Heartbroken_86 Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 So I've been dating this MM for 2 years now. We were friends since 2003. I knew that he was married and didn't really pay it any mind throughout out our friendship. It want until we started being intimate that I started caring and feeling it. We have ALWAYS had this strong bond/connection but once sex came in the picture it REALLY became stronger. So here I am after two years, him telling her he wants to leave she is threatening to take the kids.. I love him with all of me but I decided I can't do this anymore. I have tried to have NC which I'd like really tough cause he is like my best friend. He called me earlier but I didn't answer trying to be strong. He got my name tatted on his hand, talk to me in front of her and vice versa.. But won't leave so Im just heartbroken because he said I was his soulmate, he loves her for having his kids and that's it and his heart is with me. I call bull**** and just don't believe him. I don't believe I'm capable of being truly loved, never have been. So my question is... does he love me or am I just something to do? Idk what is going on at this point but I just know I can't take all of this anymore and by him not leaving.. I guess that should tell me alot. Link to post Share on other sites
Maybelle Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 He got your name tattooed on his hand and she stays with him! Wow. Link to post Share on other sites
bmh Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 I’m assuming with the tattoo and the phone calls in front of his wife that she is aware of the affair. But I do have some questions if you don’t mind answering. How did she find out? How long has he had this tattoo and why? Is he aware that she can’t legally keep him from his kids, at least in the US. Link to post Share on other sites
ABernie Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 It's so hard, because most men don't leave. It will be when BW is ready to kick him out. How long has she known? What was her reaction? What are the financial ramifications of separating? Until then, NC sounds like your best bet. It will make him do some soul searching about not having you in his life. I'm so sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 This guy is awful, OP. Not only is he having an affair, he appears to be only flaunting it in front of his wife. He would make a terrible partner. Remember that any time you feel like you miss him. You're really not missing out on a great man. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbroken_86 Posted October 29, 2018 Author Share Posted October 29, 2018 She has known the entire two years. He has had the tattoo about two mths now. Its just so hard to let go. Not to mention I suffer from depression and anxiety. I hate this. I feel bad I really do so please don't judge me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbroken_86 Posted October 29, 2018 Author Share Posted October 29, 2018 He got your name tattooed on his hand and she stays with him! Wow. Yea that was crazy to me that he even did it.. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 She has known the entire two years. He has had the tattoo about two mths now. Its just so hard to let go. Not to mention I suffer from depression and anxiety. I hate this. I feel bad I really do so please don't judge me. This relationship is surely adding to these issues. He isn't going anywhere, so it's best that you accept this is over. It wasn't ever going to be what you hoped, because he is attached enough to his wife and their kids that he's not willing to separate from her and be with you. She appears willing to overlook his cheating, so there is really no reason for him to leave her. Stay away from married men in the future. They make craptacular boyfriends. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbroken_86 Posted October 29, 2018 Author Share Posted October 29, 2018 This relationship is surely adding to these issues. He isn't going anywhere, so it's best that you accept this is over. It wasn't ever going to be what you hoped, because he is attached enough to his wife and their kids that he's not willing to separate from her and be with you. She appears willing to overlook his cheating, so there is really no reason for him to leave her. Stay away from married men in the future. They make craptacular boyfriends. Thanks... That makes me feel so much better. Its just something that I'm really going to try hard to get over. Link to post Share on other sites
ABernie Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 My friend stayed with her BF for 5 years while he was living with his son's mother. They weren't a couple, but he stayed for the child. The mother knew for many years. She went complete NC after he raised his voice to her once. She still maintains that he is the love of her life, but she knew it had to end. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 What does he mean "take his kids". She can't take his kids away from him. He will still have split custody. Besides kids grow up and move out (hopefully). He's just full of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbroken_86 Posted October 29, 2018 Author Share Posted October 29, 2018 What does he mean "take his kids". She can't take his kids away from him. He will still have split custody. Besides kids grow up and move out (hopefully). He's just full of it. Because she doesn't want to split them up. I understand that part but what about HIS happiness. I don't have time to sit around and wait for his children to grow up for us to be together and he said he doesn't want that either. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 Because she doesn't want to split them up. I understand that part but what about HIS happiness. I don't have time to sit around and wait for his children to grow up for us to be together and he said he doesn't want that either. Do you mean split the kids up during visitation? No, all the kids visit at the same time. How many are there? There would be time spent with the mother and time spent with the father but not in the same home. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 Because she doesn't want to split them up. I understand that part but what about HIS happiness. I don't have time to sit around and wait for his children to grow up for us to be together and he said he doesn't want that either. He's happy the way it is, OP. Wife and kids at home, you on the side. He isn't worried about his level of happiness the way you are. He's a cake-eater and this is what those types live for. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbroken_86 Posted October 29, 2018 Author Share Posted October 29, 2018 Do you mean split the kids up during visitation? No, all the kids visit at the same time. How many are there? There would be time spent with the mother and time spent with the father but not in the same home. No, she means split them up at all. There are two of them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heartbroken_86 Posted October 29, 2018 Author Share Posted October 29, 2018 He's happy the way it is, OP. Wife and kids at home, you on the side. He isn't worried about his level of happiness the way you are. He's a cake-eater and this is what those types live for. I just feel like that's so selfish. He keeps telling me I'm making this all up in my head and that I'm crazy. Now Im unstable to be around the children. I hate myself Link to post Share on other sites
CardsFan01 Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 He got your name tattooed on his hand and she stays with him! Wow. Ha, that’s what jumped out at me in this story too. Where does getting a name tattooed on your hand compare to diamonds as far as a show of affection? Link to post Share on other sites
Starswillshine Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 I just feel like that's so selfish. He keeps telling me I'm making this all up in my head and that I'm crazy. Now Im unstable to be around the children. I hate myself Oh gosh... run, girl, run fast! Be thankful you havent wasted decades on this man and tied down to him with kids. He tattooed another woman's name on his hand that isnt his wife, and you're the crazy one? Link to post Share on other sites
Maybelle Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 Ha, that’s what jumped out at me in this story too. Where does getting a name tattooed on your hand compare to diamonds as far as a show of affection? I'm just saying, no way am I staying married to a guy who tattoos someone else's name on his body Link to post Share on other sites
Vivir Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 Heartbroken_86, deep down, you already know the answers. You said something about his happiness somewhere in this thread... who cares about his happiness? He is literally "living high on the hog" - given his absolute success at having both of you loving him, without condition, despite his obvious lack of care for either of you. I mean, I assume he doesn't have to lie to either of you; he just spins words and the tiniest fraction of effort to keep both of your heads spinning in his direction. I advise you to stop the madness. How do you do that? Well, you realize that best friends have each other's best interests at heart; they do not act in ways that are detrimental to the other... Love is not saying one thing and doing another... Things you already know. In any case, I agree with ExpatInItaly on all counts: He's happy the way it is, OP. Wife and kids at home, you on the side. He isn't worried about his level of happiness the way you are. He's a cake-eater and this is what those types live for. Why should this married man change? He has no reason to do so at all. No matter what he does, you and she will remain in his corner. He'll drain you both and leave your bodies to dessicate while he relishes in the sun. I just feel like that's so selfish. He keeps telling me I'm making this all up in my head and that I'm crazy. Now Im unstable to be around the children. I hate myself ^^ This is the epitome of gaslighting. Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or in members of a targeted group, making them question their own memory, perception, and sanity. Using persistent denial, misdirection, contradiction, and lying, it attempts to destabilize the victim and delegitimize the victim's belief. (I grabbed this from Wikipedia, by the way.) ^^ Is gaslighting indicative of love? Would you gaslight someone you love? He is not acting with love towards you, in my opinion. It is time to scrape together what's left of your self and your dignity and save yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 I just feel like that's so selfish. He keeps telling me I'm making this all up in my head and that I'm crazy. Now Im unstable to be around the children. I hate myself Well, yeah. Cheaters tend to be incredibly selfish people. Surely, you are not surprised to hear that? Why do you hate yourself? You have the power to change this, if you have the self-respect to cut him off. He's manipulating you only because you still give him access to you. Something tells me this is a pattern in your life, sadly. Is that correct? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 3, 2018 Share Posted November 3, 2018 No, she means split them up at all. There are two of them. Well it doesn't matter what SHE wants as he can get split custody through the courts. He has rights too. He's making excuses. Link to post Share on other sites
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