Cheekycheeky94 Posted October 28, 2018 Share Posted October 28, 2018 (edited) He makes me feel as if I’m going mad. I’ve never had so many issues with a guy before until I met him! We met online years ago, I was about 19, he was 22. And he was pretty unavailable and shut off. I fell for him straight away for some reason I felt so attracted to him, but for about 2 years we were just meeting up in hotels for the night. He always knew I wanted more but didnt want that. We stopped speaking for three years and this summer I found his number again, we started speaking and began seeing each other and I’ve fallen for him all over again. He’s a very busy person and works long hours, I’ve known him for so long but I don’t even know much about him! He’s so shut off, he’s never told me how he really feels, he barely speaks to me and avoids me like the plague if I want to speak to him on a serious level. He will never tell me how he truly feels but he will never let me go!! I’m an open book I’m warm loving and sensitive and I’m patient with him, I do so much for him to open up to me but he has never shown any emotion ever! He has never taken me on a date in the 5 years we have known each other! I live 200 miles away from him and I’ve always gone to him!! But when he’s around me he’s so needy of my affection and love and we have really great chemistry. we make each other laugh and we bounce off each other, but you will never know what’s going on in his head! He’s asked me what I wanted from him this time and I’ve told him but the personality he has and the way he is just doesn’t make me happy, but I care about him so much. The most he has told me is that he does like me also but the way he is I can never be sure! I just never know where I stand and I can tell him how I feel every week and it’s as if he doesn’t care. I give him space or When i become silent and make it seem like I’m done trying with him he’ll reel me back in, tells me a fraction of what I want to hear, Im thinking we are making progress and then we are back to square 1 of him being so shut off. When we were younger he used to smoke a lot, he doesn’t as much now but he has said a few times he’s an overthinker, but I just don’t know what to do anymore. Over the years, he has also shown so many narcissistic/sociopathic traits. Everything is always my fault and going back to the emotion, he is so constantly unmoved and lacks so much empathy etc. Edited October 28, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Spelling error Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted October 28, 2018 Share Posted October 28, 2018 If you are looking for a long term caring lad, I feel like this lad has shown he's not up for that? He's not demonstrating the maturity that you are seeking. I would move on to greener pastures. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 28, 2018 Share Posted October 28, 2018 He makes me feel as if IÂ’m going mad. IÂ’ve never had so many issues with a guy before until I met him! We met online years ago, I was about 19, he was 22. And he was pretty unavailable and shut off. I fell for him straight away for some reason I felt so attracted to him, but for about 2 years we were just meeting up in hotels for the night. He always knew I wanted more but didnt want that. We stopped speaking for three years and this summer I found his number again, we started speaking and began seeing each other and IÂ’ve fallen for him all over again. HeÂ’s a very busy person and works long hours, IÂ’ve known him for so long but I donÂ’t even know much about him! HeÂ’s so shut off, heÂ’s never told me how he really feels, he barely speaks to me and avoids me like the plague if I want to speak to him on a serious level. He will never tell me how he truly feels but he will never let me go!! IÂ’m an open book IÂ’m warm loving and sensitive and IÂ’m patient with him, I do so much for him to open up to me but he has never shown any emotion ever! He has never taken me on a date in the 5 years we have known each other! I live 200 miles away from him and IÂ’ve always gone to him!! But when heÂ’s around me heÂ’s so needy of my affection and love and we have really great chemistry. we make each other laugh and we bounce off each other, but you will never know whatÂ’s going on in his head! HeÂ’s asked me what I wanted from him this time and IÂ’ve told him but the personality he has and the way he is just doesnÂ’t make me happy, but I care about him so much. The most he has told me is that he does like me also but the way he is I can never be sure! I just never know where I stand and I can tell him how I feel every week and itÂ’s as if he doesnÂ’t care. I give him space or When i become silent and make it seem like IÂ’m done trying with him heÂ’ll reel me back in, tells me a fraction of what I want to hear, Im thinking we are making progress and then we are back to square 1 of him being so shut off. When we were younger he used to smoke a lot, he doesnÂ’t as much now but he has said a few times heÂ’s an overthinker, but I just donÂ’t know what to do anymore. Over the years, he has also shown so many narcissistic/sociopathic traits. Everything is always my fault and going back to the emotion, he is so constantly unmoved and lacks so much empathy etc. Cheekycheeky, read what I've bolded and put your logical hat on. Now tell me why exactly you care for him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 28, 2018 Share Posted October 28, 2018 He's not a difficult man. He is very simple. He wants to have sex with you but otherwise doesn't want much else to do with you. If he cared at all he'd make an effort. In 5 years he has never taken you on a date. He doesn't think you are worthy. You are just some girl who lets him use her for sex. You will never be anything more to him. He has zero respect for you. The difficulty here is all you. You insist on trying to make this work. You can't put a square peg in a round hole. Stop trying. Have some self respect. Stop bothering with him. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 28, 2018 Share Posted October 28, 2018 (edited) What do you mean you don't know what he really feels? He really feels nothing for you! Nothing. This is evident by the fact you've always had to go to him and give him convenient sex, which is all he is interested in. You keep thinking that because you are so smitten (though God knows why), that he must be hiding feelings. This man doesn't have any feelings. He is cold and only wants sex. He doesn't have potential to be a warm caring man. He's without not only feelings but empathy. He's not a good guy. Stop projecting your feelings onto him. There's nothing there. You need to be thinking about why is it okay with you to keep running after someone who doesn't care and doesn't reciprocate. Think about who else in your earlier life you had to do that with, and maybe you'll find out why this seems normal enough to you to be doing it. Edited October 28, 2018 by preraph 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted October 28, 2018 Share Posted October 28, 2018 He's never needed to make effort to even take you OUT on a date and he gets sex from you? Wow, you've trained him to make NO effort and he still gets free sex. Next man - wait until he shows effort/interest and makes time and spends energy knowing you fully well before even considering getting intimate with him. This one is toast - no coming back - especially since he's closed off. Ask yourself why you settled for so little effort from him. Don't do it that way again. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 You say he told you that he "liked" you, what? after 5 years? Of course he "likes" you because you bend over backwards to please him. You want him to fall in love with you the way you are in love with him. That is not going to happen and you might as well face it. You have to make it up in your mind that it is over for you this time. Leave, block and move on. You've given him 5 years of the most important time of your life. Don't waste any more of your youth. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 He has pegged you for the silly person that you show him you are - you have no self-respect, you’re led by your ego and sex drive, you’ll put up with any type of behavior and beg for more, you are completely unable to read the writing on the wall because you fantasize that your feelings are going to magically override his lack of feelings, you play yo-yo games with him, you think his temporary attention actually means more to him than getting into your pants, and you apparently think that him wanting to use you for sex is somehow a compliment. I can’t imagine why this guy hasn’t begged you to marry him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Logo Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 You need to end this "relationship" asap. You deserve better. It would be perfectly okay in my book if you blocked and deleted him without so much as a notice or a phone call. Sorry, but he's not worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
TheFinalWord Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 He makes me feel as if I’m going mad. I’ve never had so many issues with a guy before until I met him! We met online years ago, I was about 19, he was 22. And he was pretty unavailable and shut off. I fell for him straight away for some reason I felt so attracted to him, but for about 2 years we were just meeting up in hotels for the night. He always knew I wanted more but didnt want that. We stopped speaking for three years and this summer I found his number again, we started speaking and began seeing each other and I’ve fallen for him all over again. He’s a very busy person and works long hours, I’ve known him for so long but I don’t even know much about him! He’s so shut off, he’s never told me how he really feels, he barely speaks to me and avoids me like the plague if I want to speak to him on a serious level. He will never tell me how he truly feels but he will never let me go!! I’m an open book I’m warm loving and sensitive and I’m patient with him, I do so much for him to open up to me but he has never shown any emotion ever! He has never taken me on a date in the 5 years we have known each other! I live 200 miles away from him and I’ve always gone to him!! But when he’s around me he’s so needy of my affection and love and we have really great chemistry. we make each other laugh and we bounce off each other, but you will never know what’s going on in his head! He’s asked me what I wanted from him this time and I’ve told him but the personality he has and the way he is just doesn’t make me happy, but I care about him so much. The most he has told me is that he does like me also but the way he is I can never be sure! I just never know where I stand and I can tell him how I feel every week and it’s as if he doesn’t care. I give him space or When i become silent and make it seem like I’m done trying with him he’ll reel me back in, tells me a fraction of what I want to hear, Im thinking we are making progress and then we are back to square 1 of him being so shut off. When we were younger he used to smoke a lot, he doesn’t as much now but he has said a few times he’s an overthinker, but I just don’t know what to do anymore. Over the years, he has also shown so many narcissistic/sociopathic traits. Everything is always my fault and going back to the emotion, he is so constantly unmoved and lacks so much empathy etc. He has game. The more uncertain you are about his intentions, the more you chase him. He's doing everything textbook to get you to fall for him. If you're chasing him, you aren't dumping him. Thus doing irrational things like driving 200 miles for sex or he's too busy to talk. The only way this is going to end is if you walk away and never look back. But he has you so emotionally invested in him, and you believe you are going to change him and fix him. Never gonna happen. Look. Some people are not relationship material. They're good to go on dates with and have fun (if that's your thing), but not to date or marry. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 (edited) Why do you feel that this is what you're worth or what you deserve? Is the sex really that good? You drive 200 miles for someone who's never taken you on a date in 5 years? He sounds like he's married or otherwise in another relationship---and no matter what he's been telling you, there is someone else that he's not throwing over for you. Doesn't matter how you feel about him. He isn't the one for you and you need to wrap your head around that before something bad happens. If the person you're with treats you in any way other than well, and you keep sticking around trying to make it work, you're no longer a victim of what they're doing--you're a volunteer. ~ Derrick Jaxn Go look him up on youtube and binge. Edited October 31, 2018 by kendahke Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 There are some guys who rather have a life of not having to be responsible for somebody else...lack of empathy? It's possible he has a form of Autism ie: an Aspie. You have taming the beast syndrome lol, you get a jolt of Dopamine when he or anyone you can't have or is distant. You are chasing that hit, like a drug addict. Know the difference between love and obsession....you are obsessed, because you can't have him. Break the cycle.... understand you will never get anywhere with this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Art Anderson Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 I'm not even sure there is anything wrong with this guy. It's more like a man has an incompatible woman following him and he didn't get the memo that he's in a relationship with her. Clearly you think so but he does not. He just hasn't told you to keep away, you haven't boiled his pet bunny, and if you're down for some sex after a long trip to see him, well, OK. I have to be direct here, you are delusional to think there's any relationship here at all and you need to steer your life somewhere else that's healthy. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted November 1, 2018 Share Posted November 1, 2018 (edited) He's got you on a line. He knows just what to say to reel you in again for when it's convenient for him. He can always call on you if he's lonely or in need of physical comfort. But, what is this doing for you? He is always going to be fuzzy about where you stand because he does not want to be clear. He knows that if he was clear, you would walk. You want a relationship and he doesn't. He just wants a bit of fun every so often. I think deep down you know where you stand but you want to keep hoping things might change. They would have done by now if they were going to. I think you are on a hiding to nowhere with this guy. When the pain outweighs the pleasure you will see it for what it is. I am sorry you are in this situation. It is under your control though - you can walk away and refuse to engage with him any more. It might be painful at first but gradually you will be freeing yourself of him and become more open to other possibilities with someone new. It is not wise to stay in a relationship that is not meeting your needs. Edited November 1, 2018 by spiderowl Link to post Share on other sites
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