Men: How Often Do Women Ask You Out?

[DanielCain]

I've been asked out by five women in the past two months that I can recall. There may be others that I didn't pay much attention to.

 

 

It seems like this is becoming a common, normal thing. At least more so than in the past.

 

 

 

By "ask out" I mean any sort of a social invite: to a party, bar, concert, movie, show anything. It doesn't have to be exclusively the two of you, but it can. It is from someone you know who actually wants to spend time with you, rather than from a stranger soliciting.

 

It can even be an implied invite. For example, she mentions she wants to see a movie while you two are talking and then she falls silent, waiting for you to "ask her" to go to the movie with you.

[alphamale]

in the past six months I've been asked out 4 times by women. I wasn't interested in any of them. Had I been interested I would have gone out with them.

[Springsummer]

OMG.......what world am I living in now?

[Springsummer]

OK. I give up. I am not made of that. Not for this world.

I prefer to be alone than have to ask a man out. I have no interest in any man who is not interested enough in me to ask me.

[shydad]

How Often Do Women Ask You Out?

What a great thread! To answer the question, for me, never. I think more women should do this, though. If they see a man they like, they should take action and go for it! There is no reason not to.

[snowboy91]

If you mean for any social thing, and it includes platonic, then I've lost count. I don't see it as any different to a male friend asking me to go to stuff.

 

As for it being a proper "date" kind of thing, my current partner is always the one suggesting things to do. Aside from that, it's quite rare. But in the past year, I've made the approach on only one girl I've hooked up with - the rest have all approached me.

[sabaton]

]I've been asked out by five women in the past two months that I can recall. There may be others that I didn't pay much attention to.

And you would have probably been asked out by a lot more women, if those women weren't shy or didn't fear rejection.

 

 

 

It seems like this is becoming a common, normal thing. At least more so than in the past.

Because it is becoming a common, normal thing and that's how it should be.

 

There are more and more women who are beginning to realize that asking the guy they are interested in, out, doesn't make them any less feminine than they would be if they just waited for the guy to approach them. It doesn't make the guy feel that she's desperate, if she's the one who approaches him or asks him out on a date, and it doesn't make her masculine, to be proactive and to know what she wants and to go after what she wants.

 

By "ask out" I mean any sort of a social invite: to a party, bar, concert, movie, show anything. It doesn't have to be exclusively the two of you, but it can. It is from someone you know who actually wants to spend time with you, rather than from a stranger soliciting.

There are women who are going to ask you out on in a sort of group date by asking you to go hang out with them and their friends, as they aren't as nervous as they'd be asking the guy to go out with them one on one when they haven't built chemistry between them yet.

 

I've noticed that Europeans - at least the Europeans around here - are like that. The girls will either ask you to spend time with their friends, and of course they are there, or things just happen that you are spending time with a group of friends, and then you develop chemistry with one of the girls and you two end up on a date.

 

It can even be an implied invite. For example, she mentions she wants to see a movie while you two are talking and then she falls silent, waiting for you to "ask her" to go to the movie with you.

That always turned me off. I like people to be direct, about everything.

 

 

 

If you are attracted to me, ask me out. You don't have to make a show of it, just invite me to a cup of coffee at the coffee shop that is literally 10 seconds away from my house, doesn't matter if there's going to be other folks around, as I rather like big groups.

 

 

Don't sit around playing with your hair and smiling at me and then expecting me to go up and talk to you. You are 18-25 years old, not 15, that stuff stopped being cute as soon as I became an adult.

 

OMG.......what world am I living in now?

 

 

What do you mean?

Edited October 26, 2018 by sabaton

[sabaton]

OK. I give up. I am not made of that. Not for this world.

I prefer to be alone than have to ask a man out. I have no interest in any man who is not interested enough in me to ask me.

 

 

You prefer to pass on a potentially amazing relationship that could last an entire lifetime because you think that if a man doesn't ask you out it's because he is not interested in you enough????

 

 

It was my mother who approached my father first.

 

It was my mother who went up to my father's table at the coffee shop they met each other at and started talking to him, and it was my mother who asked my father out on a date.

 

 

Decades and decades past that fateful day, my parents are still together and very much happy with each other. I love their story. It inspires me, and there's nothing sexier as a guy than to be approached by a girl, because it shows her to:

 

 

1) Have high self-esteem. Even attractive girls get rejected, even for casual sex there's guys who aren't going to bother, why if you ask me, I dunno.

 

 

2) She goes after what she wants. She's not afraid of what other people think about her and that makes for a good partner in a long-term relationship.

 

 

3) she is so attracted to the guy that she isn't going to miss out on the chance to know him. That makes the guy feel desireable, lusted after, hot and sensual, when that happens.

[nospam99]

Context: I am 64 and have limited social contacts. I do, however, meet women at meetup.com events.

 

Briefly, never. Though exactly how much it happened prior to the start of my relationship with my ex-wife (1983), I have long since lost track. What I do get are unsolicited messages from women on OLD, not exactly the same as being asked out. All but one of those was undesirable.

[loversquarrel]

I've been asked out plenty of times and I've asked out women plenty of times.

 

My wife asked me to hang out and I'm glad I took her up on it. She's not the type to initiate things so I know she was really into me. In fact I've found that most relationships I've been in where I was asked out have been some of the better ones I've had.

[Malin889]

Speaking from my online dating experiences, I notice that (online) men either do 1 of 2 things: they chit chat for weeks on end, and never ask women (myself) out, but they like to continue to chit chat like pen pals online, or they say something like, “when are we going out” then when I suggest a time, they say they can’t make it, but they’ll be in touch to set up a time later, then I never hear from them again. (Sadly, this has happened to me twice recently.) Because of these delays, I take it upon myself to ask men out occasionally. But I would so much wish they would take the initiative. :-)

[alphamale]

Speaking from my online dating experiences, I notice that (online) men either do 1 of 2 things: they chit chat for weeks on end, and never ask women (myself) out, but they like to continue to chit chat like pen pals online, or they say something like, “when are we going out” then when I suggest a time, they say they can’t make it, but they’ll be in touch to set up a time later, then I never hear from them again. (Sadly, this has happened to me twice recently.) Because of these delays, I take it upon myself to ask men out occasionally. But I would so much wish they would take the initiative. :-)

 

in this #MeToo era I think women should take the initiative more often

[nospam99]

Speaking from my online dating experiences, I notice that (online) men either do 1 of 2 things: they chit chat for weeks on end, and never ask women (myself) out, but they like to continue to chit chat like pen pals online, or they say something like, “when are we going out” then when I suggest a time, they say they can’t make it, but they’ll be in touch to set up a time later, then I never hear from them again. (Sadly, this has happened to me twice recently.) Because of these delays, I take it upon myself to ask men out occasionally. But I would so much wish they would take the initiative. :-)

 

Man who uses OLD here. Never did either of the actions you use as examples. How's your picker?

[sabaton]

in this #MeToo era I think women should take the initiative more often

 

 

I completely agree with this. I've been living in Europe and let me tell you the world of difference.

 

 

Attractive women approach the men they are attracted to, instead of sending signals of interest all day and then expecting them to get the hint, or to make a move.

 

 

 

They ask you out if you seem like a cool guy and they wanna see if there's chemistry, and they aren't expecting the guy to pay, even when he's the one asking them out.

 

 

 

Asking a woman out in this day and era is dangerous. You never know if she has a boyfriend, even though she might seem into you - there's lots of teases out there.

 

 

You never know if she's going to reject you or - if she approaches you/asks you out at least you know she finds you to be bangable.

 

 

And when you are approached by a woman - preferably by someone you are attracted to, and you will because obesity and overweightness is very rare in here - you feel desired, hot, and sexy, which you don't feel when you're the one doing the approaching.

 

 

 

 

Speaking from my online dating experiences, I notice that (online) men either do 1 of 2 things: they chit chat for weeks on end, and never ask women (myself) out, but they like to continue to chit chat like pen pals online, or they say something like, “when are we going out” then when I suggest a time, they say they can’t make it, but they’ll be in touch to set up a time later, then I never hear from them again. (Sadly, this has happened to me twice recently.) Because of these delays, I take it upon myself to ask men out occasionally. But I would so much wish they would take the initiative. :-)

 

Have you ever considered asking those men out? it's online, it should be easy enough. Just say, ''hey, want to go out with me?'' I'm sure most of them would say yes to that lovely idea. There's nothing masculine about a woman asking a man out, and there's nothing wrong about a woman approaching a man she likes to look at and wants to get to know better.

 

 

My mother approached my father at first sight, and decades after that moment when my mother thought to herself, ''meh, who cares about societal conventions of what is expected of outdated gender ideals and conventions'' and went up to my dad and said hi.

 

 

They're still together and very happy with each other.

Edited October 27, 2018 by sabaton

[preraph]

That's kind of how I would see if a guy was interested. I'd see if they were going to a certain gig or something like that, or a party. It's a good way to move one level and give them enough encouragement to reciprocate if they want to or not if they don't. That's why it's always best to go for people you have things in common with. Not all women will do it, but back in the 70s when I was young, it was something common enough. It wasn't like asking them on a "real" date -- but hardly anyone did "real dating" in that era anyway.

 

What I've noticed is that the most fearful guys do not think this goes far enough to assure them that the woman is receptive. They'll come on here and go, She only wants to do anything with her friends around" and things like that. And if someone did get them out on a real date, then they'd be questioning whether they ought to make a move because the woman "isn't very affectionate and touchy" because they're waiting for her to do everything, and that's the point at which most women are going to bail. Not attractive. There's more of this going around, and I think that is why more women are hinting broadly, but it's not enough to propel everyone. But for those guys who have no problem talking to women anyway, it certainly expands their field. For anyone having trouble getting the women they're going after, these are the women that want them and that they can get and they ought to at least give any who are even mildly attractive to them a chance to see what they're like. I'm not saying go out with someone who's a definite no, to men or women. No point.

[TheJorma]

Never happened in almost 40 years.

[Malin889]

Man who uses OLD here. Never did either of the actions you use as examples. How's your picker?

 

Apparently not that great lol!