A rant. It just seems impossible.

[Lorenza]

I just really want to write this down and get some of the frustration out.

 

OLD just doesn't work for me. I've been on it on and off for almost 2 years, went on so many dates and there's just nobody out there for me. At best I had some lukewarn feelings, but mostly I don't even want to see those people again. Chatting isn't enjoyable either, it's the same conversation over and over again, how was your day, what do you work with, what are your plans for the weekend blahblahblah. When you have message templates saved on your phone that you send out to most commonly asked questions - you know you've been on OLD for too long lol.

Also, I'm becoming snappy, sarcastic and bored. Rarely do I ever look forward to someone's answer, and even if I book in a date it's like "ok let's go meet another disappointment". The guys are ok, it's just that nobody sparks my interest. It's me, not them.

 

Meeting someone outside is probably even less of a possibility. My friends do not have single friends. Actually most of my friends are teachers who only know other teachers and they are female 90% of the time. I tried going out on my own a couple of times, but it's just that I live so far away from the city and its demotivating to go out knowing that it's gonna be a hassle to come back home, if I miss the last bus etc. Ugh, this all just sound so negative and boring and I feel like an old granny in general. I only enjoy studying, meeting my (married) friends and hanging out with my cat.

Like a real old maid does.

(I'm 29 btw. Its not an issue of biological clock, I will not have kids, it's decided.)

 

Ok I'm not so unhappy being single. Some of my friends have ****ty relationships and they remind me of how lucky I am to have my inner peace. But others have great relationships and make me feel like I'm missing out.

 

Also, I'm so not looking forward to the initial stages of a relationship. I just wish I could skip it to being an old couple who pigs out together watching series and can talk about stuff like having diarrhea without feeling awkward, none of the honeymoon phase crap.

 

Sorry for such a boring, confusing post, maybe nobody will read it anyway

[snowcones]

Online dating is really really bad. I don’t know any halfway decent women who like it. I predict in 10 years, it will have gone the way of MySpace

[Lorenza]

Two of my friends have found their husbands online. However that was 4 and 7 years ago

[Springsummer]

I got at least over 6000 thousands likes in Tinder.......but I have yet to meet anyone. I suppose men just swipe right anyway if you don't look ugly. doesn't mean anything.

[alphamale]

1) you need to be less picky and 2) take a 90 day break from OLD

 

see, I read your post

[snowcones]

Two of my friends have found their husbands online. However that was 4 and 7 years ago

 

 

Things online change rapidly. I remember when Tinder first started. It was supposed to just be for good looking people and there WERE only good looking people on it. Now everyone and their mother is on it. The sleeze factor is increasing exponentially on every online platform as well. I think decent people either get frustrated with or creeped out by online dating and eventually give up on it. So yes, there are a lot of people out there just sitting at home alone and are lonely. I feel that we are going through a shift right now and there will be some creative or enterprising people somewhere who are going to come up with a solution to it. It'll probably involve something in real life though.

[some_username1]

The people on OLD are vile, full stop. And sadly, I have to include myself in that as I have started sinking to the level of the women that I can't stand and complain about by being a bit flaky and cancelling first dates on the day, usually by just blocking and deleting them. To be fair I had someone do it to me today and I'm fine about it because I did the same to two people last week. I won't cancel a date after the first one though.

 

I've been online dating for about 4 years now and it really does feel like people are just over the novelty of it and connections are so quick to acquire that they hold literally no value. A first date means absolutely nothing, neither does the 2nd, 3rd, 4th etc. The multi-dating is so rife I have no idea how two people manage to like each other equally enough to actually form a relationship.

Recently I went on 4 dates with a girl and made an effort to be a gentleman, picked up the tab for 3 dinner dates at a total cost over £200.00...and then she ghosts me after the 4th date. I wouldn't have paid if she came across like she was out for all she could get. She seemed like she had more class and manners than that. Then it says on her Tinder profile words to the effect of "Where have all the good guys gone?" These OLD women are delusional and lack basic self-awareness.

 

And what's with the Whatsapp fetish? These days girls are hustling me to get my number, take it to whatsapp, then a date is arranged and then they cancel the date and disappear. What was the point in hassling me to get off the app only to do that?

 

*sigh* so yeah I empathise OP. I too have templates of some of my funniest answers so I can just bash out replies without too much thought but I think when you start to do that it's time to delete your account, put down your phone and take a break for a few months. I regularly need breaks as I can feel myself getting jaded as this post probably illustrates!

[Mr. Lucky]

OLD just doesn't work for me. I've been on it on and off for almost 2 years, went on so many dates and there's just nobody out there for me. At best I had some lukewarn feelings, but mostly I don't even want to see those people again. Chatting isn't enjoyable either, it's the same conversation over and over again, how was your day, what do you work with, what are your plans for the weekend blahblahblah. When you have message templates saved on your phone that you send out to most commonly asked questions - you know you've been on OLD for too long lol.

Also, I'm becoming snappy, sarcastic and bored. Rarely do I ever look forward to someone's answer, and even if I book in a date it's like "ok let's go meet another disappointment". The guys are ok, it's just that nobody sparks my interest. It's me, not them.

 

Meeting someone outside is probably even less of a possibility. My friends do not have single friends. Actually most of my friends are teachers who only know other teachers and they are female 90% of the time. I tried going out on my own a couple of times, but it's just that I live so far away from the city and its demotivating to go out knowing that it's gonna be a hassle to come back home, if I miss the last bus etc.

 

I'll only observe you've got a lot of reasons why none of it will work. Henry Ford famously said "If you think you can do a thing or think you can't do a thing, you're right".

 

Sounds like you're right ...

 

Mr. Lucky

[bathtub-row]

I personally detest online dating. You're way too young to be in a place where you're so limited in meeting people. Why not start over in a new place in a new city?

[guest569]

It's not about online dating. The same thing would happen if you met someone in person. You would have to make boring small talk, exchange details, hope that the date isn't a complete bore, and that many more follow and you progress through the honeymoon phase.

 

Online dating is a way to find single people and date them. It's no better or worse than meeting someone at the supermarket, gym, bus stop. It's easier, I think. I don't think OP has trouble with online dating, she just hasn't met the right person. And it's frustrating and tedious. I feel the same way lately when I go on a date, although once I get there I'm usually glad I went. I can relate to this feeling of fatigue and dread though.

[Lorenza]

I personally detest online dating. You're way too young to be in a place where you're so limited in meeting people. Why not start over in a new place in a new city?

 

Because I study and work here in the area, and have a house contract and loads of furniture and a cat

[Lorenza]

Just to make sure, I don't think OLD is vile or anything like that, the people I've met very nice, educated and I can't say anything bad about neither them nor the dates themselves. I just don't like anyone I meet, there's never any chemistry and if I ever want to meet them again it's because I'm telling myself that maybe there's a chance I'll like them later. But it doesn't happen.

And I'm getting bored of the same scenario and the same talks etc because it's just getting too repetitive and too much basically. So the last poster is right , it's not OLD itself

[Lorenza]

I'll only observe you've got a lot of reasons why none of it will work. Henry Ford famously said "If you think you can do a thing or think you can't do a thing, you're right".

 

Sounds like you're right ...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

It haven't worked in 2 years

[sabaton]

OLD just doesn't work for me. I've been on it on and off for almost 2 years,

 

 

2 years? It might seem like a long time, but it really ain't. Sometimes people spend years and years on dating sites before they find a worthwhile relationship.

 

 

 

went on so many dates and there's just nobody out there for me.

 

 

There are 3.5 billion men out there on this earth, there's plenty of men for you to meet, surely there's at least a few guys who are there for you. Just keep searching and you'll find one that you want to be with.

 

 

 

 

At best I had some lukewarn feelings, but mostly I don't even want to see those people again.

 

 

If you are not attracted to those guys, there's no point in trying to force anything.

 

 

 

 

 

Chatting isn't enjoyable either, it's the same conversation over and over again, how was your day, what do you work with, what are your plans for the weekend blahblahblah. When you have message templates saved on your phone that you send out to most commonly asked questions - you know you've been on OLD for too long lol.

 

 

When you are into someone, even talking about the weather is enjoyable. The reason why chatting is so boring to you is because you aren't attracted to those men.

 

 

 

Also, I'm becoming snappy, sarcastic and bored. Rarely do I ever look forward to someone's answer, and even if I book in a date it's like "ok let's go meet another disappointment". The guys are ok, it's just that nobody sparks my interest. It's me, not them.

 

 

 

 

Have you talked to a therapist about this? It's natural for you to not be attracted to the majority of the men you meet -but none at all? No guy you meet is interesting enough for you to want to go out on a second date with?

 

 

Meeting someone outside is probably even less of a possibility. My friends do not have single friends.

 

 

Approach the men you see in the street you think are interesting or physically attractive.

 

 

 

Actually most of my friends are teachers who only know other teachers and they are female 90% of the time.

 

 

Yes, education is usually a woman's work field.

 

 

 

I tried going out on my own a couple of times, but it's just that I live so far away from the city and its demotivating to go out knowing that it's gonna be a hassle to come back home,

 

 

Move to the City?

 

 

 

if I miss the last bus etc. Ugh, this all just sound so negative and boring and I feel like an old granny in general. I only enjoy studying, meeting my (married) friends and hanging out with my cat.

Like a real old maid does.

 

 

 

 

 

(I'm 29 btw. Its not an issue of biological clock, I will not have kids, it's decided.)

 

 

If you are not really a sexual being, and if relationships aren't your cup of tea - why are you trying to force the issue? No one is obliged to be in a relationship. No is forced to get married. You seem to be happier single, with your books and your friends and with your pet. You should pursue that.

 

 

 

 

 

Ok I'm not so unhappy being single. Some of my friends have ****ty relationships and they remind me of how lucky I am to have my inner peace. But others have great relationships and make me feel like I'm missing out.

 

 

We always feel like we're missing out on what we don't have, and many times we get it and then we say, ''is this it? What's the big noise about it?'' there's lots of good relationships out there, but there's also lots and lots more of bad relationships, and if you feel better being single - don't push yourself to look for something you don't want.

[bene]

I absolutely understand the frustration. I was an “old maid” for a long time and at some point it started to feel like this is how it’s going to be in this lifetime. I’m rather an introvert and not thrilled meeting new people per se. I also have a small circle of friends like you where I didn’t meet single guys. Not much luck just going out either, probably because of the introvert thing and I actually preferred chatting with friends instead of flirting away with strangers.

 

At some point I realized that I really need to put myself out there because clearly I haven’t found someone just waiting around and being awesome if nobody sees it. I know, a huge cliche. I was not thrilled with OLD but I decided that this is just a way to be exposed to new people. Where I live people are not that open that they’d just strike up a conversation on a street and live happily ever after like in a sitcom.

 

Of course some disappointments happened. This is going to sound cheesy but I remember that right before I met my now boyfriend of several years I was in a lowest point of frustration, pretty much like you describe in your post.

 

It might be a good idea to take a break if you’re really not feeling like dating but otherwise I’d say just keep going. It’s ok if you don’t click with most people, you only need one eventually. OLD is just one tool to broaden the circle of people you meet. To avoid repetitiveness I’d suggest meeting people only when you feel on the same wavelength in initial messages. I know people usually advise not to become pen pals but I have never understood the advice to meet after exchanging three or four sentences. You can gauge at least some compatibility from the way people express themselves, how they joke etc.

 

One more thing, you don’t need to be 100% unhappy being single but there is nothing wrong with admitting that you long for companionship and intimacy. It’s a basic human need and doesn’t need to be justified.

Edited October 26, 2018 by bene

[brigit87]

Just to make sure, I don't think OLD is vile or anything like that, the people I've met very nice, educated and I can't say anything bad about neither them nor the dates themselves. I just don't like anyone I meet, there's never any chemistry and if I ever want to meet them again it's because I'm telling myself that maybe there's a chance I'll like them later. But it doesn't happen.

And I'm getting bored of the same scenario and the same talks etc because it's just getting too repetitive and too much basically. So the last poster is right , it's not OLD itself

 

Then you need to stop doing online dating. Really. You've grown bored and it's no longer working for you.

 

Take a dating break and regroup.

[guest569]

Everyone is all "OLD is bad, it's full of crazy people, it's so bad and horrible and pointless". This is garbage. It's just Internet. Everyone uses Internet. It's another method of finding people. I think it can't hurt to just casually browse on there from time to time until someone comes along who really stands out and catches your attention. Otherwise don't waste time on the ones you're lukewarm about. You say that it's not them, it's you. And that they're perfectly lovely. So why is it that you're not interested? Why was there no spark?

[Lorenza]

Everyone is all "OLD is bad, it's full of crazy people, it's so bad and horrible and pointless". This is garbage. It's just Internet. Everyone uses Internet. It's another method of finding people. I think it can't hurt to just casually browse on there from time to time until someone comes along who really stands out and catches your attention. Otherwise don't waste time on the ones you're lukewarm about. You say that it's not them, it's you. And that they're perfectly lovely. So why is it that you're not interested? Why was there no spark?

 

I don't know, I just feel disconnected. I let some of the dates kiss me and it's like kissing a wet towel for me.

[sabaton]

I don't know, I just feel disconnected. I let some of the dates kiss me and it's like kissing a wet towel for me.

 

 

What are you attracted to sexually in a man, and what do those men you kiss and feel nothing look like?

[Lorenza]

What are you attracted to sexually in a man, and what do those men you kiss and feel nothing look like?

 

I don't think i have a clear type when it comes to appearance. I've liked very different looking men before. But there's something in their personality and the way they think that sparks my interest. It can even be in the voice and the way they say things and the way they express themselves. Also, I can't ever be attractive to basic guys who listen to popular music, watch blockbuster movies, like sports, the gym etc. I've only ever been into somewhat quirky guys.

[elaine567]

I don't think i have a clear type when it comes to appearance. I've liked very different looking men before. But there's something in their personality and the way they think that sparks my interest. It can even be in the voice and the way they say things and the way they express themselves. Also, I can't ever be attractive to basic guys who listen to popular music, watch blockbuster movies, like sports, the gym etc. I've only ever been into somewhat quirky guys.

 

OLD is dating for the masses. You may be lucky and find that special quirky guy on OLD but likely you won't.

That guy is probably not going to cold approach you either.

His quirkiness has probably put so many girls off he never cold approaches any more..

I think you need to engineer it so you meet "organically" on purpose, or you

hire a matchmaker.

[Lorenza]

OLD is dating for the masses. You may be lucky and find that special quirky guy on OLD but likely you won't.

That guy is probably not going to cold approach you either.

His quirkiness has probably put so many girls off he never cold approaches any more..

I think you need to engineer it so you meet "organically" on purpose, or you

hire a matchmaker.

 

I'm not talking about quirkiness that is off-putting

[Lorenza]

On the contrary, those guys usually are already in relationships

[elaine567]

I'm not talking about quirkiness that is off-putting

Either am I, but to cold approach successfully you need to be charming, outgoing, confident and mainstream desirable, something which quirky guys often are just not.

[Lorenza]

Either am I, but to cold approach successfully you need to be charming, outgoing, confident and mainstream desirable, something which quirky guys often are just not.

 

We probably have a different definition of it. Those guys usually ARE charming and very interesting to talk to, so they are often not single. My friend's husband is like that.

In Sweden it's not customary to cold approach in any way, nobody does that