Nicole85 Posted September 10, 2005 Share Posted September 10, 2005 Any thoughts would be great. I've been with my boyfriend for 8 months now & from the start he didn't seem to have any time to invest in the relationship which i guess was a warning sign, but I was patient hoping it would get better. I went on vacation & asked him to come but he couldn't as he was too busy. Now I'm back I've asked to see him & he said he wants to but he's really busy so he'll come see me when he has time. Since he hasn't seen me for 6 weeks I thought he'd have missed me as much as I missed him but it seems that as usual I'm the last thing on his list. I really want to end the relationship as I don't think it can work if he never has any time for me but I haven't been able to as I really love him. I've told him how I feel many times & he promises to make more time for me but never does. However busy I am I always make time for him as I love him so I expect him to try & do the same. Is my best option to break up with him or should I continue in the hope that things will change as I know that he really is busy with other commitments? Thanks for listening. Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted September 10, 2005 Share Posted September 10, 2005 A relationship is so much more than a factual commitment alone. It seems now, that it is the only part of the relationship you have right now. 6 weeks is extremely long (unless it is a Long Distance Relationship, but then that it is because of geographical considerations, and not because of time constraints). Look at his actions, and not just his words. If he has promised to make time for you, time and again, but he does not, it simply means that you are not worth it in his mind. If a man loves a woman, he is able to move mountains to make things happen. Things will not get better by themselves though. As long as he will feel that you will put up with it, he has no real motivation to change his behavior. So you will have to play a hard game, and make him chose between continuing his ways, which should result in a break up or improving his ways for you. So that you would be in a real relationship, in which you would see each other, spend time together, and get to know each other better. One option is giving him a very strict ultimatum. Which you would need to follow through, if he does not improve things. And that is, if you could bear the idea of giving an ultimatum. Otherwise, I don't see a point in continuing the relationship, as it barely qualifies as one. How can you love him? You barely spend time together. I think you have fallen in love with the image he has portrayed to you in the earlier months of the relationship (if you don't know him longer). Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted September 10, 2005 Share Posted September 10, 2005 I really want to end the relationship as I don't think it can work if he never has any time for me I believe he's already ended it NICOLE85.... Link to post Share on other sites
kscholze Posted September 10, 2005 Share Posted September 10, 2005 I had a similar thing with my GF. I wouldn't make time for her. We never went a couple days without seeing eachother but sometimes I was "to busy" to do things with er. She left me and For about a week I was ok and then I realised that I really loved her and I changed and then I did anything for her We broke up about two months later for other reasons. only 8 months though, I would let him know whats on your mind or get out of there before it gets harder Link to post Share on other sites
nosybear819 Posted September 10, 2005 Share Posted September 10, 2005 Nicole! Girl you have a relationship with a man who obviously has no time for you and seemingly isn't trying to make/find any. Break up with him!!! It's not like he'll notice I mean you have gone without seeing him for 6 weeks before right? Same thing I think. How does this relationship work exactly you 2 hang out and then he kisses you and says "okay hunny! see you in another 4 weeks!" Bad, bad man. I know men who are busy but you need to tell him straight up - if you didn't have time 4 a relationship you shouldn't have commited to one - and the call him a mean name or something. I know a guy who is busy, really busy and isn't my boyfriend but the longest I've gone without seeing him is 2 wks I think you need to keep on moving girl...unless you enjoy that feeling of wondering when your next date will be. I don't know about you but I thought women hated that. Link to post Share on other sites
Jtizzle Posted September 11, 2005 Share Posted September 11, 2005 If a man loves a woman, he is able to move mountains to make things happen. How can you love him? You barely spend time together. I think you have fallen in love with the image he has portrayed to you in the earlier months of the relationship (if you don't know him longer). *bravo bravo bravo* yes indeed arthez i agree.. Nicole hunny u need a man that will make promised and actually KEEP them..they dont say that actions speak louder than words for nothing, its absolutely true darling..I was just in a relationship (LDR) where my bf didnt make time for me. I be damned if i will waste time with someone who cant even do the minimum and give me a two minute call to check up on me. Ldr's are relationships where you "HAVE" to make time for someone in order to grow together. and if yall two are able to see each other and he cant make time then you gotta get strong and leave. a relationship is a 50/50 thing..U shouldnt be doing all the work and begging him to spend time with you, he should want to NATURALLY..and if not then you should leave and find someone who will do what he doesnt do. they always say what you dont do, someone else will..and thats true.. and its also to be ALONE, than to be in a relationship and feel "ALONE". all in all, you should give him a ultimatum of either makin time for you or your gone..simple as that..hope your pickin up what im puttin down ma Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nicole85 Posted September 11, 2005 Author Share Posted September 11, 2005 Thanks for all the replies they're exactly what I was thinking too. But I forgot to mention that the reason I haven't seen him for 6 weeks is that I went on vacation for 5 weeks & only got back a week ago. I was surprised that he didn't set some time aside to see me now that I'm back beacuse it's been so long since we've seen each other. Since I got back he's been too busy to see me but so I didn't contact him & he contacted me saying he wants to see me, he just has to sort out some stuff first. Also in the past although he hasn't had much time for me he's given me honest reasons & we'd still see each other a couple of times a week. Its just now that I'm back he can't see me. I've tried breaking it off & even ignored him a few times before but he always begs for another chance telling me how much he loves me & that he wants to see me just stuff always seems to come up & its 'out of his hands.' Sorry for not being clear enough before. Link to post Share on other sites
nosybear819 Posted September 11, 2005 Share Posted September 11, 2005 Stil doesn't sound like a winner to me - he must be a real charmer Sounds like you're gonna try and stick around good luck I hope things work out for you 2. Link to post Share on other sites
lost_in_chgo Posted September 11, 2005 Share Posted September 11, 2005 Sounds more like he has a family than he's just busy. What's he busy with? His business? Saving lives? Spending time with his wife? No contact after 6 weeks??? He's seeing someone else or is just too much of a wimp to tell you to your face that he's breaking up with you. What you need to do is dump the loser and date a nice older man. Link to post Share on other sites
aviva_dawn Posted September 12, 2005 Share Posted September 12, 2005 Any thoughts would be great. I've been with my boyfriend for 8 months now & from the start he didn't seem to have any time to invest in the relationship which i guess was a warning sign, but I was patient hoping it would get better. I went on vacation & asked him to come but he couldn't as he was too busy. Now I'm back I've asked to see him & he said he wants to but he's really busy so he'll come see me when he has time. Since he hasn't seen me for 6 weeks I thought he'd have missed me as much as I missed him but it seems that as usual I'm the last thing on his list. I really want to end the relationship as I don't think it can work if he never has any time for me but I haven't been able to as I really love him. I've told him how I feel many times & he promises to make more time for me but never does. However busy I am I always make time for him as I love him so I expect him to try & do the same. Is my best option to break up with him or should I continue in the hope that things will change as I know that he really is busy with other commitments? Thanks for listening. This sounds like my relationship....I rarely see my boyfriend. after his 18 hour days (we've been dating exclusively for seven months.) at work and preparing for the next day of work, I see him about once every three weeks. I also put in 18 hour days now in between college classes, my job and studying. We are both extremely busy, reaching our goals. He says that he is glad that I am not like other women that he has dated. They demanded that he buy them gifts all of the time, take them out to dinner all the time, call them five times a day and see each other every day and complain constantly about his goals for career and setting up the rest of his life. (They felt that he didn't make them #1 in his life.) He broke it off with them for these reasons. He cherishes me because I let him do what is necessary to make a better life for himself and the future. I don't try to change him or hold him back. He is supportive of my goals, I am supportive of his. I am sure that this is the man that I want to marry, but my Mom had a talk with him recently and she told me that our relationship was not a priority for him at this time. Am I going to dunp him? No. I'm 21 and I have plenty of time to wait for him to reach all of his goals in life. Who would I be to end a relationship with the man who I love and end the relationship in which we have the same goals, and compliment one another so well? That would be stupid. A relationship is all about compromise. He doesn't get his way all of the time, I don't get my way all of the time. Sometimes, you have to wait very patiently for what you want. Even if it's hard to be patient for him to say one way or the other where he intends our relationship to go, I'm sure that it will be worth it in the long run. Link to post Share on other sites
nosybear819 Posted September 12, 2005 Share Posted September 12, 2005 Sounds more like he has a family than he's just busy. What's he busy with? His business? Saving lives? Spending time with his wife? I thought the same thing - but I didn't want to be the bad guy and say it..I totally agree tho' Link to post Share on other sites
flowergirl Posted September 13, 2005 Share Posted September 13, 2005 Nicole, I hate to tell ya this, but your boyfriend doesn't want you, because if he did, he wouldn't be making excuses for why he can't see you. I had a boyfriend who did the same thing to me and after a while, I caught on and rolled out. Link to post Share on other sites
bluefin Posted September 13, 2005 Share Posted September 13, 2005 its no use then continuing relationship with him if he does not have time for you at all everytime you ask him out he is busy then whats the use his work is more important to him and not you Link to post Share on other sites
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted September 13, 2005 Share Posted September 13, 2005 .....the reason I haven't seen him for 6 weeks is that I went on vacation for 5 weeks & only got back a week ago. I was surprised that he didn't set some time aside to see me now that I'm back beacuse it's been so long since we've seen each other. Since I got back he's been too busy to see me You know what they say... When the cat's away, the mice will play. Sounds like he's been distracted with another kitty while you were vacationing. Link to post Share on other sites
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