The one that might get away.

[Janexx]

Hey guys.

 

This is my first time doing something like this. Please bear with me..

 

It all started about 3 1/2 month ago. I am 24 and currently abroad for my Working Holiday. Anyway, since im very keen to learn a new language i signed up on a website where i can meet people locally to exchange languages. I got to meet this guy. We exchanged numbers and started texting. We realized that we had this connection, so we decided to meet up for dinner.

 

It was perfect. We had great food, great conversation and everything just clicked. After a great night, he walked me home and we kissed..

 

But heres the twist. He was living here for about 3 years. Since he wasn't a permanent resident i wondered how he was able to stay and work here that long. I got to know that his ex girlfriend of 4 years, was a local so he stayed and worked here on a partner visa... But she broke up with him. So after leaving his country to move here for her just to then get dumped in the end is like a punch in the face. I felt bad for him.

 

Anyway, after that we talked about it, and i saw how difficult things are for him. He had to figure out what he wants to do and where again. Things are harder since he's 31.. And since the partner visa wasn't valid anymore he had to fly back to his country. All that made him miserable. I wanted to be as supportive as possible. I tried to help him. He was grateful to have me to talk to. After all that we kinda grew closer, to a point where we had feelings for each other. But since he had to leave the country he wasn't sure about us. He likes me, but he wanted to figure things out, and with me around it made that more difficult. Also he was never keen of long distance.. So i told him that we dont have to put a label on us, and that he can do whatever he needs to do, knowing that im still there to support him.

 

So we were in a loving relationship but not really. He went back to asia and i stayed here. We texted everyday and talked on the phone regularly. Everything was good. He was back with his friends and family, but still very anxious about his future. Since we really missed each other we decided to meet in the middle. We planned a trip together to see each other again.

 

Fast forward to last week. We met again. Spend a week together on a beautiful island. We were happy. Until the last day. Both were sad about leaving, especially me. I wanted it to last. Wanted us to last. So i told him that i am scared how things might turned out as soon as we leave each other, that he'll change his mind about us...he tried to reassure me that he won't let that happen. I wanted to belive it, for a brief moment i did, but somehow i felt like something was different. We both said our goodbye and headed back to each country.

 

Since i felt that things are off since we left, i told him about my insecurities. I asked him if were okay, and if he was acting different towards me. He replied that he doesn't know and that he might be different.

 

So we called each other to talk. Me already dwelling up, knowing already what might come. He really likes me. But he want something steady to build on. On something he really has. We were steady, but not enough. I would have been in his country for holiday in a few months..and after that i planned to do a working holiday there, but the time in between would have made it harder for him etc.. Since he still needs to figure himself out he wouldnt be able to do that in our situation, cause long distance might leave him vulerable to certain decisions. Like when we'll meet again etc. I understand him, i want him to be happy, but i terribly miss him. After an hour on the phone both crying we said that we don't want to cut each other out. And we can try to be freinds, and see what the future holds...

 

What should i do..? It was just 3 months, why am i like this? I want to fight, but i know he needs to be alone somehow..so i can't do anything..i am so sad. Crying over him and our time together...

[Garcon1986]

This might be a really hard one to keep up but let me ask you:

 

Is there any chance of him coming back for a permanent residency of some sort?

 

How do you know the level of mutual commitment is good enough, after meeting him for three months?

 

Do you know if he likes you enough to want to keep you around for the long term? It sounds like he's got some obligations in his home country too.

[Janexx]

He would want to get out if his country. Its a different kind of freedom he says.

 

Which i understand, but im just here on my working holiday. After that i would have to return to my country of residency. So even if he would get a PR here, i wouldnt be here anymore..and apparently he wouldnt be able to get his PR unless he studies here somehow for a couple of years until he could apply for PR..very complicated.

 

Well i thought its mutual, since we both spended time to plan to see each other again...we wouldn't have if we both thought it would be meaningless, right?

 

I think he likes me a lot, but due to certain circumstances its gonna be hard..

I don't know...

 

Am i being to hopeful?

[Garcon1986]

Can he come to your real home country? The harsh reality is that a long distance relationship like yours is tough to keep up due to temptation from both sides. You have a hard battle you are contemplating, are you both up for it?