if I'd kicked up a fuss or expected an invitation when my guy goes away on the boy's skiing trip.

 

You're treading a very fine line between engagement and control here. But I think there's a part of her that enjoys seeing you get upset about her decisions.

Edited November 16, 2018 by basil67
clarity

[BaileyB]

How about she makes her own decision and you stay out of it. If you find she makes too many decisions which you don't like, then chalk it up to incompatibility.

 

This. It's how healthy relationships work.

 

Bottom line, this is going to be an ongoing problem for you because you are an insecure man, and you are dating a hot woman with poor boundaries who likes the attention of other men. There is nothing wrong with that, you deserve to be her one and only... But, if you want a woman who is not going to be showing her body off to others, travelling and partying with friends, and developing relationships at work... this is clearly not the woman for you.

 

Trust is an important thing in a healthy relationship.

[Wookin Pa Nub]

Can you also give us a few examples of your decisions that your hot gf doesn’t like and you ended up compromising with her?

 

 

 

We are both easy going and the only activities that fill my life are my kids, her and my job. I don't have any friends in the city I live so I don't have a life outside of kids, her and my job.

[BaileyB]

We are both easy going and the only activities that fill my life are my kids, her and my job. I don't have any friends in the city I live so I don't have a life outside of kids, her and my job.

 

Well then, you need to get some. And some other interests.

 

You remind me of my father, who wants a partner in his life and wants her undivided attention... 24/7. All his eggs are in one basket and that didn't go well for him when my mother passed away. With his current partner, it has put a lot of stress on the relationship because she is much more social, she has her own friends and her own hobbies, and they often disagree on travel plans... he wants to travel alone with her, and she has always travelled with friends when she was single.

[JuneL]

We are both easy going and the only activities that fill my life are my kids, her and my job. I don't have any friends in the city I live so I don't have a life outside of kids, her and my job.

 

In some sense, you are very compatible. It’s hard to imagine many women would stay with such a stage 5 clinger. But your hot gf seems to crave that kind of attention.

 

PRW, where are you? He’s the kind of super needy and insecure guy who needs your gospels!

[Amethyst68]

So if you don't want her going with these couples offer her an alternative.

 

BTW I don't mean to insult you but you do realise that to an outsider you and your GF fit right there with those wild couples. In fact you'd be one that a lot of couples would be hesitant to be around, 2 APs who are now together. So maybe it's time to drop the hypocrisy and let your GF enjoy her trip.

 

You still haven't addressed the fact you were just as jealous over your "heavy and sloppy" exwife, you have enough threads on here to show that.

[PRW]

In some sense, you are very compatible. It’s hard to imagine many women would stay with such a stage 5 clinger. But your hot gf seems to crave that kind of attention.

 

PRW, where are you? He’s the kind of super needy and insecure guy who needs your gospels!

 

I think you guys got it covered! Yes, jealousy is a symptom and not a condition in itself. They are obviously both insecure:

 

They both get jealous

She likes to show it off for affirmation

He likes to be seen with her for affirmation while she is showing it off, even though he is complaining on the surface.

 

As far as her conversations with guys,...I think she is just a friendly person. The guys talking to her are just attracted to a hot chick. What else is new,...so now we know they probably aren't gay.

 

When the guy said "nice rack" within ear shot of him he should have gave a big grin, given a thumbs up and said, "If you only knew!" They probably would have just laughed and gave him a slap on the back and would have gained respect for him.

 

I read in one spot they might be fake, as in a boob job. I was kinda hoping for natural.