How can I win him back?

[messedupbbw]

I'm not proud for writing what I'm about to write, but I don't know where else to go.

 

 

My boyfriend and I met when we were 16 and began dating when we were 17. This guy was very patient with me since all of my other exes broke my heart. He was everything I had asked for and more. He wasn't neglectful, and was always there for me. I however, had very little self worth. Because ever since my first relationship at 13, year after year, the same crap happened, either I was dumped for someone else, teased and made fun of by my weight, or cheated on, it left me feeling super insecure. Before my boyfriend, I had spiraled out of control and slept around A LOT to feel validated and worth something. As everyone who has done that knows, it doesn't work and it makes you feel worse and used.

 

 

My boyfriend was very romantic, and for the first two years of our relationship, he made me feel like a princess. Well despite all the compliments and attention he gave me, and putting up with my crap at times, I eventually met another guy from a group of friends who I didn't tell my boyfriend about. This guy was very smooth and knew how to make a girl feel very special. Every day we would talk, and at times my boyfriend would ask "who are you talking to?" in which I would lie and say a friend. This would last for about 8 months, progressing from flirting to sexting and trading explicit photos, to eventually meeting the guy and sleeping with him on multiple occasions.

 

 

I ended it and blocked that other guy on EVERYTHING, when my boyfriend proposed to me. I tried to keep my cool and he noticed something was wrong but I kept lying. When we were both 20 a year from the marriage, I was planning on telling him. I told my female friends about the HUGE mess up and helped me prepare on what to say, how to handle it, the whole nine yards... well he found out before I could tell him, the wedding was completely called off and I was left a huge sobbing mess. For a better part of 3 months, he wouldn't contact me.

 

 

One day I was able to reach out, and after much tears, yelling and crying, and me telling him every small detail, like how many pics I sent him, how many times I performed oral on him, what positions we did, he decided to give me another chance and was surprised that I had since blocked the other guy and was no longer in contact. He had a lot of trust issues, rightfully so, and so I gave him my password to EVERYTHING. I didn't want to keep any secrets and tried my best to rebuild my relationship with him. One of my older friends who was married, suggested couple's counseling and personal counseling for myself and my boyfriend to build up my self esteem and self worth, that I owed my boyfriend a better improved me.

 

 

After a year of serious counseling, and obvious ups and downs, we finally moved on. My boyfriend was going to college and we were an even stronger couple, plus part of his personal counseling involved getting into shape, so now I had some amazing eye candy to go off of all of this. We were a new and improved couple and I was loving every minute of it. I didn't have the insecurities, and everything was great. He trusted me again and I felt that everything was going in the right direction.

 

 

Well she came along. There was a girl who started to hit up my boyfriend on Instagram, and he was very flattered but made it clear that he was with me. She would try to talk to him for quite a bit, and at first seemed to have respected the fact that he was in a relationship. Well I had always had a bad feeling about this girl and kept demanding my boyfriend to get rid of her, but he brought up the fact that we were supposed to trust one another and that he would always let me read the messages, plus he had doubts that she was even real (she almost looked like those Catfish girls you would see on the show Catfish, too cute to be true).

 

 

 

One day during his birthday week, she sent him an explicit photo (nonnude) of her breasts dipped in frosting and sprinkles and wished him an amazing birthday, and I flipped. I begged him over and over to get rid of her, but he told me that he would stop talking to her so she could get the hint to not send those pics and be friends only. To my dismay, he didn't block her. I got to keep reading their conversations when they started talking again and one day was heart broken because she told my boyfriend that she was cheated on and wished she had a good man in her life, that she's a good woman and hates that every time she meets a guy that isn't a jerk, he's taken. Well my boyfriend opened up and told her about how he experienced that with me and it took him a long time to get over it, and she basically told him that sucks because he's such a great guy and deserves better, but if that I had changed then great, she wishes me all the best.

 

 

Well after a huge fight, he began to not show me the messages and said that I would have to trust him but that he's sick of the fights, that when I cheated he never knew about it because he wasn't this possessive of me. He began talking to her more and more frequently where it became a day to day for him, and I knew he was talking to her even though at times he would deny it. I had asked him if he still loves me, in which he said yes, and I asked if he ever planned on proposing to me again, in which he stated "we'll see."

 

 

One day I knew that he had done something with her, because he was avoiding me the whole day. So I asked him if he slept with her, in which he said no, that he met up with her though for coffee and that they talked for quite a bit and he decided, despite all the fond memories, and the good and bad times, he was done with me and he began to start packing to move out of our place. I kept begging him to not go, that we'll talk through this, and I wanted to know what she told him.. and I wanted to see if he was telling the truth. When he was in our room getting stuff, he left his phone and I was able to get into it, to find out that yes they did meet up for coffee, but that he almost slept with her, that she was sorry, that she really likes him, but he told her that he didn't want to go off as a cheater, so that he was gonna leave me for her. I started to scream in which he said that it doesn't matter if I snooped, at least he didn't go off and f**k someone behind my back like I did to him and he was gone. I tried to call him, and text him, and message him in any way, but the calls went to VM, the texts went unanswered and he had me silenced on FB, Instagram and other platforms. He wouldn't even budge when I threatened to hurt myself.

 

 

 

I tried to go to his work, but found out from a mutual friend that he found employment elsewhere but wasn't willing to give me the work info. For a few months straight, I didn't see him, and was very hurt and lonely. I would often cry myself to sleep and see the empty spot beside me that used to be where he slept in our apartment. One day though, I did bump into him and asked if we could talk. I told him that I totally understand that I had hurt him, but I thought we moved past all of that with the counseling. He told me that he thought so too, but that even though he still had strong feelings for me, it could never be the same and that he was more and more falling in love with his new girlfriend. I tried my best to hold back the tears and asked if we were still friends, in which he said he doesn't know. I congratulated him for being with someone better and said I would respect his decisions but wanted to be at least in his life. So he gave me another chance, but this time we were just friends.

 

 

At times I did try to flirt with him, but he never showed interest back. That made me feel really ugly inside and I sometimes asked if he ever loved me, which would cause him to not message me for some time. It was gut wrenching the photos he would take with this girl, and I would always feel like sh*t looking up his news feed.

 

 

 

Out of petty I stooped a bit low and wanted to at least see if this girl was a cheater and a friend of mine, who was really good at catfishing decided to help me out and created a Catfish profile that looked very real to see if we could get this girl to flirt and eventually meet up to fool around so I could have my boyfriend break up with her. She accepted the request and for awhile it started as small talk, but eventually grew to more of a conversation and she didn't stop the catfish from complimenting her or hitting on her. However, when it began to get sexual, she stopped responding. This went back and forth for a bit, and our plans failed when we asked her if she wanted to meet up to get a drink. She said that she wouldn't be opposed to it if it was a "group thing" but that she didn't want to give us false hope because nothing was ever gonna happen, that she has a boyfriend whom she was very much in love with (at that point they were dating for close to a year). My friend blew it saying that it could be somewhere innocent like a Starbucks, and that her boyfriend wouldn't have to know, but she flipped saying that she could never do that to him, that both her and him have been hurt before by cheaters, and she blocked the Catfish.

 

 

I was becoming more and more desperate, so I ended up contacting my boyfriend (I should be saying ex at this point) that I had some of his stuff at my place. Well when he came to get it, we talked for a bit, and I was asking him how he was doing, which he said he was doing great, and I asked him about his girlfriend, and he said that she's doing great too and I took a chance and I began to kiss him. One thing did start to lead to another and my blouse was off before he ended up shoving me to our old bed and started screaming at me. He said that he can't believe that I did that and he said I could keep his old crap that he's leaving without them. I tried to apologize to him via social media, but he blocked me. I felt super horrible for what I've done and literally kept crying the entire night.

 

 

I hated that girl with a passion and was super scared once because right after that incident the police came at my door the next day warning me that my boyfriend/ex and his girlfriend would take legal actions if I contacted either of them.

 

 

 

The thing is I'm very much still in love with him, and I haven't moved on. I stalked him online and found out that he eventually ended up proposing to her and I'm not sure if there is anything at this point that I could do to win him back. I know I'm still young, now 24, but I don't want to lose him. Is there any advice that you guys can give me to help with this situation?

[ExpatInItaly]

No, there is nothing you can do. This relationship was blown to smithereens and there is no going back. You say you don't want to lose him, but OP, he's been gone a long time now. He isn't yours to lose anymore.

 

Your behavior has been extremely inappropriate on more than one occasion, and you have already been warned by the police to stop. You are going to get yourself arrested if you don't listen. Don't make the mistake of assuming that your ex and his girlfriend aren't on to you. They are, and they have already sought help from authorities. The game is up, girl.

 

I strongly recommend you get yourself into therapy. There are some serious issues you must address if you don't want to condemn yourself to a lifetime of misery. He is gone and he is not coming back. You must focus on yourself now and getting yourself emotionally stable again. This is quickly spiraling out of control.

[SunnyWeather]

I'm really sorry. Take this as one of life's hard lessons and REALLY move on. Get some counseling to help you through the process.

 

Have you ever traveled? Go someone far far away and expand your horizons. I guarantee, you will be better for it.

[d0nnivain]

Very few people marry their HS sweethearts. You two didn't know how to be in an exclusive relationship & there have been very real problems in here for years. All of the lying & the cheating, you two have finally destroyed each other. Just it let it go at this point.

 

Focus on yourself. Heal. Take some time to learn from your mistakes so you can have a healthy mature relationship with somebody else in the future

[stillafool]

He's already fallen in love and proposed marriage to another woman. You've already lost him and there is nothing left for you to fight for.

 

Here's a thread of someone in your position that might help:

 

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/665716-he-ended-3-year-ldr-meeting-up-friends-updated

[Blonde2002]

Oh you poor thing.

 

 

 

you are in such a hard place. Heartache is unbelievably painful isn't it?

 

 

The sudden lack of contact is awful.

[ExpatInItaly]

Oh you poor thing.

 

 

 

you are in such a hard place. Heartache is unbelievably painful isn't it?

 

 

The sudden lack of contact is awful.

 

Sudden? The man is engaged to someone else now. Sudden lack of contact might have been hard to deal with when they first broke up, but not now.