400benchdream Posted October 28, 2018 Share Posted October 28, 2018 I need to vent. To start, I had been talking to a girl from a class I am taking for ~6 weeks. In class we are very flirty. I added her on facebook and asked her out for lunch and she said she was busy but another time we should go. A few days later she messages me out of the blue about something obvious for class, I figured it was an excuse to talk me to so I asked her out and she said yes. The day before the date she reschedules for the next day I said sure. Again the day before she texts me but this time says she can't go. At this point I think it's over, but the next time I see her in class she asks me out for dinner, she specifically mentioned it would be from 5:30-8. The date comes and I am waiting she is 15 minutes late and in sweats and a tshirt, she said she got locked out of her room and is in her roommates clothes and that we could go back there and wait for it to get fixed then we would go out. So I open and close the car door for her and drive to her apartment and we wait ~70 minutes for the problem to get fixed and her to get ready. During this time I am talking to her and her roommate and think things are going well. We got to talking about different types of guys, the sporty jock type and the nerdy type. So I said I guess I know your type implying she likes sporty guys because I play several sports and lift. The roommate is joking around with me how one of her previous roomates was having loud sex all the time and I jokingly said I would be respectful and play music. Once it’s fixed and we leave she does not have time to go out and I say I can drop you off at your parents house, her parents house is near myn and the dinner place and I was going to drop her off there anyways. On the car ride to her parents house it is a 40 minute drive. We talk and get on the subject of what type of men and women we go for. I jokingly asked if she was straight and she asked me back. We then talk about college and hook up culture. She said she is awkward and has social anxiety. She said she is bad at reading signals from guys, and shuts down guys without even knowing it. I said you didn’t shut me down. She also mentioned that she has only had one boyfriend. She said she takes months of knowing someone before she would date them. She mentions she thinks kissing not in a relationship is not something she is ok with, so I said thanks for telling me. At one point during the conversation I forget why but I jokingly put my handout and said I wanted to hold her hand, and she recoiled away. After that I asked if I could hug her, and she asked me if this was a date. I said yes it was, and she said she didn’t know it was. She then says we should continue to be friends in class and even go out and do things together. I try to play it cool and pretend I am not hurt and drop her off. I feel that going out alone with a girl on a Friday night and the topics we were talking about it was obviously a date. I also feel used and not appreciated because she was going to her parents house to see a friend from out of town who when I heard on her phone was a guy. I don’t want to be insecure and assume the worst, but it is like she used me as a free uber to see the guy she really likes. We have not texted each other since the 'date' Friday. Should I ask in class if she wants to redo the date as a date? Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted October 28, 2018 Share Posted October 28, 2018 It sounds like you've found a lady who is not that mature, who is still dating around. Women are allowed to date around, and before you two have declared a committed relationship, she does have the right to go shopping for other guys. The way that she did it though, seems a bit off. You can put the ball in her court, and say that you are asking her out to something fun. If she doesn't respond kindly to it, she doesn't want to date you further. You've mentioned multiple times that she cancels and cancels, and shuts down guys without knowing it. She also has social anxiety. I sense that it will be an uphill battle to get her to mature, and she will fight you every step of the way and say she is right, if you even get to that stage. The least painful way to go about this is to drop your attention on this lady and get a more respectful one. Let her be merely a statistic in your dating game. There are more intelligent and respectable ladies out there. She's given multiple signals that, while sadly are indirect, tell you that she's not interested enough in you to give you her full attention. I would personally get her out of my life as soon as possible. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 28, 2018 Share Posted October 28, 2018 Don't waste your time. Look, you date those who treat you the way you want to be treated...she hasn't given you any respect, or shown any real effort to set a good impression. She failed miserably. Look somewhere else. Ditching her is no lost opportunity. IMO you deserve better than that, so why bother. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted October 28, 2018 Share Posted October 28, 2018 She's super low interest, at best. Move on to someone who likes you and isn't playing games. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted October 28, 2018 Share Posted October 28, 2018 Geeze man, she's not worth the time or drama. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted October 28, 2018 Share Posted October 28, 2018 Basically when she canceled on you multiple times ... and then showed up in sweats ... those were all the evidence you ever needed that this woman either isn't that into you ... or is completely flaky and unreliable. People don't cancel dates casually unless they're simply not into someone ... By casually I mean ... they don't cancel a date unless it's a serious emergency or they're sick ... And you don't say yes when someone cancels and then asks you for the next day at the last minute. You actually want to say no ... because they're jerking you around ... Ironically she should have canceled when she locked herself out ... and she didn't. Really weak social skills on her part. Let her go. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author 400benchdream Posted October 29, 2018 Author Share Posted October 29, 2018 Thanks for the replies, i'm going to ask other girls out and hopefully forget about this one. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 She just sounds messed up. Any idiot knew that was a date of sorts. Even if they weren't sure if the person only liked them as a friend, the follow-up conversation would have told them that. If what she says is true, she's got some hangups, bigtime, depending how old she is. If she's still in high school, maybe just a late bloomer. Anyway, you're wasting your time there, pal. Don't let her "just be friends" with you and run off all other women, because that is exactly what will happen. Waste of time. Just tell her no thanks. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author 400benchdream Posted October 30, 2018 Author Share Posted October 30, 2018 She just sounds messed up. Any idiot knew that was a date of sorts. Even if they weren't sure if the person only liked them as a friend, the follow-up conversation would have told them that. If what she says is true, she's got some hangups, bigtime, depending how old she is. If she's still in high school, maybe just a late bloomer. Anyway, you're wasting your time there, pal. Don't let her "just be friends" with you and run off all other women, because that is exactly what will happen. Waste of time. Just tell her no thanks. It would make much more sense if we were in high school. I am 21 she is 20.... Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 Not exactly ancient, but, you know, she said it's her social anxiety. It doesn't sound all that bad what with her inviting you, but I bet there's some things about her emotional health you still don't know. Well, these are the years you sort things about about yourself. Anyway, if it's not fun, don't do it! And she's just a lot of excuses and roadblocks. Link to post Share on other sites
ChatroomHero Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 It was easy to cancel on you multiple times but she apparently was able to go through hell and high water that night to meet with her other friend, that should tell you right where you stand and all you need to know. Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 It honestly seems like she lost interest in you during the course of the "date" and tried to backpedal at the end with excuses that she didn't know it was a date, etc. It seems like she quite abruptly decided she didn't have time to go out with you any more (after she was the one who caused everything to be late.) Her actions here simply make no sense. She asked you to have dinner and then you never even ended up having dinner? So bizarre. Weren't you hungry? Why did you agree to drive her 40 minutes to her parents' house without even having dinner? Some future advice: Don't be such a doormat. When she showed up 15 minutes late and wasn't ready for dinner, the answer was not to go sit around at her house waiting for her for 70 minutes. The answer was to say "Why don't we reschedule for a different day?" And then, after you had already wasted over an hour and a half of your time, when she decided that she no longer had time to go out with you, your answer should not have been "Sure, let me drive you 40 minutes to your parents' house," it should've been "See ya, bye." I don't think you should ask her out again. (Or even be her friend, honestly. What a flake.) Link to post Share on other sites
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