TAgate Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 I'm dealing with some stuff right now along with the guy I'm dating (or was dating - it's complicated to be honest) and I wanted to know, for those who've gone to counseling, did it help? Why or why not? If it did work, how was it helpful? Did it help solve your issues for only a short term or long term? Link to post Share on other sites
Arris Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 I went to a couple sessions with my wifes therapist and I didn't find it helpful. There's a reason though, it was my wifes therapist and she was on the free list through work. I may not have anything but a bad experience, but I still believe they can help. Do some research on one that fits you, not all are the same and you have to find one you have confidence in. If it's marriage/relationship counseling, then there are those that are more finely tuned to handle your case, and so on. I would definitely try one out. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 finding a good therapist with a track record of success will increase your odds of a successful outcome Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 (edited) Are you talking about relationship counselling or just counselling in general? Either way, counselling can give you strategies you need to try and improve your mental health, relationship, understanding of identity, etc but you're the one who needs to be willing to put in the hard work to see the improvement. If it's relationship counselling, both partners need to be willing to put in the work to keep the relationship together. Often if the relationship gets to that point, one person probably has one foot out the door already, but if both partners are willing to work for the relationship, it can work out. I went through individual counselling for a little over a year and after putting in the work I felt like I was a version of myself that was 10x better. Towards the end of my last relationship some friends suggested relationship counselling, but I knew it wouldn't work since I had little left to give. Edited October 30, 2018 by snowboy91 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 Counseling can help you see another way of looking at something. That said I doubt I'd waste the money on a BF. Marital counseling I understand. If you are only dating, just break up 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Springsummer Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 I prefer getting my counselling in this website then from free private counselling provided through work. I don't think they really understand me and my situations. Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 Yes it helps, you just have to find a therapist that works for you. As others have said, if it's couples therapy with a bf/gf don't waste your time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TAgate Posted October 31, 2018 Author Share Posted October 31, 2018 Are you talking about relationship counselling or just counselling in general? Relationship counseling. It's kind of a long story but my guy and I were together for two years however about a month ago he found out a secret of mine and lost all trust in me (I hid it from him when I didn't need to). He told me he cares for me and still wants to work it out but doesn't trust me at all. I'd like to rebuild trust to get us back on steady ground. We've never had a single issue before this which is why I think counseling might be worth it. I've never gone to counseling before nor do I know anyone who has which is why I figured I'd ask. Link to post Share on other sites
GinON Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 I think it depends on the counselor. Its worth a shot, some of the ones I have seen have helped me. I also like watching them on Youtube because they talk about issues in ways that help you understand yourself. Having a good one tell me a few key points about myself made it possible to do my own work and research. I plan to go back and get help with specific issues and looking forward to it even though it will be painful. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 It's kind of a long story but my guy and I were together for two years however about a month ago he found out a secret of mine and lost all trust in me (I hid it from him when I didn't need to). Assuming this secret wasn't another man, it seems strange he'd bail on a two-year relationship without "a single issue" over something like this. Are you sure the "secret" didn't just provide him a convenient excuse? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author TAgate Posted October 31, 2018 Author Share Posted October 31, 2018 Assuming this secret wasn't another man, it seems strange he'd bail on a two-year relationship without "a single issue" over something like this. Are you sure the "secret" didn't just provide him a convenient excuse? Mr. Lucky Noooo infidelity wasn't a situation for us. I mean I can see why his trust is broken in me since I carried it for two years. We've never had issues or fights or anything like that and he even told me I was the first normal girl he's dated. I know he genuinely still cares for me but I know trust isn't exactly something that's easy to rebuild. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 When you date you don't need therapy, in your case you need to learn from your mistake. Apparently this was a big secret you should have told him at the very beginning, his reaction is normal and he should break up with you. As for you you should learn a lesson in all this. If I'd learn after 2 years that my boyfriend has: 1. A chronic illness or contagious illness 2. Criminal record 3. A small child somewhere I'd react like your boyfriend. He doesn't need therapy, YOU need to mature. . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 I'm dealing with some stuff right now along with the guy I'm dating (or was dating - it's complicated to be honest) and I wanted to know, for those who've gone to counseling, did it help? Why or why not? If it did work, how was it helpful? Did it help solve your issues for only a short term or long term? How long have you been dating the man? If it's early in the dating process, I am not an advocate of counseling in dating scenarios. Dating is the process of evaluating whether or not the potential partner is a good candidate for a relationship. If you're feeling like counseling is needed already, I think that pretty much answers the question. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TAgate Posted October 31, 2018 Author Share Posted October 31, 2018 If I'd learn after 2 years that my boyfriend has: 1. A chronic illness or contagious illness 2. Criminal record 3. A small child somewhere I'd react like your boyfriend. He doesn't need therapy, YOU need to mature. . Actually the secret I never told him is nowhere close to anything that you mentioned above. Had it actually been then the breakup would've happened with no door for reconciliation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TAgate Posted October 31, 2018 Author Share Posted October 31, 2018 How long have you been dating the man? If it's early in the dating process, I am not an advocate of counseling in dating scenarios. Dating is the process of evaluating whether or not the potential partner is a good candidate for a relationship. If you're feeling like counseling is needed already, I think that pretty much answers the question. We've been together for roughly a little over two years and actually had plans to move in together by early 2019. Like I said before we've never had issues before but the counseling is more for me rebuilding trust with him. I actually wouldn't work this hard in a relationship if I didn't think we'd be able to make it. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 We've been together for roughly a little over two years and actually had plans to move in together by early 2019. Like I said before we've never had issues before but the counseling is more for me rebuilding trust with him. I actually wouldn't work this hard in a relationship if I didn't think we'd be able to make it. It would help to know what type of secret you kept from him. Some secrets are worth forgiving, others not so much. How did he end up learning about your secret? Link to post Share on other sites
Springsummer Posted November 2, 2018 Share Posted November 2, 2018 hate hate free counselling through work...Just called and was asked a bunch of questions and then told there was no counselor available at the moment. and will call me back. I said the latest is 12am to call back for me. and was told the wait time is at least take 1 hour..... just waste my time...and when you do get the counselling, the counselors are not really patient and not that really understanding. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts