Swan89 Posted October 27, 2018 Share Posted October 27, 2018 So I thought this would be an interesting topic on the psychology of trust in the courtship. I was wondering your opinions on how to tell the difference between gut instinct about a person/where you stand with them, in comparison to life experiences that taint your perception of people or dating in general and how it can cloud your judgement. Example: You are dating someone and you might have minor doubts, but you can't tell whether you have a justified reason or you're just negative in general. Link to post Share on other sites
Logo Posted October 27, 2018 Share Posted October 27, 2018 So I thought this would be an interesting topic on the psychology of trust in the courtship. I was wondering your opinions on how to tell the difference between gut instinct about a person/where you stand with them, in comparison to life experiences that taint your perception of people or dating in general and how it can cloud your judgement. Example: You are dating someone and you might have minor doubts, but you can't tell whether you have a justified reason or you're just negative in general. It depends on the doubts and what they’re based on. There’s a difference between “There’s something off about him/her, but I can’t put my finger on it” vs “Is he/she trying to be funny? Because to me it sounds rude, but I could be wrong. I’ll give her/him the benefit of the doubt” vs “Where does he/she get off asking why my last relationship ended and how it ended during our first date?” Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted October 27, 2018 Share Posted October 27, 2018 I think the answer is the dreaded one we all hate - time. Time will tell. I think we should pay attention to our instincts and keep our eyes open when something feels off. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 27, 2018 Share Posted October 27, 2018 time and layers of other types of observations. Some are better at it than others. It can get complex because people tend to follow their heart rather than their logical thinking brain....it's called denial. We see plenty of that on here. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted October 28, 2018 Share Posted October 28, 2018 If I cannot convince myself to ignore the doubts ... then the person isn't for me. It's like you go out with someone ... and if you're asking yourself "is their face too uneven" or something like that--and you cannot shut that down--then that person isn't for you. The whole point of a relationship is that you have overwhelming, deep desire to be with them and especially at the start, you have to REALLY want to be with them. And yes, I have ignored my doubts before ... and I can say ... that never worked. The relationships always floundered ... mainly because I didn't have strong enough interest or attraction ... Attraction and desire = I want to be with her. On the other hand, if I'm saying something along the lines of she's not bad, she's actually pretty good, not sure why I'm so picky, her nose is all right ... and her voice ... well at least she's smart. I'll go for her. No, that's NOT attraction. And you'll end up usually dumping the other person. BTW: I've had women who had "little" doubts about me that they pushed past ... and yes, those relationships didn't work out ... they ended up dumping me in both of these cases. Another way of saying this is that ambivalence = No ... = disinterest. If your desire to be with someone is overwhelmingly, crazily yes, then the answer is no, don't pursue the person. Link to post Share on other sites
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