Biological Uncle Contacts me and wont stop

[portwine49]

I was adopted at 3. My biological Uncle located me and reaches out to me here and there and it is creepy. He acts like we have known each other before, and we do not. He signs his e-mail Love Uncle B and refers to family members I have never met, and do not care to meet as "Your Aunt", "Your Cousin", etc. I have told him several times in a respectful manner, not to contact me again. He will cease for a year and then contact me again. He will send me announcements of deaths of people I have never met in HIS family and say "Your Aunt Died". Is this super nuts or is it me? I am not alone. He has continued this with my sister as well. When she told him that the contact was harassment, his response was that it was not harassment because a certain amount of time had passed. As if he were keeping track. He does not get along with my biological father. I wish he would stop contacting me. I have an adopted family that is my own and find it creepy a Biological Uncle continues to email me or text me randomly after I asked him not to. Do I ignore or send him another reminder Not to contact me?

[jennyjen]

I would ignore. You’veareasy asked him not to and that didn’t work. At this point, any response is a response, and he probably feeds off of that. Remember, don’t feed the trolls! If you can, block his number and email, everything. I’m sure he’ll get tired eventually.

[bathtub-row]

I understand that you’ve asked him not to contact you but I have to wonder why you don’t want to know anything about your bio family. Someday all the info he’s giving you may be relevant to you or your children if you have any. As we get older, our genetic roots start to become more important to us. Is there some reason why you can’t at least keep it semi-friendly, even if you don’t want them in your life completely? He may be hurting that he’s lost 2 nieces and is hoping that, with time, you’ll change your mind and want to hear from him.

[portwine49]

I understand that you’ve asked him not to contact you but I have to wonder why you don’t want to know anything about your bio family. Someday all the info he’s giving you may be relevant to you or your children if you have any. As we get older, our genetic roots start to become more important to us. Is there some reason why you can’t at least keep it semi-friendly, even if you don’t want them in your life completely? He may be hurting that he’s lost 2 nieces and is hoping that, with time, you’ll change your mind and want to hear from him.

 

 

I'm curious what information he would have that I would find useful. I know the medical history of my biological parents. And I have no choice that the Uncle crams his family tree down my throat and publishes my minor children and where they live on his little family tree. He has a very big family and has never spent any time with me or my sister as toddlers. In fact, we had never met him. So that sort of explains why he should not be hurting that he lost 2 nieces.

[preraph]

Oh, he is probably throwing it up to your biological father that he's in touch when you when the bio father isn't, just to make him feel bad. Mark any letters "Return to Sender" and block him on social media, e-mail, your phone.

[bathtub-row]

I'm curious what information he would have that I would find useful. I know the medical history of my biological parents. And I have no choice that the Uncle crams his family tree down my throat and publishes my minor children and where they live on his little family tree. He has a very big family and has never spent any time with me or my sister as toddlers. In fact, we had never met him. So that sort of explains why he should not be hurting that he lost 2 nieces.

 

Stories about aunts and uncles or grandparents, for starters. Photos of everyone. Once he’s gone, that info will be likely be gone, too. It’s great that you have an adoptive family that you love. However, as far as your genetic lineage is concerned, that’s something future generations may wish to have. It’s like my nephew who’s more connected to his step dad than his bio father. When we were doing our family tree, though, his bio dad’s genetic line was a big part of that. Future generations aren’t concerned about the lineage of families they have no blood tie to. It’s not meant to be an insult to your adoptive family in any way. It’s merely about genetics.

 

Hey, if you just really don’t care about any of that, then fine. But I’m afraid that someday you will care and will have regrets. Your uncle probably understands the significance of blood ties and it doesn’t always have to do with whether you like, love, or feel any connection at all to them. Why do you think people get interested in tracing their DNA? At some point in time in most people’s lives, our bloodline becomes incredibly important.

[portwine49]

Thank you for your views. I have no interest in knowing anything about my biological family considering I am closer to being a senior citizen than I am of being a child or young adult. If he were that interested, maybe he should have checked in a half century ago. LOL It's creepy unless your into meeting strangers half way through your life that call themselves Uncle.Lol

 

With that said, DNA tests that are online are simply a way to acquire DNA to sell to the government at some point. In the same way that Facebook has. Let's just say our family has had DNA tests and it is a scam. My child has been tested as African American and Middle Eastern. This is not possible considering both of his parents, and maternal and paternal grandparents took the same DNA test and have no such ethnic group on either side. Go figure

Edited October 30, 2018 by portwine49

[shesabeauty]

Block his number. Done.

 

The question is why have both you and your sister waited so long to take the simple step of blocking him? Why do you post so many times when the solution is so simple and so obvious? You're making this into a problem by allowing it to persist when anyone who has ever owned a phone knows how to block a number.

Edited October 30, 2018 by shesabeauty

[Simple Logic]

You may have zero interest in you biological family today, but that may not be the case your entire life. He is not asking for money and you have not mentioned he expects your time. Thank him for the notifications and go on with life. From what you have described he means well.

[shesabeauty]

Sending notice about a close biological family member is not creepy. This is called honoring your family and being compassionate. It is a form of reverence and a sign of honor. It is not in any way shape or form "creepy." Talk to a close, trusted friend or family member or even a family therapist about this. You have a lot of pent up frustration and unresolved issues related to your biological parents and you are now taking it out on an innocent man who only means well.

Edited November 2, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Mr. Lucky]

Block his number. Done.

 

The question is why have both you and your sister waited so long to take the simple step of blocking him? Why do you post so many times when the solution is so simple and so obvious? You're making this into a problem by allowing it to persist when anyone who has ever owned a phone knows how to block a number.

 

Agreed. Unless the guy is physically waiting outside your door, this is as simple as blocking a call, deleting an email or throwing away an unwanted letter.

 

Wish all problems posted here were this easy ...

 

Mr. Lucky

[portwine49]

Block his number. Done.

 

The question is why have both you and your sister waited so long to take the simple step of blocking him? Why do you post so many times when the solution is so simple and so obvious? You're making this into a problem by allowing it to persist when anyone who has ever owned a phone knows how to block a number.

 

The number is blocked and has been for years. We have not "waited" to block him. We have politely asked he not contact us again. Pretty simple right? "Done."Yet he e-mails or uses other numbers. "No" means "no", does it not????

 

To answer your question, I have not posted "so many times". I have posted one thread, Where are you getting all this pent up anger towards my post? It's sad. You seem very angry.

[elaine567]

Sending notice about a close biological family member is not creepy. This is called honoring your family and being compassionate. It is a form of reverence and a sign of honor. It is not in any way shape or form "creepy." Talk to a close, trusted friend or family member or even a family therapist about this. You have a lot of pent up frustration and unresolved issues related to your biological parents and you are now taking it out on an innocent man who only means well.

 

this ^^^

I agree. The reaction to this uncle is way out of kilter.

[portwine49]

You may have zero interest in you biological family today, but that may not be the case your entire life. He is not asking for money and you have not mentioned he expects your time. Thank him for the notifications and go on with life. From what you have described he means well.

 

How do you conclude he has not asked for money or had an expectation of monetary value? His intentions are a far cry from kindness.

 

To clear up any confusion, I am very close to my biological family.

[portwine49]

I would ignore. You’veareasy asked him not to and that didn’t work. At this point, any response is a response, and he probably feeds off of that. Remember, don’t feed the trolls! If you can, block his number and email, everything. I’m sure he’ll get tired eventually.

 

Agreed, I have ignored and blocked, except email, not sure how to do that. You are right, had I responded, he would have fed of it. It's annoying. I am a private person and dont enjoy the reminder of someone I have respectfully asked to leave me be, continue to knock. It's disrespectful and rude. Just as is a few of the comments on this board regarding my thread. Thank you for at least being kind and not anger driven.

[Mr. Lucky]

Agreed, I have ignored and blocked, except email, not sure how to do that.

 

Just mark it as Spam. It will go into your Junk folder if for some reason you wanted access down the road, but will not appear in your inbox...

 

Mr. Lucky

[portwine49]

Thank you!!! I will do that and appreciate the suggestion.

[bathtub-row]

If you use gmail, there’s a way to set it up so that any email from that address skips the inbox and goes straight to trash.

[portwine49]

If you use gmail, there’s a way to set it up so that any email from that address skips the inbox and goes straight to trash.

 

Thank you. Someone else had suggested something similar. I appreciate the suggestion and will try that as well. This is why I posted. For those with ideas to share that may be of help. You have and I thank you.

[Artdeco]

I feel a little bit of empathy for your uncle. I know of a similar story, just in “reverse”. A former coworker and still friend of mine was adopted, and she spent years if not decades, after finding out about it, to locate her bio father. Never found the mother afaik, so either she died or they got divorced or were never married, not sure. Anyway, the bio father is (re-)married, with two grown kids (so she has “siblings”), and they never showed any interest to engage with her at all. She was super excited to have found them, and to be able to reach out, and even though she had a nice family while growing up, she would’ve loved to have at least a little bit of a relationship with them. Or at least a little get-together. Never happened.

 

I was sad for her. She gave up after very few attempts. It hurt her I’m sure; I mean she put herself out there, it was important to her, just to be confronted with no interest on their part whatsoever. I think your uncle might feel the same. Just food for thought. I don’t think he means any harm.

[portwine49]

I feel a little bit of empathy for your uncle. I know of a similar story, just in “reverse”. A former coworker and still friend of mine was adopted, and she spent years if not decades, after finding out about it, to locate her bio father. Never found the mother afaik, so either she died or they got divorced or were never married, not sure. Anyway, the bio father is (re-)married, with two grown kids (so she has “siblings”), and they never showed any interest to engage with her at all. She was super excited to have found them, and to be able to reach out, and even though she had a nice family while growing up, she would’ve loved to have at least a little bit of a relationship with them. Or at least a little get-together. Never happened.

 

I was sad for her. She gave up after very few attempts. It hurt her I’m sure; I mean she put herself out there, it was important to her, just to be confronted with no interest on their part whatsoever. I think your uncle might feel the same. Just food for thought. I don’t think he means any harm.

 

Thank you for your feedback. I am sure this must have been hurtful for your friend and disappointing. I am assuming she respected their position as hurtful as that was and let it be. It's a complex situation when either party of adoption reaches out, but helpful when boundaries are respected as hurtful as they might be for the party wanting or desiring a relationship. In time, maybe her siblings and her father will have a change of heart.