I got burned

[Arris]

I think a girl not interested in a guy and telling him she has a boyfriend already is the best answer.

Girls get hit on all the time, and how many times do men persist even after the girl saying she's just not interested? It's just not good enough, they have to plead and reason and try to persuade and nag the crap out of a girl. Not all guys, but a good number.

The best way to say no and end it, should be to say, I have a boyfriend. Even that was not good enough for the OP, he still persisted, could you imagine if she just said I'm not interested???

If I were you, I would see a counselor and be honest with them. A girl can turn you down for any reason they choose to, even if it's a lie. The end result is the same, that's all that matters. It was a resounding NO.

If she had played you along, for real not whatever you may make up in your mind, then you could be a little upset. Then you learn your lesson and move on. You don't wish her ill, you don't stalk them or try to show them up, you worry about yourself and you move on.

Your disorders are no excuse, we are all telling you your actions and thoughts are inappropriate, work on yourself to be better. See some type of counselor, get help.

 

Also, People like that landscaper don't need anyone, least of all you, to tell them their worth because you declare it so. At least she's out there working and making an honest living. It wouldn't surprise me if she just flat out loves that job, some people do things because they have a passion. There is a lot of reward to taking something and transforming it into something beautiful. Not to mention, being outdoors, going to new places all the time. Even if it's just a means to get by, I wish her all the luck.

[Blanco]

OP, I understand you are dealing with pretty significant issues that can make social cues and mores a bit trickier to pick up on. Just know that this bluntness about someone's value as a person being directly tied to their occupation is not a healthy way to evaluate someone.

 

Someone who is waiting tables is doing honest work. It probably means they struggle to make ends meet and live a stressful life, but that doesn't mean that they have no value. And it sure doesn't mean they're subsequently obligated to date "educated" people by simple virtue that they work a blue collar job.

[Blanco]

And really, would you be THAT much less upset if she had just been honest and said she wasn't interested? Probably not. You'd still be holding it against her that she's not going to ever have much money and make that seem like she can't have any standards about which men she chooses to date.

[boy2x101]

You got burned? how is that posible?

[MountainGirl111]

You feel burned by her rejection. Better to be rejected now than to be led on and then find out she has a jealous boyfriend in her life who might beat you up, Brad. You may have dodged a bullet, but that's hard to see sometimes. Doors open and close and some are bolted shut for good reasons.

 

So, here's my Challenge to you: Don't curse her, stalk her or spend any more time trying to analyze it. Curse not. Bless. You want to retaliate because of how you feel right now. But as time goes on, you'll move along and ask other girls out and this won't be such a big deal. She's one girl, one person. It's not going to do you any good to curse her. Let it go.

[major_merrick]

I DON'T GET IT. I am with you on this one. Not that you got burned, because this happens to everybody, but that you got lied to for no reason. Why can't people just say what they mean? I mean I get that you may have known each other in high school, but when the intent is obvious there's nothing wrong with saying, "You could be a fun friend, but you're not my type for a relationship." Ladies - quit the "I have a b/f" lies. It isn't fooling anybody.

 

Now, I also say that stalking isn't cool. Still, it may have been worth it to find out the real truth. However, you missed the possible sweet part of setting up a situation to call her on it, so you only made yourself miserable with it instead of having any fun. I call that a profitless venture. Your time could have been spent better finding someone on a dating site, or meeting some stranger at Walmart.

 

There's something empowering about speaking the truth - especially if it is going to offend somebody. I actually kind of like that part, like telling off guys who hit on me in public places. Lying is for when you feel vulnerable, like you have something to lose. If it is someone you don't know or don't care about, you don't have anything to lose...so why lie? Let the truth hang out and watch the reaction.

[bradt93]

I DON'T GET IT. I am with you on this one. Not that you got burned, because this happens to everybody, but that you got lied to for no reason. Why can't people just say what they mean? I mean I get that you may have known each other in high school, but when the intent is obvious there's nothing wrong with saying, "You could be a fun friend, but you're not my type for a relationship." Ladies - quit the "I have a b/f" lies. It isn't fooling anybody.

 

Now, I also say that stalking isn't cool. Still, it may have been worth it to find out the real truth. However, you missed the possible sweet part of setting up a situation to call her on it, so you only made yourself miserable with it instead of having any fun. I call that a profitless venture. Your time could have been spent better finding someone on a dating site, or meeting some stranger at Walmart.

 

There's something empowering about speaking the truth - especially if it is going to offend somebody. I actually kind of like that part, like telling off guys who hit on me in public places. Lying is for when you feel vulnerable, like you have something to lose. If it is someone you don't know or don't care about, you don't have anything to lose...so why lie? Let the truth hang out and watch the reaction.

Thank you and that makes me want to give up on trying to find anyone. If the opposite sex just wants to lie to you, what's the point? Be a man or woman and be honest.

[bradt93]

You feel burned by her rejection. Better to be rejected now than to be led on and then find out she has a jealous boyfriend in her life who might beat you up, Brad. You may have dodged a bullet, but that's hard to see sometimes. Doors open and close and some are bolted shut for good reasons.

 

So, here's my Challenge to you: Don't curse her, stalk her or spend any more time trying to analyze it. Curse not. Bless. You want to retaliate because of how you feel right now. But as time goes on, you'll move along and ask other girls out and this won't be such a big deal. She's one girl, one person. It's not going to do you any good to curse her. Let it go.

Well, another guy she was dating in high school did warn me she was trouble. I should've listened.

[MountainGirl111]

Please know I'm not getting after you Brad. I just know from experience the other side of things in this: I once dated someone who I did NOT know had a girlfriend already or I wouldn't have dated him at all. He did not outright lie about having a girlfriend, ya see. He just didn't tell me and didn't tell her and she found out anyway and she went berserk and threatened to commit suicide. It all blew up one day and got super ugly and he felt bad about not telling me she was still in his life. Anyways....ahhh. Bad memory, but valuable lesson, I guess. I never thought to ask him if he had a GF and so he didn't have an opportunity to deny it but in my mind, if you're going to get involved with someone you should be honest and say, "I have a girlfriend already". This isn't exactly like what you're talking about here. Needless to say, the NEXT guy I dated I made sure I knew him real well first before going out; made sure there were no GF hiding out somewhere. yikes!

 

Yeah, maybe she is trouble....maybe she has BF'S, plural?

Edited October 28, 2018 by MountainGirl111

[MountainGirl111]

So, I survived that wacky experience and man it burned it really really did....it ruined things with me and him and it could have soured me on men forever I suppose. It did wreak havoc in my life for a time, but I was young and fairly resilient and I turned to music, fitness and faith to get my footing back. It took awhile...I proceeded with caution,but the next relationship was much healthier and he didn't have skeletons like (current) GF in his closet cuz I got to know him really well first.

[Blanco]

I'm a guy, but I would assume a lot of women aren't more upfront about not being interested in a guy because they don't want to deal with how some guys deal with rejection.

[basil67]

I'm a guy, but I would assume a lot of women aren't more upfront about not being interested in a guy because they don't want to deal with how some guys deal with rejection.

 

Nailed it.

[Garcon1986]

Opening poster, you may not be that person, but some ladies have seen male retaliation when they don't get what they want in a relationship, or heard of retaliation, and they don't want to rustle up that potential harm. So they think of the most indirect way to say it. I have racked up countless rejections and the faster you learn how to brush them off, the faster you will find your ideal lady. We can't change the entire world view of women to suit us, so we have to adapt to what cards we are dealt, and play them well. A woman is going to want a guy who is tough enough to stand back up after being rejected on Facebook.

[preraph]

Most women I know brush off a guy as softly as possible out of kindness. They don't want to scar them for life, so they don't say, "No, I totally don't find you attractive in the least." They say something that leaves them with a shred of dignity -- but only if they'll take it and walk away.

[JuneL]

Wel, she's not better than me that's for damn sure. I'm going to be college educated, she's just a landscaper working at a landscaping business.

 

A 30-year-old college student is looking down upon a landscaper?!

[bradt93]

I went to college late, because of personal reasons.

[preraph]

Are you in actual classes or homeschooling college? I hope you're actually in classes so you get to socialize more.

[JuneL]

I went to college late, because of personal reasons.

 

And you are the only one who is allowed to have personal reasons?

[sabaton]

You don't know this girl, she won't amount to anything. She drinks too.

 

 

I'm confused as to why you are so interested in her if she won't amount to much. You seem to be the sort of person who believes himself to be better than the rest of the others because you are going to college.

 

 

 

Maybe this girl doesn't want to get up to her eyeballs in college debt. Maybe she can't go to college because she has to work, to take care of her family.

 

 

Either way. I'm not understanding why you're obsessed with sleeping with someone who ain't part of your elevated social class?

 

 

 

 

I DON'T GET IT. I am with you on this one. Not that you got burned, because this happens to everybody, but that you got lied to for no reason. Why can't people just say what they mean? I mean I get that you may have known each other in high school, but when the intent is obvious there's nothing wrong with saying, "You could be a fun friend, but you're not my type for a relationship." Ladies - quit the "I have a b/f" lies. It isn't fooling anybody.

 

 

Might have something to do with the fact that there are a lot of entitled young men out there who feel they deserve to date or to have sex with the women they are interested in, and when those women reject them, these poorly socially educated men lash out, either with physical violence, by the threat of physical intimidation, or by being emotionally abusive insulting the women calling them ''sluts,'' and ''you must be a lesbian to reject me,'' or, ''women only want 6'4'' chiseled adonises, a nice guy can't catch a break anymore these days.''

Edited October 28, 2018 by sabaton

[sabaton]

Thank you and that makes me want to give up on trying to find anyone. If the opposite sex just wants to lie to you, what's the point? Be a man or woman and be honest.

 

 

Listen, how does the opposite sex want to lie to you? There's 3.5 billion women in the world out there. You believe all of those women are lying to you? And what do you understand as lying?

 

This is lying,

 

 

Imagine that you are married man and you've been with your wife for 50 years and she doesn't like that you hang out with your high school ex-girlfriend when she came to town and hit you up, but you go ahead and do it anyway.

 

 

'' Hey Joan, Sean took me out for lunch. I know we had that golf club lunch scheduled since the last 2 months, but he really needed to talk about the stuff he's going through.''

 

 

This isn't lying.

 

 

A young woman with 5 times less the upper body strength gets hit on, chased after, pursued, and approached by guys she isn't interested in, that she has never gave any indication of being interested in, since the moment she turned 13 and boobs suddenly showed up, and she has turned down guys before by VERBALLY telling them that she isn't interested in them, and as a result there have been some of those men who made her fear for the integrity of her body, or called her a whore, a slut, a tease etc.

 

 

What does a young woman who is surrounded by a horde of thirsty young men wose social skills are as developed as the economy of a third worl Country do to keep herself from having to avoid a conflict with people(men) who are much stronger than them, and possibly sexually frustrated?

 

 

''sorry, I have a boyfriend.''

[sabaton]

I went to college late, because of personal reasons.

 

 

When students get to college late, they're usually going as late as 22...25... not 30 and then acting like they're going to Oxford(England) and then using their enrollement in college - which took them a LOT more time to get in than most high school students ever take - as a means to make themselves superior when they're faced with rejection...

 

 

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that if you were to meet my mother when she was 18-30 you wouldn't be caring about my mom's lack of higher education

[Chassit]

OP, if this is what you see as getting burned I highly recommend seeing a therapist. Claiming she has a boyfriend hardly even qualifies as a lie. Seriously man, you desperately need some perspective.

[bradt93]

When students get to college late, they're usually going as late as 22...25... not 30 and then acting like they're going to Oxford(England) and then using their enrollement in college - which took them a LOT more time to get in than most high school students ever take - as a means to make themselves superior when they're faced with rejection...

 

 

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that if you were to meet my mother when she was 18-30 you wouldn't be caring about my mom's lack of higher education

Does it really matter? I'm almost finished with my degree. I'm not a freshman who's 30 years old for gosh sake and why are you making fun of me?

[sabaton]

OP, if this is what you see as getting burned I highly recommend seeing a therapist. Claiming she has a boyfriend hardly even qualifies as a lie. Seriously man, you desperately need some perspective.

 

 

Yeah, he does.

 

 

Does it really matter? I'm almost finished with my degree. I'm not a freshman who's 30 years old for gosh sake and why are you making fun of me?

 

 

Then why are you making fun of this woman for working in the landscaping business? Do you even know how much money they make? No one is making fun of you, we're just dismayed by how you are treating this girl and thinking of her just because she rejected you.

[preraph]

Might have something to do with the fact that there are a lot of entitled young men out there who feel they deserve to date or to have sex with the women they are interested in, and when those women reject them, these poorly socially educated men lash out, either with physical violence, by the threat of physical intimidation, or by being emotionally abusive insulting the women calling them ''sluts,'' and ''you must be a lesbian to reject me,'' or, ''women only want 6'4'' chiseled adonises, a nice guy can't catch a break anymore these days.''

 

I used to run a childfree board and one of the things that happened to women over and over is they would indicate doesn't want kids and/or doesn't want to date guys with kids on their profile. And what happened? They were deluged with guys arguing with them and calling them names, as if they had no right to make that decision for themselves. They would hound them to death. I said I thought part of it was maybe only because they saw "no kids" and thought "free sex, no worry about birth control," but some of them were just challenged and wanted to change their minds or prove them wrong. They got far less hits if they simply removed that childfree preference. So go figure.