Was dating just easier in the olden days?

[sabaton]

Maybe I'm just being biased, but I really feel that dating must have been easier in the earlier days. Though we understand now that not everything is black and white, back in the day when it WAS black and white, dating must have been much easier.

 

Gender roles were pretty standard, so you knew what to expect. Norms were also more solid, so we knew how to behave or react. Even if romance wasn't involved, people were always paired because that's how life was. You were paired with the best suitor, or someone your family finds appropriate, or if you got knocked up, you got married.

 

I'm not saying these things are good or in anyway better than all the possibilities we have today, but I feel that so many of us are alone so much of the time because there's no shape or form to dating anymore.

 

We are a mishmash of ages, ethnicities, genders, cultures, languages, appearances, social classes, sexualities, etc. I mean... it's a whole ocean of mixed up stuff out there! At least back in black/white times when everything was neatly stacked on the shelves, people were less likely to end up alone. They would just pick off the shelf what they found appropriate.

 

Now it's a GoodWill pile on a black Friday!

 

 

Back in the day when women weren't allowed to have jobs/ their own property, their own houses, and they couldn't have casual sex or sex outside of marriage?

 

back in the day there were lots of deeply unhappy people with their husbands and wives, lots of dead bedrooms and lots of people who were mistmached in looks, but hey the dude had money and that's better than starving in the streets.

 

 

That post kinda sounds like a call to return to arranged marriages .Yeah, I think I'l pass on that

 

 

In some places of the world, they are still traded like goats.

 

 

In some places of the world? in most Countries outside of the western world.

Edited October 26, 2018 by sabaton

[Logo]

Social media and OLD have given billions of people worldwide the illusion that there is an infinite number of options out there. So they keep looking.

 

 

Before social media and OLD people had better social skills, too.

 

 

And sometimes opposites attract, but few wait long enough to find out if the other person might be a good match for them.

[Logo]

 

In some places of the world? in most Countries outside of the western world.

 

 

That's a common misconception. In fact, there are societies in Africa and Asia that are outright matriarchal, as opposed to the patriarchal "western world" where some women still don't have equal pay and either abide by or prefer traditional gender roles.

 

 

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/long_reads/international-womens-day-matriarchy-matriarchal-society-women-feminism-culture-matrilineal-elephant-a8243046.html

Edited October 27, 2018 by Logo

[sabaton]

That's a common misconception. In fact, there are societies in Africa and Asia that are outright matriarchal, as opposed to the patriarchal "western world" where some women still don't have equal pay and either abide by or prefer traditional gender roles.

 

 

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/long_reads/international-womens-day-matriarchy-matriarchal-society-women-feminism-culture-matrilineal-elephant-a8243046.html

 

 

I've never met a Muslim woman who talks favourably about the culture she's living in. The only people who talk about how Muslim women have it good tend to be Muslim men.

[Logo]

I've never met a Muslim woman who talks favourably about the culture she's living in. The only people who talk about how Muslim women have it good tend to be Muslim men.

 

 

I don't see what that has to do with the article.

 

 

 

Here are the places listed:

 

 

 

Mosuo, China

 

Minangkabau, Indonesia

 

Alapine Village, Alabama

 

Bribri, Costa Rica

 

Umoja, Kenya

[brigit87]

A phone in your room in the 80's? That's downright spoiled All my phone conversations had to happen in the dining room.

 

I had a phone in my bedroom too and my mom would pick up the phone in the other room and scream at me to get off. LOL and I'd say five minutes but never did.

[LuckyM]

The only thing good about the present is online dating--and that's not so great . It began in the 60's. Before that were correspondence ads--lonely hearts columns.

 

I am not dating but I think it is harder now for many reasons. STD's, more cynicism and suspicion of others, questioning motives, higher divorce rate, and the fact that some women have very good jobs and make as much or more than men do, and--and women do not need men for financial support. as much.In the very old days you assumed that the man was the breadwinner (and many still are of course) People, generally, seem to have a sense of entitlement to a good looking nice partner, the whole package,

 

Affluent women are not likely satisfied with a guy who isn't and wants to go to a diner for supper.

[sabaton]

The only thing good about the present is online dating--

 

 

The only good thing about the present is online dating?

 

 

No. These days there's lots of girls that are going to explore their sexuality. Sending their nudes to guys online, something that was unheard of 50 years ago for a myriad of reasons with one of the major obvious ones being the lack of technology. Sexting, which is amazing.

 

 

Back then, 30 years ago, it was unheard of girls approaching men because what would society think of them?! what a hussie. But now, if a woman is attracted to you - sufficiently attracted - she will approach you out of the blue, or she'll be a part of your social group and as she gets to know you and realizes that you're a cool guy: she either hooks-up with you or she asks you out on a date.

 

 

Guys don't have to pay for dates anymore. Those who pay are the men who haven't figured out that women don't need a man's money anymore and what they want is a guy who can make them laugh, knows how to make them orgasm, and has the social skills to motivate the girl to get naked with him, which is easy enough if you go at it(interacting with the opposite sex) frequently.

 

 

You don't have to get married to have sex anymore. My mother was divorced when she met my father, and my father's mother would insult her and try to make my father dump my mother, claiming that my mother wasn't a virgin, that she was damaged goods and that dad deserved a virgin because he was such an eligible bachelor

 

 

Nowadays every guy is waxed or shaved from the neck down and that's amazing. There's nothing more pleasurable than the soft skin of a young woman, and they're all walking around in booty shorts, thongs, short summer dresses, and even in these non-nude beaches it's not rare for absolutely stunning girls to walk by not even a meter away from me wearing nothing but a g-string and topless. It's incredible.

 

 

Girls are so flirty and because of the hot sun that is always above this eternally blue sky, girls have higher than average sex drives, it also helps that they are ethnically middle-eastern/born in Europe/ Ethnic Southern Europeans and Greeks, and these girls have the sex drive of the averagely healthy young man.

 

 

Girls are also self-image aware and self-conscious, which means they aren't going to consume fast food, and I even had an ex-girlfriend who at the height of 5'6'' and 115lbs was bragging to me(while we were datin) that she had lost 5lbs and gone down to 110lbs.

 

 

 

and that's not so great . It began in the 60's. Before that were correspondence ads--lonely hearts columns.

 

 

hahaha. nah, I'm good, thanks. The internet and the modern days and the way dating is these days is ideal for young people. Years back I met one of my ex-girlfriends on a 30 seconds to Mars forum. There was this section on the forum for people to post their selfies. I got there and I start scrolling the pictures of the girls.

 

 

I like what I see, I direct message her, we start chatting with each other, over time we figured out that we we're both from the same city, we we're even from the same resident building but because I worked nights and she was working during the day, we had never really came across each other.

 

 

The internet is way better than any lonely hearts column could ever be, for men and for women.

 

 

I am not dating but I think it is harder now for many reasons. STD's, more cynicism

 

 

STDS have always existed lol. Syphillis, gonhorreia, aids. HPV and HSV1 and HSV2 are child's play compared to these venereal diseases that brought down civilizations.

 

 

 

 

 

and suspicion of others, questioning motives, higher divorce rate

 

 

Yeah, about that. The only reason the divorce rate is high compared to how it was decades and decades ago is because 30+ years ago, there was a huge stigma regarding divorce.

 

 

Women were forced to get married to men they weren't attracted to(still happens in most of the Countries outside of the western sphere) women weren't allowed to have their jobs, they were socially obliged to have children, and god forbid women were attracted to other women.

 

 

 

 

 

 

, and the fact that some women have very good jobs and make as much or more than men do, and--and women do not need men for financial support.

 

 

What??? Are you really saying that it's a bad thing that women have their own jobs and that they no longer need men anymore for financial support?? Do men want to be used as walking ATM machines like men were used 50 years ago?? Do you think women enjoy being used as sex dolls and incubator machines like they were used as 50 years ago when women had no choice in their husbands??

 

 

My grandmother was beaten up everyday by her mother because there were rich men who wanted to marry her, but she went ahead and married my grandfather who was just a construction worker and never made much money in his life.

 

 

My mother had her pick of rich men, and she chose my father to marry despite the fact that he was a mechanic's apprentice when she met him(and it was she who approached my dad )

 

 

Sexual attraction, chemistry, and emotional compatability are the most important parameters women base themselves on when they're picking a lifelong mate, and that's how it should be. Why on heaven would I want a woman to pick me because I have a good job?(I don't. I work menial minimum wage jobs)

 

 

 

as much.In the very old days you assumed that the man was the breadwinner (and many still are of course) People, generally, seem to have a sense of entitlement to a good looking nice partner, the whole package,

 

 

In the old days there marital rape was considered to be a man's right to have sex whenever he wanted(if you call pumping away for a few minutes to be sex), there were incredibly high numbers of people unhappy with their marriages, domestic violence, alcoholism and depression.

 

 

LOOL, people seem to have a sense of entitlement to a good-looking, nice partner? No, bro, what people want is physically healthy partners, that is to say, people who don't let themselves become overweight nor obese. Women aren't demanding a 25 year old Ryan Gosling with a 8 inch long penis and 5 million dollars in the bank.

 

 

Not even the hot girls are doing this let alone the rest of the women.

 

 

Affluent women are not likely satisfied with a guy who isn't and wants to go to a diner for supper.

 

 

Then don't date aflluent women. Date those 19 year old women who work at Forever 21 clothes stores. They don't care that you don't make much money, all that matters to them is that they like to look at you, and that you can make them laugh

[basil67]

Dating was difficult for some back in history too. From 1979 - Lonesome Loser. Absolute classic song.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tf-AmedKfRc

[alphamale]

The only good thing about the present is online dating?

<snip>

 

dude, you have way too much time on your hands

Edited October 31, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Truncate quote

[sabaton]

dude, you have way too much time on your hands

 

 

Nah. I'm just a fast typer.

 

 

 

When you reach your early 20s and hook-up apps like snapchat and tinder come into existence, you find yourself chatting with a lot of girls at the same time, which results in your hands and fingers becoming heavyweight champions of sexting.

[WomenWubber]

Welp people didn't really date that much back in the day afaik.

[sabaton]

Welp people didn't really date that much back in the day afaik.

 

 

They would pretty much go out on a couple of dates with one of the very few eligible people around them, get married and then hope for the best. Because the divorce rate was much lower back then(because divorce was either illegal or it carried a huge stigma with it) women would stay married to a man they weren't sexually attracted, or didn't have romantic feelings for.

 

 

Yeah, dating 30, 40, 50+ years ago in the western nations(Much, much worse in the world outside of Europe and NA) sounds lovely

[preraph]

Having to do your dating in real life instead of on paper can make you see that certain combinations you would never have considered before might work.

 

I have a friend who has been married 20 or 25 years now. She was an independent person out on her own all those years. She somehow connected with her husband who she had vaguely known some years before.

 

If she had read his profile of how he was going to be in a relationship, she would never have chosen him. The reality is he is involved in every facet of her life and runs everything and takes care of everything. She told me after they've been married a few years she would never have thought she would be able to stand that, but that his actions are not out of malice or suspicion but just pure caring and being that type of person. And once she got used to it, she loves it. What is missing in online dating is that intangible connection that is worth building on even if everything doesn't line up perfectly on paper.

[elaine567]

...women would stay married to a man they weren't sexually attracted, or didn't have romantic feelings for.

...and that of course never happens today.

[sabaton]

...and that of course never happens today.

 

In the western world? In the Middle-East divorce is either impossible for a woman to get, or extremely hard, and even when she gets it, the social stigma she'll carry with her means that she probably won't find another man to marry her.

 

But these days? In Europe, Canada, Australia, The US? women staying married or in relationships with men they don't want?

 

In mass?

 

What's the point of a woman staying with a man that she doesn't want to have sex with, or a man she isn't in love with, when divorce is always a possiblity for her to take advantage of, to leave her subpar partner?

 

In the Country I'm living in, the divorce rate for first marriages is at 70%, 80% divorce rate for 2nd marriages, and 90% for third marriages, with the divorce happening some 4 to 7 years after the wedding.

 

I read this on the most reputed national newspaper they have. I didn't check on their version of the national center of statistics, but I reckon they took their data from there. So I'd say that these days women have finally achieved the liberty and freedom everyone deserves.

 

There are women who sadly are stuck in loveless, sexless marriages and can't leave them. because they are financially dependent on the guy, or they're religious. But the majority of women can leave their failed marriages in relative ease.

 

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/668363-he-disgusts-me

 

 

Look at that example. That lady is in an extremely unhappy marriage that she won't leave because of her religion. Religion these days in all it's forms, shapes and different names are nothing but chains that exist to control and rule over women and to dominate women's sexuality. The sooner we do away with Christianism, Judaism and Islam the quicker we can achieve true equality between the sexes.

 

 

 

 

But dating and marriage in the good old days was amazing right

Edited October 31, 2018 by sabaton

[Lokin4AReason]

i would say it was a bit personal back than ( as in interacting with one another )

 

i have been trying these dating site(s), its just they feel comfortable in just texting. not wanting to meet up for a coffee or having lunch or does nt fit their schedule

 

just feel a lot bit impersonal with technology nowadays

[sabaton]

i would say it was a bit personal back than ( as in interacting with one another )

 

i have been trying these dating site(s), its just they feel comfortable in just texting. not wanting to meet up for a coffee or having lunch or does nt fit their schedule

 

just feel a lot bit impersonal with technology nowadays

 

 

I actually prefer dating with technology to dating without technology. Meeting girls online, talking for a bit, trading pictures and if we both like what we see, I arrange for them to come to this coffee shop that is not even 5 seconds away from my house by walking.

 

 

 

No pressure, no expectations, and if things turn out well we see each other again. If not, all that I spent was 50 cents on my coffee, and I didn't have to deal with traffic to get home.

[elaine567]

There are women who sadly are stuck in loveless, sexless marriages and can't leave them. because they are financially dependent on the guy, or they're religious. But the majority of women can leave their failed marriages in relative ease.

 

 

There are many reasons women stay, financial security and religion are common reasons but women also stay for "love", they stay as they are afraid of the unknown, they stay as they love being married and all the status that brings, they stay in the hope it will all get better, they stay as they hope the lovely man they thought they married will return one day, they stay as they do not want to admit failure, they stay with abusive men due to fear for their lives.. etc. etc but I guess a big reason is that many stay for the sake of their kids.

[sabaton]

There are many reasons women stay, financial security and religion are common reasons but women also stay for "love",

If they ain't getting what they want from their marriage - they stay in it because they can't get out. Love is useless if there's nothing in it for the person who ain't getting his or hers need fulfilled.

 

they stay as they are afraid of the unknown,

They stay because they are afraid they aren't as attractive as they once were. They stay because they have low self-esteem and believe no other man would want them. They stay becausethey're afraid of what their family will think of them.

 

they stay as they love being married and all the status that brings,

What status does marriage bring to women who aren't married to rich atheletes, movie stars, and male models? Love being married?

 

How and why do they love being married if they aren't satisfied sexually or emotionally with the man they got married to in the first place? Marriage benefits men far more than it does women.

 

It's always been like this. That's why men actually have to get down on their knee and propose, and they have to buy a ring that is worth tens of thousands.

 

And then he has to provide the woman with children, and pay 18 years of child-support at the very minimum. There was a soccer player in this Country who was married to a singer and actress who made more money in a month than most people together make in a year, and he still had to pay over 20.000 euros a month. Plus the cars he had to give, and the houses and mansions.

 

It's men who have to pay a dowry and provide a house for the wife-to be, and support her, in most of the cultures outside of the western world. It's men who have to impress the girl's father so that he can buy her.

 

they stay as they do not want to admit failure, they stay with abusive men due to fear for their lives.. etc. etc but I guess a big reason is that many stay for the sake of their kids.

Yeah, and it doesn't help that lifelong monogamy to one single partner is not all that natural to begin with, but people still insist on trying to make it work. And that's why the divorce rate is so high, with many of the people who aren't getting a divorce not getting it for a myriad of reasons.

 

People who get married or co-habitate with their partner truly are corageous and I admire them for all of it

[brigit87]

It's always been like this. That's why men actually have to get down on their knee and propose, and they have to buy a ring that is worth tens of thousands.

 

And then he has to provide the woman with children, and pay 18 years of child-support at the very minimum. There was a soccer player in this Country who was married to a singer and actress who made more money in a month than most people together make in a year, and he still had to pay over 20.000 euros a month. Plus the cars he had to give, and the houses and mansions.

 

It's men who have to pay a dowry and provide a house for the wife-to be, and support her, in most of the cultures outside of the western world. It's men who have to impress the girl's father so that he can buy her.

 

 

Marriage is great for women. If you marry a great man.

 

Being single sounds lonely and online dating seems horrible. I think marriage (forever marriage) is going to come back in style.

[thefooloftheyear]

They would pretty much go out on a couple of dates with one of the very few eligible people around them, get married and then hope for the best. Because the divorce rate was much lower back then(because divorce was either illegal or it carried a huge stigma with it) women would stay married to a man they weren't sexually attracted, or didn't have romantic feelings for.

 

 

Yeah, dating 30, 40, 50+ years ago in the western nations(Much, much worse in the world outside of Europe and NA) sounds lovely

 

 

Say what you will. and while I don't disagree with all of what you are saying, as someone that's been around for a while, there are a ton more miserable people now than there was then, when it comes to relations between men and women...And add to the fact that during that time, people had basically nothing, unlike now, where people are flush with all the accoutrements of life...

 

I dunno...I think people put more thought into who they settled with back then...Unlike today, where people jump around indecisively, like a little kid in a toy store.. Often back in those days, they were introduced from a family member or close friend, so there was a lot in common with family values, mores, etc...

 

There may be more options and maybe people are getting laid more now, but it's definitely NOT better now than it was then...Not that it was ever perfect..

 

TFY

[sabaton]

Marriage is great for women. If you marry a great man.

 

There are very few men with male model looks, and there's even fewer men out there in the world who are rich.

 

And the rich men usually cheat on their wives. Not that many women married to those guys mind, because of the lifestyle provided. I've worked for rich men and they're always bragging about the many 20 year old hot girls they slept with, either by visiting escorts, or by having their secretaries thinking that they're going to be wife #2 soon.

 

Bottom line is - for most women marriage is a downgrade on their quality of living by a LOT, and marriage is a massive increase in the life quality of men.

[elaine567]

What status does marriage bring to women who aren't married to rich atheletes, movie stars, and male models? Love being married?

 

 

The status of being a married woman.

 

Being seen as a old maid, a spinster, a mad cat lady, someone no man wants is not a great prospect even in 2018, so showing off that ring, living in a nice house and being seen as someone's one and only, is important, even if they have to put up with no sex and little love.

Women in that situation, tend to make a life outside the marriage, put everything into their kids, their family, their friends, their work, their pets. They volunteer, join clubs, hit the gym, get very involved in hobbies, committees and charitable causes...

OR they seek solace in alcohol, drugs, food, get depressed...

Often then too depressed, too damaged to ever leave...

[brigit87]

Bottom line is - for most women marriage is a downgrade on their quality of living by a LOT, and marriage is a massive increase in the life condition of men.

 

Marriage has worked for me. It does massively suck at times but overall it's a good lifestyle choice.