Wife cheated with her boss

[Adotta]

Yeah I have always looked at people who dropped cheaters as strong. The only time I ever felt otherwise was because I felt like in a way I personally was losing something by the dissolving of that family or relationship. Sort of like "what a shame. They seemed so perfect. Maybe they should work it out so I could still see that beautiful illusion and believe love conquers all."

 

 

I don't know. Mostly I just see strength. Someone who isn't controlled by illogical emotions. Someone who isnt a puppet to someone who betrayed them. Someone who isnt naive. Someone who isnt that gambler that keeps losing , but always goes back to the table. Because you know they have to win "eventually".... RIGHT??

 

 

 

Hope is nice. But I kind of look down on those who put to much stock in hope.

 

 

 

If she jumps through fire to prove herself. Then and only then would I not look down on someone for taking back a cheater. The cheater would have to change drasticly. It wouldn't ever be the same relationship.

Edited November 17, 2018 by Adotta

[Colin Grant]

I’ve never heard anyone say that.

 

Neither have I. Sounds made up

[DKT3]

You look at divorced people as non losers? Most people don’t. In fact many single women consider divorced men with children as losers.

 

There is also no guarantee this won’t happen in the next marriage.

 

This is absolutely false. When I got divorced a lot of women that knew me and my wife expressed interest in me. Also, I got hit on alot when I was with my children. When I said I'm divorced and trying to spend as much time with them as i can i would get the CDC standard awww that sweet.

 

I honestly believe it's the opposite, women fear men who wont be good with kids, so when they already see you are i believe it increases their interest.

[SummerDreams]

I honestly believe it's the opposite, women fear men who wont be good with kids, so when they already see you are i believe it increases their interest.

 

 

Well this can be seen both ways depending on the angle you look at it. A woman can say "he will be a good husband because a woman once chose him and that's a good thing" OR "he must be a bad husband because a woman who once chose him didn't find him good enough through the marriage to keep him despite having kids with him".

[elaine567]

Single people often want to stay away from divorced men with kids as the "ex" and the ex's family are permanent features. Many woman do not want a ready made family and some do not want to bring up some other woman's kids either, and if they want to have their own kids they do not want them to be seen as second best to the first born...

Add in the financial pressures of being the second marriage with alimony and child support payments and all the fighting that often goes with divorces, then many say no thank you...

 

 

...then there is the emotional baggage and yes the awkward questions about why he got divorced in the first place...

[sabaton]

This is absolutely false. When I got divorced a lot of women that knew me and my wife expressed interest in me. Also, I got hit on alot when I was with my children. When I said I'm divorced and trying to spend as much time with them as i can i would get the CDC standard awww that sweet.

 

I honestly believe it's the opposite, women fear men who wont be good with kids, so when they already see you are i believe it increases their interest.

 

 

That's because you're physically hot, not because you are good with kids. If Brad Pitt wasn't a father and got divorced you think he'd have trouble finding women?

[ChrisH81]

The creep has send her a very "official" letter asking her to prevent contacting him and his family under any circumferences as he needs to concentrate on his family in thee difficult situation.

 

Impressive.

[bathtub-row]

The creep has send her a very "official" letter asking her to prevent contacting him and his family under any circumferences as he needs to concentrate on his family in thee difficult situation.

 

Impressive.

 

Uh oh. Does that mean his wife knows about the affair? I wonder if that’s just a legal mumbo jumbo letter to appease his wife, or if your wife has been contacting him. So, what was your wife’s reaction? Did that send her into a newly formed puddle of mess?

[ChrisH81]

Uh oh. Does that mean his wife knows about the affair? I wonder if that’s just a legal mumbo jumbo letter to appease his wife, or if your wife has been contacting him. So, what was your wife’s reaction? Did that send her into a newly formed puddle of mess?

 

Very good questions. It does read as his wife knows, and the only ex colleague of my wife who still contacts her mentioned he hasn't been seen in the office. It looks like he's trying to work on his marriage, although you are absolutely right, this may be triggered by her contact attempts. I will check but only because if she was trying to stay with him this will explain the I explainable (to me that is).

 

Send her more into a panic mode that this "reminded me", as if I'd forget otherwise.

[Marc878]

Send the copy of the letter to his wife.

[BMI03]

Very good questions. It does read as his wife knows, and the only ex colleague of my wife who still contacts her mentioned he hasn't been seen in the office. It looks like he's trying to work on his marriage, although you are absolutely right, this may be triggered by her contact attempts. I will check but only because if she was trying to stay with him this will explain the I explainable (to me that is).

 

Send her more into a panic mode that this "reminded me", as if I'd forget otherwise.

 

Be cautious and consider that a letter like this can also be a bold move to make you think his wife knows and to keep your distance. If he was concerned that you were going to tell on him, and he is a half smart dude, a letter like this would be a great way to get you to back down without knowing it.

 

Not saying that’s the case, but consider it.

[Adotta]

Was responding to a post that got deleted the second I posted it seems....

 

 

 

So nothing to see here.

 

 

Sending good vibes for op.

Edited November 19, 2018 by Adotta

[BetrayedDad]

I was married 18 years and divorced after discovering my wife (now ex) had been cheating on me the last 4 years of our marriage.

 

I told her AP's wife because it was the right thing to do. I was told by members here that my ex would still contact her AP and they were right. I believe your wife's AP sent you the letter either because your wife has been reaching out to him (very likely) and/or to prevent his own wife from finding out...or finding out more details.

 

I have 2 kids and was devoted to my ex. Finding out about her affair was devastating. My divorce was finalized just over 1 year ago. The emotional trauma has lessened a lot and my day to day stress has reduced significantly. Best of all, my kids have adjusted extremely well and are doing great.

 

You will get through this and life will get better. For what it's worth, I think you made the right decision. Best of luck to you!

[ChrisH81]

I was married 18 years and divorced after discovering my wife (now ex) had been cheating on me the last 4 years of our marriage.

 

I told her AP's wife because it was the right thing to do. I was told by members here that my ex would still contact her AP and they were right. I believe your wife's AP sent you the letter either because your wife has been reaching out to him (very likely) and/or to prevent his own wife from finding out...or finding out more details.

 

I have 2 kids and was devoted to my ex. Finding out about her affair was devastating. My divorce was finalized just over 1 year ago. The emotional trauma has lessened a lot and my day to day stress has reduced significantly. Best of all, my kids have adjusted extremely well and are doing great.

 

You will get through this and life will get better. For what it's worth, I think you made the right decision. Best of luck to you!

 

Thanks man. I have some information on why that letter was sent (not because she was reaching out to him), but that does not make your post wrong. Thank you.

[S2B]

Can you share the new info about why the letter was sent?

[Beachguy]

I'm sorry this must stink

[ChrisH81]

Can you share the new info about why the letter was sent?

 

Nothing exciting about this. All rumours, but that only person who maintains contact with my so called wife told her how it came about. Apiatently his wife was suspicious and whenit all happened she somehow got informed. To the prick came back crawling and they cut all activities to work on their marriage. That letter was very legal like (written by a lawyer no ****) and I understand it is what's called "no contact letter" from some marriage recovery to do list.

 

Since I confronted her to this day there were no messages or calls from her to him (unless she used payphone or something) and 2 calls and one message from him to her, not answered.

 

I tried to meet him face to face, no luck.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Chris, any updates?

[ChrisH81]

Not even sure where to begin. I'm sick and tired from trying to get to the bottom of things and when I think I got there it just doesn't make any ****ing sense.

 

That is probably why I'm not "getting" what you are trying to tell me.

 

Because it doesn't make sense.

[Just a Guy]

Wow! Sorry to hear that. Hope you get some peace of mind and clarity about your situation soon. Wish you the very best going forward.

[ChrisH81]

Wow! Sorry to hear that. Hope you get some peace of mind and clarity about your situation soon. Wish you the very best going forward.

 

I don't think I'll get any peace of mind soon. Divorce is the right thing to do, it won't give me any piece of mind. If I stay I won't have any peace ever.

 

If we were fighting all the tine, if I was a ****ty husband I'd have no one to blame so I'd understand. If she was in crazy love with this prick, I'd be mad as hell, but at least understand.

 

Throw the whole family under the bus over an old prick she didn't have any romantic feelings? Am I so stupid I didn't see this in her all these years we were together.

[SummerDreams]

I don't think I'll get any peace of mind soon. Divorce is the right thing to do, it won't give me any piece of mind. If I stay I won't have any peace ever.

 

If we were fighting all the tine, if I was a ****ty husband I'd have no one to blame so I'd understand. If she was in crazy love with this prick, I'd be mad as hell, but at least understand.

 

Throw the whole family under the bus over an old prick she didn't have any romantic feelings? Am I so stupid I didn't see this in her all these years we were together.

 

 

I think it has to do with her not being familiar with the impact an infidelity has to the relationship. Before I started reading this forum I had no idea how destroying it can be. Before you do it it's just an adventure that will just renew you in a way and remain a secret forever and it will have no impact. I'm not sure that everyone realizes how damaging it can be psychologically for the betrayed spouse or for the marriage.

[ChrisH81]

I think it has to do with her not being familiar with the impact an infidelity has to the relationship. Before I started reading this forum I had no idea how destroying it can be. Before you do it it's just an adventure that will just renew you in a way and remain a secret forever and it will have no impact. I'm not sure that everyone realizes how damaging it can be psychologically for the betrayed spouse or for the marriage.

 

Renew? What you've posted above triggers all sorts of questions in my mind, I just don't know how to ask them. So like suddenly she thought "lets have an adventure, and if as a part of it I have to sleep with this guy even if I don't want to (according to messages I intercepted)… I'll do it as I want to have an adventure"?

 

Look, if my post looks rude or aggressive, that's not intentional, I value what you've posted.

[SummerDreams]

Renew? What you've posted above triggers all sorts of questions in my mind, I just don't know how to ask them. So like suddenly she thought "lets have an adventure, and if as a part of it I have to sleep with this guy even if I don't want to (according to messages I intercepted)… I'll do it as I want to have an adventure"?

 

Look, if my post looks rude or aggressive, that's not intentional, I value what you've posted.

 

 

I surely have no way to know what your wife was thinking and why she acted the way she did. I gave a posible explanation of why someone who had no obvious reason would get into an affair. Sometimes people just do things without being able to explain them afterwards. I'm not saying this is the reason your wife did it or anything. I was actually trying to comfort you because you are searching for reasons she may have done it and I offered a possible explanation that maybe there was no reason. I'm sorry if I'm not helping.

[ChrisH81]

I surely have no way to know what your wife was thinking and why she acted the way she did. I gave a posible explanation of why someone who had no obvious reason would get into an affair. Sometimes people just do things without being able to explain them afterwards. I'm not saying this is the reason your wife did it or anything. I was actually trying to comfort you because you are searching for reasons she may have done it and I offered a possible explanation that maybe there was no reason. I'm sorry if I'm not helping.

 

You are helping and thank you. My apologies, I didn't express myself clearly.

There was no criticism in my response whatsoever, I was just trying to understand.