heartbroken

[mxcgrw]

Hi Guys,

 

I am new here. I have a certain situation I need advice on. So here it goes.

 

I have been married for 12 years few months ago I got divorced. I have a friend whom I new for over 10 years. Soon after divorce We have been seeing each other casually. I have fallen in love with her. She also had strong feelings for me. She did say she is not sure if she can cope with the fact I have 2 kids but that she'll give it a go. So for few months it was really good. We spent quality time together, had great sex etc. Recently I have been feeling bit down mainly due to me missing my kids and I have been bit distant to her. Few days ago we had a chat and she said she don't think it will work - the fact I have kids. And that she needs some space but she would like to stay friends.

 

I do think she's the ONE. She has a qualities of my perfect woman.

 

So now I'm devastated. Each time I see her as friend, it's absolutely killing me. I can't sleep can't eat. Keep checking my phone every 5 mins.

 

Should I try to change her mind? Even if she said it's a definite no?

 

I don't think I can handle just friends situation as I'm certain it will cause my heart to burst.

 

I am thinking more and more about completely cutting her off. Cease any contact forever. Delete her number, unfriend on facebook etc. I know this will be killing me but maybe with time I will heal.

 

What do you think I should do? Try to get her back, pretend I'm ok with being friends so I can see her or say goodbye forever?

 

Thank you

[PRW]

Here's a list of YouTube videos you really should watch. They focus on thei idea of "The One" and how guys get themselves twisted in knots over it.

https://www.youtube.com/user/coachcoreywayne/search?query=the+one

[loversquarrel]

Three things to consider- if she was your "one" your feelings for her would be reciprocated. They are not.

 

Also, there is no such thing as "the one", there are however many people who are great matches.

 

Finally, your kids are more important. Anyone that thinks they can't be with you because of them should be cut loose right away because it will only lead to future problems.

 

OK, I lied. A fourth thing- cut all contact with her. Being her friend will only cause you emotional pain and stall you from moving forward.

[Normm]

You’re not going to change her mind. If it’s going to happen she’s got to figure it out on her own.

[FMW]

Even though you've known her for 10 years you only became romantically involved with her since your divorce (I assume). Even if you were mentally checked out of your marriage for a while it takes a while to adjust emotionally after a divorce. It sounds like you started seeing this woman immediately upon your divorce.

 

Your strong emotional attachment to her is likely in large part a result of your vulnerability due to the divorce. I'm not saying you don't truly love her, but the desperation at the thought of losing her is probably linked to your situation.

 

I don't think it's possible to just be friends with someone you feel that strongly for in a romantic way. Give her the space she's asked for and take some for yourself. If she really is "the one" it will work out in divine timing.

[Chilli]

There'd be a lot of need subconsciously and wishful too after the divorce, been there.

It could be later on that you realize and she wasn't the one after all.

But she can't be the one also anyway, if she doesn't feel it , yaknow , the right the one is both.

And the fact the being female yet she couldn't handle kids , l dunno , know this'll get ran down but l dunno , l'd prefer her a bit less selfish , warmer and maternal trhan that anyway if it was me.

[snowcones]

I do think she's the ONE. She has a qualities of my perfect woman.

 

 

She is not the ONE if you can't include your kids in your life everyday or often. Your kids are a big part of your life and she doesn't want any part of it. So you have to let her go. Stop talking to her. You must move on. Move on to someone who is okay with you having kids.