Not coping with the thought of him being with someone else...

[loststarsx]

I've seen a few of your posts. I'm sorry you're in pain, maybe you have an attachment style trauma. There are just so many red flags, it's probably for the best that things ended... Even though this all seems like a nightmare, I think him already moving on is a blessing in disguises. Otherwise, you would devour breadcrumbs and keep your loop in the chaos. I was in similar situation long ago, and it reminded me of Halsey's "Colors". When I read your posts I think of what it was like. I've come to the conclusion that have to let go of all the bad feelings. Unless he actively gets help, his new relationship will end up the same. He has the right to move on. I think of all of us here (myself included) think the dumper has to press pause, they don't. If someone moved on that fast, they never intended to stay. When you make peace, you end the cycle and prevent more heartbreak. Grieve the loss, anything is just a fantasy you're after. The day he left is the day he died in your world, he's a ghost. Don't replay memories. In my situation, I feel like deep down, because I believe I truly loved my ex, I want to wish him the best and let it go, I am done with it too. I'm not in love with my ex anymore, it's just the residual haunting of such a terrible breakup. I think some of us look back and our early posts and get embarrassed. But some time from now you will look back at your posts and feel joy at how much you've grown. That's what I'm going for lol You have to reach a point where you have enough and start to move on little by little. You are in charge of your own happiness and you will very well find you are better off without him. Sounds like it was destructive, you need to heal and I'm sure you will. It sounds like you're doing the right things. Just always try to take care of yourself as well. For me, I'm at the point of acceptance and am honestly happy to move on. Our exes wanted to see what was out there, we all can and will, too. Take it day by day, feelings change and you will find that you are just as detached from your ex now as they were when they decided to leave. Be good to yourself, don't be so trusting, and realize you have a lot of strength.

[KatCha]

Nobody gave us a rulebook when the internet was unleashed. I think we are all still adjusting to how we communicate and act socially now, not just in dating, but in every aspect of our lives, online. It is insidious in tough times and wonderful when we are excited and happy and searching a new thought or idea or info. Try not to incessantly post on his account, that gets creepy fast, but dealing with breakups in a high tech world is just something weird we all have to learn how to handle through self control. If people want you to let them go, we just have to kind of let that happen, at their request. It sucks, you get left bearing the cross, which one day you will lay down and step over it, unburdened and lighter in step. I hope all gets well for you and a truly handsome, generous, vivacious partner appears for you and will be there to cheer you up and not bring you down. I pray fun for you and joy. God bless deary!

[nolanola]

The only thing that truly helped me was time. I hate that that's the case, because I'm going through my current breakup wondering what I was 8 years ago..."when does this end?" It comes around, but it's not gonna be your choice when your feelings change. The only choice you can make are related to your actions and to some degree how you think about the situation. Cutting this person out of your life, knowing that you're better than they'll ever be, and eventually, that you'll be better off. You may not feel it now but it'll come. May take months. May take years.

 

 

Obsessing over this stuff is normal. The feeling of loss is normal, even considering you cut him out of your life (I know you wanted to feel empowered, but that will come with time, not immediately). But if he's already with someone else then that's a reflection of his stupid decisions, not a reflection of you! Remember that. It's hard to grasp, but it can be comforting when those hours of ruminating become exhausting and you need just a moment of some kind of relief. Go back to therapy, it helps over time. That's what I got.

 

 

Remember nothing worth having in life comes easy!

 

Your post helps me SO much and I appreciate it. I think it’s hard when you’ve just been dumped by someone and they’re with someone new to not picture everything to be so perfect for them. It’s human nature to wonder “why her (or him) and not me?” And you think they’re having a much more successful relationship with the new person. The man I thought I loved is (I think) seeing someone new and it tears me up. I picture the two of them having such a wonderful time and her being so much more than me.

 

One thing that might help you is what my therapist told me when I was expressing all this to her. When I said that he’s probably so much happier with her, she said “but he hasn’t disappointed her yet”. People don’t fundamentally change overnight. I do absolutely believe people can change, but that takes a long time, not weeks.

[sorano]

like they say, don't get jealous or angry when you see your ex with someone else. we were taught to give our old toys to the less fortunate.