Guys: Stop prioritizing your careers so much...hear me out

[EthanBlack]

I was lucky enough to find out early on in my life what career I wanted to pursue. In my 20's, I became super career-focused. Yes the money was good but I genuinely liked the work. I would spend extra hours at work in order to get more recognition, responsibility and promotions. I thought women would see that and appreciate a guy with drive and ambition and who also has a solid financial foundation.

 

You know what I found? It was the non-ambitious guys who were getting all the women. Not cause they were better looking, better people, but it came down to one thing: they had the TIME.

 

These guys who were wandering around at a loss in their careers/education either because they didn't have the determination to see anything through. They didn't have full-time jobs and they worked odd jobs to barely make a living. They spent all their time figuring out ways to get women. When that becomes your full-time job, figuring out how to socialize and meet lots of people and meet women, you're gonna get success.

 

Some of these guys actually snagged some good quality girls. But over time, these girls became dissatisfied with their lack of ambition and goals in life and they broke up, but this was years later after he already got what he wanted out of her which was mainly sex and companionship.

 

And here I was, trying to be a responsible adult and thinking women still appreciated hardworking, ambitious guys. I got sick and tired of seeing guys who were lesser than me get with all these women. I began seriously questioning myself and how I should prioritize my time.

 

I stopped taking my career so seriously. I began limiting the amount of time I spent working. I became a 9 to 5'er so I'd have more time developing my real passions. I took up ballroom dancing. Got into great shape. Made new friends (some of them women). I became serious about being a better guitar player and now I have a band of my own. I began to finally learn what it means to ENJOY life.

 

My work attitude changed. I was there for the money so that I could use the money to fuel my hobbies and interests. What's weird is, it's almost like my bosses and colleagues pick up on this ****, and they actually started giving me MORE responsibilities which resulted in even HIGHER pay. Right at a time when I just wanted to enjoy my life.

 

And now, I have a real problem because in order to maintain my career, I need to work hard when I no longer want to. I do the bare minimum in order to NOT get fired. But at some point, this isn't gonna work. I need to re-engage my passion for work in order to keep my career going.

 

But other aspects of my life are great. I don't have a girlfriend yet but I'm already seeing improvements in my interactions with them.

 

I no longer talk about my career when talking with girls, mainly because I truly no longer give a ****. I talk about things I'm genuinely excited about like my dancing and what songs I'm learning to play. Sometimes I just make small talk and tell jokes. Some women have expressed surprise that I have such a successful career because I never bring it up. They literally have to pry it outof me. I'm also in better shape and I'm dressing better, standing up straighter and this has given me the confidence to smile more to women. I'm getting much more positive responses. I notice when I go to a bar or coffee shop, women look at me more. When I go to a social dance event, sometimes pretty girls will ask me to dance.

 

I feel like I'm on the right track and I still have some things to improve on but I feel like it's just a matter of time.

 

If I knew this **** earlier, I would have NEVER spent my 20's working so hard. I would have just taken it easy, did the 9 to 5, and do enough not to get fired and then devote my energies towards pursuing my interests and passions.

 

But sad that I had to learn the hard way. I'm also in a bit of dilemma now because I actually DO need to take my career more seriously. For practical reasons such as fulfilling my professional obligations. But I've just lost the passion. I spent a decade working hard and thinking other people value it and all I saw were women dating these dead beat losers. Now that I have things outside of work I enjoy doing, work is like secondary to me. I have started reading books on things related to my field to re-ignite my interest and find new exciting developments.

[PRW]

I was lucky enough to find out early on in my life what career I wanted to pursue. In my 20's, I became super career-focused. Yes the money was good but I genuinely liked the work. I would spend extra hours at work in order to get more recognition, responsibility and promotions. I thought women would see that and appreciate a guy with drive and ambition and who also has a solid financial foundation.

No, they saw a guy who can't prioritize.

 

It was the non-ambitious guys who were getting all the women. Not cause they were better looking, better people, but it came down to one thing: they had the TIME.

You are also saying that guys who don't do what you did aren't ambitious and are not as good as you. Sounds arrogant, self-absorbed.

 

They spent all their time figuring out ways to get women. When that becomes your full-time job, figuring out how to socialize and meet lots of people and meet women, you're gonna get success.

Which didn't do them any good in the end.

Some of these guys actually snagged some good quality girls. But over time, these girls became dissatisfied with their lack of ambition and goals in life and they broke up

So it didn't do them any good.

 

but this was years later after he already got what he wanted out of her which was mainly sex and companionship.

...and divorces, alimony, child support, and all the great fun stuff that goes along with that.

 

And here I was, trying to be a responsible adult and thinking women still appreciated hardworking, ambitious guys. I got sick and tired of seeing guys who were lesser than me get with all these women.

Again, the guys who didn't do it your way are "lesser people". Sounds arrogant, self-absorbed.

 

And now, I have a real problem because in order to maintain my career, I need to work hard when I no longer want to. I do the bare minimum in order to NOT get fired. But at some point, this isn't gonna work. I need to re-engage my passion for work in order to keep my career going.

Your problem is that you can only see "extremes", you don't seem capable of "balance". It seems you only view two options,...marry the job, or be a dead beat.

 

But other aspects of my life are great. I don't have a girlfriend yet but I'm already seeing improvements in my interactions with them.

Girlfriend? Only a girlfriend?? What happened to all that ambition? Why are you aiming so low?

 

If I knew this **** earlier, I would have NEVER spent my 20's working so hard. I would have just taken it easy, did the 9 to 5, and do enough not to get fired and then devote my energies towards pursuing my interests and passions.

...and end up one of those who lost everything in the end. Again you seem to only be able to comprehend extremes,...no thought of balance.

 

I've just lost the passion. I spent a decade working hard and thinking other people value it and all I saw were women dating these dead beat losers.

Judgemental. Anyone who doesn't do as much as you is a deadbeat.

 

Now that I have things outside of work I enjoy doing, work is like secondary to me.

Again, extremes,...no sense of balance.

[basil67]

Ethan, can I offer my hubby as an example of what PRW is talking about? Highly successful in his career but with a good work/life balance. He does 10 hour days, but doesn't work weekends or travel. He starts early so that he can be home with the family for the evening. Much better option than either of the scenarios you suggested.

[Gretchen12]

These are things you can share with your friends or relatives. You typed it out to strangers on LS. But I'm interested to know how many friends have you shared this with in real life? And what did they say? After you told them, did you feel more urge to write the same thing on LS? Did you change some ideas based on what they said? You see, those are the people who know you. Or did you not feel comfortable opening up to your friends?

[guest569]

Why can't you do 9-5 and work hard and do a good job? PRW is spot on about extremes and your superiority.

[sabaton]

I would spend extra hours at work in order to get more recognition, responsibility and promotions. I thought women would see that and appreciate a guy with drive and ambition and who also has a solid financial foundation.

 

 

Marriage-minded women will appreciate your drive and ambition and your financial stability.

 

 

You know what I found? It was the non-ambitious guys who were getting all the women. Not cause they were better looking, better people, but it came down to one thing: they had the TIME.

 

 

That is one thing that guys don't seem to realize. That it's all about location, having the free time, and the personality and desire to meet lots of girls. It takes time to meet girls.

 

 

it takes time to talk to them. It takes effort to build chemistry, and to flirt, to lead the conversation and turn it sexual. You gotta be careful and mindful of not going at it too soon, because that will creep her out, and not too late, because that will make her feel that you aren't interested in her.

 

 

The more girls you are talking to, the higher your chances are of getting sex/a relationship, and attractive women expect you to pay them as much attention as they want.. and they want a lot of that.

 

 

There were days when I'd spend the day talking to four or five girls in the same day at the same time. It got to the point where I was afraid I'd make a mistake and call this girl the name of another girl, which is why I just adress them by a name lol.

 

 

These guys who were wandering around at a loss in their careers/education either because they didn't have the determination to see anything through.

 

 

Exactly. The reason why I chose History as my undergraduate degree was because there were a LOT of girls studying that, and because it was a 90% female college and 10% male, the competition wasn't all there to begin with, and with most women being attractive, it didn't matter if one girl wasn't into me because the next girl was going to be.

 

 

I'm 29 years old. I live with roomates. I still work jobs that aren't going anywhere and I couldn't be happier.

 

 

 

 

They didn't have full-time jobs and they worked odd jobs to barely make a living.

 

 

I still do that. I don't hold on to a job for long, as I get bored easily, and all of the jobs I work are very low responsability, which allow me to be stree-free, and cool and funny, and relaxed to the point where talking to the women I meet through my job is fun and enjoyable.

 

 

 

They spent all their time figuring out ways to get women.

 

 

Yes. From getting to know women through female friends(I used to befriend the girls I wasn't attracted to, and I'd meet girls that I was attracted to via my female friends and because I was already ''vetted'' and certified as a safe male to be around with, alone, it wasn't all that hard to talk to attractive girls and to build chemistry with them).

 

 

Nightclubs, bars, bookstores, even talking to girls online on gaming plataforms like I still do and over time charming them enough for pictures to be traded, and if they really like you, they'll travel to your Country and spend time with you.

 

 

 

When that becomes your full-time job, figuring out how to socialize and meet lots of people and meet women, you're gonna get success.

 

 

We all have our priorities. Some men want money, want the pleasure of working a job that htey love, and they want the social status that comes with it. Other men just want to have fun.

 

 

Some of these guys actually snagged some good quality girls. But over time, these girls became dissatisfied with their lack of ambition and goals in life and they broke up,

 

 

Every girl I dated or hooked up with ended becoming tired of my lack of ambition in life, how I have no interest in having children or in getting married, and because of that they ended up dating me. That's why I've always leaned over to dating young women.

 

 

 

They're in the sexual exploratory stage of their lives, they just want a fun guy to meet and to spend time with, to share some fun and enjoyable moments with, and they aren't pushing you to ''where are we going with this,'' and ''do you want to get married one day?'' like women my own age and older turn out to be, even in the early stages of dating.

 

 

The younger I date, the longer the relationship lasts. The closer the woman is to my age, the shorter the relationship becomes.

 

 

 

 

 

but this was years later after he already got what he wanted out of her which was mainly sex and companionship.

 

And here I was, trying to be a responsible adult and thinking women still appreciated hardworking, ambitious guys.

 

 

They do. It's just that they also want the guy to be physically attractive FOR them.

 

 

 

 

 

I got sick and tired of seeing guys who were lesser than me get with all these women. I began seriously questioning myself and how I should prioritize my time.

 

 

Those men aren't lesser than you. Money and social status do not make you a better men than the rest of the guys. And those men got the women you wanted, that means that they are better than you, dont' ya think?

 

 

 

I'm glad you are starting to enjoy your life and that you aren't working so hard, you remind me too much of my dad, to be honest.

 

 

 

He also believes a man's value and worth comes from his job and that a man should work until his bones turn to dust.

 

 

He also bores me to death with conversations about philosophy, maths, engineering, and all of that nonsense.

 

 

 

Meanwhile, I believe men should party hard and just see life as an never-ending opportunity to pursue and feel pleasure.

[Morello]

OP, it has been very unsettling to see you posting a variety of threads in this forum to potentially explain why you don't get the women you want.

 

All these threads are about how external circumstances don't help you and nothing about your responsibility in not getting what you want, or how you could improve yourself, your game, etc.

 

While you stay in this victim mindset, you will continue to fail to date good women because they can sniff your insecurity and bitterness from very far.

 

I suggest you spend less time in this forum and go out there to do something about it instead of playing the victim here on a 24/7 basis.

[sabaton]

which is why I just adress them by a name lol.

 

 

I adress them by generic pet names*

 

 

OP, it has been very unsettling to see you posting a variety of threads in this forum to potentially explain why you don't get the women you want.

 

 

He doesn't respond to people who comment on his threads. He just uses the forum as his online jornal to rationalize why the hot girls he wants don't want him, ''Asian girls only want white men,'' ''I'm unattractive to white women because I'm short and Asian,'' ''I'm better than all of these 6 feet tall, broad-shouldered handsome white men with a six-pack like Captain America because these guys work low income jobs and I make a lot of money'' <-- that's how he honestly sounds like even if he doesn't say the last part.