A rant. It just seems impossible.

[sabaton]

I don't think i have a clear type when it comes to appearance. I've liked very different looking men before. But there's something in their personality and the way they think that sparks my interest. It can even be in the voice and the way they say things and the way they express themselves. Also, I can't ever be attractive to basic guys who listen to popular music, watch blockbuster movies, like sports, the gym etc. I've only ever been into somewhat quirky guys.

 

 

You don't like men who go to the gym? Why not? It's the lifestyle of loving to pull iron, or is there something about the personality of a guy who pulls hard and often that turns you off?

 

 

What do you mean by quirky guys? Are you wanting for those guys to approach you? Most of the men who approach women successfully have something going for them. High confidence, looks, height, muscles, money, or they are funny.

[Lorenza]

You don't like men who go to the gym? Why not? It's the lifestyle of loving to pull iron, or is there something about the personality of a guy who pulls hard and often that turns you off?

 

 

What do you mean by quirky guys? Are you wanting for those guys to approach you? Most of the men who approach women successfully have something going for them. High confidence, looks, height, muscles, money, or they are funny.

 

It's not common to approach people here. Guys don't do that. Maybe except in bars and clubs.

 

No, I don't line guys who go to the gym. Gym selfies must be the most off putting thing to me, especially with a naked torso. I find abs a little bit gross, don't know why. Regular bodies are ok for me

[sabaton]

It's not common to approach people here. Guys don't do that. Maybe except in bars and clubs.

 

No, I don't line guys who go to the gym. Gym selfies must be the most off putting thing to me, especially with a naked torso. I find abs a little bit gross, don't know why. Regular bodies are ok for me

 

 

If guys don't approach girls, and if girls don't approach guys - how do people get together and date and get married and have kids?

 

 

What's you guys social dynamics in Scandinavia?

 

 

 

Well, you know a guy can go to the gym and not take gym selfies of his body. Lots of guys who go to the gym just do it because they enjoy it.

 

 

What's a regular body to you?

[Cali1978]

Lorenzo-I feel EXACTLY the same as you. Really begin to think it’s me. Why are no men sparking my interest?? And actually nowadays you have to be online if you are dating... some strange people on it yes but anyone looking to meet someone needs to try online. It’s just another way to meet an individual.

[Lorenza]

If guys don't approach girls, and if girls don't approach guys - how do people get together and date and get married and have kids?

 

 

What's you guys social dynamics in Scandinavia?

 

 

 

Well, you know a guy can go to the gym and not take gym selfies of his body. Lots of guys who go to the gym just do it because they enjoy it.

 

 

What's a regular body to you?

 

Well, maybe that's why Sweden has the highest number of singles in the world.

Sure, guys can do what they enjoy and it's not up to me to tell them what to do. But I don't want to date gym addicts.

A regular body to me is one who isn't polished at the gym. It doesn't have to have any super defined muscles. I like guys who prefer hiking or doing martial arts, over making themselves pretty in a gym. Just the way i feel, cant help it

[Lorenza]

Lorenzo-I feel EXACTLY the same as you. Really begin to think it’s me. Why are no men sparking my interest?? And actually nowadays you have to be online if you are dating... some strange people on it yes but anyone looking to meet someone needs to try online. It’s just another way to meet an individual.

 

Yeah, online seems the only way to find someone. It's just that it's so draining. I've been on it for too long...

[sabaton]

Well, maybe that's why Sweden has the highest number of singles in the world.

 

 

Seriously? So people just hook-up?

 

 

 

 

 

Sure, guys can do what they enjoy and it's not up to me to tell them what to do. But I don't want to date gym addicts.

 

 

True.

 

 

 

A regular body to me is one who isn't polished at the gym. It doesn't have to have any super defined muscles. I like guys who prefer hiking or doing martial arts, over making themselves pretty in a gym. Just the way i feel, cant help it

 

 

 

Ah, I see. Fit men who don't sculpt their bodies, and instead are fit due to outdoor activities. I can understand that.

[elaine567]

You don't like men who go to the gym? Why not? It's the lifestyle of loving to pull iron, or is there something about the personality of a guy who pulls hard and often that turns you off?

 

I do not think it is that uncommon for some women to be turned off by gym guys.

The lifestyle, the personality, the obsession, the "narcissism", the look, the drugs, the waste of "time that he could be spending with her"... are all things that are not that attractive to some women.

[sabaton]

I do not think it is that uncommon for some women to be turned off by gym guys.

The lifestyle, the personality, the obsession, the "narcissism", the look, the drugs, the waste of "time that he could be spending with her"... are all things that are not that attractive to some women.

 

 

Yeah, but are we talking about those guys who bodybuild, or the guys who are fit and lean and cut, but not huge, like say, Brandon Lee, Bruce Lee's late son?

 

 

yeah, I can see why some women would not like to date guys who spend time in the gym because of the time spent there and maybe the narcissism that might come from looking like Henry Cavill.

[Lorenza]

Yeah, but are we talking about those guys who bodybuild, or the guys who are fit and lean and cut, but not huge, like say, Brandon Lee, Bruce Lee's late son?

 

 

yeah, I can see why some women would not like to date guys who spend time in the gym because of the time spent there and maybe the narcissism that might come from looking like Henry Cavill.

 

For me it's the narcissism and obsession with their own image. Also all the talk about protein, gains, bulking, cutting... and I genuinely don't find those sculpted bodies attractive

[Mr. Lucky]

It haven't worked in 2 years

 

Chicken and egg. Most people are pretty good at detecting even a slightly negative vibe. Your current approach may ensure it won't work in the next 20 years so you might have to be open to changing your attitude. Or be more accepting of your existing status...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Lorenza]

Chicken and egg. Most people are pretty good at detecting even a slightly negative vibe. Your current approach may ensure it won't work in the next 20 years so you might have to be open to changing your attitude. Or be more accepting of your existing status...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

But the problem isn't that the guys don't like me, I always have tons of attention and invitations to go on dates. The problem is that I cant find the right person for me

[FMW]

Maybe just take a break from actively trying to meet someone right now. You say you don't plan to have children so you don't have to worry about your biological clock. You're young, no reason to feel you should be finding someone right now.

 

When you feel more positive and motivated about it again then you can put your focus back on dating. For now, enjoy what you enjoy and relax.

[alphamale]

But the problem isn't that the guys don't like me, I always have tons of attention and invitations to go on dates. The problem is that I cant find the right person for me

 

you have too many choices. it would be easier if you had a choice of three men only

[sabaton]

But the problem isn't that the guys don't like me, I always have tons of attention and invitations to go on dates. The problem is that I cant find the right person for me

 

 

Just go out, enjoy your life, and the right guy will come along eventually.

[Lorenza]

Actually I just got an idea. I signed myself as an organizer or meetup and created a new group. I think it might be a good way to meet some quirky people

[sabaton]

Actually I just got an idea. I signed myself as an organizer or meetup and created a new group. I think it might be a good way to meet some quirky people

 

 

Good going. Give it time and I'm sure you'll meet some guys you'll find interesting

[FMW]

Actually I just got an idea. I signed myself as an organizer or meetup and created a new group. I think it might be a good way to meet some quirky people

 

Awesome! Have fun and good luck!

[No_Go]

First off, why do you want a relationship? If you want no kids, you have zero rush.

 

Second, OLD works. I did it 3 times, first two I got a BF within the 1st week. Buy I'm not too picky after meeting lol. I've been picky only to the point of selecting who to message/respond to, upon meeting I've usually made my mind and it has been up to the guy.

 

In your case I think the issue is you go on too many dates. You're lukewarm to most... that's terrible way to spend your time Go only on dates that you see potential in, if it means one date per year, so be it. At least you'd enjoy it.

 

Third, people out of OLD exist. It is not like you go out and you meet someone . IME is a slow connection built, it can take years, but again - you want no kids, therefore you have no rush. Whether you're 29 or 39 - there will be suitors for you. Just remember - expand your network, and just observe over time. Coupled people get single. People introduce new friends to their circles. Choices are endless.

 

Lastly, if you want to skip the anxiety of initial stages, IMO look for someone that you know already, and someone more mature. I'm like you - I hate in my guts the lovey dovey BS in early dating. I also despise going out and having formal dates. So I found a guy that is the same as me and works swimmingly. Fast food, random hikes and animals and life is good

 

I just really want to write this down and get some of the frustration out.

 

OLD just doesn't work for me. I've been on it on and off for almost 2 years, went on so many dates and there's just nobody out there for me. At best I had some lukewarn feelings, but mostly I don't even want to see those people again. Chatting isn't enjoyable either, it's the same conversation over and over again, how was your day, what do you work with, what are your plans for the weekend blahblahblah. When you have message templates saved on your phone that you send out to most commonly asked questions - you know you've been on OLD for too long lol.

Also, I'm becoming snappy, sarcastic and bored. Rarely do I ever look forward to someone's answer, and even if I book in a date it's like "ok let's go meet another disappointment". The guys are ok, it's just that nobody sparks my interest. It's me, not them.

 

Meeting someone outside is probably even less of a possibility. My friends do not have single friends. Actually most of my friends are teachers who only know other teachers and they are female 90% of the time. I tried going out on my own a couple of times, but it's just that I live so far away from the city and its demotivating to go out knowing that it's gonna be a hassle to come back home, if I miss the last bus etc. Ugh, this all just sound so negative and boring and I feel like an old granny in general. I only enjoy studying, meeting my (married) friends and hanging out with my cat.

Like a real old maid does.

(I'm 29 btw. Its not an issue of biological clock, I will not have kids, it's decided.)

 

Ok I'm not so unhappy being single. Some of my friends have ****ty relationships and they remind me of how lucky I am to have my inner peace. But others have great relationships and make me feel like I'm missing out.

 

Also, I'm so not looking forward to the initial stages of a relationship. I just wish I could skip it to being an old couple who pigs out together watching series and can talk about stuff like having diarrhea without feeling awkward, none of the honeymoon phase crap.

 

Sorry for such a boring, confusing post, maybe nobody will read it anyway

[Eternal Sunshine]

I feel exactly word for word the same as you. I could have written the OP myself. In fact, I got so bored by OLD that I wrote an app to respond to initial repetitive questions for me. I enjoyed coding the app way more than meeting any of these men. I enjoy hanging out with my cat WAY more than having those repetitive first date conversations.

 

Rejection, players, flakers etc is not a problem for me. Never liking anyone is. Depressingly, I do often meet interesting men that I am attracted to but they are never single. And it's not that I like the unavailable, I am attracted to them before I even find out that they are partnered. I get the sinking feeling when I find it out and move on.

 

My solution was to give up and I have reached a point of peaceful acceptance. I never meet anyone single in real life (and I have no single friends) so there is no hope. I also enjoy being single but there are rare moments when I spend time with a couple that are in a great relationship that I feel like I am missing out (most relationships are actually bad and make me happy that I am not a part of that).

 

I am too quirky for mainstream people (they bore me to death) and not weird enough for weird people (their lives are usually completely messed up with substance abuse, large debt, totally insane interests and so on).

[Lorenza]

First off, why do you want a relationship? If you want no kids, you have zero rush.

 

Second, OLD works. I did it 3 times, first two I got a BF within the 1st week. Buy I'm not too picky after meeting lol. I've been picky only to the point of selecting who to message/respond to, upon meeting I've usually made my mind and it has been up to the guy.

 

In your case I think the issue is you go on too many dates. You're lukewarm to most... that's terrible way to spend your time Go only on dates that you see potential in, if it means one date per year, so be it. At least you'd enjoy it.

 

Third, people out of OLD exist. It is not like you go out and you meet someone . IME is a slow connection built, it can take years, but again - you want no kids, therefore you have no rush. Whether you're 29 or 39 - there will be suitors for you. Just remember - expand your network, and just observe over time. Coupled people get single. People introduce new friends to their circles. Choices are endless.

 

Lastly, if you want to skip the anxiety of initial stages, IMO look for someone that you know already, and someone more mature. I'm like you - I hate in my guts the lovey dovey BS in early dating. I also despise going out and having formal dates. So I found a guy that is the same as me and works swimmingly. Fast food, random hikes and animals and life is good

 

I want a companion. Kids isn't the only purpose for getting together with someone. I'd like to have someone to laugh and have inside jokes with and someone to bring me medicine when I'm really sick, as an example. Someone to share the rent with. You get me.

 

Hmm, well you can't say if OLD works in Sweden though because you didn't try it here. Yes, it worked for you in the US, but the dating culture must be sooo different over there...Actually, I think I'd have it so much easier dating American guys.

 

It's not easy for me to meet new people in general. I'm very introverted and it takes either time or instant magical connection for me to let someone into my world. I meet the same friends every weekend. But maybe it will change over time. I will eventually be done with my studies and go out there looking for a job etc.

 

Yeah, I hate all the honeymoon BS not that I have anxiety in the beginning, but all they love dovey things, constant kissing and hugging, heart emojis in the text messages, calling each other pet names... Makes me feel sick!

I just want it to be funny, quirky, it can even be awkward, just not lovey dovey

[sabaton]

I want a companion. Kids isn't the only purpose for getting together with someone. I'd like to have someone to laugh and have inside jokes with and someone to bring me medicine when I'm really sick, as an example. Someone to share the rent with. You get me.

 

Hmm, well you can't say if OLD works in Sweden though because you didn't try it here. Yes, it worked for you in the US, but the dating culture must be sooo different over there...Actually, I think I'd have it so much easier dating American guys.

 

It's not easy for me to meet new people in general. I'm very introverted and it takes either time or instant magical connection for me to let someone into my world. I meet the same friends every weekend. But maybe it will change over time. I will eventually be done with my studies and go out there looking for a job etc.

 

Yeah, I hate all the honeymoon BS not that I have anxiety in the beginning, but all they love dovey things, constant kissing and hugging, heart emojis in the text messages, calling each other pet names... Makes me feel sick!

I just want it to be funny, quirky, it can even be awkward, just not lovey dovey

 

 

Why do you feel it would be much easier for you to date American men? What is it that you don't like about Swedish men?

[alphamale]

Actually I just got an idea. I signed myself as an organizer or meetup and created a new group. I think it might be a good way to meet some quirky people

 

I own and operate a meetup group. great way to meet new people in a casual setting

[Lorenza]

I feel exactly word for word the same as you. I could have written the OP myself. In fact, I got so bored by OLD that I wrote an app to respond to initial repetitive questions for me. I enjoyed coding the app way more than meeting any of these men. I enjoy hanging out with my cat WAY more than having those repetitive first date conversations.

 

Rejection, players, flakers etc is not a problem for me. Never liking anyone is. Depressingly, I do often meet interesting men that I am attracted to but they are never single. And it's not that I like the unavailable, I am attracted to them before I even find out that they are partnered. I get the sinking feeling when I find it out and move on.

 

My solution was to give up and I have reached a point of peaceful acceptance. I never meet anyone single in real life (and I have no single friends) so there is no hope. I also enjoy being single but there are rare moments when I spend time with a couple that are in a great relationship that I feel like I am missing out (most relationships are actually bad and make me happy that I am not a part of that).

 

I am too quirky for mainstream people (they bore me to death) and not weird enough for weird people (their lives are usually completely messed up with substance abuse, large debt, totally insane interests and so on).

 

Damn it, wish I could code

 

Same, the only ones I'm ever interested in are either married or in a relationship.

I think I'm definitely giving up on OLD. Will see if anything good can come up from organising meetups

[Lorenza]

Why do you feel it would be much easier for you to date American men? What is it that you don't like about Swedish men?

 

I try not to date Swedish men. Our mentalities don't mix well (I'm from Eastern Europe). They are either cocky status-oriented snobs addicted to gym and brand clothes, or weird feminists/poly/ultra left wing, or they're afraid of commitment and stuck in their own ways and routines and would never go out of their way for you. I don't like how Swedish families are, they're so formal and distant.

I'm only in Sweden for all other benefits and 100% of my friends are foreign

 

Yeah, but I mean there is a reason why Sweden leads in single households, divorce rates. A lot of men into their thirties are "every-second-week-dads" on OLD. Also, hookup culture is strong here. You can see PSAs for STD check-ups on the metro etc.

 

Besides, I find Swedish men unattractive. I think American guys are usually so much better looking, if I see an attractive profile pic it's usually a tourist from the US.