A somewhat success story for all the guys going through a break up

[health]

I posted here during my 5 + year relationship and after the break up. 10 years ago in 2008.

 

It always bothered me when people told me to move on and get over it. Thinking why even 4, 6 years after I was still hurt over the break up.

 

I was overwhelmed. I thought I'd never even get with another girl again.

 

I have dated since but what I want to say is

recently I dated a model who graced the cover of several prominent fashion magazines! A complete dream come true. We are not official and it is long distance. It's pretty much an open relationship but what I want to say is this -

 

10 years ago my future felt so bleak, then I end up getting intimate literally with a dream girl.

 

Some of the things I've achieved in the last 10 years are

- Im 36 now

- earned my college diploma

- went to Europe, New York, LA, Las Vegas

- recently earned a major promotion at work

- quit ciggs and alcohol

 

I have nothing but love towards my ex no hurt or resentment.

 

I'm still growing and learned alot about relationships. Im not in an official relationship now but life is alot better than it was.

 

I just want people here to heal on there own time and terms.

 

I did date 3 other girls in that time period. It has been tough. But to those who struggle to even get with girls or whatever.

 

Just keep going and focus on your goals. All the best and much love!

[Borntoelevate]

I appreciate a post like yours. I imagine that most of the people who have moved on don’t post here again, that’s why there aren’t many complete recovery stories around.

 

It’s been 7 months for me so far and I still think about my ex a lot despite her moving on completely with someone new 6 months ago. I was suicidal this afternoon, but managed to hold myself together.

 

Everyone says it will get better, including yourself, but when you are in the throws of the pain and your mind just keeps ruminating on the past, it’s not easy to believe things will improve. I was told I’d feel better at 6 months, but that simply hasn’t proven correct. I am losing more and more hope that I will be myself again and be able to attract a new partner. It feels like my life has stood still since the break up and I am unable to get it moving again. Feels like I’ve wasted so many months.

[health]

I appreciate a post like yours. I imagine that most of the people who have moved on don’t post here again, that’s why there aren’t many complete recovery stories around.

 

It’s been 7 months for me so far and I still think about my ex a lot despite her moving on completely with someone new 6 months ago. I was suicidal this afternoon, but managed to hold myself together.

 

Everyone says it will get better, including yourself, but when you are in the throws of the pain and your mind just keeps ruminating on the past, it’s not easy to believe things will improve. I was told I’d feel better at 6 months, but that simply hasn’t proven correct. I am losing more and more hope that I will be myself again and be able to attract a new partner. It feels like my life has stood still since the break up and I am unable to get it moving again. Feels like I’ve wasted so many months.

 

I feel you. It hurts when you see your ex rebound. I had a goal to come back here when I reached a certain point of healing. I am not 100% but way better with many lessons learned.

 

6 months is nothing. People told me the same. I think I cried myself to sleep everyday for the first two years! You have to get it out of your system your own way.

 

You can read my backstory but basically I was with my ex for 5 years 5 months. I left her cause it wasn't going anywhere in the sense that I was working, she dropped out of high school and didn't work etc - but I still loved her - I never meant to break up with her - one of her "Friends swooped in and she got into a relationship with him 3 days after out break up. I was so angry, hurt, scared - but knew it was up to me to fix my life and grow. I wish her the best.

 

I know it sound cliché or almost like I'm lying that I got with a model - but it is true and I put that out there cause in 2008, 2009 I felt so hopeless and destroyed. I kept living and saw incredible things.

 

I still never cheated on a girl in my life, I still am about monogamy and commitment and I'm about to be 37.

 

What I have seen these years changed y perspective - there are promiscuous people who in a sense "win" in the end by having committed relationships.

 

There are extremely beautiful women who are promiscuous - where I thought most people who sleep around are not attractive - which I do think for the most part is true - but when I saw gorgeous woman do the same I was shocked - and them going around with no guilt or anything because what they present is up front and in the open.

 

I still have hardly seen any examples of successful long term relationships.

 

I still want one and my 5 years was a feat.

 

One thing that killed me - 7 years in when I was around 32 I worked with all these young people who dated and they used to question why I didn't have a girlfriend. And that would hurt and trigger me.

 

2 years in - I saw them get their girls pregnant and then break up.

 

The age groups are way different and not comparable.

 

Keep at it - 6 months is nothing - I believe it's year for year - in my case 5 years - I felt way better 5 years after. 2 years after I was much better.

 

But really the first year was so hard.

 

I think what helps to heal is

- having 5 year goals

- not drinking/smoking ciggs

- read Rebuilding when your relationship ends

- Read The Choice for Love - by De'Angelis

- The Power of Now by Echart Tolle

- work a job - build your career

- go for your goals and dreams - what you love and are passionate about

- exercise and eat very healthy

- sleep well

 

and time is the best healer - patient long winded time - but you have to do the right things.

 

Right now I'm focused on transitioning to a better paying position in my career, I have two major creative projects on the side that I'm working to sell when they are ready. I want to be cool with this girl I was talking about above - the new one and meet her again next year - but keep it normal and friend wise. I want to find an on point girl in my city so I can let go of the other one long distance - unless of course she completely begs and loves me like crazy which isn't the case right now.

 

I want to continue not smoking ciggs and drinking - which literally saves me $8000 a year just from 8 beers a week and a pack of ciggs a day - that $8000 I can go on 3 vacations every year.

 

And I want to continue reading all these great business management books I have.

 

I wish everyone here a lot of healing and love! Now is seriously the time to let go of what's been holding you back and literally go for your dreams regardless of what anyone else says!

[Borntoelevate]

I feel you. It hurts when you see your ex rebound. I had a goal to come back here when I reached a certain point of healing. I am not 100% but way better with many lessons learned.

 

6 months is nothing. People told me the same. I think I cried myself to sleep everyday for the first two years! You have to get it out of your system your own way.

 

You can read my backstory but basically I was with my ex for 5 years 5 months. I left her cause it wasn't going anywhere in the sense that I was working, she dropped out of high school and didn't work etc - but I still loved her - I never meant to break up with her - one of her "Friends swooped in and she got into a relationship with him 3 days after out break up. I was so angry, hurt, scared - but knew it was up to me to fix my life and grow. I wish her the best.

 

I know it sound cliché or almost like I'm lying that I got with a model - but it is true and I put that out there cause in 2008, 2009 I felt so hopeless and destroyed. I kept living and saw incredible things.

 

I still never cheated on a girl in my life, I still am about monogamy and commitment and I'm about to be 37.

 

What I have seen these years changed y perspective - there are promiscuous people who in a sense "win" in the end by having committed relationships.

 

There are extremely beautiful women who are promiscuous - where I thought most people who sleep around are not attractive - which I do think for the most part is true - but when I saw gorgeous woman do the same I was shocked - and them going around with no guilt or anything because what they present is up front and in the open.

 

I still have hardly seen any examples of successful long term relationships.

 

I still want one and my 5 years was a feat.

 

One thing that killed me - 7 years in when I was around 32 I worked with all these young people who dated and they used to question why I didn't have a girlfriend. And that would hurt and trigger me.

 

2 years in - I saw them get their girls pregnant and then break up.

 

The age groups are way different and not comparable.

 

Keep at it - 6 months is nothing - I believe it's year for year - in my case 5 years - I felt way better 5 years after. 2 years after I was much better.

 

But really the first year was so hard.

 

I think what helps to heal is

- having 5 year goals

- not drinking/smoking ciggs

- read Rebuilding when your relationship ends

- Read The Choice for Love - by De'Angelis

- The Power of Now by Echart Tolle

- work a job - build your career

- go for your goals and dreams - what you love and are passionate about

- exercise and eat very healthy

- sleep well

 

and time is the best healer - patient long winded time - but you have to do the right things.

 

Right now I'm focused on transitioning to a better paying position in my career, I have two major creative projects on the side that I'm working to sell when they are ready. I want to be cool with this girl I was talking about above - the new one and meet her again next year - but keep it normal and friend wise. I want to find an on point girl in my city so I can let go of the other one long distance - unless of course she completely begs and loves me like crazy which isn't the case right now.

 

I want to continue not smoking ciggs and drinking - which literally saves me $8000 a year just from 8 beers a week and a pack of ciggs a day - that $8000 I can go on 3 vacations every year.

 

And I want to continue reading all these great business management books I have.

 

I wish everyone here a lot of healing and love! Now is seriously the time to let go of what's been holding you back and literally go for your dreams regardless of what anyone else says!

 

I am really glad you are in a better space than before. 5 years is a long time, even 2 and I am nervous it might literally take me that long. If what you say is true regarding the year for year measure, then I should, at maximum only need 1 year and 7 months (which still seems a lot of time).

 

I have dated (and slept) with other girls during the 7 months, it’s just I haven’t met anyone I would like to give up my single life for. If I got into a relationship with anyone of them, I’d resent the girl later on, which was the mistake I had with my most recent break up 7 months ago (she broke up with me).

 

I am and was 32 at the time of the break up. She was 30. I believed she moved on so quickly, in part because she was aging and felt an urgency to find a partner quick. She confessed a week before our break up, “I want to find a guy I can be with for 5 years before starting a family”, so she felt we were fighting too much and weren’t going to last so she wanted to quickly jump. I haven’t seen clear pictures of the two together, but my friend said the guy was ugly (a break from her historical choice of guy, who typically is good looking). She really tried to make us work, but ultimately it failed.

 

What I struggle with is the guilt and forgiving myself for the mistakes I made. She was right in breaking up with me, it’s just she should have done it a lot earlier. I wasn’t ready for the relationship, I wasn’t mature enough. I am now, but she will never believe that.

 

People say that 32 yrs old for a male isn’t old, but I am scared I am slowly getting too old to date. Soon enough, I will be 33.

 

In terms of recovery, I definitely have been eating very healthy and exercising. I am the fittest I’ve ever been, lots of girls have been complimenting me, I have a six pack and my friend even asked if I wanted to be in a photo shoot. I have continued to turn up for work but haven’t progressed in my career since the break up. I am grateful to just still have a job given how sad I’ve been.

 

I am also reading a book called “The Miracle Morning”. Mornings are the toughest for me because I wake up with all the regret and saddness. I am hoping with a change in my morning ritual I can recover faster.

 

What I am grateful for a few things regarding my break up though. I am grateful that it has probably been the biggest thing in my life to have changed my maturity and attitudes to a partner. Previously I was scared of settling down, being committed. I was also not a good partner in how I treated my ex. I was inconsiderate and took her for granted. I also wasn’t clear on what women wanted in a relationship with me (but I do understand it much better now).

[health]

I am really glad you are in a better space than before. 5 years is a long time, even 2 and I am nervous it might literally take me that long. If what you say is true regarding the year for year measure, then I should, at maximum only need 1 year and 7 months (which still seems a lot of time).

 

I have dated (and slept) with other girls during the 7 months, it’s just I haven’t met anyone I would like to give up my single life for. If I got into a relationship with anyone of them, I’d resent the girl later on, which was the mistake I had with my most recent break up 7 months ago (she broke up with me).

 

I am and was 32 at the time of the break up. She was 30. I believed she moved on so quickly, in part because she was aging and felt an urgency to find a partner quick. She confessed a week before our break up, “I want to find a guy I can be with for 5 years before starting a family”, so she felt we were fighting too much and weren’t going to last so she wanted to quickly jump. I haven’t seen clear pictures of the two together, but my friend said the guy was ugly (a break from her historical choice of guy, who typically is good looking). She really tried to make us work, but ultimately it failed.

 

What I struggle with is the guilt and forgiving myself for the mistakes I made. She was right in breaking up with me, it’s just she should have done it a lot earlier. I wasn’t ready for the relationship, I wasn’t mature enough. I am now, but she will never believe that.

 

People say that 32 yrs old for a male isn’t old, but I am scared I am slowly getting too old to date. Soon enough, I will be 33.

 

In terms of recovery, I definitely have been eating very healthy and exercising. I am the fittest I’ve ever been, lots of girls have been complimenting me, I have a six pack and my friend even asked if I wanted to be in a photo shoot. I have continued to turn up for work but haven’t progressed in my career since the break up. I am grateful to just still have a job given how sad I’ve been.

 

I am also reading a book called “The Miracle Morning”. Mornings are the toughest for me because I wake up with all the regret and saddness. I am hoping with a change in my morning ritual I can recover faster.

 

What I am grateful for a few things regarding my break up though. I am grateful that it has probably been the biggest thing in my life to have changed my maturity and attitudes to a partner. Previously I was scared of settling down, being committed. I was also not a good partner in how I treated my ex. I was inconsiderate and took her for granted. I also wasn’t clear on what women wanted in a relationship with me (but I do understand it much better now).

 

It won't take you that long if you grieve the right way. I too was scared of grieving too long again really after 2 years I was pretty good also I never missed a day of work the whole time so I was good at maintaining life things.

 

It's great that you've dated other girls since. I sucked at it! lol I dated maybe like 4 girls in the last 10 years. And I asked out maybe 29 girls in that span of time adn it didn't work out or we got to texting and they flaked dates or it fizzled out. I could have probably dated girls I didn't like but I really only date girls I truly like and am excited for. I don't share myself with just anyone. That being said I can learn from you - exaclty how did you meet and start dating your ex - and how did you date the girls afterwords?

 

What worked for me was 1. Girls I knew before 2. Online dating - but the one girl I slept with from there was an alcoholic and we ended it. 3. Meeting girls from social media - where we built a connection first, became friends and then dealt with each other.

 

If your girl left you fro too many fights she flaked out - she's going to deal with that regardless.

 

Physically you sound like you're doing great. The road you're on you actually sound like you're healing way better than I was. Primarily I avoided drinking, focused on my 9-5 work, went back to school and worked on creative projects.

 

Everyone has their path. I mentioned this as a somewhat success story because I've still got a long way to go - but I'm focused, have achieved alot since and I know what I want. I've found that I tend to achieve what I really put my mind on - when I go for it. Like I pick the right goals and it flows.

 

You're doing incredibly great - keep up the excellent work Borntoelevate!

Edited October 27, 2018 by health

[Borntoelevate]

It won't take you that long if you grieve the right way. I too was scared of grieving too long again really after 2 years I was pretty good also I never missed a day of work the whole time so I was good at maintaining life things.

 

It's great that you've dated other girls since. I sucked at it! lol I dated maybe like 4 girls in the last 10 years. And I asked out maybe 29 girls in that span of time adn it didn't work out or we got to texting and they flaked dates or it fizzled out. I could have probably dated girls I didn't like but I really only date girls I truly like and am excited for. I don't share myself with just anyone. That being said I can learn from you - exaclty how did you meet and start dating your ex - and how did you date the girls afterwords?

 

What worked for me was 1. Girls I knew before 2. Online dating - but the one girl I slept with from there was an alcoholic and we ended it. 3. Meeting girls from social media - where we built a connection first, became friends and then dealt with each other.

 

If your girl left you fro too many fights she flaked out - she's going to deal with that regardless.

 

Physically you sound like you're doing great. The road you're on you actually sound like you're healing way better than I was. Primarily I avoided drinking, focused on my 9-5 work, went back to school and worked on creative projects.

 

Everyone has their path. I mentioned this as a somewhat success story because I've still got a long way to go - but I'm focused, have achieved alot since and I know what I want. I've found that I tend to achieve what I really put my mind on - when I go for it. Like I pick the right goals and it flows.

 

You're doing incredibly great - keep up the excellent work Borntoelevate!

 

Thanks for the encouragement health. It truely does mean a lot, especially when I don’t have many others to talk to. I wish I could contact you directly.

 

It’s great to hear your story. It acts like a beacon of hope for me, knowing that emotionally you have reached a better/stronger place.

 

I met my ex at a boat party (booze cruise). From when we broke up to now, I’ve slept with 4 girls.

 

After we broke up, I went to America to get away. I met a girl in a Las Vegas nightclub. That was girl one. Then I met another girl at a bar in New York (this was more of a drunken ONS, not proud of it). When I got back to Australia, I restarted my online dating account and met girl 3 from there. This girl wanted a relationship with me but I wasn’t keen. Lastly, I met girl 4, 3 weeks ago at a nightclub in Australia. Only girl 3 was dating material because she was around my age and also lived in the same city as me. The other 3 girls were in different cities or were grossly under my age (one of them was 21).

 

I could see the break up coming, I just never expected it to be so harsh and last for so long. I expected to be better within a month, but now I know much more about myself. This was really my first real break up. I had one before, but I think I recovered through that one quicker because I was so focused on a new job I got. Now, my current job, doesn’t require me to focus so much on it, so there isn’t as much to distract me. I’ve tried funneling my time into other hobbies like martial arts, badminton, being more social etc. but none have taken off. Gym and healthy eating are probably the only ones that have kept me busy and that I’ve been dedicated to. I’ve also seen a therapist.

 

Sometimes I feel I should dedicate myself to studies, but I am afraid if I step away from the dating scene for too long, I will lose my ‘dating skils’ and when I am ready to step back in, I won’t be as ‘suave’ or confident anymore.

 

I don’t blame her for breaking up with me, it ultimately was the right thing to do. I blame her for what she did after we ended (rebounding and not realising I have changed).

 

I am really excited for your future. It sounds very positive and bright.

[health]

Thanks for the encouragement health. It truely does mean a lot, especially when I don’t have many others to talk to. I wish I could contact you directly.

 

It’s great to hear your story. It acts like a beacon of hope for me, knowing that emotionally you have reached a better/stronger place.

 

I met my ex at a boat party (booze cruise). From when we broke up to now, I’ve slept with 4 girls.

 

After we broke up, I went to America to get away. I met a girl in a Las Vegas nightclub. That was girl one. Then I met another girl at a bar in New York (this was more of a drunken ONS, not proud of it). When I got back to Australia, I restarted my online dating account and met girl 3 from there. This girl wanted a relationship with me but I wasn’t keen. Lastly, I met girl 4, 3 weeks ago at a nightclub in Australia. Only girl 3 was dating material because she was around my age and also lived in the same city as me. The other 3 girls were in different cities or were grossly under my age (one of them was 21).

 

I could see the break up coming, I just never expected it to be so harsh and last for so long. I expected to be better within a month, but now I know much more about myself. This was really my first real break up. I had one before, but I think I recovered through that one quicker because I was so focused on a new job I got. Now, my current job, doesn’t require me to focus so much on it, so there isn’t as much to distract me. I’ve tried funneling my time into other hobbies like martial arts, badminton, being more social etc. but none have taken off. Gym and healthy eating are probably the only ones that have kept me busy and that I’ve been dedicated to. I’ve also seen a therapist.

 

Sometimes I feel I should dedicate myself to studies, but I am afraid if I step away from the dating scene for too long, I will lose my ‘dating skils’ and when I am ready to step back in, I won’t be as ‘suave’ or confident anymore.

 

I don’t blame her for breaking up with me, it ultimately was the right thing to do. I blame her for what she did after we ended (rebounding and not realising I have changed).

 

I am really excited for your future. It sounds very positive and bright.

 

Awesome, I'm happy my story helps! Again I still have a long way to go. Like this model girl - I'd love to be with her for life - but we live in 2 different countries and I have to see the facts for what they are. We are on good terms though. I feel l can see reality for what it is and accept it better.

 

Thanks for the info on how you met the girls. It's awesome you travelled a lot and hey we both went to Las Vegas and New York! lol Maybe those cities help facilitate the healing process ha

 

I too have seen a talk therapist. I always had anxiety/obsessive issues - but talking and work helps. I'm not on any medication. I meditate and that works wonders!

 

Keep at it! You're actually doing very, very well!

[Nukem]

I was suicidal this afternoon, but managed to hold myself together.

 

Suicidal is due to not sleeping enough. At least that was my case. When I have enough sleep I feel the energy and that I can accomplish many goals.

When braking up the heart rate is high, emotions deteriorate the sleep.

How many hours do you sleep a day?