Wife's phone sex might become more? Update - divorce pending

[WilyWill]

Here's a question: is it wrong to drop the dime on this to her boss? Or is that just stupid?

 

Also, whoever suggested a DNA for the kid, there's no way that kid is anyone else's - she's a spitting image of me, and also my mom. Furthermore, we weren't even close to having issues back then.

 

If you plan on divorcing, you don't want her to lose her job. Otherwise you'll be stuck paying more alimony. So don't tell her boss anything at this point.

 

The purpose of the DNA test is to make a point. You do it with your wife's knowledge. Even if you're 100% sure the child is yours, you show your wife the full consequences of broken trust.

[Jamess1]

Your wife has been cheating for a while, probably with several men at the same time 'I am certain' - When did she start cheating ? With certainty, around or just before she started going to the gym or losing wait [Wives almost never go to the gym, or loss weight or have breast implants for their husbands]

 

You have already been given good advice- and don't argue about the DNA test, just do it.

 

Your wife cheated, that one is already a fact. Let me help on the part why she cheated. I already know your character for your messages, your mentality and perceptions and if I were your wife I would put you the same position your wife put you and find another attractive man on the side. You will make a good father, so I will stick with you but a terrible husband or lover.

 

Women are attracted to man - masculinity. The way we are attracted to femininity. What is masculinity, it is awareness and consciousness.Masculinity responds in the full awareness of the moment-it doesn't try to control the outcome-you fear the outcome of divorce, of losing her, of change, he fear the risk of losing the comfortable, the familiar,you subconsciously gauge your behavior on controlling the reaction

 

Masculinity is decisive and assertive - it's raw and honest in it's reactions,

 

'You ****en bitch, you ****en lying to me! I am gonna ask u one more time, have been cheating on me !? I am not gonna ask you again, where the fuuck where you. I am not 5 years old woman, don't insult my intelligence, did you fuuck this *******! Okay, stop talking! I can't stand your lies anymore, when you are ready to tell me truth call me, I am done with stupid lies'

 

be grounded and present, you can't keep a woman attracted to who you can't risk/afford to lose. You failed all her ****-tests...

[usa1ah]

First thing. Your wife is a cheater, cheaters lie about everything.

 

Second. No guy is going to hang around unless he is getting it.

 

Third. Talk with a lawyer about your options in a divorce. Don’t wait to long. It could end up costing you big money.

 

Forth. Any thing you do will hurt your child, the question is do you want her to look up to you or not. Being a child of divorced parents isn’t the end of the world. You need to teach her that actions have consequences by having your cheating wife served.

 

Fifth. Do not tell your wife any of your plans if you decide to divorce. Let her being served do the talking.

 

Read the book No More Mr Nice Guy.

[Marc878]

<snip>I keep telling her I am uneasy with her traveling to the city where he is, but she says it's work, her time is totally booked when she's there (an out of town group of workers is coming in and she has to shepherd them around all week, she says). It shows how little I trust her that I don't know whether to believe this or not.

 

You aren't as uneasy as your are naive. She's going ther to consummate her affair. You're getting nothing but lies. A blind man could see it

 

She continues to deny that she gave him money or that she told him she loved him or called him love, or that she was going to ditch work to see him. She also maintains they had not yet had a physical relationship, which going back through the texts seems possible.

Cheaters lie a lot. You are living in denial so you don't have to act.

 

Whoever said I'm still in the denial stage, I think you might be right. I haven't felt angry yet, much less like bargaining, although depressed is definitely creeping in.

 

Here's a question: is it wrong to drop the dime on this to her boss? Or is that just stupid?

 

Also, whoever suggested a DNA for the kid, there's no way that kid is anyone else's - she's a spitting image of me, and also my mom. Furthermore, we weren't even close to having issues back then.

 

You are getting walked all over []

Wake up

Edited November 5, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Fix quote to remove interspersed bold responses and topical content

[Chaparral]

Google infidelity and laparoscopic surgery. The divorce rate among women that have that operation and boob jobs is sky high. They simply can’t handle the new attention they get from men.

 

Dump her or she dumps the job.

[sabaton]

If she's having phone sex/sexting a guy, that already counts as cheating. Divorce her, and don't get married again.

Edited November 5, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Redact full quote of starting post

[Superchicken]

Dude, she denies and "LIES" to you until you prove it. Every time..

She doesn't come clean, and only gives you enough details to suggest its you being weird. Then, gives you watered down stories, and still holds off telling you the whole truth.

No, its a losing battle.

If she really felt guilty, and "REALLY" loved you, she would have sat down, and told you everything.

Why waste your time trying to catch that illusive fish, when its going to give you endless days of pain, frustration, depression, etc.

Just go fish for another and enjoy your time fishing..

 

 

Dump her sorry ass.

 

 

Ted,

[ljd]

We’re heading to a divorce. I’m getting the kid and the house. So, win? The whole thing sucks.

[stillafool]

I know none of us get married expecting to divorce. You are better off without your cheating wife as she is not going to stop. How did you end up with full custody of your daughter?

[Mr. Lucky]

We’re heading to a divorce. I’m getting the kid and the house.

 

You're sharing custody or you're getting full custody?

 

Your STBX must really be deep in the fog. Hard to believe a parent would walk away from their child...

 

Mr. Lucky

[usa1ah]

You're sharing custody or you're getting full custody?

 

Your STBX must really be deep in the fog. Hard to believe a parent would walk away from their child...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Wouldn’t be the first time a father or mother walked away.

[usa1ah]

Sorry it turned out this way.

 

It will get better down the road. I have read many threads where the OP has come back with an update 6 months to a year later, almost all are doing great.

 

It will get better.

[ljd]

Well, I’m getting weekdays and probably some weekends. Her job with all the traveling means it’s less disruptive for the kid for me to have her, same with the house.

The wife’s guilt means she’s giving me everything I want, pretty much. Maybe because a request for a divorce on the grounds of adultery isn’t easy to beat in court and she doesn’t want an expensive divorce either.

 

Still, starting over as a single dad isn’t going to be good for the dating prospects.

Edited January 6, 2019 by ljd

[TobyBoy]

What made you decide to divorce your WW?

[somanymistakes]

Well, I’m getting weekdays and probably some weekends. Her job with all the traveling means it’s less disruptive for the kid for me to have her, same with the house.

The wife’s guilt means she’s giving me everything I want, pretty much. Maybe because a request for a divorce on the grounds of adultery isn’t easy to beat in court and she doesn’t want an expensive divorce either.

 

Still, starting over as a single dad isn’t going to be good for the dating prospects.

 

Don't worry too much about dating straight away.

 

It's not as hard as you think, especially if you look for other people in a similar situation (a divorced woman with a child) who will understand your feelings and the needs of the kids. There are plenty of people out there.

 

But you don't want to rush into things. You've been through a lot of emotional pain and you need to recenter yourself and get used to being a whole person and taking care of yourself and your child.

 

Some men panic when they're on their own and try to grab the nearest woman they can find and shove her into the family like a bandaid, turning her into Instant Wife and Instant Mom. This works for a very short period of time when she's too in love to think straight, and then blows up in your face.

 

Other times, recently divorced people are themselves so emotionally vulnerable that they get taken in by bad people who want to use them and are not good long-term matches. You need to be sure that you're not letting loneliness make decisions for you.

 

All of this mess is not fun to deal with, but you WILL get through it.

 

Good luck.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Ijd, I guess you are now at a crossroads in your life. Can you give us a brief description of how you and your wife arrived at the decision to divorce considering that she was not yielding an inch on accepting that she had cheated on you and that she had given money to her lover boy among other things. Did she finally accept that she was in love with this guy and that she was having an affair with him? It would seem likely that she has plans on ending up with him. If that be the case then her acceptance of her affair and love for the guy dovetails with her decision to come clean and accept the idea of a divorce from you. Please reply only if you feel up to it and comfortable with the situation. Thank you. Warm regards.