Susanrose Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 When I was 19 I began an affair with a MM. I had never dated at the time and did not realize what was happening until I was in way over my head. We didn't have sex until I was 20. He was incredibly patient, and kind. He told me he loved me every day even though I told him not to (despite the fact that I was absolutely in love with him I felt so much guilt over crossing that line). Eventually, after two years I gave in admitted that I was in love with him. He started talking about the future and children etc... but I always told him to stay with his wife (they have 2 boys who need a dad). He told me she didn't love him and that no one had ever loved him the way I did. Not just sex (although that was great too). He would literally come over just to lay his head in my lap and sleep for hours while I read then go home. He just seemed so genuinely starved for affection. 5 years in, his wife confronted him about the affair. I met with her and she told me that she had known, and that she had decided "long ago what she was willing to live with" she told me I was young and that she hoped one day I could find a man to love me completely. It was a strange encounter and not what I expected. She turned out to be a completely different person from the spiteful, unstable woman he described to me. He, on the other hand, did a 180. He flipped. He blamed me. He cursed me. He said I threw myself at him and basically forced him to have the affair. I accepted that I deserved it and didn't fight him. Within a few weeks he was at my door crying, begging me to forgive him. Etc... Being young and dumb I forgave him. Fast forward to last week, I am still with him. And miserable. He is still married and trying to get me to have a baby. I'm in therapy trying to figure out why I can't manage to leave him. I love him, but I don't want thus anymore. His wife recently came to my house and we sat down again. She seems to feel the same way I do. She said he won't let her go. She said when she opened the marriage up (oh, after she first found out she ultimately agreed to let him "have" me) she thought it was just about sex. Now she is divorcing him and suing for full custody. I met him yesterday and he wants to stay together. After talking to her I am convinced every word he says is a lie. He is incredibly manipulative. She even thinks maybe a sociopath. The thing is, I still feel defenseless to deny anything he asks. I don't even know if it is love anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
BTDT2012 Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 Stay with him if you want to find yourself in his wife's position. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CardsFan01 Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 This is really sad. You have wasted 10 years of your life on this guy. I hope you can find the strength to break away from the hold he has on you. I just can’t imagine giving up your entire 20’s, and looking back to see you have nothing to show for it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Susanrose Posted October 30, 2018 Author Share Posted October 30, 2018 This is really sad. You have wasted 10 years of your life on this guy. I hope you can find the strength to break away from the hold he has on you. I just can’t imagine giving up your entire 20’s, and looking back to see you have nothing to show for it. It really feels ****ty. I turned 30 last week and I have never REALLY dated. I gave up the possibility of having a family of my own and an opportunity to go to medical school. Link to post Share on other sites
misspalmy Posted November 18, 2018 Share Posted November 18, 2018 Thats what they do lie. did his wife stay with him? Link to post Share on other sites
BTDT2012 Posted November 19, 2018 Share Posted November 19, 2018 It really feels ****ty. I turned 30 last week and I have never REALLY dated. I gave up the possibility of having a family of my own and an opportunity to go to medical school. Life is not over. You can still have a family of your own. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sonnyp Posted November 19, 2018 Share Posted November 19, 2018 It is not too late as long as you take action now. This MM has given you all the information you need. If you write down what it is you want in a relationship, a partner, a father to your children it does not sound like it is it. And his actions have told you everything you need to know. What is keeping you tied to him? Why can’t you stop for a week and just see how it goes, then a month, then another longer period. You are single, go online and meet somebody available who can give you more. What does he give you that keeps you bound to him? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted November 19, 2018 Share Posted November 19, 2018 I hope you will leave this situation for good. Maybe you could go back to school? Date available men and have fun. You're still young and have many years to have kids with a man who holds you as his top priority. The more distance you can put between you and him the better for you. Have you considered moving far away? This man will trap you into a miserable future - and likely have another OW too... he's not going to be satisfied only having one woman - and he will always lie about it all - you want that for your lifetime? I hope not! You deserve better - try to be strong and not communicate with him anymore. He's nothing but bad news for your future. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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