How many guys here literally have NO dating options?

[thefooloftheyear]

I live in the land that discovered and colonized what went on to become Brazil. And guess what is the average height for the men in Brazil. You think they're all 200lbs men? I've had American men of average height coming in spending the summer holidays in Cascais, a beach resort of sorts, and the local men weren't dwarfed by the Americans but hey if you want to believe anything shorter than 6 feet or 5'10'' is a midget, who am I to say anything.

 

 

I tip my hat.....If it's that good, then it makes sense...maybe for the OP as well...It's obviously working for you...

 

What's happened here, at least in America, is that for one women have just generally gotten bigger and thicker....When I look at old photos of my mom and her sisters, etc, there wasn't any of them that would weigh more than 140, most were around 115 or so...

 

The discovery and explosion of weight training/Crossfit among women(this was pretty rare as recent as even the 80's) has made a significant change in the general appearance of women..Also. it seems like every woman on the street now has DD breasts and full asses..Again, back in the 80's, you might have seen a couple of girls that were well endowed, now its pretty common...Some say its GH in the food, I dunno, but it is what it is...Strangely enough, guys now seem more thin and less muscular than before, so I can't say why this phenomenon is affecting women and not men...I do know that studies have shown that men are showing much less natural testosterone now than their fathers and grandfathers did...Again, I dunno...There are studies online if you care to learn more about this..

 

I see plenty of average height women at the gym and on the street with muscular bodies(not fat) that while Id never ask, have to be in the 135-150 range..They look fantastic, IMO...These women are becoming far more common around here...Strong legs, firm asses, strong backs, etc...

 

Sure, you have the others on the outside of the curve, skinny and small, and obese/heavy...but the majority seem in the middle(either fit/musculer or just plain thick/big without necessarily being too fat)...I just don't see those types of women seeking out smaller/skinny guys...

 

TFY

[snowcones]

I'm attracted to tall naturally thin or slightly muscular men. What country has those in abundance?

[JuneL]

But the OP just mentioned his height (5.5), and you don’t know if he’s skinny. Sure if he’s as “westernized” as he has claimed to be, he should’ve picked up the workout craze in the current culture.

 

Personally, I find the overly muscular bodies of some American celebrities a little off putting

 

I tip my hat.....If it's that good, then it makes sense...maybe for the OP as well...It's obviously working for you...

 

What's happened here, at least in America, is that for one women have just generally gotten bigger and thicker....When I look at old photos of my mom and her sisters, etc, there wasn't any of them that would weigh more than 140, most were around 115 or so...

 

The discovery and explosion of weight training/Crossfit among women(this was pretty rare as recent as even the 80's) has made a significant change in the general appearance of women..Also. it seems like every woman on the street now has DD breasts and full asses..Again, back in the 80's, you might have seen a couple of girls that were well endowed, now its pretty common...Some say its GH in the food, I dunno, but it is what it is...Strangely enough, guys now seem more thin and less muscular than before, so I can't say why this phenomenon is affecting women and not men...I do know that studies have shown that men are showing much less natural testosterone now than their fathers and grandfathers did...Again, I dunno...There are studies online if you care to learn more about this..

 

I see plenty of average height women at the gym and on the street with muscular bodies(not fat) that while Id never ask, have to be in the 135-150 range..They look fantastic, IMO...These women are becoming far more common around here...Strong legs, firm asses, strong backs, etc...

 

Sure, you have the others on the outside of the curve, skinny and small, and obese/heavy...but the majority seem in the middle(either fit/musculer or just plain thick/big without necessarily being too fat)...I just don't see those types of women seeking out smaller/skinny guys...

 

TFY

[thefooloftheyear]

But the OP just mentioned his height (5.5), and you don’t know if he’s skinny. Sure if he’s as “westernized” as he has claimed to be, he should’ve picked up the workout craze in the current culture.

 

I thought I read he was 130#...That would qualify as pretty skinny around here..or maybe even skinny/fat...

 

Personally, I find the overly muscular bodies of some American celebrities a little off putting

 

I highly doubt they care....and neither have I for the entire period of my life anyway....:laugh:

 

TFY

[JuneL]

I highly doubt they care....and neither have I for the entire period of my life anyway....:laugh:

 

TFY

 

If he’s 130lbs (sorry I missed that), then I’m sure he’s not interested in those 150lbs muscular women you mentioned anyway; I also doubt if he’s interested in a woman quite a few inches taller. He also only would consider Caucasian and “westernized” Asian women. I bet he also requires educated women. So his options are pretty narrow by definition.

[elaine567]

If he’s 130lbs (sorry I missed that), then I’m sure he’s not interested in those 150lbs muscular women you mentioned anyway; I also doubt if he’s interested in a woman quite a few inches taller. He also only would consider Caucasian and “westernized” Asian women. I bet he also requires educated women. So his options are pretty narrow by definition.

.. and he is now 35 which limits his options further, and is meeting no women at work or via hobbies.

[thefooloftheyear]

If he’s 130lbs (sorry I missed that), then I’m sure he’s not interested in those 150lbs muscular women you mentioned anyway; I also doubt if he’s interested in a woman quite a few inches taller. He also only would consider Caucasian and “westernized” Asian women. I bet he also requires educated women. So his options are pretty narrow by definition.

 

 

Only point i was making was that its getting pretty hard to find really small white women anymore...And with most white women I know favoring larger men, then it's an uphill battle for a small guy trying to pull from a very small group...

 

I say if that's what he really wants, then more power to him...If you think you have what it takes, then by all means, don't settle..All you really need is one....

 

TFY

[Usename12]

Yes, he's an Asian man who only wants white women who are not only white, but also 8s to his 5s(and he claims that he was a 3 before he decided to lose weight but even so he can't get past 5) and then complains that those women who are legit some of the most attractive women in the entire world don't want him because he's a short Asian, and he's bitter than the women he wants are dating and hooking up men who are as attractive as they themselves are.

 

 

Claiming that he deserves to sleep with 8/10 women when he's only a 5/10 because he makes a lot of money.

Then the OP should change his mindset. If any woman, white or otherwise, finds out he has a white girl fetish and is racist to his own people, things could get ugly fast. Maybe the OP got messed up in the head watching American movies with attractive white girls. He should watch Crazy Rich Asians.

[preraph]

Yeah, really, any fetish puts your options in a tiny percentile, because fetishes, overall, are just not admired by most people and truly repugnant to others. I don't know if his is a true fetish, but he does seem dedicated to not veering off it.

 

You ever heard women gossiping about a guy with a fetish, let's take feet, one of the more common ones? Goes something like this:

 

Woman 1: And then he wouldn't leave my feet alone! Was telling me he worships feet. Started telling me what shoes to wear next time! As if!

Woman 2: OMG, he insulted your shoes?

Woman 1: Yes! And that was the best part of the evening. He didn't want to do anything

else but play with my feet. GLAAAAAACK!!!!

Edited October 29, 2018 by preraph

[thefooloftheyear]

I'm not so sure that desiring a white woman by itself would be considered a "fetish"...

 

I know people that wouldn't date within their own ethnicity, even...Its not that they have anything against those people, just maybe some bad experiences in the past that have left a bad taste, so now they want to avoid it....

 

I really don't see that much of an issue, there...

 

TFY

[elaine567]

I'm not so sure that desiring a white woman by itself would be considered a "fetish"...

 

 

 

I agree, he has grown up in the West, so I guess to him white people are "the norm" so why wouldn't he find them attractive?

 

 

Just because someone may have "different" genes, it doesn't mean they have to immerse themselves in the culture of the "old country", nor that they should only date "their own kind".

[alphamale]

I am Asian-indian and I date mostly white women. I see it as "assimilation" into the American culture

[Usename12]

I don't know if fetish is a scientific term but that's often used when someone from one race exclusively looks for someone from another race and exclude your own race. That is different than being open minded to any race. Like white guys who only date Asian women. It might not be as gross as a foot fetish, but I've seen many Asian women dating profiles say "If you have an Asian fetish, I'm not your girl." My guess is these women got sick of being sexually objectified because of their race by weird white dudes.

[preraph]

He may or may not. I understand about growing up here, but it's not all white people here either. Only he knows how much it controls his life, but it certainly seems like it controls it quite a bit, so it may be a preference, but if so, it's one he's not flexible about.

 

My professor friend married a white blonde woman, but every time I talked to him later in life, ALL he talked about were Asian women. Maybe it wasn't a permanent fetish, but he was certainly obsessed for awhile. He even had one who was a serious stalker who he still wouldn't totally run off. I think his wife of 30 years ended up dumping him because of it.

[JuneL]

To be fair, I don’t think OP has a fetish: He’s clearly open to “westernized” Asian women, just that those women only date Caucasian guys according to him.

[thefooloftheyear]

I don't know if fetish is a scientific term but that's often used when someone from one race exclusively looks for someone from another race and exclude your own race. That is different than being open minded to any race. Like white guys who only date Asian women. It might not be as gross as a foot fetish, but I've seen many Asian women dating profiles say "If you have an Asian fetish, I'm not your girl." My guess is these women got sick of being sexually objectified because of their race by weird white dudes.

 

 

Yeah, I thought of that...

 

But, here in America, a "white woman" is so broad of a description...It encompasses a very large unit of people from all walks of life and a wide variety of nationalities...Its also the dominant race in terms of size/scale..

 

When you start talking about others like Asian, Filipino, Mexican, etc, now you are really being far more selective and its true, many guys select these types of women, not because they are more physically appealing to them, but more for the "other" stuff..For one, many guys who struggle will seek out Asian women on the thinking that they don't have as many options or will be more subservient, obedient, less independent minded, etc...

 

So, in these cases, it isn't necessarily that they find these women more attractive, but for some of the other reasons....That's why its more likely to be seen as a "fetish"

 

TFY

[shesabeauty]

A lot of the advice thrown around here assumes of scenarios where the guy has options, as if he has a ton of female acquaintances that he sees regularly in real life and has the potential to grow something out of.

 

But how many guys on here literally have no dating options?

 

Let me explain my situation:

 

- Workplace: I work in a highly specialized field that is predominantly male. It pays well and I like what I do but I'm never gonna meet a young lady who is also single and also works in my area.

 

- Online Dating/Tinder: I am a 5'5 Asian guy. I've tried online dating for years. No success. I've even had my profile and pics proof-read by my friends' girlfriends and they all said my profile was great. But the fact that I'm short and I'm Asian is enough for most girls to not ever give it a chance.

 

- Bars/Clubs: I never had success in this scene when I was younger and my guy friends and I would go out and look for girls in these contexts. I found it was always the same type of guys who had success. Tall, white guy, beard, lumberjack hipster look.

 

- Salsa Dancing: I've gone to social dancing and danced with some pretty attractive girls but I never meet the same women more than once or twice. It seems awkward to just ask for her number after meeting and dancing with a stranger I find attractive.

 

- Playing in a band: I play in a rock band for fun. We do shows maybe once every two months at pubs where we play to a very, very small audience. Like literally sometimes to 12 people at most. And few of them tend to be young women whom maybe I can get to know. And they usually leave before the show is done. Yah maybe we're not that good yet.

 

- Coffee Shops/Parks/Grocery Stores: In these environments, I never know if a woman wants to be approached. I don't want to be seen as that desperate guy who can't get a date and so needs to hit on random women at coffee shops. It's just not me.

 

And that's it. That's pretty much my life. There are logical reasons why I am single and have no options. I don't think it's lack of effort on my part. I'm already doing things with my life that a lot of other guys aren't.

 

Some guys just go to work, go home, eat, maybe go to gym and repeat repeat but they have girlfriends. So I'm tired of being blamed by people for not putting in effort when I've already got a ton of stuff going for me. People keep telling me that on paper, I've got a pretty good life.

 

I also acknowledge that I have a ton of good things in my life and that I'm lucky in ways that a lot of guys are not. But when it comes to meeting women organically over a period of time, I have it really really tough in my situation.

 

How many of you guys feel stuck in the same way and you're sick of people keep telling you that you're not trying "hard" enough?

 

The worst part of all this is that once in a blue moon, when I do meet a prospective woman, because of this lack of options, I build up expectations in my head and subconsciously pin all my hopes on her and it usually always ends in disappointment.

 

You say you are 5'5"? I knew a guy in high school who was even shorter than you. Maybe 5'4". Maybe. He played sports and they listed him at 5'8"!

 

He was confident, had a girlfriend (an average looking white girl), and I believe he has married her. She wasn't a beauty queen, but she's not ugly either. Literally, just average.

 

I don't know the type you're interested in though. Are you looking to date and marry Miss America? Do you see yourself dating a woman and being happy with her even if she is not completely stunning, but maybe merely cute or even plain looking?

[Usename12]

To be fair, I don’t think OP has a fetish: He’s clearly open to “westernized” Asian women, just that those women only date Caucasian guys according to him.

That is a different story then. But like I said, many native born Asian American women do marry Asian guys so I don't know why that's a struggle. Unless he lives in a 90% white area.

 

Let me be clear. There is nothing wrong with interracial dating. It's when a guy is exclusively looking for women of a certain race and that he doesn't even find people in his own race attractive, that something got out of whack in his head.

 

And I don't know why some dudes go for Asian women. I can't relate to that so I hesitate to speculate. It could be a lot of other things than looks. But to be a bit vulgar, Asian porn is quite popular and that's more about sexual desire than the other stuff.

 

Finally, if every guy only dates beauty queens or nothing, our population wouldn't be anywhere near 7 billion.

[Blonde2002]

Yeah this all sounds familiar. I swear my actual deodorant is woman repellent.

[EthanBlack]

Yeah, I thought of that...

 

But, here in America, a "white woman" is so broad of a description...It encompasses a very large unit of people from all walks of life and a wide variety of nationalities...Its also the dominant race in terms of size/scale..

 

When you start talking about others like Asian, Filipino, Mexican, etc, now you are really being far more selective and its true, many guys select these types of women, not because they are more physically appealing to them, but more for the "other" stuff..For one, many guys who struggle will seek out Asian women on the thinking that they don't have as many options or will be more subservient, obedient, less independent minded, etc...

 

So, in these cases, it isn't necessarily that they find these women more attractive, but for some of the other reasons....That's why its more likely to be seen as a "fetish"

 

TFY

 

We all know what "Asian fetishizing" is and what it means but you had to get all politically correct in your post.

 

When people accuse white guys of Asian fetishization, they mean white guys of anglo-saxon descent. WASPs.

 

As for mexican, latino, filipino guys, yah they may also have an "Asian fetish" too but the thing is, a lot of Asian girls would rather date an Asian guy than one of these.

 

Asian girls know they have the power of choice. They can get an elite Asian guy or settle for a WASP guy whom they regard as part of a superior race and also have cute kids with.

 

Marrying wasp is marrying up. Marrying an Asian is marrying equal. Marrying any other race/ethnicity is marrying down.

[HiCrunchy]

Marrying wasp is marrying up. Marrying an Asian is marrying equal. Marrying any other race/ethnicity is marrying down.

 

So do Asian men feel the same? (I know you don't speak for all Asian men).

 

Asian men are more my "type" and I think they are more attractive to me White men but many don't hit on me or find me attractive I guess. It's part of the reason I was nervous to date my Asian ex.

[central]

Consider dating Asian women still in Asia, who'd like the opportunity to move to the US?

[Garcon1986]

I am an Asian-English bloke who is ethnically Chinese, who grew up outside China. I am proud of both of my cultures, but even in my old hometowns Oxford/London, there is still racism present. When I went back to Oxford I was asked well where are you really from.

 

You just have to look at men in China - they aren't all clamoring for an American wife. What's more consistent is that Asians generally don't marry African American folks, but have been known to marry lots of others. Asian men date a wide variety of people, but because of cultural differences and female preferences, are more likely to end up with an Asian wife. If you are constantly taught through culture that marrying American/Caucasian is the ideal, then you tend to think that way.

[elaine567]

Consider dating Asian women still in Asia, who'd like the opportunity to move to the US?

He doesn't want anyone from the "old country", he grew up in the West, he probably knows as much about real Asian culture as I do...

He wants a white woman or an "Asian woman" who is as westernised as he is.