Malin889 Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 "He used to be so serious and do unexciting and routinary things with his wife." Then what made you like him if he was so boring?! Link to post Share on other sites
Author murphyross Posted October 29, 2018 Author Share Posted October 29, 2018 (edited) He and my ex were friends, that’s how we met. We used to hang out together with his ex wife. We would invite him to party with and us enjoy the night life. He loved it, his ex wife, not so much. When my ex and i broke up, me and my MM still hang out. I taught him how to party and enjoy himself. He said he likes being with me he feels younger and i make him feel good. Edited October 29, 2018 by murphyross Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 Why are you referring to her as his ex wife when she still his wife? Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 i dont want to give him up. i am still hoping that he will change his mind and divorce her and that we will get married. He doesn't want to talk about marriage! Heck - he also doesn't intend to talk about divorce to his wife. You could be in limbo for decades. Stop letting him waste your time. He will do it to you - since he did this to his wife. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 He and my ex were friends, that’s how we met. We used to hang out together with his ex wife. We would invite him to party with and us enjoy the night life. He loved it, his ex wife, not so much. When my ex and i broke up, me and my MM still hang out. I taught him how to party and enjoy himself. He said he likes being with me he feels younger and i make him feel good. How old is he and how old are you? Link to post Share on other sites
Amethyst68 Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 Do you know what a gift you've given his wife? If you live in an at fault country or state his wife had now got all the evidence she needs to take him to the cleaners. I would say you can wave goodbye to the slightest chance you had to any life you had with him once he finds out it's was thanks to you! I'm with the group that say he was always trying to get back to her though. Link to post Share on other sites
Malin889 Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 He and my ex were friends, that’s how we met. We used to hang out together with his ex wife. We would invite him to party with and us enjoy the night life. He loved it, his ex wife, not so much. When my ex and i broke up, me and my MM still hang out. I taught him how to party and enjoy himself. He said he likes being with me he feels younger and i make him feel good. Wow, so you all used to socialize together? So sad. I feel so bad for the "ex"es or whatever they are. So obviously your husband and married man are no longer friends? That's really sad. Link to post Share on other sites
Author murphyross Posted October 30, 2018 Author Share Posted October 30, 2018 Wow, so you all used to socialize together? So sad. I feel so bad for the "ex"es or whatever they are. So obviously your husband and married man are no longer friends? That's really sad. No they are not friends anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs._December Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 He clearly doesn’t know what he wants. Sure he does. He wants both. And he's going to ride this gravy train for as long the two women will let him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
overtherainbow1 Posted November 5, 2018 Share Posted November 5, 2018 Ok. I am the other woman. I have been with my married boyfriend for almost a yr now. He left his wife for me but now i found out that he is making a fake account and is trying to follow his wife in social media even after she blocked him and his family years ago. We had a huge fight about this. He tried to deny following her but i got a hold of his ipad and found the evidence. Why is he still curious with his wife? Is he not happy with me anymore? Should i not be enough for him? He didn't leave his wife though. They are still married. You are fighting reality here. He is cheating on his wife. If you two consider yourself "together" he is cheating on you too (with his wife, maybe others but who knows). He's already proven himself untrustworthy to you in so many ways but you have feelings so you look right past what you don't want to see. I wonder why they say affairs are bad, OK not really. But it's obvious that the moment you stepped into this man's life it has been turmoil. Get healthy, seriously, get yourself mentally healthy. Examine why you ever considered starting this "relationship" (and I'm using this term very loosely), and make strides forward in your life to be the person you want to be. You so clearly hate that he is not fully yours. So forget about it. Be the better person. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted November 5, 2018 Share Posted November 5, 2018 He does it because he still loves her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author murphyross Posted November 7, 2018 Author Share Posted November 7, 2018 He didn't leave his wife though. They are still married. You are fighting reality here. He is cheating on his wife. If you two consider yourself "together" he is cheating on you too (with his wife, maybe others but who knows). He's already proven himself untrustworthy to you in so many ways but you have feelings so you look right past what you don't want to see. I wonder why they say affairs are bad, OK not really. But it's obvious that the moment you stepped into this man's life it has been turmoil. Get healthy, seriously, get yourself mentally healthy. Examine why you ever considered starting this "relationship" (and I'm using this term very loosely), and make strides forward in your life to be the person you want to be. You so clearly hate that he is not fully yours. So forget about it. Be the better person. a friend of mine told me that maybe he is just with me because he wants to prove people wrong that he chose me...that he did not make a mistake of leaving his wife for me...what do you think? i think that is sick...are there really men who are like that? yes we argue but we also have happy times...i would like to think that he is with me because he would rather be with me than be with his wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Amethyst68 Posted November 7, 2018 Share Posted November 7, 2018 Yes there are men like that, men who would do anything rather than admit they were wrong but I don't think you have to worry about that here. You have to realise that, by your own admission, other than your friends no-one knows you are together so who would he be trying to prove anything to? I would still bet he is actively trying to get back with his wife. Can I ask why you've accepted your MM keeping your relationship a secret? After all if you're truly a couple it's extremely disrespectful of him. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 7, 2018 Share Posted November 7, 2018 (edited) a friend of mine told me that maybe he is just with me because he wants to prove people wrong that he chose me...that he did not make a mistake of leaving his wife for me...what do you think? i think that is sick...are there really men who are like that? yes we argue but we also have happy times...i would like to think that he is with me because he would rather be with me than be with his wife. What do I think? I think nobody can provide the reassurance that you are seeking - that this man loves you more than his wife and he will chose to be with you long-term. Which is why, I think you should move on with your life and find a nice, single guy to date. Let him go back to his wife, which is probably where he will end up anyway... Edited November 7, 2018 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
Author murphyross Posted November 7, 2018 Author Share Posted November 7, 2018 (edited) Yes there are men like that, men who would do anything rather than admit they were wrong but I don't think you have to worry about that here. You have to realise that, by your own admission, other than your friends no-one knows you are together so who would he be trying to prove anything to? I would still bet he is actively trying to get back with his wife. Can I ask why you've accepted your MM keeping your relationship a secret? After all if you're truly a couple it's extremely disrespectful of him. i was ok with it at first because my MM tried to do damage control when his wife found out and outted it to his family. we had to be discreet. it has been almost 2 years and i have grew tired of it. yes we go out with my friends who eventually became his friends but it seems that it is not enough. as much as i dont want to bothered by the OW stigma but it is something that i cannot shake off. i know that some people, even our families and friends are judging me more than him. it annoys me when people ask me when he will get a divorce. it pressures me. i remember he once told me that it was his wife who does not want to get one. i believed him then but now i am confused. now i feel that he is using it as an excuse. if i bring up my feelings to him he distances from me and then we argue. i would rather be with him in this situation than lose him. Edited November 7, 2018 by murphyross minor correction Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted November 7, 2018 Share Posted November 7, 2018 Annulment? Why would he get an annulment? An annulment takes much longer than a divorce. Proof has to be given for reasons why the marriage never existed. Abuse, no sex ever, maybe even adultry qualifies? Since he hasn't made effort to get the divorce filed - you have a lot of evidence he's not getting one - especially when he gets sullen when you bring up feelings! What's that crap? YOU'RE not alllowed to have feelings? He ignores your feelings? Those are huge red flags to add to the list of other red flags you've mentioned. My exH just sent my Mom flowers because she's sick. It's a nice gesture and he still loves her/all my family. Would his wife love his gesture? Probably not. Some men will treat you as you expect them to... you need to raise your expections and stop making excuses for his inadequate actions. If he doesn't file within a month - leave him - he's never going to get divorced. I see him as a time waster - but you've gone along with it - stop going along with his crappy behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 7, 2018 Share Posted November 7, 2018 i was ok with it at first because my MM tried to do damage control when his wife found out and outted it to his family. we had to be discreet. it has been almost 2 years and i have grew tired of it. yes we go out with my friends who eventually became his friends but it seems that it is not enough. as much as i dont want to bothered by the OW stigma but it is something that i cannot shake off. i know that some people, even our families and friends are judging me more than him. it annoys me when people ask when he will get an annulment. it pressures me. if i bring up my feelings he distances from me and then we argue. So, it would seem that you are quite dissatisfied with the situation... i would rather be with him in this situation than lose him. But not enough to end the relationship. You would rather continue and live an unsatisfied and unhappy life with him, rather than lose this man (that you don't actually have). That's very sad. How many more years are you prepared to spend in limbo - secretly dating a man who is married to another woman? What would have to happen for you to decide that you deserve more and end the relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 7, 2018 Share Posted November 7, 2018 We cannot do anything. He is apparently not getting a divorce and you are fed up being his OW, there is no magic solution here. You cannot force his hand and change him into being your perfect partner and you cannot alter the fact that to some you are just his OW and always will be in their eyes. That is the problem with affairs. MM even when they leave home may still treat you as an OW, like this man is doing here. He is still sneaking around with you. His wife was his real partner she is the legitimate one, the one he showed off to his friends and family. This man is not proud of you, he hides you away. I watched a documentary last night about big age gap couples and I was impressed by how they stuck together and how proud they were of each other, their love, their relationship and their kids (despite criticism from the naysayers). You don't have that basic level of love and respect with this man, nothing like it. Don't cross oceans for people who wouldn't cross a puddle for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author murphyross Posted November 7, 2018 Author Share Posted November 7, 2018 I just posted in social media couple pictures of our latest outing. He did not stop me from doing so. Is this progress? Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted November 7, 2018 Share Posted November 7, 2018 I just posted in social media couple pictures of our latest outing. He did not stop me from doing so. Is this progress? Progress on your part? No. Your immaturity in this matter is staggering. Why can’t you just leave the whole thing alone until you know for certain the two of you will be together? Progress on his part? Probably not. Just because he didn’t stop you doesn’t mean he’s ok with it. He’s probably just avoiding some childish tantrum from you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 7, 2018 Share Posted November 7, 2018 Progress on his part? Probably not. Just because he didn’t stop you doesn’t mean he’s ok with it. He’s probably just avoiding some childish tantrum from you. ...Or he perhaps wants to provoke a reaction from the wife. Jealousy can sometimes work wonders... Link to post Share on other sites
Starswillshine Posted November 7, 2018 Share Posted November 7, 2018 Progress on your part? No. Your immaturity in this matter is staggering. Why can’t you just leave the whole thing alone until you know for certain the two of you will be together? Progress on his part? Probably not. Just because he didn’t stop you doesn’t mean he’s ok with it. He’s probably just avoiding some childish tantrum from you. Exactly OP, what would you have done if he told you not to? Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted November 7, 2018 Share Posted November 7, 2018 I just posted in social media couple pictures of our latest outing. He did not stop me from doing so. Is this progress? Ummmm, no. It's going backwards. He is WITH his wife. Now you look crazy, deserpate and infantile. Date a single, available man. Sheez.... Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted November 7, 2018 Share Posted November 7, 2018 ...Or he perhaps wants to provoke a reaction from the wife. Jealousy can sometimes work wonders... He will likely get more sex from his wife - who uses sex to keep him coming home. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 7, 2018 Share Posted November 7, 2018 (edited) I just posted in social media couple pictures of our latest outing. He did not stop me from doing so. Is this progress? It’s more like a desperate attempt by an insecure woman to flaunt the relationship in his wife’s face such that she may become upset and end the marriage. What you fail to realize - if she hasn’t done that already, it is an unlikely outcome. She holds all the power here, you are probably as annoying to her as a pesky fly that won’t go away. Or, it’s a despearate attempt by an insure woman to pressure the man into filing for divorce. Again, what you fail to realize is that this kind of immature behavior is likely to anger him more than anything else, and cause him to end the relationship with you because you are too demanding and more trouble than you are worth. Edited November 7, 2018 by BaileyB 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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