Lotus_Luna Posted October 26, 2018 Share Posted October 26, 2018 Has anyone gone back to a friendship role with their former affair partner? Is that even possible? Do you think it’s harder for men or women to be friends afterwards? Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted October 26, 2018 Share Posted October 26, 2018 I don't think it's possible. Not with an affair. A one-night boff that meant nothing and that you both regretted afterwards, maybe then it would be possible to never speak of it again and become actual friends. But an affair? No. The boundaries have been absolutely trampled. The instincts that tell you what's too much won't operate. You'll slip past the bounds of appropriate friendship without even noticing. Link to post Share on other sites
NotADayGoesBy Posted October 26, 2018 Share Posted October 26, 2018 I personally don’t think it’s possible. But who knows, ever situation is different. My OM and I are “friends “ insofar as we treat each other respectfully at work, can have a conversation and do still like each other as people (although my anger at what he did and how he handled things gets in the way sometimes). But, we have had a few conversations where we let our guard down and really were ourselves ( nothing personal said nor any flirting though) and I realized in those moments that it was dangerous and I could see us slipping back into familiar territory. At the least, it stoked my feelings (which are still there anyway) and I knew it was a bad idea. I miss him terribly as my friend, but I know there is no going back. This has been one of the hardest things to accept. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Maybelle Posted October 27, 2018 Share Posted October 27, 2018 I so agree. The loss of friendship is the killer. Link to post Share on other sites
jah526 Posted October 27, 2018 Share Posted October 27, 2018 I agree too, but for different reasons. Mine is manipulative, probably a narcissist, possibly a sociopath. He lures me in with his nice guy persona and then I am trapped like a fly in his web. I have fallen for this so many times. Recently I started playing a game online we both used to play, and I got a request from him. Innocuous enough, you’d think, right? But no, this is bait. I had to shut that down fast. You might think this is an overreaction but I know from experience it isn’t. I tried to talk with him about being friends at one point. He agreed. Within two days he’d gotten me alone in his car on a bait-and-switch and I wasn’t strong enough to say no. I hate it that I’m so weak, but I’ve found that staying away is the only thing that works. Link to post Share on other sites
CardsFan01 Posted October 27, 2018 Share Posted October 27, 2018 It’s definitely possible, I’ve done it. We were friends long before the affair so that probably makes a difference. Link to post Share on other sites
snowcones Posted October 27, 2018 Share Posted October 27, 2018 I don't believe ANYBODY can be friends with an ex that they had really strong attraction or love towards, unless it has been years and years with no contact and both people have fallen in love with someone new. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 27, 2018 Share Posted October 27, 2018 If a person has any respect at all for their husband/wife, they will not continue a friendship with the affair partner. Link to post Share on other sites
Prudence V Posted October 27, 2018 Share Posted October 27, 2018 If a person has any respect at all for their husband/wife, they will not continue a friendship with the affair partner. If they had any respect for the BS they would not have had the affair. To answer the OP, I think friendship between xAPs is only possible if both have completely moved on and no longer feel any attraction to each other. Given that most As end with that unresolved, it’s unlikely. Link to post Share on other sites
Arris Posted October 28, 2018 Share Posted October 28, 2018 If they had any respect for the BS they would not have had the affair. To answer the OP, I think friendship between xAPs is only possible if both have completely moved on and no longer feel any attraction to each other. Given that most As end with that unresolved, it’s unlikely. Things change, hopefully people grow and move past affairs. Hopefully they have worked to reconcile or make their marriage better and have learned to make all the changes that are needed. In that regard, they should now have learned what respect is and how to honor their marriage. If you are worried about remaining friends, you never should have crossed that line to start with. You did the damage, you stand up and do what's right from now on. I wouldn't want my wife to remain friends with an AP, I sure as hell wouldn't do the same to her. Worry about your marriage and how you can bring that energy into it instead of on an inappropriate relationship. Of course we're all different, I don't mean to sound like I'm lecturing anyone, that's my view. Link to post Share on other sites
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