A rant. It just seems impossible.

[SunnyWeather]

I'm only in Sweden for all other benefits and 100% of my friends are foreign

 

.

 

Perhaps the above speaks to why you are having such a hard time finding a suitable partner in your adopted country.

[Lorenza]

Perhaps the above speaks to why you are having such a hard time finding a suitable partner in your adopted country.

 

No, just no read my previous posts please there's no way you can get the dating culture here without having some insights we're all bundled up together because of our experience with Swedes, not trying to exclude Swedes

[snowcones]

Swedes are really stuck in their ways. If they've already planned jogging and having baked salmon for dinner tonight, there's no way they'd change their plans if you spontaneosly suggested something else.

So, say, you have a hectic job schedule and your Swedish bf/gf has a regular 9-17 job. You unexpectedly get an evening off and suggest to take the chance to do something together. But your Swedish partner has already booked a time in the laundry room or have already left his/her salmon pieces to defrost. It is very unlikely they will meet you. I'm not kidding!

 

Swedish guys are very confused about what level of masculinity is ok to demonstrate. They will definitely not pick up the bill. But they will also be afraid to suggest to carry your bags. Or help you put your new IKEA furniture together. Or even stand up for you. I've heard women yelling at their boyfriends for trying to defend them (from my years as a casino dealer and unwillingly being a part of the nightlife here).

 

Swedish families are so weird. If you visit your boyfriends parents, they will probably offer you coffee and cookies. Where I'm from, visiting family is a big deal and you can definitely expect food to say the least. But not here. I know a lot of swedes who meet their parents twice a year. It's not necessary to be close to your family here.

 

Divorce rates are high. Swedes will break up for any smallest reason. There are so many so called "every-second-week" dads on dating sites. And children have tons of half siblings - from dad's second wife, then dad's live-in-girlfriend, mom's new girlfriend's children etc etc. It's a mess. A liberal mess. There are also many gender-neutral schools and many swedes raise their children gender neutral. I had some trans-gendered students at age 12. Some younger one had confusing names f ex a boy called Isabel.

 

Also, a lot of them secretly look down on other nations. As a woman from an Eastern European country I've had some nasty encounters. The only men that has every been so mean and condescending to me upon rejection were Swedes. They try to be so open and liberal and accepting, but in reality, none of my immigrant friends has ever succeeded to make a true Swedish friend.

 

Well anyway, I've seen and experienced so much over my 10 years here. I've also had a crazy random life here, so it's pretty much enough to form an opinion.

 

 

Whoa. My mind is blown. I definitely wouldn't like the men there then, and it definitely sounds like the U.S. is well on it's way to the same conditions.

[Lorenza]

Whoa. My mind is blown. I definitely wouldn't like the men there then, and it definitely sounds like the U.S. is well on it's way to the same conditions.

 

Is it?? That's sad!

[snowcones]

Is it?? That's sad!

 

 

Yes. We're about half way there, except it's worse in that we don't even have the welfare benefits.

Edited October 29, 2018 by snowcones

[SunnyWeather]

No, just no read my previous posts please there's no way you can get the dating culture here without having some insights we're all bundled up together because of our experience with Swedes, not trying to exclude Swedes

 

I wasn't just referring to the fact that all your friends are expats too. It also speaks to a lack of integration into the culture while using it for its benefits. Perhaps it's a vibe people are picking up on? A closed-off ness that is validating your negative view of Swedes. If you don't like where you are at, maybe it's time to relocate to a country where you feel more simpatico, if that's even possible.

[bene]

Very interesting (and amusing) insight into Sweden. I have some work contacts with Swedes and I have wondered about some things so your description was fun to read.

 

Considering all that you’d probably be better off meeting people who are also foreigners. There must be a guys like you around in Sweden? And let’s be honest, as your not eager to have kids you actually have quite a lot of time to choose a partner. This is pretty much the only thing that would make you pressed for time. So no worries

[Lorenza]

I wasn't just referring to the fact that all your friends are expats too. It also speaks to a lack of integration into the culture while using it for its benefits. Perhaps it's a vibe people are picking up on? A closed-off ness that is validating your negative view of Swedes. If you don't like where you are at, maybe it's time to relocate to a country where you feel more simpatico, if that's even possible.

 

But why would I want to integrate with people who's lifestyle and views I don't like? The men are basically undatable for me personally. Speak to any immigrant here and they will tell you it's hard to make friends here. Or just google "expats" and "Sweden" and you will get articles that Sweden is the loneliest country for expats.

Swedes are good as collegues and customers/employers. That's quite enough. I'm not living here to become one of the people I find bland, I'm here to live my own life (and have the free education, high salary, free health system etc etc) So I'm definitely not gonna move it's all about creating your own circles. AND dating other immigrants/expats

[No_Go]

Lol yeah this doesn’t surprise me

 

The big question for you is: do you plan to stay in Sweden long-term or move at some foreseeable future? If the former, I think it won’t be bad to try submerging into their culture.. There is good among the bad. Few of my friends did that and are in happy relationships with Dutch guys (Which IME are much like the guys in Sweden). If you really don’t see yourself staying there, why don’t you move to a place where you feel more ‘at home’? A couple of two immigrants would never feel completely ‘at home’, I’ve seen so many of these..

 

My personal experience: moved to US, on the East Coast, after 6 years in NL (where are never fully integrated)... And things just clicked! First few years were hard but now, ~6 years in, I can say I feel at home and it reflects on all my relationships... I met the best guy for me in the whole universe after kissing real frogs, just see my old threads lol with the moocher etc. Lol thinking back I was not fillly acclimated into this culture and was basically an easy prey for all sorts of a**holes. You, staying where you are, risk exactly the same... It is IMO more of a get fully in or get out moment, not just a dating misfortune situation...

 

Absolutely! My cousin dated a Swedish guy who wasn't comfortable letting her do the laundry at his place after she has accidentally spilled something on her clothes. She was about to stay the night and asked if she could throw her clothes into his laundry machine so they manage to dry until the next day when she has to leave. He was like: "um maybe you could do them at home? I have some of my clothes already thrown in, wouldn't like to take them out" (i mean dry clothes, prepared for whenever he will turn it on to wash)

[Springsummer]

Whoa. My mind is blown. I definitely wouldn't like the men there then, and it definitely sounds like the U.S. is well on it's way to the same conditions.

 

I think the same in Canada.

 

whereas, the men in my home country and culture is the opposite. They pay for dates, family-oriented, and do everything for their women.

 

I am an ethic immigrant in Canada:( it sucks. I can't move back to my home country though after more than 2 decades. I have all my immediate family here and have a cushy job now.

 

wish I knew what I know now. if I could turn back clock. I would do things differently.

Edited October 30, 2018 by Springsummer

[Chilli]

When l was a kid swede women were suppose to be sex Godesses but ahhh, l just couldn't see it then, and still can't.

[snowcones]

I think the same in Canada.

 

whereas, the men in my home country and culture is the opposite. They pay for dates, family-oriented, and do everything for their women.

 

I am an ethic immigrant in Canada:( it sucks. I can't move back to my home country though after more than 2 decades. I have all my immediate family here and have a cushy job now.

 

wish I knew what I know now. if I could turn back clock. I would do things differently.

 

 

springsummer, you seem so sad. I feel really bad for you.

[Chilli]

I think the same in Canada.

 

whereas, the men in my home country and culture is the opposite. They pay for dates, family-oriented, and do everything for their women.

 

I am an ethic immigrant in Canada:( it sucks. I can't move back to my home country though after more than 2 decades. I have all my immediate family here and have a cushy job now.

 

wish I knew what I know now. if I could turn back clock. I would do things differently.

 

 

And what are the women like , the same and really look after their men ?

 

But yeah it must be hard , incredible swapping countries , l almost ended up in the USA myself with ex , but l'm glad l didn't.

Her being italian and me being me l'd much rather italy somewhere and could never work out what she was doing there but l guess it all happens gradually like you describe , she had a great job great money and finally found a city she liked after 20yrs.

l've lived all over my country so l know what it's like even if on a smaller scale

She says it felt more home to her that italy now.

She'd had a terrible run with men though and late 40s, well l genuinely hope something works out for her .

Edited October 30, 2018 by Chilli

[Lorenza]

Lol yeah this doesn’t surprise me

 

The big question for you is: do you plan to stay in Sweden long-term or move at some foreseeable future? If the former, I think it won’t be bad to try submerging into their culture.. There is good among the bad. Few of my friends did that and are in happy relationships with Dutch guys (Which IME are much like the guys in Sweden). If you really don’t see yourself staying there, why don’t you move to a place where you feel more ‘at home’? A couple of two immigrants would never feel completely ‘at home’, I’ve seen so many of these..

 

My personal experience: moved to US, on the East Coast, after 6 years in NL (where are never fully integrated)... And things just clicked! First few years were hard but now, ~6 years in, I can say I feel at home and it reflects on all my relationships... I met the best guy for me in the whole universe after kissing real frogs, just see my old threads lol with the moocher etc. Lol thinking back I was not fillly acclimated into this culture and was basically an easy prey for all sorts of a**holes. You, staying where you are, risk exactly the same... It is IMO more of a get fully in or get out moment, not just a dating misfortune situation...

 

I understand what you mean, but I'm really not planning to move from Sweden and after 10 years here I don't think I can fall prey to any more aholes. My friends and some family members are here, I've been in the queue to get an apartment contract for some years, gonna apply for the citizenship in spring, have had multiple jobs here. And to be honest working conditions in Sweden are really superior. I can't see how a couple of professionals with high salaries can feel "not at home" here, cause you can have such a decent life. In 1,5 years I'll be done with my studies (although I'll probably do master part time) and I'm really looking forward working in the business environment here.

Also, I speak fluent Swedish and it took me a while to achieve.

 

I just don't want to date Swedish men

[Lorenza]

I think the same in Canada.

 

whereas, the men in my home country and culture is the opposite. They pay for dates, family-oriented, and do everything for their women.

 

I am an ethic immigrant in Canada:( it sucks. I can't move back to my home country though after more than 2 decades. I have all my immediate family here and have a cushy job now.

 

wish I knew what I know now. if I could turn back clock. I would do things differently.

 

Ugh, I blame this ultra-liberalism, or radical feminism. They have changed relationships forever. And, to be honest, I don't think people have become happier from all those blurred out gender roles. Cause after all, men and women are different in nature. I'm all for equality in payment, opportunities and right, that at the same time embraces our differences, doesn't try make us into a homogeneneos mass.

In Sweden they go as far as raising genderless children, giving female names to boys and vice versa. The kids are very confused. But adults are confused as well. I've seen so many weird individuals on Tinder and met some of them in person.

[elaine567]

Trouble is if the gulf is as large as you claim between the general Swedish population and your culture then the odds of you meeting someone suitable are always going to be low as long as you stay in Sweden.

I guess Swedes are not too keen on dating people from a different culture either, so it does sound like it could indeed be an "impossible" task for you to find this "needle in a haystack" man in Sweden.

[Lorenza]

Trouble is if the gulf is as large as you claim between the general Swedish population and your culture then the odds of you meeting someone suitable are always going to be low as long as you stay in Sweden.

I guess Swedes are not too keen on dating people from a different culture either, so it does sound like it could indeed be an "impossible" task for you to find this "needle in a haystack" man in Sweden.

 

There are lots of immigrants and expats living and working here, people from Eastern Europe, the US, Australia, Latino America etc etc

The impossibility lies in me not really meeting the character I like. All of my dates this years were, however, foreigners and it's really not that hard to find them. I was mainly just explaining to those who wondered, why I don't date Swedish men

[sabaton]

It's very difficult to explain my distaste for Swedish men to someone who's never lived here. If I'd say this to any other immigrant woman (or man, to be honest) living and going on dates in Sweden, they'd know exactly what I mean.

Give it a try. I'm sure you can explain it in a way that I can understand despite not being part of your culture. What is it about Swedish men that is so offputting you don't want to date them?

 

There's just so many jokes and stories we immigrants share about dating the locals I don't know about the Norwegians or Danish guys, there's not so many of them here cause they have their own welfare paradises and don't emmigrate

You are not a Swede? An ethnic Swede? What culture do you belong to? Are you from a conservative culture looking to get married and the Swedish men you meet are only interested in hooking-up?

 

Yeah, I'm pretty sure dorky gentlemen aren't so uncommon, but I'm not quite sure where to meet them.

Bookstores, comic books stores and cons, Dreamhack, a major video game event that has been taking place in Sween for the last 20 years or so. Chess clubs, Churches?

 

I don't think they're the nerdy IT guys, as No_Go suggested. I've been in that area when I studed programming (big mistake! Not my field at all) and I haven't met all that many men who I was attracted to.

If you were studying Computer science, you must have been one of the few women surrounded by a lot of men, increasing your dating options by a fair bit. Were those men physically unattractive or were they lacking in social skills?

 

More traditional, aka a man being a man and not some weird feminist who is afraid of his own masculinity, can take care of a woman (and be taken care in return, in different ways) etc etc.[

What do you mean a man being a man? You said you don't like men who go to the gym, or who sculpt their bodies. So doesn't that mean you're not that attracted to masculine men?

 

Ah you want a man who can financially support you? Like a guy who wants to rush into marriage and not go through the dating process with you?

[sabaton]

Swedish guys are very confused about what level of masculinity is ok to demonstrate.

That's because Sweden is one of the most socially developed Countries in the world. They don't seem so much to be confused about what level of masculinity it is right to display, and more about respecting women's rights and a woman's ability to show what she wants(Swedish women often pursue and approach men). I've had female friends of mine who visited Stockholm and talked about how annoying it was that guys would just stare at them and not approach.

 

They will definitely not pick up the bill.

Swedish women make a lot of money, with many if not the majority of women attending college and getting good jobs. Why would the pay the bill when the women can more than afford paying for her share of the date?

 

A man paying for the bill is a relic from a time in the Western world when women weren't allowed jobs/had low incomes and as such it was up to the guy to pay for it, but that social phenomenon of men paying is becoming more and more a thing of the past.

 

Paying for a date makes the woman feel he's paying rent for the time she spent with him, like his company is not appreciated and enjoyed in it's own, and it makes the guy feel that the only reason she went out with him was because of the free food/drinks and the free entertainment he provided to her, and many a woman feels like a man thinks of himself entitled to sex because he paid for the date.

 

I have a friend who was complaining to me how he spent 100+ euros on a dinner date + 50+ euros on drinks and then the time and money he spent to get to see her, and he never had sex with her. Not all, but there's lots of guys who feel like they deserve sex because they paid for the woman's date expenses - and which guy wants to make a woman feel like she owes him sex?

 

Meanwhile, I take my dates to this coffee shop that is 5 seconds away by walking from my house. I spend 50 cents on my coffee, and if the date doesn't turn well, I don't even have to spend gasoline or waste time in public transportation because my house is so close to where my adte takes place.

 

But they will also be afraid to suggest to carry your bags.

That's because women don't need men to carry stuff around. My mother would carry heavy stuff when my father was working and I was at school, and my mother's tiny at 4'10'' and 90lbs.

 

Or help you put your new IKEA furniture together. Or even stand up for you. I've heard women yelling at their boyfriends for trying to defend them (from my years as a casino dealer and unwillingly being a part of the nightlife here).

Well, the thing is that a mans tanding up for his girlfriend might end up with him getting seriously beaten up or killed in more extreme cases.

 

I know a guy who was out on a friday's night to a nightclub with 2 of his female friends, and one of the girls was approached and was being harassed by a couple of thuggish-looking guys who were trying to get the girl to go with them to a secluded area, and when this guy that I used to know decided to defend his friends - he ended up stabbed to death.

 

If a guy feels that he's obliged to protect with his life/physical integrity someone he's not in a romantic or sexual relationship with: how do you think a boyfriend is going to feel like?

 

Who wants that level of stress and pressure in his life? Who wants to feel responsible for a young woman's life if she's not the guy's daughter? And which guy has more than one life that he can spare defending a girlfriend, or even a wife?

 

Swedish families are so weird. If you visit your boyfriends parents, they will probably offer you coffee and cookies.

Yes, and they have the best cookies and coffee from what I've been offered to taste from Swedish friends in here

 

Where I'm from, visiting family is a big deal and you can definitely expect food to say the least. But not here. I know a lot of swedes who meet their parents twice a year. It's not necessary to be close to your family here.

That's becasue parents want their sons and daughters to be independent and to survive on their own, and to be fully functional on their own. In Sweden, the average age for the people who leave their parents household for good is 19 years.

 

For say.. Spaniards.. the average age of the son/daughter that leaves his parents house for good, to move out on his or hers own is... 29

 

Divorce rates are high.

They can't be that high. What, 50% divorce rate for the couples who are in their 30s and highyl educated?

 

I was reading the premier national newspaper the other day, and where I am right now(Portimão) the divorce rate for first marriages amongst the people who are in their 30s is 70%. 80% divorce rate for 2nd marriages, and 90% divorce rating for 3rd marriages, with most marriages only lasting a few years, like 7 years on average.

 

And from what I was reading last year, it seems that last years(or was it the year before that one) half of the weddings that happened to the local native men ocurred between them and Brazilian women.

 

I was dating a girl who invited me to her father's third wedding and he wasn't even 50 yet

 

Swedes will break up for any smallest reason.

And that's good, ain't it? it means those people aren't forced to stay with people they aren't compatible with. What's the point of being in a relationship if the girl/guy is not 100% compatible with the partner they're with, and with so many choices - why would anyone stay in a relationship that isn't enjoyable?

 

There are so many so called "every-second-week" dads on dating sites.

Yes, and that's good, no?

 

It allows people to be free from marriages that aren't working well for them, to get out of those marriages that are no good, and for them to pursue other potential partners. Before, 50 years ago people who were divorced were charged with a very high degree of social stigma, and would make divorced men and women damaged goods.

 

And children have tons of half siblings - from dad's second wife, then dad's live-in-girlfriend, mom's new girlfriend's children etc etc.

Sounds great. I have several sisters, but no brothers, and it would have been awesome growing up with brothers so I'd have someone to play soccer with and to practice boxing.

 

It's a mess. A liberal mess.

I take it you don't like Liberalism? How come? Something about Swedes having large families with lots of siblings and half-sibblings bothers you?

 

There are also many gender-neutral schools and many swedes raise their children gender neutral. I had some trans-gendered students at age 12. Some younger one had confusing names f ex a boy called Isabel.

That's a Spanish name. What do you mean by Gender-neutral schools?

 

Also, a lot of them secretly look down on other nations.

oh, every nation does that. From Spain to the USA to Russia. Every Country thinks they're better than the other ones.

 

As a woman from an Eastern European country I've had some nasty encounters. The only men that has every been so mean and condescending to me upon rejection were Swedes.

I'm sorry to hear that you had to go through that.

[sabaton]

Whoa. My mind is blown. I definitely wouldn't like the men there then, and it definitely sounds like the U.S. is well on it's way to the same conditions.

 

 

What's wrong with the dating conditions in the USA???? And why don't you like American men??

[Lorenza]

Give it a try. I'm sure you can explain it in a way that I can understand despite not being part of your culture. What is it about Swedish men that is so offputting you don't want to date them?

 

 

You are not a Swede? An ethnic Swede? What culture do you belong to? Are you from a conservative culture looking to get married and the Swedish men you meet are only interested in hooking-up?

 

 

Bookstores, comic books stores and cons, Dreamhack, a major video game event that has been taking place in Sween for the last 20 years or so. Chess clubs, Churches?

 

 

If you were studying Computer science, you must have been one of the few women surrounded by a lot of men, increasing your dating options by a fair bit. Were those men physically unattractive or were they lacking in social skills?

 

 

What do you mean a man being a man? You said you don't like men who go to the gym, or who sculpt their bodies. So doesn't that mean you're not that attracted to masculine men?

 

Ah you want a man who can financially support you? Like a guy who wants to rush into marriage and not go through the dating process with you?

 

Oh I've dated Swedes.

 

I'm from Eastern Europe, not Swedish at all. In my cultures relationships look differently.

 

Yeah bookstores.. as I mentioned people don't do random encounters. My best bet would be meetup at the moment.

 

I was in a relationship when I was studying computer science. In a relationship with one of those geeks.

 

Gym isn't "a man being a man" for me. I associate it with narcissism and obsession with self image, which isn't particularly manly in my eyes

 

I dont want a man to financially support me. As I mentioned, I study and work and look forward to getting a high paid job. Not sure where this question came from. I wrote that I'm striving to be a couple of qualified high-earners, so why do you assume I would want a man to support me?

 

No, i dont want to rush into marriage. You're sooo misinterpreting... i just said i dont like the lovey-dovey phase

[Lorenza]

That's because Sweden is one of the most socially developed Countries in the world. They don't seem so much to be confused about what level of masculinity it is right to display, and more about respecting women's rights and a woman's ability to show what she wants(Swedish women often pursue and approach men). I've had female friends of mine who visited Stockholm and talked about how annoying it was that guys would just stare at them and not approach.

 

 

Swedish women make a lot of money, with many if not the majority of women attending college and getting good jobs. Why would the pay the bill when the women can more than afford paying for her share of the date?

 

A man paying for the bill is a relic from a time in the Western world when women weren't allowed jobs/had low incomes and as such it was up to the guy to pay for it, but that social phenomenon of men paying is becoming more and more a thing of the past.

 

Paying for a date makes the woman feel he's paying rent for the time she spent with him, like his company is not appreciated and enjoyed in it's own, and it makes the guy feel that the only reason she went out with him was because of the free food/drinks and the free entertainment he provided to her, and many a woman feels like a man thinks of himself entitled to sex because he paid for the date.

 

I have a friend who was complaining to me how he spent 100+ euros on a dinner date + 50+ euros on drinks and then the time and money he spent to get to see her, and he never had sex with her. Not all, but there's lots of guys who feel like they deserve sex because they paid for the woman's date expenses - and which guy wants to make a woman feel like she owes him sex?

 

Meanwhile, I take my dates to this coffee shop that is 5 seconds away by walking from my house. I spend 50 cents on my coffee, and if the date doesn't turn well, I don't even have to spend gasoline or waste time in public transportation because my house is so close to where my adte takes place.

 

 

That's because women don't need men to carry stuff around. My mother would carry heavy stuff when my father was working and I was at school, and my mother's tiny at 4'10'' and 90lbs.

 

 

Well, the thing is that a mans tanding up for his girlfriend might end up with him getting seriously beaten up or killed in more extreme cases.

 

I know a guy who was out on a friday's night to a nightclub with 2 of his female friends, and one of the girls was approached and was being harassed by a couple of thuggish-looking guys who were trying to get the girl to go with them to a secluded area, and when this guy that I used to know decided to defend his friends - he ended up stabbed to death.

 

If a guy feels that he's obliged to protect with his life/physical integrity someone he's not in a romantic or sexual relationship with: how do you think a boyfriend is going to feel like?

 

Who wants that level of stress and pressure in his life? Who wants to feel responsible for a young woman's life if she's not the guy's daughter? And which guy has more than one life that he can spare defending a girlfriend, or even a wife?

 

 

Yes, and they have the best cookies and coffee from what I've been offered to taste from Swedish friends in here

 

 

That's becasue parents want their sons and daughters to be independent and to survive on their own, and to be fully functional on their own. In Sweden, the average age for the people who leave their parents household for good is 19 years.

 

For say.. Spaniards.. the average age of the son/daughter that leaves his parents house for good, to move out on his or hers own is... 29

 

 

They can't be that high. What, 50% divorce rate for the couples who are in their 30s and highyl educated?

 

I was reading the premier national newspaper the other day, and where I am right now(Portimão) the divorce rate for first marriages amongst the people who are in their 30s is 70%. 80% divorce rate for 2nd marriages, and 90% divorce rating for 3rd marriages, with most marriages only lasting a few years, like 7 years on average.

 

And from what I was reading last year, it seems that last years(or was it the year before that one) half of the weddings that happened to the local native men ocurred between them and Brazilian women.

 

I was dating a girl who invited me to her father's third wedding and he wasn't even 50 yet

 

 

And that's good, ain't it? it means those people aren't forced to stay with people they aren't compatible with. What's the point of being in a relationship if the girl/guy is not 100% compatible with the partner they're with, and with so many choices - why would anyone stay in a relationship that isn't enjoyable?

 

 

Yes, and that's good, no?

 

It allows people to be free from marriages that aren't working well for them, to get out of those marriages that are no good, and for them to pursue other potential partners. Before, 50 years ago people who were divorced were charged with a very high degree of social stigma, and would make divorced men and women damaged goods.

 

 

Sounds great. I have several sisters, but no brothers, and it would have been awesome growing up with brothers so I'd have someone to play soccer with and to practice boxing.

 

 

I take it you don't like Liberalism? How come? Something about Swedes having large families with lots of siblings and half-sibblings bothers you?

 

 

That's a Spanish name. What do you mean by Gender-neutral schools?

 

 

oh, every nation does that. From Spain to the USA to Russia. Every Country thinks they're better than the other ones.

 

 

I'm sorry to hear that you had to go through that.

 

As I said, nobody in this forum will get what i mean unless they lived in a Scandinavian country for some time. Like No_go, she understands what I mean because she lived in the Netherlands. It's getting a little bit tiresome for me to explain to be honest.

[No_Go]

I can't see how a couple of professionals with high salaries can feel "not at home" - well depends how you define it, but if your and your partner's values collide with the values in the place where you live, your biggest risk is isolating yourselves to expat communities only. Just an observation on multiple foreigners going through this and my own. Not saying it's bad to live in Sweden, just giving you another factor to weight in when you do your own analysis.

 

 

I understand what you mean, but I'm really not planning to move from Sweden and after 10 years here I don't think I can fall prey to any more aholes. My friends and some family members are here, I've been in the queue to get an apartment contract for some years, gonna apply for the citizenship in spring, have had multiple jobs here. And to be honest working conditions in Sweden are really superior. I can't see how a couple of professionals with high salaries can feel "not at home" here, cause you can have such a decent life. In 1,5 years I'll be done with my studies (although I'll probably do master part time) and I'm really looking forward working in the business environment here.

Also, I speak fluent Swedish and it took me a while to achieve.

 

I just don't want to date Swedish men

[Lorenza]

I can't see how a couple of professionals with high salaries can feel "not at home" - well depends how you define it, but if your and your partner's values collide with the values in the place where you live, your biggest risk is isolating yourselves to expat communities only. Just an observation on multiple foreigners going through this and my own. Not saying it's bad to live in Sweden, just giving you another factor to weight in when you do your own analysis.

 

Really, I'm not new here, in 10 years I've made up my mind how I feel about this country and it's not a problem that I'm not in line with how the Swedes think and live. I have no problem talking to them at work or communicating with my teachers. Older people are actually quite nice.

No country is perfect. I don't see anything wrong with not wanting to date the locals.

 

 

It's not like they pick up some negative vibe and don't want to date me. It's me who don't want to date them. And I don't. All of my dates this year were foreigners, but even then I couldn't find the one I could see myself with. This is completely not about the country, or the locals or anything like that. My problem is just that I don't like anyone. And that is what makes it feel impossible to me.

[dispatch3d]

Going on dates and OLD not working doesn't compute, I get basically no dates - that for sure means OLD doesn't work for me......