All Encompassing WPN Thread of Jealousy

[BaileyB]

Probably, the bigger issue is I wish she would use better judgment and not give in when the guys insisted. A "NO" should mean "No".

 

Again, she is a grown woman capable of making her own decisions and using her own voice. If she is not capable of exercising good judgment and/or standing her ground, that is her issue. It is her life.

 

You have HUGE issues with boundaries...

[Wookin Pa Nub]

Again, she is a grown woman capable of making her own decisions and using her own voice. If she is not capable of exercising good judgment and/or standing her ground, that is her issue. It is her life.

 

You have HUGE issues with boundaries...

 

 

 

I thought she used poor judgment and did not stand her ground. I am solely expressing my opinion so she doesn't do that again.

[Wallysbears]

I thought she used poor judgment and did not stand her ground. I am solely expressing my opinion so she doesn't do that again.

 

Jealous AND controlling.

 

That's not a good combination.

[BaileyB]

I thought she used poor judgment and did not stand her ground. I am solely expressing my opinion so she doesn't do that again.

 

Sure. Do that, and then let it go...

[RecentChange]

I thought she used poor judgment and did not stand her ground. I am solely expressing my opinion so she doesn't do that again.

 

WPN - How often do you think that she "uses poor judgment"? Do you respect her as an adult? As a antonymous person who is free to make her own choices?

 

You don't like the way she dresses when she goes in her back yard, you think its poor judgement.

 

You don't like the way she talked to the old man at the dinner party, it was poor judgement.

 

You don't like the friends she has, you think they going on trips with them etc is poor judgment.

 

You think she puts herself in bad situations and are worried that her "poor judgement" will result in a sexual assault.

 

It goes on and on....

 

If I was constantly being judged for making "poor decisions" - I would not feel respected. I would be insulted.

 

She is grown a$$ woman. She does not need you to be her daddy.

 

Honestly I am completely shocked she tolerates this behavior from you.

 

You want HER to control herself better? Why don't you control yourself instead of letting your jealousy and anxiety control you.

[RecentChange]

The thing is I trust her 100%. I think I wish she would make decisions that I think she should make.

 

This sounds like a man talking about his teenage daughter. Not of a partner talking about his 40 something future wife.

[basil67]

WPN, in your heart of hearts, do you think your behaviour over these incidents is acceptable?

[BaileyB]

This sounds like a man talking about his teenage daughter. Not of a partner talking about his 40 something future wife.

 

Absolutely.

 

I also question why she tolerates this kind of behavior from you... Either, she is the most accepting of women or she gets something from the attention YOU are giving her. Because, it does seem to be a pattern - she does something she knows will provoke you, and you either get upset (and she gets her ego stroked) or she does something to “chose you” (and you get your ego stroked).

 

I agree with RC, if you want her to change her behavior, you can start by changing your own behavior. In the end, that is really the only thing you control...

Edited December 19, 2018 by BaileyB

[Wallysbears]

This sounds like a man talking about his teenage daughter. Not of a partner talking about his 40 something future wife.

 

Amen.

 

I can’t imagine a grown woman appreciating this

[Blanco]

You don't trust her. That's what this all comes down to. And you don't trust her because you've previously been the beneficiary of her ability to deceive. It's only natural that you're connecting dots that aren't really there. You don't have the luxury of being able to say, "I know she'd never do anything like that," because you already know that would. And did. With you.

 

This will continue to consume you for however long the relationship continues. You sound more addicted to this woman than in love. She's a prize to you, but one that you seem convinced, and maybe rightfully so, is only temporarily yours.

[brent878]

I would wook por nub in another place.

 

This sounds nothing like nub. This sounds like you have a car that you like showing off but don't want anyone else to look at it.

 

Do you have any actual feelings for this woman or is it just arm candy?

[Orokotikki]

Not quite as simple as that. They out in the middle of now where. It was an hour plus drive with a guy she didn't know. She didn't want to go with him. He was being persistent and my gf is too nice sometimes.

 

An hour drive for tacos? Whatever she may have said, I bet she really wanted to have those tacos.

 

When they were with someone else, if they cheated with you, its more likely they will _____ __ ___.

 

Best of luck!

[Wookin Pa Nub]

I would wook por nub in another place.

 

This sounds nothing like nub. This sounds like you have a car that you like showing off but don't want anyone else to look at it.

 

Do you have any actual feelings for this woman or is it just arm candy?

 

 

 

I love her deeply and I really do trust her. I do have some possessive qualities and bc of losing her before I do not want any other guy to receive her attention.

[Wookin Pa Nub]

A) We had a discussion recently and she asked if I would be ok with her having a guy friend she was friends with, texting him, etc. I didn't answer right away and she said she would not like it if I had a good friend that was a girl. She said we should be each other's confidant. I then said I would not like it either.

 

 

B) She has told me she doesn't do private yoga sessions or adjust (fix their position with her hands) with male clients. She said yoga is very personal and some guys (and yoga instructors) can take that the wrong way. She mentioned a couple yoga instructors she knows have had affairs or hook-ups with clients.

 

 

She started working at a new studio. At first she said it was "Lisa's" (fellow yoga instructors) new studio. Then it comes out later that Lisa is just the face of the studio and this guy Tim owns it. Tim is a tall, fit and good looking yoga instructor too. My gf likes tall guys.

 

 

My gf tells me she took a class and Tim was the instructor and she was the only one there. She said they did yoga together for 5 minutes then chit chatted for 55 minutes.

 

 

It made me jealous that they were chit chatting like bff's for almost an hour and also a bit miffed that she told me she would not do private sessions with guys but she did in this case. Maybe it wasn't planned as a private but part of me thinks she should not have stayed there.

[RecentChange]

So what are you going to do WPN?

 

Tell her to quit?

 

Of course she didn’t tell you that she is now working at a man’s studio, she knows your jealousy would spike.

 

Because of her profession, she is going to be constantly in contact with fit, attractive, athletic men - what are you going to do?

 

Also, I don’t know how the lead in relates too much to the story. An hour chat with your new colleague isn’t exactly the same as a “confidant”

 

She said she doesn’t teach one on one with men - maybe she didn’t mean to extend that to not taking classes from men. You think she shouldn’t have stayed - this is her new coworker, what should she have said, sorry, I have to go, my boy friend doesn’t like me practicing yoga with men?

 

So to recap once again - hot yoga instructor who loves male attention. Likes to trickle truth you - I don’t know if this is because she doesn’t want to incite your jealousy, or if it’s to you with you.

 

Pretty sure she isn’t going to quit, and wouldn’t appreciate your desire to control her.

 

Do you make enough money to support both your family and hers WPN? It seems like you will always have a problem with her profession and the people involved in it.

[BaileyB]

Do you make enough money to support both your family and hers WPN? It seems like you will always have a problem with her profession and the people involved in it.

 

Except, the man who tries to tell me to quit my job because he doesn’t trust me to be around other people (men) is going to get an earful...

 

If you love this woman, you need to accept who she is and what she does for a living. If you can’t do this, your relationship is going to be full of drama... and it will not last long term.

[RecentChange]

Except, the man who tries to tell me to quit my job because he doesn’t trust me to be around other people (men) is going to get an earful...

.

 

Oh I agree! I wouldn't go for that. But I also wouldn't put up with an insecure controlling BF who "wished I made better choices" and seems constantly disappointed by what I do, gets jealous about who I talk to, work with, and have as friends.

 

He sounds like he would prefer to have a "kept woman" - well, is the the kinda of man that could provide for her?

[Amethyst68]

Remember the jealousy controlling nature isn't new - he was like that with his so called plain unattractive ex wife. It's there to read in his earlier threads.

 

I still think it's magnified in this relationship because it started with cheating on their spouses. If you have any type of self awareness there must be at least a little bit of doubt or lack of trust in the back of your mind. The old 'if they cheat with you they'll cheat on you' type thing.

[basil67]

B) She has told me she doesn't do private yoga sessions or adjust (fix their position with her hands) with male clients. She said yoga is very personal and some guys (and yoga instructors) can take that the wrong way. She mentioned a couple yoga instructors she knows have had affairs or hook-ups with clients.

 

Fixing someone's posture is normal. Especially if they are at risk of injury. Even personal trainers use their hands to help you feel which muscles to use. I don't for one moment believe that she gives her female clients better service and instruction than her male ones.

[Wookin Pa Nub]

So what are you going to do WPN?

 

Tell her to quit?

 

 

She said she doesn’t teach one on one with men - maybe she didn’t mean to extend that to not taking classes from men. You think she shouldn’t have stayed - this is her new coworker, what should she have said, sorry, I have to go, my boy friend doesn’t like me practicing yoga with men?

 

 

98% of the time I don't worry about her job. It's mostly women that she teaches and she says yoga can be very personal relationship with student and teacher so she takes precautions with male students - no private sessions, no men at her home studio (which one regular lady has brought her husband and another regular her son), no adjusting and does not give out her cell number - which I caught her either in a lie or her being confused when I saw texts from a guy student that was being creepy.

 

 

As far as the one on one with the guy teacher and if she should have left, I feel she should have. She said they only did yoga for 5 minutes anyway.

[Wookin Pa Nub]

 

I still think it's magnified in this relationship because it started with cheating on their spouses. If you have any type of self awareness there must be at least a little bit of doubt or lack of trust in the back of your mind. The old 'if they cheat with you they'll cheat on you' type thing.

 

 

I am 100% certain that is not the case. I believe it is my jealous & possessive nature and the fact that we missed out on a friendship and relationship for many years. I get jealous when she is giving someone else attention more than what I feel is appropriate. It actually happened with a lady once at a pool. This one lady had a screw loose and my overly friendly gf chatted with this crazy lady for like an hour while I was there being ignored. It made me mad.

[Wookin Pa Nub]

Fixing someone's posture is normal. Especially if they are at risk of injury. Even personal trainers use their hands to help you feel which muscles to use. I don't for one moment believe that she gives her female clients better service and instruction than her male ones.

 

 

 

That's what she tells me. She said one guy even asked her "why don't you adjust me anymore?". That in itself means there are guys who take yoga for more than the physical benefits.

[Tamfana]

I am 100% certain that is not the case. I believe it is my jealous & possessive nature and the fact that we missed out on a friendship and relationship for many years. I get jealous when she is giving someone else attention more than what I feel is appropriate. It actually happened with a lady once at a pool. This one lady had a screw loose and my overly friendly gf chatted with this crazy lady for like an hour while I was there being ignored. It made me mad.

 

You could join in these conversations instead.

[Artdeco]

As far as the one on one with the guy teacher and if she should have left, I feel she should have. She said they only did yoga for 5 minutes anyway.

 

I don’t know with you 2: On the one hand I’m thinking it’s good that she’s still honest about what she’s doing (with other guys around, or things in general that might make you jealous and upset), despite her knowing you’re insecure and overly jealous.

 

On the other hand I’m thinking the exact opposite: Why is she doing this if she knows how jealous you would be after she tells you. I also get the impression that she cherry-picks WHAT she tells you. Why is she doing this?

[Tamfana]

As far as the one on one with the guy teacher and if she should have left, I feel she should have. She said they only did yoga for 5 minutes anyway.

 

I don’t know with you 2: On the one hand I’m thinking it’s good that she’s still honest about what she’s doing (with other guys around, or things in general that might make you jealous and upset), despite her knowing you’re insecure and overly jealous.

 

On the other hand I’m thinking the exact opposite: Why is she doing this if she knows how jealous you would be after she tells you. I also get the impression that she cherry-picks WHAT she tells you. Why is she doing this?

 

It might be her nature. I have a friend like that, bubbly, engaging anyone and everyone out in public.

 

OP, I'm glad you gave the example of her talking to the woman at the pool. That means she does this with all kinds of people, not just men. So she's not just coming on to men. She's like my friend who chats with anyone.