Maddieandtae Posted November 21, 2018 Share Posted November 21, 2018 That actually sounds frightening. Could you talk with your husband to get a better idea why she behaves in certain ways with you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author major_merrick Posted November 21, 2018 Author Share Posted November 21, 2018 That actually sounds frightening. Could you talk with your husband to get a better idea why she behaves in certain ways with you? I've mentioned it, but I haven't tried a full discussion about it. He loves her dearly, and I think he is somewhat blind to how she acts. I knew she was odd before I joined the family, but she and I were friends then. Since I had my daughter, things are different. It seems that she is more up and down emotionally than she used to be...and she was always up and down. When she'd stress out, she used to come over to my house to hang out with me and my GFs. Maybe she's missing having a getaway location since I sold my old place? Maybe she's just stressed out? Link to post Share on other sites
Maddieandtae Posted November 21, 2018 Share Posted November 21, 2018 It could be anyone of those reasons although it sounds like you two need to have an open and honest conversation about where the fear is coming from that prompts her to interact with you like she does. I think you have been clear here at least how you feel about her skills so maybe there is something that you do that she wishes she could do? Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted November 21, 2018 Share Posted November 21, 2018 Putting myself in her shoes I can see how I’d be jolted. She was #1 and the mother of his children but now there is you and your baby. She may feel displaced as well as threatened and is going all in to make clear her spot in the family unit is secure. It may not be about you at all or anything you do or don’t do or have done but just the mere fact that you’re there. And if that’s what she’s feeling she’d most likely be feeling the very same way if you were somebody else so try to be mindful of that and to not take it too personally. If that’s the case I would come at her with empathy. Realize it is a difficult adjustment for her as well and I’d also try to boost her up into seeing you’re both on the same side. The dynamic of your family has changed pretty rapidly and everyone catches up at their own pace. I think honest, open communication is the key though, just like with any other healthy relationship, but it may take some time to get the relationship to the place you want. But if she’s being aggressive towards you or trying to intimidate you in any way I believe you owe it to yourself to stand up to her. I’d start off with “I know this can’t be easy for you and I know you are trying the same way I am but....” It won’t happen overnight but if you keep making an effort to get to a good place you will eventually arrive, but be prepared that you both may drive each other a little crazy until you get it figured out. That’s only natural. Link to post Share on other sites
Author major_merrick Posted November 23, 2018 Author Share Posted November 23, 2018 Well, we had one little bit of success. We were able to make it through Thanksgiving and work as a team. We had a huge community feast at our house, so there was so much food prep to be done that we had to work together. I was surprised we were able to do it without her having an attitude toward me, but she was actually happy and fun to be around. Last night before bed she was really sore (she's pregnant, and so she wears out quickly) and she let me give her a back rub before falling asleep. I just have to figure out how to keep this progress going. Link to post Share on other sites
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