what happened with your 2nd chance

[changingmale]

I am just wondering about those who have had there 2nd chance and how did it turn out and how long was it before it happened? Any other info thanks

[Normm]

I am just wondering about those who have had there 2nd chance and how did it turn out and how long was it before it happened? Any other info thanks

 

 

I was married for about 16 years, together 18 total. Last few years was constant conflict and lots of yelling and screaming. She brought up divorce first, got the attorney, served me with papers, kicked me out of the house with a false restraining order so she'd get sole occupancy and temporary full custody. A few months after it all went down she folded and canceled everything, the divorce, the restraining order, everything and begged me to come back. I did, but there was no remaining trust on my part and after living alone for a few months I realized I was in a better place not being with her anymore and that in fact she had the right idea. So I moved out, back to the apartment that I never vacated. I filed for divorce and ultimately finished what she started.

 

Sometimes you can't fix what's broken.

[d0nnivain]

After about 2 years together, we had a break up in November. I was heartbroken & hadn't seen it coming. We tried again in February but it wasn't the same. All the trust was gone & we walked on egg shells. It was a shadow of what had been so we ended it once & for all.

[changingmale]

Thanks. It not going to happen

[KissingFire]

We were together two years at this point, split up last April due to his anger issues. Got back together after 31 days of NC, and for the most part it was happy. He went to therapy. Then we started arguing more recently as he was slacking with his meetings and I wanted to travel and see the world, whereas he was happy staying in and watching Neflix. (that I paid for.) We were standing at a crossroads and going in two directions.

 

Before travelling, I told him we needed the space, but that I still loved him and we'd talk when I got back. He texted me most days telling me he loved me and missed me, and then the day after I got home, dumped me. It was for another woman, but he told me it was due to his depression and that he didn't want to hold me back anymore or for this to continue and in a couple of years I'd wake up and realise how much better than him I am. I tried to take it with dignity, but I did falter. He asked to hug me and I declined. The last thing he said to me was that he loved me and wished nothing but happiness for me, and then four days later, sleeps with another woman. He has been around her house every day since. (Please don't ask me how I know this, I am ashamed to say I kept him on the only social media he had.)

 

I am devastated right now and in a world of pain, but I keep going. Sometimes I wish I had never answered his call last year, then this would never have happened. I would have moved on and his name would be a distant memory.

[Endnote]

Years ago my ex-wife was cheating on me and I was desperate to make things work. I spent about a week in NC and she desperately tried getting a hold of me. She eventually said she wanted to work things out. It was a trap. In reality she needed me to think it was going to work so she could get things she needed from me. I also acted needy and clingy, and issued some ultimatums that I ultimately.didnt follow through.

 

She was back with the other guy in less than a week. It was a real quick and failed attempt at reconciliation. Fortunately only a few weeks later I cut her out of my life completely. I didn't realize it then but I realize it now. Second chances are very risky, and none of the problems from before were addressed nor could they have been in such a short period of time. If a second chance is really going to happen months upon months need to go by without being around that person.

 

Be very wary of second chance requests from an ex, that's what I think. More importantly, get as far away from a cheating ex as you can. Nothing good can come from someone willing to cross that line.

[Orokotikki]

About 13 months into R. Seems to be going good. She's pretty remorseful/attentive/sensitive most of the time. She goes IC, we go MC. The mental effects on BS (me in this case) are pretty noticeable. If I had most any other job I probably would have been fired. Still not sure how it ® will go. Will let you know.

[frigginlost]

Years ago...

 

Ex cheated on me.

 

Gave her another chance. IC, Couples Therapy, etc.

 

Happy for 4 months.

 

She cheated again. Told her to get lost and stay there. She tried for a third time and I told her to pound sand.

 

Some girls aren't worth the oxygen they breathe.

[Cojack123]

Opposite of “getting a second chance” I “gave a second chance” and realized it was only for the kids. I didn’t want to be with her and only tried because of kids.

 

In therapy she wouldn’t talk at all. I did all the talking. She had self harming behavior and anger issues. Then after therapy she would want to talk a lot.

 

Didn’t fly with me I saw through her. Only lasted a few sessions over about a week and a half. No regrets. I’m happy to have moved on.

[Normm]

Ex cheated on me.She cheated again. Told her to get lost and stay there. She tried for a third time and I told her to pound sand.

 

She cheated. You gave her another chance. She cheated again, you told her to get lost and stay there. Then she cheated a third time.

 

She didn't get lost and stay lost after the second time? Did she pound sand after the third time?

[frigginlost]

Sorry, little confusing the way I worded it.

 

There was no 3rd time. She tried to get me back a third time.

[gcp]

She broke up with her on/off bf of a year. Me and her started dating a little over a month after their break up. We dated for a month and she broke up over text saying she needed to be alone and "find herself" in reality she got back with her ex.

 

I went nc and 3 months later she sends me an apology email. Saying how she thought I was perfect and how I made her so happy. She came clean about giving her ex another chance, how it was a huge mistake and she regretted letting me go like she did. We started seeing each other again. Dated for 4 months and had a surprise pregnancy, followed by a miscarriage. We lasted 6 months total before she again dropped the "I need space". A week later she was back with original ex bf.

 

There is a lot more to this as she has some mental health issues, but I learned a valuable lesson. Do not date someone fresh out of a relationship, if they aren't completely over their ex you don't stand much of a chance.

[Twizzlestick]

Sorry New to this, but what do the codes mean? IC LC MC etc?

[d0nnivain]

Sorry New to this, but what do the codes mean? IC LC MC etc?

 

IC = individual counseling (therapy)

 

LC = limited contact as opposed to NC - no contact (a great way to heal after a BU, break up)

 

MC - marriage counseling.

[Twizzlestick]

IC = individual counseling (therapy)

 

LC = limited contact as opposed to NC - no contact (a great way to heal after a BU, break up)

 

MC - marriage counseling.

 

Thanks clearer now

[nolanola]

I've never had a reconciliation work out for me, but know a lot of other people that have. In most of my cases, we tried to get back together pretty soon after the breakup (in one case, several times) and neither one of us had changed or dealt with the issues that caused the breakup. I can see that really clearly now, but of course I couldn't see it at the time. In most cases, these same exes came back years later, but by then I wasn't interested.

 

A very close person to me was dating this man for about a year or so and things were going well. They went to a wedding and he was acting really strangely afterwards. A little while later (like a week or so), he broke up with her. I think he called her once afterwards, but started dating someone pretty soon after. She was devastated and did not contact him at all for a year. Somewhere in there he broke up with his new girlfriend. She called him one day about a year later when she saw something that reminded her of him. They started dating again and now have been married for over 20 years.

 

So 2nd chances can work with real people. But I think it's more likely when some time has passed and both people have dealt with the issues that caused the break up in the first place. I don't think most reconciliations that happen in the days or weeks after the break up work.