Author Lorenza Posted October 26, 2018 Author Share Posted October 26, 2018 I own and operate a meetup group. great way to meet new people in a casual setting I was an organizer some years ago, but I wasn't single back then. Met a lot of people, but haven't stayed in touch with any of them Link to post Share on other sites
ElKay Posted October 26, 2018 Share Posted October 26, 2018 Do they have meetup groups in Sweden? Maybe you could find one for people who want to hike together? It would help you meet new people. Edit: Oups, sorry, I posted before I refreshed the page! Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 26, 2018 Share Posted October 26, 2018 Do they have meetup groups in Sweden? meetups are everywhere Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted October 26, 2018 Share Posted October 26, 2018 Got you of course, but I meant kids are the only reason to have a timeline. I.e. it wouldn’t make a difference in the grand scheme of things if you meet your companion now or in 3 years, right? I lived in the Netherlands through my 20s, culture there is similar to Sweden I think. I didn’t date but many of my friends did, OLD and regular. It worked for most.. I’m very introverted too so I know exactly what you mean. I basically never go out ‘partying’, never did and never will. But I met many people over the years at work, school, housemates etc. That’s your best bet IMO: people you meet on recurring basis. Not some random cold encounter that may work for extreme extrovert but practically no one else. LOL I agree to the T with your last paragraph. BF now is my dream man in that respect- we had all the emotions and non of the lovey dovey blahhh. I know he loves me he texts me all the time but it’s fun, quirky stuff not ‘miss you’ crap. There are men like this out there, I’d say look for people that are not the cup of tea of most (usually there are the ‘popular’ men and women flocking in large groups, I steer away from these because they are deadly boring). IME you can spot someone interesting and quirky on OLD by their writing style. Also, forget about the ‘dating rules’ - date by XX, kiss by XX. These are the regular Joes that you want to avoid. I’m sure if you let your senses not the ‘rules’ govern your choice, you’ll meet someone awesome. I want a companion. Kids isn't the only purpose for getting together with someone. I'd like to have someone to laugh and have inside jokes with and someone to bring me medicine when I'm really sick, as an example. Someone to share the rent with. You get me. Hmm, well you can't say if OLD works in Sweden though because you didn't try it here. Yes, it worked for you in the US, but the dating culture must be sooo different over there...Actually, I think I'd have it so much easier dating American guys. It's not easy for me to meet new people in general. I'm very introverted and it takes either time or instant magical connection for me to let someone into my world. I meet the same friends every weekend. But maybe it will change over time. I will eventually be done with my studies and go out there looking for a job etc. Yeah, I hate all the honeymoon BS not that I have anxiety in the beginning, but all they love dovey things, constant kissing and hugging, heart emojis in the text messages, calling each other pet names... Makes me feel sick! I just want it to be funny, quirky, it can even be awkward, just not lovey dovey Link to post Share on other sites
snowcones Posted October 27, 2018 Share Posted October 27, 2018 (edited) I assume that I won't ever find anyone I like and am planning the rest of my life out as a single woman. I'm not into casual relationships or casual sex. If I find someone then it will be a pleasant surprise and I will feel like the luckiest woman in the world, like the winner that recently hit the Mega Millions lottery must feel. Edited October 27, 2018 by snowcones 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted October 27, 2018 Share Posted October 27, 2018 (edited) ha, wouldn't try US if LS is anything to go by sounds like crazy shyt don't you read it. But two things . Seems as guys seem to like you from what you say, why do you even date?? Just wait for the right guy , you have a picker, you have senses, right, why do you waste your time ? l'm a guy but that's all l do. And secondly, you should write if you ever join again on your date site, you hate lovey dovey and you just wanna by pass dates and the honey moon,pretty sure a lotta guys would love that. Edited October 27, 2018 by Chilli Link to post Share on other sites
Springsummer Posted October 28, 2018 Share Posted October 28, 2018 Meetup? I subscribed to many and went to many event. a varity of meetups, hiking, IT, language, dining... I have yet met one guy I find really attractive. SHOCKING!!!!!!!!! No, I don't think my standards are very high. It's just a pathetic city. Link to post Share on other sites
Springsummer Posted October 28, 2018 Share Posted October 28, 2018 I assume that I won't ever find anyone I like and am planning the rest of my life out as a single woman. I'm not into casual relationships or casual sex. If I find someone then it will be a pleasant surprise and I will feel like the luckiest woman in the world, like the winner that recently hit the Mega Millions lottery must feel. same here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lorenza Posted October 28, 2018 Author Share Posted October 28, 2018 Meetup? I subscribed to many and went to many event. a varity of meetups, hiking, IT, language, dining... I have yet met one guy I find really attractive. SHOCKING!!!!!!!!! No, I don't think my standards are very high. It's just a pathetic city. I used to go on meetups a lot during my first year of singlehood, but I've never met anyone suitable. It's weird how everyone is always taken, nobody is ever single on those meetups. I even subscribed to a Single mingle group but there's always 40+ people going on those. I made my own group a few days ago, will see how it goes. It's mostly to drag myself out of my area and there is only one activity (besides hanging out with my married friends) that is capable of making me go out, and it's karaoke :D Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lorenza Posted October 28, 2018 Author Share Posted October 28, 2018 I think I've identified the kind of guy I'm looking for: The dorky gentleman. An intellectual dork. Someone's with a silly sense of humor, who likes to laugh at their own expense and would make me laugh constantly but would also be able to talk about all the deep stuff and lean into more traditional type of relationships. It's probably impossible to find, so... Yeah, not too many chances for me. Oh well. I'm at the point of life where I'm just not willing to lower my standards. "This way you'll be single forever" people say, without realising that ****ty relationships cannot even remotely compare to how good it feels to be on your. "You'll stay single forever" is barely a threat. Being in a relationship that doesn't meet your needs is so much worse Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 Plenty of the guys your type in tech/science startups. Seriously try going to one of their meetups (e.g. tech enterpreneurs or something like this), every other guy will match your description. I think I've identified the kind of guy I'm looking for: The dorky gentleman. An intellectual dork. Someone's with a silly sense of humor, who likes to laugh at their own expense and would make me laugh constantly but would also be able to talk about all the deep stuff and lean into more traditional type of relationships. It's probably impossible to find, so... Yeah, not too many chances for me. Oh well. I'm at the point of life where I'm just not willing to lower my standards. "This way you'll be single forever" people say, without realising that ****ty relationships cannot even remotely compare to how good it feels to be on your. "You'll stay single forever" is barely a threat. Being in a relationship that doesn't meet your needs is so much worse Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lorenza Posted October 29, 2018 Author Share Posted October 29, 2018 Plenty of the guys your type in tech/science startups. Seriously try going to one of their meetups (e.g. tech enterpreneurs or something like this), every other guy will match your description. They are mostly Swedes on those, and Swedes never ever match my taste:D besides, what am I going to do on an a tech meetup, Link to post Share on other sites
sabaton Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 (edited) They are mostly Swedes on those, and Swedes never ever match my taste:D besides, what am I going to do on an a tech meetup, What's wrong with Swede guys for you to never like the men who are around you? Do you prefer Norwegians and Danish men instead? The dorky gentleman. An intellectual dork. Someone's with a silly sense of humor, who likes to laugh at their own expense and would make me laugh constantly but would also be able to talk about all the deep stuff and lean into more traditional type of relationships. Oh, there's lots of dorky gentlemen out there, there's literally 350 million men in Europe and you don't have to resctrict yourself to Swedish men or Scandinavian men. Someone's with a silly sense of humor, who likes to laugh at their own expense and would make me laugh constantly So someone with social skills, as it's necessary for a relationship to work out. Guys like that aren't around much? lean into more traditional type of relationships. What do you mean by more traditional type of relationships? e. Oh well. I'm at the point of life where I'm just not willing to lower my standards. "This way you'll be single forever" people say, without realising that ****ty relationships cannot even remotely compare to how good it feels to be on your. "You'll stay single forever" is barely a threat. Being in a relationship that doesn't meet your needs is so much worse And you shouldn't lower your standards, ever. There's nothin worse than a relationship where your partner is not 100% percent perfect, the way you want him or her to be. What's the point of being in a relationship if you aren't 24/7 happy with someone? Edited October 29, 2018 by sabaton Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 Actually l don't believe 100% exists , 60 or 70% is extremely good going and more than enough. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sabaton Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 Actually l don't believe 100% exists , 60 or 70% is extremely good going and more than enough. It does, but it's either based on pure luck, or it only comes with a long, hard search for the people who want to look for that 100%. My father and my mother are each other's 100% but Mom was married before she met my father, and dad had a long-string of relationships, and even though they got together in their early 20s - it still took them a long time to find each other. Link to post Share on other sites
snowcones Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 They are mostly Swedes on those, and Swedes never ever match my taste:D besides, what am I going to do on an a tech meetup, A good question. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lorenza Posted October 29, 2018 Author Share Posted October 29, 2018 What's wrong with Swede guys for you to never like the men who are around you? Do you prefer Norwegians and Danish men instead? Oh, there's lots of dorky gentlemen out there, there's literally 350 million men in Europe and you don't have to resctrict yourself to Swedish men or Scandinavian men. So someone with social skills, as it's necessary for a relationship to work out. Guys like that aren't around much? What do you mean by more traditional type of relationships? And you shouldn't lower your standards, ever. There's nothin worse than a relationship where your partner is not 100% percent perfect, the way you want him or her to be. What's the point of being in a relationship if you aren't 24/7 happy with someone? It's very difficult to explain my distaste for Swedish men to someone who's never lived here. If I'd say this to any other immigrant woman (or man, to be honest) living and going on dates in Sweden, they'd know exactly what I mean. There's just so many jokes and stories we immigrants share about dating the locals I don't know about the Norwegians or Danish guys, there's not so many of them here cause they have their own welfare paradises and don't emmigrate Yeah, I'm pretty sure dorky gentlemen aren't so uncommon, but I'm not quite sure where to meet them. I don't think they're the nerdy IT guys, as No_Go suggested. I've been in that area when I studed programming (big mistake! Not my field at all) and I haven't met all that many men who I was attracted to. More traditional, aka a man being a man and not some weird feminist who is afraid of his own masculinity, can take care of a woman (and be taken care in return, in different ways) etc etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lorenza Posted October 29, 2018 Author Share Posted October 29, 2018 A good question. I've studied programming 4 years ago. And it was awful Link to post Share on other sites
snowcones Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 It's very difficult to explain my distaste for Swedish men to someone who's never lived here. If I'd say this to any other immigrant woman (or man, to be honest) living and going on dates in Sweden, they'd know exactly what I mean. There's just so many jokes and stories we immigrants share about dating the locals This is interesting! I wish you or another woman knew how to explain it because I am soooo curious! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lorenza Posted October 29, 2018 Author Share Posted October 29, 2018 This is interesting! I wish you or another woman knew how to explain it because I am soooo curious! Swedes are really stuck in their ways. If they've already planned jogging and having baked salmon for dinner tonight, there's no way they'd change their plans if you spontaneosly suggested something else. So, say, you have a hectic job schedule and your Swedish bf/gf has a regular 9-17 job. You unexpectedly get an evening off and suggest to take the chance to do something together. But your Swedish partner has already booked a time in the laundry room or have already left his/her salmon pieces to defrost. It is very unlikely they will meet you. I'm not kidding! Swedish guys are very confused about what level of masculinity is ok to demonstrate. They will definitely not pick up the bill. But they will also be afraid to suggest to carry your bags. Or help you put your new IKEA furniture together. Or even stand up for you. I've heard women yelling at their boyfriends for trying to defend them (from my years as a casino dealer and unwillingly being a part of the nightlife here). Swedish families are so weird. If you visit your boyfriends parents, they will probably offer you coffee and cookies. Where I'm from, visiting family is a big deal and you can definitely expect food to say the least. But not here. I know a lot of swedes who meet their parents twice a year. It's not necessary to be close to your family here. Divorce rates are high. Swedes will break up for any smallest reason. There are so many so called "every-second-week" dads on dating sites. And children have tons of half siblings - from dad's second wife, then dad's live-in-girlfriend, mom's new girlfriend's children etc etc. It's a mess. A liberal mess. There are also many gender-neutral schools and many swedes raise their children gender neutral. I had some trans-gendered students at age 12. Some younger one had confusing names f ex a boy called Isabel. Also, a lot of them secretly look down on other nations. As a woman from an Eastern European country I've had some nasty encounters. The only men that has every been so mean and condescending to me upon rejection were Swedes. They try to be so open and liberal and accepting, but in reality, none of my immigrant friends has ever succeeded to make a true Swedish friend. Well anyway, I've seen and experienced so much over my 10 years here. I've also had a crazy random life here, so it's pretty much enough to form an opinion. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
lovely81 Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 That's a really interesting perspective on Sweden. Also suggest taking a break from online dating. "Do you." Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 They are mostly Swedes on those, and Swedes never ever match my taste:D besides, what am I going to do on an a tech meetup, Doesn’t need to be IT guys. Entrepreneurs can come from any field, I’m more thinking people that are self starters and a bit unconventional respectively. Art circles are maybe more in your lane. Tried these too Too much drugs and stuff in that lines there, otherwise met few very interesting people.. You may have luck mixing in these crowds. Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 Lol exactly my experience with Dutch people. Bf and gf will have their own shelf in the fridge of their apartment and ask each other for permission to get a slice of bread Swedes are really stuck in their ways. If they've already planned jogging and having baked salmon for dinner tonight, there's no way they'd change their plans if you spontaneosly suggested something else. So, say, you have a hectic job schedule and your Swedish bf/gf has a regular 9-17 job. You unexpectedly get an evening off and suggest to take the chance to do something together. But your Swedish partner has already booked a time in the laundry room or have already left his/her salmon pieces to defrost. It is very unlikely they will meet you. I'm not kidding! Swedish guys are very confused about what level of masculinity is ok to demonstrate. They will definitely not pick up the bill. But they will also be afraid to suggest to carry your bags. Or help you put your new IKEA furniture together. Or even stand up for you. I've heard women yelling at their boyfriends for trying to defend them (from my years as a casino dealer and unwillingly being a part of the nightlife here). Swedish families are so weird. If you visit your boyfriends parents, they will probably offer you coffee and cookies. Where I'm from, visiting family is a big deal and you can definitely expect food to say the least. But not here. I know a lot of swedes who meet their parents twice a year. It's not necessary to be close to your family here. Divorce rates are high. Swedes will break up for any smallest reason. There are so many so called "every-second-week" dads on dating sites. And children have tons of half siblings - from dad's second wife, then dad's live-in-girlfriend, mom's new girlfriend's children etc etc. It's a mess. A liberal mess. There are also many gender-neutral schools and many swedes raise their children gender neutral. I had some trans-gendered students at age 12. Some younger one had confusing names f ex a boy called Isabel. Also, a lot of them secretly look down on other nations. As a woman from an Eastern European country I've had some nasty encounters. The only men that has every been so mean and condescending to me upon rejection were Swedes. They try to be so open and liberal and accepting, but in reality, none of my immigrant friends has ever succeeded to make a true Swedish friend. Well anyway, I've seen and experienced so much over my 10 years here. I've also had a crazy random life here, so it's pretty much enough to form an opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lorenza Posted October 29, 2018 Author Share Posted October 29, 2018 Doesn’t need to be IT guys. Entrepreneurs can come from any field, I’m more thinking people that are self starters and a bit unconventional respectively. Art circles are maybe more in your lane. Tried these too Too much drugs and stuff in that lines there, otherwise met few very interesting people.. You may have luck mixing in these crowds. I think I'm with the music crowd, as a former musician/music teacher but I don't know if I'd date a musician... It's a struggle. A hobby musician - sure! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lorenza Posted October 29, 2018 Author Share Posted October 29, 2018 Lol exactly my experience with Dutch people. Bf and gf will have their own shelf in the fridge of their apartment and ask each other for permission to get a slice of bread Absolutely! My cousin dated a Swedish guy who wasn't comfortable letting her do the laundry at his place after she has accidentally spilled something on her clothes. She was about to stay the night and asked if she could throw her clothes into his laundry machine so they manage to dry until the next day when she has to leave. He was like: "um maybe you could do them at home? I have some of my clothes already thrown in, wouldn't like to take them out" (i mean dry clothes, prepared for whenever he will turn it on to wash) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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