Updating his dating profile after a couple of dates. Bad sign?

[bene]

He basically told me that he's really into me and honestly he has a lot going on in his life right now to be exclusive but he said that doesn't mean that we can't take things further later down the line. He said we've only known each other for a month and a half and it's too soon to really get that serious. I was a little disappointed but I can see where he's coming from about it being too soon.

 

Unfortunately it seems like he’s just not that into you and “only a month” is plenty of time to know that. Dating someone exclusively is not getting married or co-signing a mortgage. It’s just dating one person you really like and want to explore further, nobody is obliged to date several people at once. No need to overcomplicate things. If people are really into someone they are just drawn to them and don’t set arbitrary deadlines. He’s probably not going to say in your face that you’re alright but not the one he’s looking for but it’s nice to have your company while he continues to search for other women.

 

My life experience tells me that it’s always a bad sign if you start to find excuses for other people’s behaviour while overriding your own needs and gut instinct. You have already taken a step back from what you really want agreeing that it’s too soon. Just make sure that it doesn’t become a pattern.

[ElKay]

Not being exclusive after a month isn't a bad sign on its own (my guy and I only went exclusive 3 months into it), but his reasoning for why and him updating his profile right after a date speaks volumes...

 

So yeah, I'm not jumping on the train of "if a guy doesn't commit early, it's absolutely a bad sign". I've seen the opposite more often in my city and I got my heart broken pretty badly by someone that asked me to be his gf 1 month in and just give up on me a month after that, mostly because he had low self-esteem so he tried to tie me down before I met someone that actually deserved me.

[Zippy2000]

So I talked to him on the phone last night and I basically asked him about how he truly felt about me and could he possibly see us becoming exclusive at some point. He basically told me that he's really into me and honestly he has a lot going on in his life right now to be exclusive but he said that doesn't mean that we can't take things further later down the line. He said we've only known each other for a month and a half and it's too soon to really get that serious. I was a little disappointed but I can see where he's coming from about it being too soon. I'm sure he's talking to other women which is fine. I think what's bothering me is I'm becoming more attached than he is. I honestly haven't really connected with anyone else on the site. He's the only one I'm really interested in so maybe I should just fall back from him for awhile I guess? I'm a little confused.

 

 

I think he likes you but its luke warm. You are right its still early and he has given that as a reason for you about being exclusive. He`s also willing to find out whats out there which means he`s keeping his options open.

 

 

That's not necessary a bad thing as long as he`s not ghosted or started any game playing. I say give things a change and if you are still contacting each other say the 3rd month dating. Id maybe then ask a little but further down the line. If nothing will change at that point then youll have your answer. Dating takes time to get to know people. Just give it time,

[PegNosePete]

He basically told me that he's really into me and honestly he has a lot going on in his life right now to be exclusive

Ha! He's too busy to just date 1 women, so he'd rather keep dating others?? That makes no sense. It's easier and less effort to be exclusive because you can focus on one, whereas being non-exclusive means you're juggling many.

 

He said we've only known each other for a month and a half and it's too soon to really get that serious.

How is it "serious" to be exclusive? all it means is that you're not seeing others. You're hardly proposing marriage for goodness sake.

 

he said that doesn't mean that we can't take things further later down the line

So what he's saying is he wants to eat his cake, and still have it later. To play around with other women, and then come back to you if he doesn't find better.

 

He's the only one I'm really interested in so maybe I should just fall back from him for awhile I guess?

Yes, time to move on. He is telling you that he's happy to carry on a casual (presumably sexual) relationship with you while he is looking for better options. You should never be anyone's backup plan!

[Simple Logic]

Updating his profile notwithstanding, only 2 dates over that long a period is low interest. 2 dates over 6 weeks is also too soon for the talk.

[Malin889]

Just tell him if he changes his mind to give him a call, but you don't want to keep going out unless he is ready for exclusivity.

 

 

BTW, everyone I've dated from online has issues. I would be leery of taking it seriously. Flaking and mental disorders are the norm rather than the exception in the world of OLD.

 

Haha, why is that?! I have met so many guys who can’t get it together or chat but don’t want to go out on an actual date or they’re just creepy...yet I still hope there’s someone normal out there...maybe there isn’t lol!

[Mrs._December]

He basically told me that he's really into me and honestly he has a lot going on in his life right now to be exclusive but he said that doesn't mean that we can't take things further later down the line.

I'm going to translate that for you.

 

"I like going out with you, I like having sex with you, I enjoy our time together BUT, I'm still looking for someone I WANT to be exclusive with - and you're not that person. Yes, I gave you a vague answer about somewhere down the road and seeing where things go, but that was just to appease you. I'm going to continue enjoying our time together while still searching for the bigger, better deal.

 

When I find her, I'll either likely do the slow fade on you or just downright ghost you."

 

Bank on this happening.

[Logo]

Haha, why is that?! I have met so many guys who can’t get it together or chat but don’t want to go out on an actual date or they’re just creepy...yet I still hope there’s someone normal out there...maybe there isn’t lol!

 

 

 

 

I'm sorry to have to say this, but it seems that for both males and females, OLD is like a junkyard. You have to sift through all the piles of crap to find something worthy of a try.

 

 

It's mind boggling what a cesspool it is. One minute a woman (in my case) could be chatting my ear off, and the next she disappears, presumably after seeing greener grass on another profile.

 

 

 

Hopefully by 2050 the technology will exist to allow everyone to get a custom made partner. The kinky ones out there will probably want half vegetarian and half meatlovers with extra cheese and stuffed crust.

[Ms.Jazzy]

I'm going to translate that for you.

 

When I find her, I'll either likely do the slow fade on you or just downright ghost you."

 

Bank on this happening.

 

 

It's funny after that convo we had I haven't heard from him since and he still logs on his dating profile.I probably look like a crazy person but i've tried texting and calling him the last couple of days and no answer. I'm a little depressed about this though but I guess I have no choice but to move on. He seemed so charming and convincing though that he was so into me and made it seem like he wanted to be with me though. I honestly don't have a desire to date anyone else and may just delete my account altogether. Ugh I hate this...

[hippychick3]

It's funny after that convo we had I haven't heard from him since and he still logs on his dating profile.I probably look like a crazy person but i've tried texting and calling him the last couple of days and no answer. I'm a little depressed about this though but I guess I have no choice but to move on. He seemed so charming and convincing though that he was so into me and made it seem like he wanted to be with me though. I honestly don't have a desire to date anyone else and may just delete my account altogether. Ugh I hate this...

 

Someone who only wants to see you every other weekend is absolutely NOT "convincing you that he is so into you."

 

Nothing good will ever come out of chasing a guy. You really need to work on your self-confidence and raise your expectations.

[Usename12]

If I were Ms Jazzy, I would forget about dating altogether and work on her low self-esteem. The way she lets this guy step all over her, she is lucky he just seems kind of aloof and she hasn't run into a cunning predator type who can really emotionally control and abuse her.