justinje Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 I began dating her 2 years ago in a week. I was very unsure at the beginning, she hadn't had much experience with monogamous relationships despite us both being in our late 20s at the time, and had some self-esteem issues. 4 months after we started dating I got laid off, ended up having to move to the Midwest when she was on the east coast. Before I left I tried to break it off with her, thinking that it wouldn't work. But she wouldn't let me, begged to keep it going. I agreed thinking it would naturally die down after a few months.......at 30 years old I'm jaded when it comes to that. Fast forward a year and we were still going strong long distance, each making an effort to see the other. But I was still keeping walls up, scared of getting hurt. Finally I took them down as she told me how it hurt her when I didn't reciprocate all the feelings she had. That happened last early Spring. Fast forward to yesterday. After 3 weeks of issues regarding some trust stuff and her bringing up old fights she never got over we had taken 5 days to ourselves to really think about things and if we could get through them and continue. Literally on day 1 she called me saying she thought we could and wanted to make sure she said that and that I was hopeful. Then yesterday we talked..........she had come to the conclusion that there were things she hadn't gotten over from 9 months ago that were preventing things from progressing. She didn't know if she could. She said that it may be better to try to move on, that she didn't think it could work. In the moment a couple times she said she doubted her decision........going into the talk I was on the fence as well, but as we talked the things she said made sense and it felt like we were finally getting to the heart of our problems and an opportunity to work it out. But she didn't want to, or didn't think we should try or that if we did it would work. I plan to move back east, but there'd probably be some shorter distance involved for awhile, not as bad as we have it now though. This relationship for me didn't start with fireworks and passion and blind love. This started with doubts, then overtime through her being there for me in thick and thin, good times, continued self exploration, and growing closer together I grew to love her in a healthier way than I've loved many exes. This isn't my first break-up. I want to send her a message saying I think this is a mistake and that if we've ID'ed these problems that we could try to fix them. But my head tells me that if we were to try, she'd have to come back to me, since she was the one who said she didn't want to try.............otherwise even if she said yes I'd always be scared she didn't really want to. I'm hurting. Through past breakups I know NC is a good way to get past stuff. But I feel like leaving a channel open. What I had with her, and at the point I am in my life, this was a situation where we were planning a life together. I don't know what to do. At 30 I'm done with dating. I know how rare something special like we had is. Help is appreciated.....as are kind words. These boards have helped me in the past, hoping to have some help here too........... Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 I don't know what to do. At 30 I'm done with dating. I know how rare something special like we had is. I'll give it a week before you're back on the dating sites. Link to post Share on other sites
Author justinje Posted October 30, 2018 Author Share Posted October 30, 2018 If I do it's not healthy..........anyone have some positive thoughts or advice? Should I reach out one more time try to save a relationship that lasted two years!? Link to post Share on other sites
loststarsx Posted November 1, 2018 Share Posted November 1, 2018 What can't she get over? She's telling you that she can't get past those issues. You're still young, it's not like your life is over. (I know that is not helpful, but really, it's true.) You can't chase her anymore at this point. From what I gather, you've said your peace. Reconciliation has to come from her. LDR are taxing and if you have problems they become magnified. I am really sorry you're hurting. It feels like you're dying and like you're brain is hijacked. I've driven myself nuts and after watching so many different videos, I've realized that in the end, our exes chose to leave us. All you can at this point is do some deep introspection and try to see what was wrong, any red flags, etc. The more you chase, the more she will run. Is there someone else? Link to post Share on other sites
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