Does he love me or lust me?

[Nikky9912]

I've been with my ex 3yrs now in the last 2 months of us dating & me being unhappy after I had a miscarriage, etc. I started getting out the house going to the bar. I met this man at the bar we were friends for about 2wks & we finally had sex. Started being with each other everyday literally couldn't not go without being around each other hanging out everyday just having fun. We happened to have a convo being honest with each other & he told me he been with his baby mom 14yrs on & off. He just got out of jail, business started falling off. Got out they got back together, have 2 kids together. She put the business in her name cars & everything cause he was able to manage business while incarcerated. Everything was going great, 3 months later she doesn't sleep in the bed with him they haven't had sex in like 6 months. He tells me they basically live together & gotta do what he gotta do cause his money is in her name & co parent with the kids. They haven't had sex in about 6 months he's unhappy not attracted to her physically nor sexually. she's unhappy. No I'm available for him, & he's saying he's trying to get his self available for me ASAP meaning as in get his stuff together so he can let her be. He's always told me he has to play his role with her cause she's financially stable for him right now. If she find out anything about me or anybody he's dating she'll take his money, & take thing out her name. She basically wants a relationship/family but he doesn't. Sometimes I catch him calling her his woman & then he will correct his self, even when we're out & he's talking to his buddies he's talking about her & the money she make & just stuff from the past. He takes good care of me sex is amazing we're super close tell each other everything. Should I stay around or should I keep it going & see where it goes? It's only been 3 months I'm just confused on if I really wanna put the time in this & not get nothing out of it but feeling like I'm the 2nd woman.

[Amethyst68]

Ok I don't mean to offend but I'm totally confused by your timeline.

 

You say you've been with your ex 3yrs but have been unhappy dating for last 2 months and you've been with OM for 3 months.

 

Are you still with your partner? Do they know about OM? How long has the relationship been going on?

[SouthernIslander]

He sounds like a dope boy who is putting assets on his girlfriends name. If he had a legal business, there would be no reason to do that, even if he went to jail.

 

I’d leave this one alone and wouldn’t get mixed up in this.

[Maybelle]

Run. This is only going to end badly and hurt you more in the long term. Cut him loose and count your blessings that you aren't married to him.

[misspalmy]

Some guys can fall hard in love. but they way ur going find out is by him is asking him xx

[ExpatInItaly]

Sometimes I catch him calling her his woman & then he will correct his self

Correct himself? She is his woman, OP.

 

feeling like I'm the 2nd woman

You are his 2nd woman.

 

OP, please do a better job looking out for yourself and get away from this guy. He is bad news, for many reasons, and he will mess up your life too if you allow it.

 

Why was he in jail? He sounds like a drug-dealer. Would that be correct?

[sabaton]

I've been with my ex 3yrs now in the last 2 months of us dating & me being unhappy after I had a miscarriage, etc. I started getting out the house going to the bar. I met this man at the bar we were friends for about 2wks & we finally had sex. Started being with each other everyday literally couldn't not go without being around each other hanging out everyday just having fun. We happened to have a convo being honest with each other & he told me he been with his baby mom 14yrs on & off. He just got out of jail, business started falling off. Got out they got back together, have 2 kids together. She put the business in her name cars & everything cause he was able to manage business while incarcerated. Everything was going great, 3 months later she doesn't sleep in the bed with him they haven't had sex in like 6 months. He tells me they basically live together & gotta do what he gotta do cause his money is in her name & co parent with the kids. They haven't had sex in about 6 months he's unhappy not attracted to her physically nor sexually. she's unhappy. No I'm available for him, & he's saying he's trying to get his self available for me ASAP meaning as in get his stuff together so he can let her be. He's always told me he has to play his role with her cause she's financially stable for him right now. If she find out anything about me or anybody he's dating she'll take his money, & take thing out her name. She basically wants a relationship/family but he doesn't. Sometimes I catch him calling her his woman & then he will correct his self, even when we're out & he's talking to his buddies he's talking about her & the money she make & just stuff from the past. He takes good care of me sex is amazing we're super close tell each other everything. Should I stay around or should I keep it going & see where it goes? It's only been 3 months I'm just confused on if I really wanna put the time in this & not get nothing out of it but feeling like I'm the 2nd woman.

 

 

 

 

1 - He seems shady. You sure he's limiting himself to legal activities?

2- He claims they haven't had sex in 6 months. You don't know for sure.

3- you are having sex with him while he's going home to that woman.

4- He's using her because she's there.

5- this man... he came out of jail. Usually good people don't go to jail.

6- he's using you because you're giving him everything he wants.

7- he's not going to leave his woman for you.

8 - you are wasting your time and your emotional health.

9- you can do better.

10 - you are the second woman. Probably the third, the forth, the fifth woman.

[Vivir]

Nikky9912,

 

Everyone has already written what I would've written.

 

Take heed to the advice given if you want to spare yourself from unnecessary harm.

 

This man comes off as a liar through-and-through.

 

If he calls her his woman around his friends and only corrects himself when he notices that you are paying attention, he is working at playing you for a fool.

 

And since he just got out of jail, any money that was made from their business, SHE made it. If he is there because she controls the purse strings, he is using her and he is highly unlikely to be a good partner for her or for you or for anyone else.

 

And let's say she is not sleeping with him as he has told you, maybe she knows something about him that is stopping her from engaging with him in that way...

 

All BAD signs.

 

So many married and otherwise spoken for affair partners spin webs of lies and deceit to make the other woman or other man feel special, like she or he is The One... but really... we should be turning their words around and making the case for the exact opposite, because more often than not THEY ARE LYING.

 

You should take a step back... or several steps back... maybe you should run.

 

You asked if you should "stay around or should [you] keep it going to see where it goes?" These are the same things. Does that mean you plan to stick around no matter what any of us say?

 

I think you should turn, run, and never look back (and I am so not kidding).

Edited October 30, 2018 by Vivir