Wait and see if ex uploads pictures?

[manifestsunshine]

So it's been about 12 days of NC.

 

The last day I saw him was when I denied his friendship (as he had previously broken up with me)- he had mentioned he would still send me pictures he took of our last vacation. I had already sent mine to him (during vacation).

 

I shared mine through googlePhotos and I'm guessing that is where he would upload them.

 

Would it be best to wait to see if he posts them or just block him entirely from seeing the pics I posted?

 

He emotionally abused me and I'm still very angry at him. He even told me he never even wanted me to visit him to go on this vacation. I can't shake off what he did to me.

 

I guess I'm just hoping he will follow through...so the pictures I sent him will make him regret what he did to me...or rekindle some sense of loss. Part of me wants to leave them in hopes that he will realize what he did to me....visual stimuli.

 

I can't even look at the pictures bc I feel so sick that he manipulated me so badly. I wish he broke up with me before I went and that it never even happened. I'm left with these memories that I just want to get rid of.

 

Would appreciate any guidance. Thanks

[Logo]

He sounds like an ******. No point in wasting your time trying to get vindication.

 

 

 

Seek closure from within. Block him and move on so you can start to heal.

[ExpatInItaly]

I guess I'm just hoping he will follow through...so the pictures I sent him will make him regret what he did to me...or rekindle some sense of loss. Part of me wants to leave them in hopes that he will realize what he did to me....visual stimuli.

This doesn't work when the other party truly wanted to end the relationship.

 

I think you need to block him. You are carrying a lot of anger with you and I believe seeing photos will only trigger you. It's better to remove that trigger point so you can work towards letting go of him altogether.

[Zahara]

As dumpees, we often project our own emotions and thoughts onto the dumper and believe that they might in some way feel the way we do. Usually, they don’t especially when they’ve ended it. That decision didn’t just happen - it took awhile for them to process and get there so the feelings of attachment are usually gone or very much lessened by then.

 

It would be best for you to block these pathways to him. You’re grieving and struggling with your anger and pain. The last thing you should do is allow yourself to be triggered by him. The least you see and know the better. If I were you, I’d remove him from having access into my life and focus fully on healing and moving on.

[d0nnivain]

If he emotionally abused you & you have no interest in having him in your life on even a friendship level, you need tp write off the pictures. You are not getting them. Accept that & move on.

[Endnote]

12 days is good. Even when you get to 65 days (that's where I'm at) it's still tough. Recovery/no contact is a marathon, not a sprint. More importantly, if you're anything like me, then getting these pictures will only make things worse. Anything you want to do to make him "realize" how he treated you or what he's lost is pointless. I've been there more than once. Nothing you do will change that. This is a reflection of him not you. I'd advise you to block him from sending these pictures and any other form of communication. Keeping the lines of communication open only hurts you in the long run. Trust us, we've all been through it.

[Normm]

You're renting him way too much space inside your head. Whether he cares or not, it doesn't matter. This is about you and how you need to focus on something else besides him.

[stillafool]

He isn't going to regret anything so it's best to just forget about those pictures and move on.

[sabaton]

So it's been about 12 days of NC.

 

The last day I saw him was when I denied his friendship (as he had previously broken up with me)- he had mentioned he would still send me pictures he took of our last vacation. I had already sent mine to him (during vacation).

 

I shared mine through googlePhotos and I'm guessing that is where he would upload them.

 

Would it be best to wait to see if he posts them or just block him entirely from seeing the pics I posted?

 

He emotionally abused me and I'm still very angry at him. He even told me he never even wanted me to visit him to go on this vacation. I can't shake off what he did to me.

 

I guess I'm just hoping he will follow through...so the pictures I sent him will make him regret what he did to me...or rekindle some sense of loss. Part of me wants to leave them in hopes that he will realize what he did to me....visual stimuli.

 

I can't even look at the pictures bc I feel so sick that he manipulated me so badly. I wish he broke up with me before I went and that it never even happened. I'm left with these memories that I just want to get rid of.

 

Would appreciate any guidance. Thanks

 

 

 

 

Why are you wasting your time and your emotional energy on a guy who emotionally abused you and treated you like crap??? I get it, he's hot, but there's lots of hot guys out there who'll treat you right. Why waste time on some kid who treats you worse than people treat yesterday's leftovers??

 

 

I guess I'm just hoping he will follow through...so the pictures I sent him will make him regret what he did to me...or rekindle some sense of loss. Part of me wants to leave them in hopes that he will realize what he did to me....visual stimuli.

 

 

I'm going to assume you sent him nudes and that you're hoping seeing you naked will make him feel like he made a huge mistake in dumping you.

 

 

 

Don't do that. Sleeping with a guy who dumped you, sleeping with a guy you want to get in a relationship with when he's made it clear that he doesn't want a relationship with you/or is likewarm about gettint it with you, only results in nothing but personal humiliation.

 

 

There's lots of attractive guys out there. And even if there weren't there isn't a person on this world who deserves our sense of dignity.

Edited October 31, 2018 by sabaton

[manifestsunshine]

He sounds like an ******. No point in wasting your time trying to get vindication.

 

 

 

Seek closure from within. Block him and move on so you can start to heal.

 

You're right! Thank you!

[manifestsunshine]

This doesn't work when the other party truly wanted to end the relationship.

 

I think you need to block him. You are carrying a lot of anger with you and I believe seeing photos will only trigger you. It's better to remove that trigger point so you can work towards letting go of him altogether.

 

I appreciate your input!

 

I am using the anger as an impetus for change in myself. I'm doing much better now but what is helping me is reading my notes daily and reminding myself of all his negative qualities. The hard part is I keep remembering how he was at the beg of the relationship, which tends to override the bad. But I just focus on how he betrayed me and how he is not the same person now. Too many good memories keep popping up but blocking him from the pictures has helped me gain back a sense of dignity.

 

I am also reading this blog and her articles are very helpful as well as your advice! https://postmalesyndrome.com/how-to-get-over-someone/

[manifestsunshine]

As dumpees, we often project our own emotions and thoughts onto the dumper and believe that they might in some way feel the way we do. Usually, they donÂ’t especially when theyÂ’ve ended it. That decision didnÂ’t just happen - it took awhile for them to process and get there so the feelings of attachment are usually gone or very much lessened by then.

 

It would be best for you to block these pathways to him. YouÂ’re grieving and struggling with your anger and pain. The last thing you should do is allow yourself to be triggered by him. The least you see and know the better. If I were you, IÂ’d remove him from having access into my life and focus fully on healing and moving on.

 

Most definitely agree. Thank you

 

I am trying to find acceptance as I understand he was hurt, so he hurt me. He dug himself a deeper hole by not confiding in me to begin with. Suppressing it just fueled his anger. As much as he projects that he is happy, I know deep down he really isn't.

 

I have realized and accepted he has moved on. It still does hurt but his ego I think got the best of him by keeping me as a friend for his own validation and emotional support...out of selfishness. I now realize he has a lot of insecurities which are really coming through and he was destined for the path he is on..to fully commit to working. He has financial burdens, whereas I don't- so I know for sure I would have been the lead provider if we were still together..which he would have attested to. As a man, he wants to be the "provider" but I know he couldn't be.

 

Also he would eventually have to support his mom financially since she has no savings/retirement plan/medical...and if something happened to the mom, his brother would move in with him later on bc he doesn't have the mental capacity/income to live on his own. These projections of the future are really helping to solidify the reality of the situation in the long run... and it's making me realize I kind of have the upper-hand..not to sound selfish...but he does have a lot of s*** on his plate and responsibilities that are keeping him busy.

 

Our economic and social status are the complete opposite and I have been reading how men tend to feel inadequate in the relationship as their self-esteem erodes, especially comparing what I had to what he lacked. He pushed it as far as him telling me he was a rebound. Also the fact that I was more educated then him...I could sense he felt intimidated..although at times he did like the way I challenged him. At the same time, bc of our differences, we balanced each other out and I learned a lot from him as well.

 

I tend to connect on an emotional level more-so with blue-collar men than entrepreneurs bc of the upbringing and deep level of emotional IQ. (My previous ex was a lawyer and he was an a******.) I think his insecurities in the long run got ahold of him and he wanted to stay in my life to seek more validation & ego-boost about how great his life is now (without me) and gain acknowledgement from my parents...that he is worthy. I always got a sense from him that I could do better than him and I'm sure being apart it struck him that I was too good for him. Him not being able to get past our differences, instead of embracing them, it turned into negativity and feelings of inadequacy.

 

He was also very needy whereas I wasn't, so he thought I was neglecting him on purpose. I'm reading this book "Why men love bitches" and ironically I did everything correct, but I guess bc he had abandonment issues, he saw it as if I didn't need him in his life. I just maintained what I did in every day life bc I didn't want to lose myself, while he was waiting in the shadows. I also got depressed from my vegan diet and he has no empathy whatsoever that it was the main culprit of why I had to focus on myself as well.

 

I do in a sense feel bad for him. The last time I saw him he started smoking again, which I hated....so I'm using all of his negative qualities for me to gain more acceptance as to why we weren't compatible (to begin with). Focusing on how he treated me at the tail-end is what I need to do in order to inhibit the good times. I have no contact with him but some days are better than others, but def feel like I'm getting my power back.

[manifestsunshine]

If he emotionally abused you & you have no interest in having him in your life on even a friendship level, you need tp write off the pictures. You are not getting them. Accept that & move on.

 

You are absolutely right! Thank you

 

I blocked him from the pictures and feel so much better. Can't expect anything from him.

 

Ironically he has the pictures without us and I have them with him. Wish it was flipped!

[manifestsunshine]

12 days is good. Even when you get to 65 days (that's where I'm at) it's still tough. Recovery/no contact is a marathon, not a sprint. More importantly, if you're anything like me, then getting these pictures will only make things worse. Anything you want to do to make him "realize" how he treated you or what he's lost is pointless. I've been there more than once. Nothing you do will change that. This is a reflection of him not you. I'd advise you to block him from sending these pictures and any other form of communication. Keeping the lines of communication open only hurts you in the long run. Trust us, we've all been through it.

 

Thank you!

 

I agree it is going to take a lot of time to heal but I def condone you for sticking with NC for so long. We all deserve our own happiness and with time we will rediscover that lost soul of a person we were before the relationship.

 

I kind of compare it to my medical recovery...healing from my diet. I see how they both kind of parallel each other....with time and patience comes great things!

 

Every day I reflect back on my notes about moving forward and not expecting anything from him. I have cut all communication now and even blocked the pictures- as he can't upload them anymore. Ironically, I have the ones with him and I, and he has the ones without us. I am working on pretending as if the vacation never existed. I regret spending so much money on this trip with him. He wasted so much of my time and life. I was there on my bday and regret staying to celebrate with my dad instead.

 

I definitely want to work on communication for the next relationship and learn how to check in with one another. As much as I thought he was the bigger person who said he would let me know if something bothered him bc he wouldn't want to waste my time...it's hard to trust words now... as his actions did parallel his words, which made him all the more an incredible actor... actively lying. He has screwed up the notion of trust for me.

 

I have read some ppl mention they envision their ex with someone else...as a way to move on. As hard as it is, I have done that and hopefully in time, I can find acceptance of it. I just keep reinforcing the notion that he will never find someone as good as me but he will have to settle for less bc he couldn't handle what I had to offer. He even said he praised me for never hitting him as his previous ex's beat the s*** out of him and verbally abused him. He knows I was too good for him so it is his loss! He always compared me to his ex's (which I hated) but it was nice to be #1.

 

As more time passes, I realize I don't want to be treated the way I was at the tail-end of things. Hearing them talk to you as a "friend" is so devastating but it's enough to instill the notion that things will never be the same. I really honed in on the reality of things that his future is not what I want and that we were incompatible bc he has a lot of insecurities he has to overcome and his financial situation is such a burden- I don't want to even be involved since he will eventually have to take care of his mom and brother. He also resorted to a college-like state indulging in this new-found freedom he lacked during his childhood...picking up smoking again, got a ton of ear piercings, watching shows he likes (which I never cared for), picked up skate-boarding and eventually getting video games...succumbing to a messy place, etc. He was getting hit on by 18 years olds and he is 29. His ego is being fed but he can't afford to be with anyone at all bc he's broke. As soon as they find out how old he is they back off though which is hilarious. They don't even make it to the "do you have a gf" question. It's as if he's tainted

 

He has a lot of fixing up to do as a person and he can't lean on me for help or for emotional support any longer as he was seeking his own validation and getting an ego-boost by keeping me in the loop. So happy I cut him off seeing my parents of this "new" him bc they would have fed his ego entirely. It didn't help either that he started working 12 hour shifts so I think it really affects his state of mind if you're sleep deprived. He even had no time for a conversation that was engaging or stimulating, so I gained nothing from talking to him other than about himself and his work. His work will eventually catch up to him and it's only been 5 months where he thinks working OT is sustainable in the long run. Lack of sleep and smoking is not a good combo.

 

When you realize they have used you or want to be friends with you for their own selfishness, it really confirms they don't deserve you. It's always been about them and not "us."

Edited November 1, 2018 by manifestsunshine

[manifestsunshine]

You're renting him way too much space inside your head. Whether he cares or not, it doesn't matter. This is about you and how you need to focus on something else besides him.

 

Thank you

 

Yes, you hit the nail on the head! This has been my first relationship where I've been broken up with so I think my ego is really struck. I have been on a huge downfall in my life collectively so this was like the final blow in addition to me losing my job, my friends, my health, and my dog. It feels like I'm experiencing a mild form of PTSD. Definitely need to get out of this rut though and be more productive about me and what I want. Each day is getting better though. My first priority is health and job so they have been a good distraction so far.

[manifestsunshine]

He isn't going to regret anything so it's best to just forget about those pictures and move on.

 

You're right! Thank you

 

Have blocked him from the pictures so I feel more empowered now, as if he's been deleted. It feels good to have some form of control again.

[manifestsunshine]

Why are you wasting your time and your emotional energy on a guy who emotionally abused you and treated you like crap??? I get it, he's hot, but there's lots of hot guys out there who'll treat you right. Why waste time on some kid who treats you worse than people treat yesterday's leftovers??

 

 

 

 

 

I'm going to assume you sent him nudes and that you're hoping seeing you naked will make him feel like he made a huge mistake in dumping you.

 

 

 

Don't do that. Sleeping with a guy who dumped you, sleeping with a guy you want to get in a relationship with when he's made it clear that he doesn't want a relationship with you/or is likewarm about gettint it with you, only results in nothing but personal humiliation.

 

 

There's lots of attractive guys out there. And even if there weren't there isn't a person on this world who deserves our sense of dignity.

 

Thanks for your breakdown

 

I found the hot guy reference and yesterday's leftover lingo hilarious!

You're right though! I guess I get caught up sometimes on how he put on a facade to make me fall for him. Since it was so recent, the feelings of how he made me feel good are still so prevalent.. but I do my best to focus on the tail-end of things to override the good. I've never been this emotionally abused so I just don't know how to fully tolerate it and just trying to do my best.

 

Haha. I actually have never done nudes and am proud of it...knowing s*** like this can happen where you get blackmailed.

 

Yeah he had already put me in FWB without me knowing it...so that made me feel worse and used. He knew exactly what he was doing and was keeping me out of his own selfishness to feed his emotional hole and validation him.

 

You're right there are a lot of them out there but I am truly hung up on the idea of trust now. I think it means more than anything else to me next to an emotional connection.

 

For now I need to work on myself. I'm really fed up on being in a relationship. In the end, we all change and shift as people. It just feels like people just grow apart over time and things fade away. Those who are married it seems get divorced, get bored, and move on. It doesn't seem there is any stagnation with one person.

 

The main takeaway is that we don't need anyone to complete us...we want to be with someone bc they add value to us, but we shouldn't be dependent on them to make us happy or reinforce our self worth. I think my ex needed more validation than I gave him due to his own insecurities. It's about finding someone who has their s*** together and I see now that economic & social status need to be relatively similar to avoid jealousy/feelings of inadequacy...although future goals I think are the most important. I really want to leave the city but I know if I find someone here they probably wouldn't want to leave with me. So many variables and uncertainties.

 

Just letting karma do it's thing and trusting that the universe will guide me to a more fulfilling plateau.

[sabaton]

You're right though! I guess I get caught up sometimes on how he put on a facade to make me fall for him.

Yes, there are many people who just pretend to be someone they aren't to get what they want from the folks they target. I'm glad you're starting to realize that this guy is sleezy and that he's not worth your time.

 

Since it was so recent, the feelings of how he made me feel good are still so prevalent..

There will be other men who will make you feel just as good if not better in due time.

 

but I do my best to focus on the tail-end of things to override the good. I've never been this emotionally abused so I just don't know how to fully tolerate it and just trying to do my best.

I'm sorry you went through that. It's not a plesant experience for anyone, but I am sure you're strong enough to get past it and to come out stronger.

 

Haha. I actually have never done nudes and am proud of it...knowing s*** like this can happen where you get blackmailed.

Good, good. There's lots of guys who use the nudes and the videos of their ex-girlfriends against them, as revenge for being dumped. I always tell the girls who send me nudes to NOT include in those nudes pictures of their faces, just either their bodies or certain areas that I have a great interest in. That way, the girls are confident that no one will ever find out that they sent nudes because it's impossible to identify them.

 

Yeah he had already put me in FWB without me knowing it...so that made me feel worse and used. He knew exactly what he was doing and was keeping me out of his own selfishness to feed his emotional hole and validation him.

Yes, if you wanted a relationship with him and he was interested in sex and not in having a relationship with you - it's natural for you to feel used.

 

For now I need to work on myself. I'm really fed up on being in a relationship.

Give it time. You don't have to be in a relationship so soon if that's not what you want. Take time off from dating to heal, take care of yourself and in time you can put yourself out there and see if there's anything worthwhile.

 

In the end, we all change and shift as people. It just feels like people just grow apart over time and things fade away. Those who are married it seems get divorced, get bored, and move on. It doesn't seem there is any stagnation with one person.

That's because lifelong monogamy is more of a dream than a reality. I don't believe that most human beings are wired to stay an entire lifetime with someone.

 

The golden painting of a couple getting married in their late teens and then spending their entire lives together makes for a very lovely Nicholas Sparks novel, but in reality?

 

The main takeaway is that we don't need anyone to complete us...we want to be with someone bc they add value to us, but we shouldn't be dependent on them to make us happy or reinforce our self worth.

Well, we usually get with someone because of hormones, pheromones, because we want sex, and because eventually most of us are afflicted with the desire to have children, and being a single parent is hard, so people pair up and get married and then hope for the best.

 

I think my ex needed more validation than I gave him due to his own insecurities.

Almost everyone is dealing with personal issues. No matter how attractive they are, there's still lots of people who very much ''need'' validation.

 

It's about finding someone who has their s*** together and I see now that economic & social status need to be relatively similar to avoid jealousy/feelings of inadequacy..

Yes, for thousands of years people would marry someone of equal or higher social and economical status, and it still happens in most cultures of this world.

 

.although future goals I think are the most important. I really want to leave the city but I know if I find someone here they probably wouldn't want to leave with me. So many variables and uncertainties.

Focus on your goals. On your life, on your friends. On what you like. Your hobbies, your career. Your studies. Things will get better for you. Edited November 1, 2018 by sabaton

[manifestsunshine]

Yes, there are many people who just pretend to be someone they aren't to get what they want from the folks they target. I'm glad you're starting to realize that this guy is sleezy and that he's not worth your time.

 

There will be other men who will make you feel just as good if not better in due time.

 

I'm sorry you went through that. It's not a plesant experience for anyone, but I am sure you're strong enough to get past it and to come out stronger.

 

{snip}

 

Thanks for your support!

 

I think in the end, he wanted the mental stimulation and the sex...but most importantly emotional support. At least his mom can fill it in for him now bc he needs to be boastful. It was more apparent with my parents bc he just talked about himself the whole time about his accomplishments. I see this is another reason why he kept me in the loop.

 

His text messages really got to me as it showed his true colors of how he really felt vs. how he acted in person. When I got back I knew from his diction that I had to cut it off bc I was so stressed out about making things work and pleasing him that I lost my sanity.

 

At the end of the day, his convos would be really boring bc he would only talk about work and himself. Felt very one-sided and some texts I sent were ignored and he was picky of which ones he wanted to respond to. I'm just really sick about how long he dragged me out for and it could have all been avoided if he was upfront instead of playing a game. It makes you realize you shouldn't put too much energy into other people if the intensity isn't reciprocated. Just happy there's three less people to feed his ego now. I was his only real true friend and to think he wanted to stay friends forever.

 

Great idea about the nudes in the future. Thanks for that!

 

Yeah relationships are so complex and there's so many reasons people fall into them but you just have to live in the present and not expect anything. Life is about taking risks so in the end there's nothing to lose bc it's all a learning experience.

 

The main takeaway are friends and family. It's hard bc at this stage friends are getting married, moving away, or have no time. We have to constantly shift to make new friends and adjust accordingly. That is the hard part for me as I'm very selective with ppl in my life. Just putting faith in the uncertainty of things in hopes things work themselves out one way or another.

 

My friend sent me this article and it hits the nail on the head: https://thoughtcatalog.com/nikita-mor/2017/02/13-signs-youre-in-what-is-known-as-a-karmic-relationship/

Edited November 1, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator