A rant. It just seems impossible.

[No_Go]

Ok, but note I wasn’t even commenting on your abilities to attract Locals or suggesting you do so, just on your life in hypothetical couple of 2 foreigners.

 

In any case, there are plenty of foreigners in Scandinavia so you should be having big enough dating pool to select from. Am I wrong here you’re going of too many dates (that you’re not even excited about)? How about dialing down the quantity for higher quality? (imo you can tell, if you’re observant enough, if the guy is your described type. Even just from his writing style in the profile)

 

Really, I'm not new here, in 10 years I've made up my mind how I feel about this country and it's not a problem that I'm not in line with how the Swedes think and live. I have no problem talking to them at work or communicating with my teachers. Older people are actually quite nice.

No country is perfect. I don't see anything wrong with not wanting to date the locals.

 

 

It's not like they pick up some negative vibe and don't want to date me. It's me who don't want to date them. And I don't. All of my dates this year were foreigners, but even then I couldn't find the one I could see myself with. This is completely not about the country, or the locals or anything like that. My problem is just that I don't like anyone. And that is what makes it feel impossible to me.

[Lorenza]

Ok, but note I wasn’t even commenting on your abilities to attract Locals or suggesting you do so, just on your life in hypothetical couple of 2 foreigners.

 

In any case, there are plenty of foreigners in Scandinavia so you should be having big enough dating pool to select from. Am I wrong here you’re going of too many dates (that you’re not even excited about)? How about dialing down the quantity for higher quality? (imo you can tell, if you’re observant enough, if the guy is your described type. Even just from his writing style in the profile)

 

Yes, I know that you weren't commenting on that, there were some other posters who speculated on that, it was directed towards them

 

You're right, I'm going on dates with guys I'm not excited about. I was partially trying to date outside my type and also give benefit of the doubt, thinking that online communication doesn't really reveal the real character and attraction.

[Lorenza]

Actually, the ones that were very eloquent on text and had an interesting writing style had some kind of emotional problems in my experience. So I was trying to give the ones who weren't big writers a chance by meeting them and deciding from there. But that also led to me not having any special anticipation. I dont know which strategy is right for me

[sabaton]

I'm from Eastern Europe, not Swedish at all. In my cultures relationships look differently.

From what I've experienced in Europe, relationship models across the various European cultures are the same or very similar. In what ways do the relationships in Eastern Europe look like that are so different from the social dynamics between the sexes in Sweden/Scandinavia?

 

Are they consisting of mostly arranged marriages? With the girl's parents looking for offers of marriage and then recommending to their daughter the young men they feel is her best bet for a marriage partner and then letting her pick which one is the most appealing to her?

 

I was in a relationship when I was studying computer science. In a relationship with one of those geeks.

Ah. I see. The relationship ran it's course,then? Was there something about it that you really liked/disliked and now you're also looking for it in a new relationship, or avoiding it?

 

Gym isn't "a man being a man" for me. I associate it with narcissism and obsession with self image, which isn't particularly manly in my eyes

What do you consider to be manly?

 

I dont want a man to financially support me. As I mentioned, I study and work and look forward to getting a high paid job. Not sure where this question came from. I wrote that I'm striving to be a couple of qualified high-earners, so why do you assume I would want a man to support me?

There's a lot of women back home in the US who are complaining that they can't find a man. Usually highly qualified, high-earning career women. And now that they're seeking for marriage, they want a man who makes as much or more than they do.

 

Which has a negative effect on their dating lives. I was thinking that this social phenomenon could have something to do with you not finding any man you want to date, but apparently you don't care about a man's earning potential and that's awesome.

[Lorenza]

From what I've experienced in Europe, relationship models across the various European cultures are the same or very similar. In what ways do the relationships in Eastern Europe look like that are so different from the social dynamics between the sexes in Sweden/Scandinavia?

 

Are they consisting of mostly arranged marriages? With the girl's parents looking for offers of marriage and then recommending to their daughter the young men they feel is her best bet for a marriage partner and then letting her pick which one is the most appealing to her?

 

Ah. I see. The relationship ran it's course,then? Was there something about it that you really liked/disliked and now you're also looking for it in a new relationship, or avoiding it?

 

What do you consider to be manly?

 

There's a lot of women back home in the US who are complaining that they can't find a man. Usually highly qualified, high-earning career women. And now that they're seeking for marriage, they want a man who makes as much or more than they do.

 

Which has a negative effect on their dating lives. I was thinking that this social phenomenon could have something to do with you not finding any man you want to date, but apparently you don't care about a man's earning potential and that's awesome.

 

What?? Omg no It's not Middle East..... There are no arranged marriages in Eastern Europe. Is that the view of Americans on countries in Eastern Europe? Those are modern countries. Some have huge economical growth especially the Baltic countries, where I'm from. I can't believe someone would think there are still arranged marriages in Eastern Europe, so shocked....

[Lorenza]

Manly for me is calm, protective, wise, generous, caring, handy, kind-hearted, problem solver and caretaking. Then there are qualities that come with the character and they can vary a lot from person to person, but for me humour is a must. I don't like men who are quick to get angry, get physical, is also all about building physical strength and admiring their body. Don't like horndogs who can't touch without trying to escalate it into something sexual. Don't like arrogance and alpha-male attitude.

[sabaton]

Don't like horndogs who can't touch without trying to escalate it into something sexual.

 

 

So you like to take things slowly with the guys you are dating, like waiting a week or so before sex happens and the Swedish men want it the same day/night they meet you for the first time?

[Lorenza]

So you like to take things slowly with the guys you are dating, like waiting a week or so before sex happens and the Swedish men want it the same day/night they meet you for the first time?

 

Correction: a month or so. When exclusivity is established aka we start a relationship as bf and gf

[sabaton]

Correction: a month or so. When exclusivity is established aka we start a relationship as bf and gf

 

 

Yeah, making a guy wait a month or so before sex happens is a LONG time. Especially in Sweden and in the Scandinavian Countries, places where guys and gals hook up before they even learn each other's name. Yeah, I could see why you would not enjoy Swede men.

[Shining One]

OP, you sound like many of the women I dated in the past. They wanted the various benefits of a progressive society, but they still expected all of the female dating benefits of a more traditional society. It's an unreasonable expectation, in my opinion.

[sabaton]

OP, you sound like many of the women I dated in the past. They wanted the various benefits of a progressive society, but they still expected all of the female dating benefits of a more traditional society. It's an unreasonable expectation, in my opinion.

 

 

What do you mean by that??? What do you mean by women wanting the various benefits of a progressive society(and what would those be?) but still expecting to be treated like women are treated in a more traditional society?

[Lorenza]

OP, you sound like many of the women I dated in the past. They wanted the various benefits of a progressive society, but they still expected all of the female dating benefits of a more traditional society. It's an unreasonable expectation, in my opinion.

 

Haha what oh no I'm for equal opportunities and both men and women working to make living but I enjoy being a man being nice and caring, how completely unreasonable:D

[alphamale]

Don't like arrogance and alpha-male attitude.

 

[Lorenza]

Yeah, making a guy wait a month or so before sex happens is a LONG time. Especially in Sweden and in the Scandinavian Countries, places where guys and gals hook up before they even learn each other's name. Yeah, I could see why you would not enjoy Swede men.

 

I've never had sex with any of my long term boyfriends earlier than a month in or more. And it was never a problem, they weren't complaining. I cant even think having sex before the exclusivity and the other part possibly having sex with other people - that's just nasty. STDs scare the living hell out of me. Sharing bodily fluids with someone you saw a couple of times - heck no.

But otherwise yes, Swedes don't wait. Might be why STDs is such a problem here. But Eastern European men don't usually expect sex so early and it's more normal to save it for a relationship.

[Shining One]

Haha what oh no I'm for equal opportunities and both men and women working to make living but I enjoy being a man being nice and caring, how completely unreasonable:D

I'm sure you have more requirements than just "nice and caring".

 

My point was that the dating culture and the progressive society go hand in hand. You basically want the things from both that benefit you. It would be like me expecting the various benefits of American society and still expecting a fair-skinned, attractive, young, virgin from a good family with a large dowry.

 

 

Perhaps I'm reading too much from you wanting a man to take care of you and be taken care of in different ways.

[Shining One]

On another note... Swedish women sound amazing! Something to keep in mind if I ever find myself single.

[Lorenza]

I'm sure you have more requirements than just "nice and caring".

 

My point was that the dating culture and the progressive society go hand in hand. You basically want the things from both that benefit you. It would be like me expecting the various benefits of American society and still expecting a fair-skinned, attractive, young, virgin from a good family with a large dowry.

 

 

Perhaps I'm reading too much from you wanting a man to take care of you and be taken care of in different ways.

 

Yeah you're projecting. Like a lot of people do on this forum. But please, take my comments out and make a strawmans argument out of them if it makes you feel better or something

[Lorenza]

On another note... Swedish women sound amazing! Something to keep in mind if I ever find myself single.

 

Definitely projecting

[Shining One]

Yeah you're projecting. Like a lot of people do on this forum. But please, take my comments out and make a strawmans argument out of them if it makes you feel better or something

I'm (perhaps incorrectly) drawing conclusions based on your posts in this thread. You have stated the various social benefits which you enjoy in Sweden. You have also stated how Swedish men are lacking compared to men in your home country. The conclusion I'm drawing from that is you want the benefits (Swedish social benefits, home country dating benefits) as they apply to you. If I'm wrong, please correct me. It wouldn't be the first time and it certainly won't be the last.

[Lorenza]

So, last time I'm trying to clarify things for those who like to take things out of context.

 

I'm doing my second bachelor since my first career wasn't as fulfilling as I thought it will be. I want to earn a pretty decent salary and afford all the things I want to afford. I've always been providing for myself as music teacher and freelance musician, but I've decided to major in business instead and make a better living. Not to afford something fancy, but to be able to have a home.

What I expect from a man and what makes some of you very offended for no other reason than projecting your own experiences, is to take care of me. And that he allows me take care of him. Do you not take care of your loved ones? I don't want to be two separate worlds that only meet when it's convenient. I want to be truly intimate. And yes I'd like to cook for my partner and iron his shirts, keep our home cozy and clean. I want him to protect me and pick me up from the train station when it's too late for me to walk home. Or fix my leaking ceiling. Or carry the heavy cat litter for me. I want us to be there for each other when we're sick. I want to laugh until we can't breath and then also be able to talk about anything for hours.

I don't feel like couples in Sweden often share this type of intimacy. When your partner really becomes your family. They try to keep everything as separate as possible and to "burden" each other as little as possible. I don't mind my partners burden.

Hope this clears things up for those of you who speculate.

[Lorenza]

I'm (perhaps incorrectly) drawing conclusions based on your posts in this thread. You have stated the various social benefits which you enjoy in Sweden. You have also stated how Swedish men are lacking compared to men in your home country. The conclusion I'm drawing from that is you want the benefits (Swedish social benefits, home country dating benefits) as they apply to you. If I'm wrong, please correct me. It wouldn't be the first time and it certainly won't be the last.

 

I doubt you're drawing conclusions from my posts, as you're picking out the things I said that help you make your point.

[Chilli]

Correction: a month or so. When exclusivity is established aka we start a relationship as bf and gf

 

Personally , l love this quality in a woman and stuff and ideals you talked about in the next post. And if he cares at all and is truly interest in YOU, then it shouldn't be a problem at all.

Edited November 1, 2018 by Chilli

[sabaton]

I've never had sex with any of my long term boyfriends earlier than a month in or more.

I reckon all or most of the long-term boyfriends you had were Swedes? A modern Sweden waiting a month for sex to happen, those guys must have really liked you

 

And it was never a problem, they weren't complaining.

I have friends who have sex with other girls while the girls they're dating make them wait for sex.

 

I cant even think having sex before the exclusivity and the other part possibly having sex with other people - that's just nasty. STDs scare the living hell out of me. Sharing bodily fluids with someone you saw a couple of times - heck no.

Well, most women take the HPV vaccine before they become sexually active. Or at least it was like that when I was a young man 10 years ago.

 

So I reckon that by now most women in the western world are vaccinated against HPV. HSV-1 and HSV-2 is something most people have regardless of how careful they are with their choice of sexual partners, and condoms protect most people from most stuff.

 

But I understand that there are some people who aren't into casual sex.

 

But otherwise yes, Swedes don't wait. Might be why STDs is such a problem here. But Eastern European men don't usually expect sex so early and it's more normal to save it for a relationship.

Ah. So the majority of your boyfriends were men from Eastern Europe.

 

I'm sure you have more requirements than just "nice and caring".

And I'm sure you have more requirements in women than just being nice and knowing how to cook.

 

My point was that the dating culture and the progressive society go hand in hand. You basically want the things from both that benefit you.

Your point wasn't very elaborate. All you did was to say that she wants to be treated like women were treated traditionally(awfully btw) and that she wants to enjoy a quality of living as a woman in the west that most women in the world do not experience.

 

So what are these things that she wants, that she benefits from?

 

It would be like me expecting the various benefits of American society and still expecting a fair-skinned, attractive, young, virgin from a good family with a large dowry.

What are these various benefits of American Society that you are speaking of that you benefit as a man in North America?

 

fair-skinned, attractive, young, virgin from a good family with a large dowry.

A man from a western nation.. no one is expecting you to want to buy a wife, no. Western men are supposed to be more evolved than their counterparts in the rest of the world. An old man(past the age of 25) expecting a virginal, attractive, young woman with a large dowry is ridiculous.

 

Perhaps I'm reading too much from you wanting a man to take care of you and be taken care of in different ways.

Yeah, MGTOW dudes are quick to jump the gun.

Edited November 1, 2018 by sabaton

[sabaton]

Personally , l love this quality in a woman and stuff and ideals you talked about in the next post. And if he cares at all and is truly interest in YOU, then it shouldn't be a problem at all.

 

 

That honestly depends on the woman and how attracted she is to the guy, to be honest. Now that lady comes from a more reserved culture, but in Spain, Portugal, France and Italy and Germany if a woman makes you wait a month it's because she's really not all that into you. I've been made to wait for months with sex with one girl, and with another girl a week at most, if that much.

 

 

It all depends on how society and their culture views sex, how attracted the girl is to you, and how high their sex drive is.

[Lorenza]

That honestly depends on the woman and how attracted she is to the guy, to be honest. Now that lady comes from a more reserved culture, but in Spain, Portugal, France and Italy and Germany if a woman makes you wait a month it's because she's really not all that into you. I've been made to wait for months with sex with one girl, and with another girl a week at most, if that much.

 

 

It all depends on how society and their culture views sex, how attracted the girl is to you, and how high their sex drive is.

 

"Makes you wait", "I've been made to wait"

No comments really...