Ms.Jazzy Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 Ok so I've been seeing this guy for roughly about a month and a half so it really hasn't been long. We met through an online dating site and even though we haven't been talking long we've been hitting it off extremely well. We talk to each other about everyday via phone and we plan dates just about every other weekend which results in me spending the night etc. He's been telling me things about how much he's into me and trying to get to know me better etc and he does seem like a great guy. Even though I'm guilty with being on the online dating profile a lot still I genuinely don't have any interest in anybody else but him at this current point and he's still active on there as well. So this past weekend was my birthday, he took me out to a fancy restaurant and we went to the movies and everything seemed fine. As I got home I noticed he immediately had changed his dating profile around. He put new pics up of himself and changed some things about himself in the about me section.I can't get mad because we're not official but I can't help but think he's losing interest in me or not that into me to update things on his online dating profile. I'm just wondering why he still haven't took the extra step to make things offIcial. I don't want to press the issue because I don't want to look crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 Since everything seems to be going well the only thing that makes sense is that he's doing it because he sees you doing it. Maybe it's time to have the exclusive talk or at least put it on the table so you can see where he's at. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 It is a troubling sign but maybe he did it because you haven't brought up exclusivity & he fears you are not into him. The only person who can address your concerns is him. So a talk is in order. Link to post Share on other sites
Malin889 Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 It sounds like things are going well, especially because he took you out for your birthday. I feel like if he wasn’t into you he wouldn’t spend the money on you. I’m guessing that he saw your picture on his daily email from the site or something and he just decided he might as well keep his options open since you are. You should ask him. :-) Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 You’ve had 2 dates only in 1.5 months? You’re intimate on both of these dates? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 Yeah, a date every 45 days isn't high interest. Some people like good food and don't mind having company at a fine restaurant. I think he has low interest and has probably already dated others in between those 2 dates you've had. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Kelliousme Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 Very bad sign. I agree with what most are saying here, that he might be updating it because you're doing the same. But that to me is a childish act. I mean.. if he's doing it because you are.. then he's kind of being spiteful. He might be unsure whether or not you want to be exclusive/he's afraid you're not interested since you're updating yours. But he could've talked to you about it. Another reason is obviously because he's not interested anymore/he had a sudden change of heart. Which kind of sucks. You should just talk to him. No more playing games. If you want to be exclusive, then talk to him about it. No more updating profiles etc. If you're not interested in anyone else but him.. why are you still on the site anyways?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ms.Jazzy Posted October 29, 2018 Author Share Posted October 29, 2018 We've been seeing each other more than 2 days. More like every weekend since we met. We're both off of work Saturday and Sundays of our jobs so we usually plan those two days to link every week in the past month since we've been talking. I honestly haven't changed anything in my profile since I've met him and he hasn't either until yesterday which really gutted me. I haven't taken down my profile simply because we haven't had the exclusive talk yet. I've tried reaching him today but he hasn't been responding nor has he been on the site. So I'm a little anxious to talk to him to see what's going on. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 If you have reached out today, sit back & see what happens. Do not pester him. Call a friend & make dinner plans so you don't have time to be obsessed. Link to post Share on other sites
damni Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 This is a very bad sign. I would start dating other people. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
40somethingGuy Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 We've been seeing each other more than 2 days. More like every weekend since we met. We're both off of work Saturday and Sundays of our jobs so we usually plan those two days to link every week in the past month since we've been talking. I honestly haven't changed anything in my profile since I've met him and he hasn't either until yesterday which really gutted me. I haven't taken down my profile simply because we haven't had the exclusive talk yet. I've tried reaching him today but he hasn't been responding nor has he been on the site. So I'm a little anxious to talk to him to see what's going on. Are you sleeping with him? That matters. However, you could hide/suspend your profile and see if he reacts. You could mention that you are not seeing anyone else and suspended your profile. Get the feel if he is into you. I am sure he is tweaking his profile because you haven't gotten off the site yet and is maybe using his profile for Plan B in case you are not interested. Time to cut to the chase. Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 If I was dating a woman who was still active on a dating site, as you are, I would do the same thing as he is doing. You think he should take his profile down while yours is still up? I am confused by this post. Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 If I was dating a woman who was still active on a dating site, as you are, I would do the same thing as he is doing. You think he should take his profile down while yours is still up? I am confused by this post. Her concern is that he's making changes to his profile while she isn't (I assume) but your point is quite valid - there's no real difference. OP, if he did this immediately after your date, I suspect he's fishing to see if you're watching. And you are! You went on the site immediately after a great birthday date! Imagine what he's thinking. Have the exclusivity talk, or keep dating others. I had a guy do this to me just to be a jerk. You can play his game, and make changes to your profile, or you can get it out in the open right now. You're tormenting yourself by checking the site. BTDT, sell you my tshirt. Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lisa_Lisa Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 You guys are dating and not exclusive hence you're free to date others as you see fit. Let things progress naturally, hold back a bit sexually....remember once a man gets his fill he'll naturally leave unless he has emotional feelings for you. Make sure to seduce his mind not just his body. Things will fall into place soon enough just keep yourself occupied with your hobbies and dating other men. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ms.Jazzy Posted October 30, 2018 Author Share Posted October 30, 2018 So I talked to him on the phone last night and I basically asked him about how he truly felt about me and could he possibly see us becoming exclusive at some point. He basically told me that he's really into me and honestly he has a lot going on in his life right now to be exclusive but he said that doesn't mean that we can't take things further later down the line. He said we've only known each other for a month and a half and it's too soon to really get that serious. I was a little disappointed but I can see where he's coming from about it being too soon. I'm sure he's talking to other women which is fine. I think what's bothering me is I'm becoming more attached than he is. I honestly haven't really connected with anyone else on the site. He's the only one I'm really interested in so maybe I should just fall back from him for awhile I guess? I'm a little confused. Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 You definitely need to back off and focus on dating other guys and limit your emotional investment with this guy, at the moment he's not a good gamble. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 Every time you need to ask if something is a bad sign, you can already tell that it is. Listen to your intuition. Don’t make excuses for him, month. and a half is certainly not too soon to be exclusive. When people are really into each other, this happens much quicker. And he has too much going on in his life to be exclusive but has time to multi-date? Lol. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ms.Jazzy Posted October 30, 2018 Author Share Posted October 30, 2018 Every time you need to ask if something is a bad sign, you can already tell that it is. Listen to your intuition. Don’t make excuses for him, month. and a half is certainly not too soon to be exclusive. When people are really into each other, this happens much quicker. And he has too much going on in his life to be exclusive but has time to multi-date? Lol. Your right! I'm embarrassed but this has me a little down because I genuinely felt like he was so into me. The whole profile change yesterday then him kindly letting me down last night has me a little down. Guess I'll just have to try harder to find other guys to talk to but it seems hard. Im not remotely into anyone right now but him lol. I don't want to get obsessed either lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Malin889 Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 Eternal Sunshine, I was thinking the same thing! He has too much going on in his life to be exclusive but he has enough time to date other people?! It doesn’t even make sense, but he probably thought when he was making up the excuse that he was making sense. :-). Back off a bit. Don’t contact him, let him contact you. Contact other people on the site an try to set up dates, as hard as it is. (Trust me I know- online dating can be so frustrating!) Link to post Share on other sites
olivetree Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 I was in the camp that updating the profile right after a date with you is a very bad sign. Add to that your update and you have someone that doesn't want to lock you down. I'd move on altogether. You either have different dating goals or he just doesn't want to be exclusive with you. Hold your head high and say thanks but no thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
TheFinalWord Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 (edited) Ok so I've been seeing this guy for roughly about a month and a half so it really hasn't been long. We met through an online dating site and even though we haven't been talking long we've been hitting it off extremely well. We talk to each other about everyday via phone and we plan dates just about every other weekend which results in me spending the night etc. He's been telling me things about how much he's into me and trying to get to know me better etc and he does seem like a great guy. Even though I'm guilty with being on the online dating profile a lot still I genuinely don't have any interest in anybody else but him at this current point and he's still active on there as well. So this past weekend was my birthday, he took me out to a fancy restaurant and we went to the movies and everything seemed fine. As I got home I noticed he immediately had changed his dating profile around. He put new pics up of himself and changed some things about himself in the about me section.I can't get mad because we're not official but I can't help but think he's losing interest in me or not that into me to update things on his online dating profile. I'm just wondering why he still haven't took the extra step to make things offIcial. I don't want to press the issue because I don't want to look crazy. Just tell him if he changes his mind to give him a call, but you don't want to keep going out unless he is ready for exclusivity. BTW, everyone I've dated from online has issues. I would be leery of taking it seriously. Flaking and mental disorders are the norm rather than the exception in the world of OLD. Edited October 30, 2018 by TheFinalWord 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Dis Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 So I talked to him on the phone last night and I basically asked him about how he truly felt about me and could he possibly see us becoming exclusive at some point. He basically told me that he's really into me and honestly he has a lot going on in his life right now to be exclusive but he said that doesn't mean that we can't take things further later down the line. He said we've only known each other for a month and a half and it's too soon to really get that serious. I was a little disappointed but I can see where he's coming from about it being too soon. I'm sure he's talking to other women which is fine. I think what's bothering me is I'm becoming more attached than he is. I honestly haven't really connected with anyone else on the site. He's the only one I'm really interested in so maybe I should just fall back from him for awhile I guess? I'm a little confused. Knew it This guy is the typical dude that wants to keep a woman on the back burner so he can hang out when he wants and have sex. He's not that interested but you'll do for now. Me personally? I'm not interested in men that aren't all that interested in me. I wouldn't waste my time on some lukewarm dude who can either take me or leave me. Not all that appealing in my eyes. I also wouldn't have sex with a guy unless we we exclusive because guys do this this stuff all the time. No need to risk feelings getting hurt. Considering you seem emotionally invested I would cut things off now rather than getting more hurt down the line. He's full of it IMO. It's never too early to decide you want to focus on one person. My bf and I established that 3 weeks in. He's also feeding you quite the line about how maybe at some point he'll want that with you... *cough* Bulls$**t *cough* 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Logo Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 hold back a bit sexually....remember once a man gets his fill he'll naturally leave unless he has emotional feelings for you. Are you saying that she's to use sex as a manipulation tool to play mind games or control him? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Logo Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 So I talked to him on the phone last night and I basically asked him about how he truly felt about me and could he possibly see us becoming exclusive at some point. He basically told me that he's really into me and honestly he has a lot going on in his life right now to be exclusive but he said that doesn't mean that we can't take things further later down the line. He said we've only known each other for a month and a half and it's too soon to really get that serious. I was a little disappointed but I can see where he's coming from about it being too soon. I'm sure he's talking to other women which is fine. I think what's bothering me is I'm becoming more attached than he is. I honestly haven't really connected with anyone else on the site. He's the only one I'm really interested in so maybe I should just fall back from him for awhile I guess? I'm a little confused. Tell him to go sell his bs somewhere else, 'cause you're not buying it. Link to post Share on other sites
Usename12 Posted November 1, 2018 Share Posted November 1, 2018 So I talked to him on the phone last night and I basically asked him about how he truly felt about me and could he possibly see us becoming exclusive at some point. He basically told me that he's really into me and honestly he has a lot going on in his life right now to be exclusive but he said that doesn't mean that we can't take things further later down the line. He said we've only known each other for a month and a half and it's too soon to really get that serious. I was a little disappointed but I can see where he's coming from about it being too soon. I'm sure he's talking to other women which is fine. I think what's bothering me is I'm becoming more attached than he is. I honestly haven't really connected with anyone else on the site. He's the only one I'm really interested in so maybe I should just fall back from him for awhile I guess? I'm a little confused. Interpretation: I like you but I want to still see if there's anyone better out there. I don't want to leave you since you are available and are decent. Maybe in a bit I find I can't get anyone better so just hold up and don't trap me right now. If a guy thinks he found someone amazing, he will lock it down quickly in fear another guy on the dating site might jump in. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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