friends & Having no one for my birthday

[Loveandrainbowscanar]

Hi everyone,

First of all English is not my first langage so I want to excuse if I make some grammar mistake.

So I always have troubles making friends. When I was a young tho other kids were always making fun of me for my weight or my grades. For my 8th birthday I decided to throw a party, I invited 10 girls from my school. No one came and no one called to inform me. on mondays the week after that, they came to see me, telling me they all did it on purpose and asked me if I could bring them candies and cakes from the party.. of course it broke me and since birthday are a very sensitive subject for me.

Years by and everytime i make a new friend, it’s start great and after few months it’s ends badly. Almost every time it’s the other person who decide to end the friendship.

Also I never had a boyfriend, Everytime I like a guy he tells me I’m not his kind of girl and cutoff any contact.

So this years I started making friends at works. We wants out a lot which was new for me. I was particularly close to one girl that I will name Mary. Also there were 2 guys mike and John. Mary became my confident and I told her about my 8th birthday. This year she was alone for her own birthday and I was there for her. She told me she will definetly be there for mine.

This summer mike started dating a girl. The day i met her she told him she didn’t liked me and was jealous of me. She asked him to cutoff contact with me. At Firth he tried to make us do activities all together. He invited me at her birthday. Long story short someone putted something in my drink that night and I completely blackout.

The next day mike told me he didn’t like my behavior from the party and he will cut me off for awhile. My friend Mary said she didn’t have issues with what happens but she beggan to do sketchy things to me. We were supposed to go see the 4th of July firework together. She lied to me telling she was going with her cousin. The truth was she went with mike and his girlfriend.

Few weeks passed by, no one talk to no one.. I saw Mary and I told her it hurt me. She told me mike asked her not to bring me at the firework. It was weird and awkward and I knew our friendship was broken. But I wanted to try fix it. Mainly because I have no other friends and also because the few months we were friends were great.

A week later mike told me his girlfriend broke up with him, we saw each other and talk things out. he apologized for his behavior.. I decided to give him a chance.. it was my 30th birthday few weeks later and he started to talked about it. Saying we would go out. I said I didn’t wanted a big party but just go out for a drink.. he started to say he invited strangers.. I didn’t liked that. I acted like he didn’t understood what I wanted. Also I had the feeling he didn’t wanted to have a drink alone with me. He texted me few time about my birthday the days before. We started to argued, I smelled something was right.

So yesterday was my 30th birthday. The day before Mary texted me saying she doesn’t wanted to see me again, it felt forced to her and she does want to force herself to met someone. I was sad but I knew it. But she chose the day before my birthday to telling me

Yesterday evening I texted mike to decide what to do. He didn’t reply anything. I texted few messages, nothing, I tried to call nothing.. I called John who was also supposed to come. He told me he was tired and didn’t wanted to go out..

So yesterday was my 30th birthday. I literally spend it waiting 6 hours for someone to answer me, feeling lost and alone. Beside my mom and some random Facebook messages from complete strangers no one wish me my birthday..

I hate birthdays since I’m 8, but every years it a reminder of how my life sucks. And this years it’s particularly difficult because I’m unemployed, single, the Mary thing.. and I was supposed to go out have a drink and the person who was supposed to be here ghosted me instead.

Of course I don’t intend to speak ever again to mike. But being ghosted on my 30th birthday wreaked me and I’m still kind of waiting for his apologies, which let’s face it will never come.

Also I want to make a change to stop replicate over and over the same relationships (let be real toxic relationships) but I don’t know how to do

[preraph]

It sounds like Mike just didn't want it to just be you two and probably he had already mentioned it to Mary, who then took offense that you didn't want her there.

 

You can't start trying to separate friends or expect them to be exclusive with you. His relationship may well have ended because his girlfriend didn't like how you acted with him. She may have even been who spiked your drink. It's not unusual for a girlfriend not to want a girl friend hanging around. And you are acting like you want to get him alone, so there was reason. You are complaining about not having friends on your BD, yet it was you who told him you didn't want people there, just him. So that made people mad and he was in the middle of it and didn't like it and blew you off.

 

I have a feeling there is something off about how you interact with others, going all the way back to 8th grade. Your friend, Mary, or your friend Mike, might be willing to be honest and tell you what it is you are doing to alienate people and make them not feel bad about not wanting to be around you sometimes. Then maybe you can work on that. This stuff isn't just one-sided. There's something you're doing to make someone think this is okay.

[Loveandrainbowscanar]

Thank you for your reply. But you didn’t really understood the situation.

 

Actually other people were invited to get a drink on my birthday, not just mike. One deciined and the others didn’t bother replying. What I didn’t like was like invited people that I have never heard before. And also I didn’t like the way he told me he as invited people over my place without asking me first. I didn’t want to be just with him but I didn’t wanted to have some strangers I had never met before coming in my appartement. And he was the one talking about my birthday, texting me to remind me it was in few days.. and the day of my birthday he just choose to ghost me. I didn’t heard of him since.

 

Also Mary choose to stop talking to mike about 2 months ago. I try to reunited with her. I actually invited her for my birthday few weeks before. I was hoping for her to be here for my birthday, with mike and the other friends I had invited, being all together. So your comment about her being offended doesn’t make sense.

 

I don’t try to separate friends. We used to all hang out together. I wished it was still the same.

[Loveandrainbowscanar]

Thank you for your reply. But you didn’t really understood the situation.

 

Actually other people were invited to get a drink on my birthday, not just mike. One deciined and the others didn’t bother replying. What I didn’t like was mike invited people that I have never heard before. And also I didn’t like the way he told me he as invited people over my place without asking me first. I didn’t want to be just with him but I didn’t wanted to have some strangers I had never met before coming in my appartement. And he was the one talking about my birthday, texting me to remind me it was in few days.. and the day of my birthday he just choose to ghost me. I didn’t heard of him since.

 

Also Mary choose to stop talking to mike about 2 months ago. I try to reunited with her. I actually invited her for my birthday few weeks before. I was hoping for her to be here for my birthday, with mike and the other friends I had invited, being all together. So your comment about her being offended doesn’t make sense.

 

I don’t try to separate friends. We used to all hang out together. I wished it was still the same.

 

What I think is mike used my birthday as an excuse to throw his own party at my place. I do have the chance to have a nice apartment and I think he saw an opportunity. 2 days before my birthday I smelled Something wasn’t right, i confronted him about it and he said he doesn’t need me to party with his friends. And to be honest I didn’t wanted to be alone with mike either. I texted him I didn’t had reply for the fews people I had invited and if he wanted to cancel it was fine with me. he told me that if we were only together for this event, it would be perfect but he will be there for me. So that why I was very sad on my birthday when he decided to ghost me. I also texted him I hoped Mary will text me back and maybe she would come have a drink with us. Because they don’t speak to each other he told me to stop hoping for Mary and move on.

 

At the end I think he was upset I didn’t agree for him to throw his own party AT MY PLACE the day of my birthday. I also had the feeling to being used by a lot of «friends » in the past. Like for exemple John, who asked my if he can live in my apartment starting in November. It was actually mike’s idea. I said yes and he didn’t contact me since. He was invited to my birthday and didn’t wish it to me or declined the invit. I sick of people using me and treating me like garbage when I try to organize something that I want. Like having a drinks with 5-6 friends on my birthday. (I didn’t want a huge party, I didn’t want a one and one with mike, just wanted to go at our local pub, with the same people I’m usually hang out and have a nice evening)

 

I may have issues to work on but I think alienate and try to separate people is not the one.